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Goodbye Jesus

Christmas Is Coming And I Have A Lot Of Regrets


girlfound

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Christmas is coming, and I have a lot of regrets. I have a lot of blessings, too, but dammit I’m going to focus on the regrets right now so I can get some healing for my painful feelings. I have a ten-year-old son I haven’t seen since he was thirteen-months-old. (Long story made very short, my ex-husband beat him when he was three weeks old). I have a twenty-year-old daughter I haven’t seen since 2005 and does not want to see me. (I’m not sure I want to see her either, as she was abusive of me.) I have a twenty-three-year-old daughter (also abusive of me), herself a current victim of domestic violence and about to give birth to her first child thereby making me a grandmother of a child I may never see. My father was killed by a drunk driver when I was “twenty-five.†My brother died when I was “thirty.†The rest of us offspring don’t contact each other at all. I’ve finally figured out that contacting people who never reciprocate just isn’t worth it. I don’t mean to sound like a Scrooge. I still believe strongly in love as the meaning of Christmas. But I needed to get all this off my chest. There. Maybe now I can breathe and relax a little so I can enjoy all the good things that are left.

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Damn...girlfound...I wish there was someway to make it all better for you. Just know that we all care and I'm sure anyone would be willing to listen if you need to talk.

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Christmas is coming, and I have a lot of regrets. I have a lot of blessings, too, but dammit I’m going to focus on the regrets right now so I can get some healing for my painful feelings. I have a ten-year-old son I haven’t seen since he was thirteen-months-old. (Long story made very short, my ex-husband beat him when he was three weeks old). I have a twenty-year-old daughter I haven’t seen since 2005 and does not want to see me. (I’m not sure I want to see her either, as she was abusive of me.) I have a twenty-three-year-old daughter (also abusive of me), herself a current victim of domestic violence and about to give birth to her first child thereby making me a grandmother of a child I may never see. My father was killed by a drunk driver when I was “twenty-five.” My brother died when I was “thirty.” The rest of us offspring don’t contact each other at all. I’ve finally figured out that contacting people who never reciprocate just isn’t worth it. I don’t mean to sound like a Scrooge. I still believe strongly in love as the meaning of Christmas. But I needed to get all this off my chest. There. Maybe now I can breathe and relax a little so I can enjoy all the good things that are left.

 

 

That is truely sad, I hate seeing divided families. I hope you find a way to have a great christmas regardless.

 

Hang in there!

 

:Love:

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Damn...girlfound...I wish there was someway to make it all better for you. Just know that we all care and I'm sure anyone would be willing to listen if you need to talk.

Thanks, graphicsguy. A little validation and sympathy go a long way with me. I do feel like people on this site care..but I needed the reminder. I had the best time getting all those comments in response to "I Farted in the Public Library." Maybe if I prime my sense of humor, talking about painful feelings will get easier.

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People who make you cry aren't worth your tears.

 

I wish I could help more than just be here if you need an ear.

 

PVC

"People who make you cry aren't worth your tears." I like that. To take the analogy further, I guess people who make you cry are worth remembering each and every circumstance in which they made you cry. Perhaps the more things I remember, the less likely I am to let them abuse me again. With the abuse coming from my own children, I am afraid I am going to let them back into my life again and be abused again. How do you disown your own flesh and blood? Oh how I want to! It is the only way I know to end the pain! I recently had success applying acceptance to a relationship problem and was pleasantly surprised with the result. But I don't know how acceptance could be applied here. Have any ideas? Thanks for listening.

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Christmas is coming, and I have a lot of regrets. I have a lot of blessings, too, but dammit I’m going to focus on the regrets right now so I can get some healing for my painful feelings. I have a ten-year-old son I haven’t seen since he was thirteen-months-old. (Long story made very short, my ex-husband beat him when he was three weeks old). I have a twenty-year-old daughter I haven’t seen since 2005 and does not want to see me. (I’m not sure I want to see her either, as she was abusive of me.) I have a twenty-three-year-old daughter (also abusive of me), herself a current victim of domestic violence and about to give birth to her first child thereby making me a grandmother of a child I may never see. My father was killed by a drunk driver when I was “twenty-five.†My brother died when I was “thirty.†The rest of us offspring don’t contact each other at all. I’ve finally figured out that contacting people who never reciprocate just isn’t worth it. I don’t mean to sound like a Scrooge. I still believe strongly in love as the meaning of Christmas. But I needed to get all this off my chest. There. Maybe now I can breathe and relax a little so I can enjoy all the good things that are left.

 

 

That is truely sad, I hate seeing divided families. I hope you find a way to have a great christmas regardless.

 

Hang in there!

 

:Love:

Thanks for responding. I have to say that your Sparta guy scares me. What is his significance?

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It probably signifies Michael's own insanity... :P

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Dang. I'm sorry, girlfound. :(

 

I hope ranting about it helped. Hang in there.

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Dang. I'm sorry, girlfound. :(

 

I hope ranting about it helped. Hang in there.

The fool says in his heart, "There is no God." --Psalm 14:1

 

It is a fool's prerogative to utter truths that no one else will speak. --Neil Gaiman, Sandman 3:3:6

 

Thank you for your sympathy. Ranting did help, and comments likes yours help, too. I like your quotes. I love to see "Bible truth" refuted!

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Thanks for responding. I have to say that your Sparta guy scares me. What is his significance?

 

 

Well, I am honing my graphic skills, I made that avatar from the trailer for the movie 300. I choose that scene because it can be taken as laughing or objecting, depending on how you look at it. Plus thats my favorite movie in that genre.

 

I can make animated avatars from movies, trailers or clips. If you want one, pm me the footage I would be happy to make you one, its an open offer to anyone too. It's just fun to do, sort of a hobby.

 

:)

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It probably signifies Michael's own insanity... :P

 

 

That too...

 

hehe

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I knew it...

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well girlfound. You can come to my house for Christmas and eat tv dinners with me. Sound like fun?

the holidays depress me some too.. Makes me think of all the friends I have lost.

But...Tv dinners somehow magically make it all better!

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