Dealing With Christians During The Holidays.

[Guest misconfiguration]

Hello everyone, a good friend of mine referred me to this site; I'm curious to see how people would react in my current situation.

 

 

I have a girlfriend that I care for deeply the probability of she and I actually becoming life-partners seem to be high: at least at this point. She is a devout xtian, has been for years her family are all religious and know I'm an atheist. Her brother is a paster and is a great guy, I have told my girlfriend since the day she and I met that I'm an Atheist. I used to be a fundamentalist Christian, even though I questioned many parts of the bible I still kept depriving my mind and writing those thoughts off as the 'devil's work'. Now that I fully deny the possibility of a "magic Jew in the Sky" I feel a million times better, living with no guilt.

 

The ol' woman and I tend to get into arguments over Jesus and how he's done so much for her, I can't help but look at her like she's absolutely batty, anyway during the holiday's I'll be spending a lot of time around her family that always tend to question my reasoning; almost as if they WANT an argument, should I go all out and prepare myself for a full confrontation or do what I always have and avoid the situation.

 

These people are great as humans; if only they'd understand or at least LISTEN to my perspective. Also, is it worth trying to make things work with a xtian, she and I sometimes get in such debacles that she bursts into tears and I feel like an ass. I want her to understand me so much but it's not possible with that thought-process.

 

I understand her perspective because I've been there, done that. I also understand how hard it is to break yourself of those proprietary chains, is this why Atheists are so passionate when it comes to theists beliefs? Actually bringing yourself to realize there are no benevolent God's watching your masterbate is a harsh realization, it took me years to finally realize this. Most Christians don't believe this type of process doesn't happen overnight,

 

sorry for rambeling so much; thanks for checking this post out!

[R. S. Martin]

Hello everyone, a good friend of mine referred me to this site; I'm curious to see how people would react in my current situation.

 

 

I have a girlfriend that I care for deeply the probability of she and I actually becoming life-partners seem to be high: at least at this point. She is a devout xtian, has been for years her family are all religious and know I'm an atheist. Her brother is a paster and is a great guy, I have told my girlfriend since the day she and I met that I'm an Atheist. I used to be a fundamentalist Christian, even though I questioned many parts of the bible I still kept depriving my mind and writing those thoughts off as the 'devil's work'. Now that I fully deny the possibility of a "magic Jew in the Sky" I feel a million times better, living with no guilt.

 

The ol' woman and I tend to get into arguments over Jesus and how he's done so much for her, I can't help but look at her like she's absolutely batty, anyway during the holiday's I'll be spending a lot of time around her family that always tend to question my reasoning; almost as if they WANT an argument, should I go all out and prepare myself for a full confrontation or do what I always have and avoid the situation.

 

These people are great as humans; if only they'd understand or at least LISTEN to my perspective. Also, is it worth trying to make things work with a xtian, she and I sometimes get in such debacles that she bursts into tears and I feel like an ass. I want her to understand me so much but it's not possible with that thought-process.

 

I understand her perspective because I've been there, done that. I also understand how hard it is to break yourself of those proprietary chains, is this why Atheists are so passionate when it comes to theists beliefs? Actually bringing yourself to realize there are no benevolent God's watching your masterbate is a harsh realization, it took me years to finally realize this. Most Christians don't believe this type of process doesn't happen overnight,

 

sorry for rambeling so much; thanks for checking this post out!

 

There is a very similar thread here My Brother the Preacher, how do you deal with xian relatives?.

 

I'm not sure what your question is but I will respond to two items.

 

1. These people are great as humans; if only they'd understand or at least LISTEN to my perspective.

 

They won't. Ever. Their religion won't let them. Ever.

That is the cold harsh reality of the situation.

 

2. Also, is it worth trying to make things work with a xtian, she and I sometimes get in such debacles that she bursts into tears and I feel like an ass.

 

If you marry this girl you are setting yourself up for eternal heartache. This is based on stories of extreme pain told on these forums by people who deconverted after marriage. There are cases where one parent is Christian and the other is atheist and children are raised in a happy home. But the tales of heartache stand out prominantly. Please read on.

 

I can think of two possible reasons she's crying. a) She's so afraid of your soul going to hell but she feels totally helpless to save you because you are so totally "sold to the devil." b ) She loves you so much and just wants to believe you but her family and relatives are all snowballing her that she is going to go to hell if she doesn't end the relationship NOW.

 

A third reason might be that there is enormous pressure on her from her church to convert you and she just doesn't know how. Possibly that is the reason she accepted the relationship in the first place. She may even have made a deal with God about it; who knows? Might be best not to question her on this but I think you will be well-adviced to take into very serious consideration that religion is playing a huge role in this relationship, and will continue to do so either until she deconverts or until the relationship ends in whatever way that happens to be.

