Why I Stopped Going To Church

[oladotun]

When I was 16 years old, I “accepted Jesus as my Lord and saviorâ€. I truly believed that the madness that was my life would begin to cease, because I had been sold the illusion that “Jesus was the answer†to my every problem: From my growing addiction to porn, to my struggle with clinical depression and the endless questions that I had about my mother’s suicide, I somehow believed that immersing myself in Christianity would solve my problems. By the time I got into my mid –20s, after some years of backsliding, I was totally into it, from Bible study, speaking in tongues, serving in ministry, tithing, refraining from sinful behavior, abstaining from sex/porn/events that could tempt me sexually, I was on “fire for Godâ€, but still no internal peace, no lasting serenity. Then the disillusionment began. I am at the point where the only word that I can use to describe my feelings for Christianity is “disdainâ€. About 16 months ago, I stopped going to church altogether. Here are some of the reasons why:

 

1. The church talks a lot about God’s grace and love, but after being part of the institution for so long, I have realized that there is just as much “love†in church as there is in a bar or nightclub; it is all an illusion. You are “loved†just as long as you adhere to the church doctrine, theological belief system and oh, by the way abstain from the “big sinsâ€, sexual immorality being high on the list.

 

2. I realized the meaning of the saying “hypocrisy enables people to keep their values.†I found that church reeked of inauthenticity, and got sick and tired of hearing sweet sounding and simplistic testimonies over again. You know the ones like, “I was once a sinner, I found Jesus, and now I don’t struggle with ______________(insert big name sin here) anymore.†When I got to know people better, I realized that they were either lying or they had simply swapped sins or addictions.

 

3. Church has become a corporation very similar to corporate America. The product is “Jesusâ€, the pastor is the CEO, the tithing members are shareholders, and the blessings or prosperity or church growth is the dividend. There is practically nothing different between today’s mega-churches and for-profit corporations, the only difference is that one purports to be “non-profit†because it is there to make your spiritual life better when it is actually using fear (of hell) as the primary tool to get you to obey and get in line.

 