 

Ultimately you will have to decide whether or not you want to go on with this relationship but from here it does not look good at all, based on the information you have given.

[garrisonjj]

Hello everyone, a good friend of mine referred me to this site; I'm curious to see how people would react in my current situation.

 

 

I have a girlfriend that I care for deeply the probability of she and I actually becoming life-partners seem to be high: at least at this point. She is a devout xtian, has been for years her family are all religious and know I'm an atheist. Her brother is a paster and is a great guy, I have told my girlfriend since the day she and I met that I'm an Atheist. I used to be a fundamentalist Christian, even though I questioned many parts of the bible I still kept depriving my mind and writing those thoughts off as the 'devil's work'. Now that I fully deny the possibility of a "magic Jew in the Sky" I feel a million times better, living with no guilt.

 

The ol' woman and I tend to get into arguments over Jesus and how he's done so much for her, I can't help but look at her like she's absolutely batty, anyway during the holiday's I'll be spending a lot of time around her family that always tend to question my reasoning; almost as if they WANT an argument, should I go all out and prepare myself for a full confrontation or do what I always have and avoid the situation.

 

These people are great as humans; if only they'd understand or at least LISTEN to my perspective. Also, is it worth trying to make things work with a xtian, she and I sometimes get in such debacles that she bursts into tears and I feel like an ass. I want her to understand me so much but it's not possible with that thought-process.

 

I understand her perspective because I've been there, done that. I also understand how hard it is to break yourself of those proprietary chains, is this why Atheists are so passionate when it comes to theists beliefs? Actually bringing yourself to realize there are no benevolent God's watching your masterbate is a harsh realization, it took me years to finally realize this. Most Christians don't believe this type of process doesn't happen overnight,

 

sorry for rambeling so much; thanks for checking this post out!

 

There is a very similar thread here My Brother the Preacher, how do you deal with xian relatives?.

 

I'm not sure what your question is but I will respond to two items.

 

1. These people are great as humans; if only they'd understand or at least LISTEN to my perspective.

 

They won't. Ever. Their religion won't let them. Ever.

That is the cold harsh reality of the situation.

 

2. Also, is it worth trying to make things work with a xtian, she and I sometimes get in such debacles that she bursts into tears and I feel like an ass.

 

If you marry this girl you are setting yourself up for eternal heartache. This is based on stories of extreme pain told on these forums by people who deconverted after marriage. There are cases where one parent is Christian and the other is atheist and children are raised in a happy home. But the tales of heartache stand out prominantly. Please read on.

 

I can think of two possible reasons she's crying. a) She's so afraid of your soul going to hell but she feels totally helpless to save you because you are so totally "sold to the devil." b ) She loves you so much and just wants to believe you but her family and relatives are all snowballing her that she is going to go to hell if she doesn't end the relationship NOW.

 

A third reason might be that there is enormous pressure on her from her church to convert you and she just doesn't know how. Possibly that is the reason she accepted the relationship in the first place. She may even have made a deal with God about it; who knows? Might be best not to question her on this but I think you will be well-adviced to take into very serious consideration that religion is playing a huge role in this relationship, and will continue to do so either until she deconverts or until the relationship ends in whatever way that happens to be.

 

Ultimately you will have to decide whether or not you want to go on with this relationship but from here it does not look good at all, based on the information you have given.

 

I tend to agree with Ruby's very accurate summation of the situation. Enjoy these nice people, however I sense much confrontation in the future. Be well!

[Guest Crystal]

I agree and agree some more with the previous replies.

 

Just keep this in mind: these guys may be wonderful people, but in regards to religion, they WILL NOT be rational. As long as they believe what they believe, they can't. You can't be rational and believe that, and they CANNOT rationally discuss the matter. So if you're expecting them to accept what you have to say rationally or respectfully? Drop that expectation now. And if you feel that you NEED for them to listen to what you have to say or for them (or your g/f) to be rational about your non-belief? I would suggest seriously re-thinking the relationship, because you AREN'T going to get that from them.

 

I'd hesitate to question the g/f's motives for dating you at all, but it might not be a bad idea to ask her about that, either. But bottom line, you have to be honest with yourself about what kind of situation you're in here. You can be friends with folks like this, you can love them and you can care about them, but you cannot expect them to rationally discuss religion with you. It's not going to happen. The only time it WILL happen, is if they're on the path to de-conversion themselves. Realize that, cope with it, and then ask yourself where you want to go from there. And if you can be cool with that, you can have a relationship with them. If you can't, you can't. One way or another though, you've got a difficult path here.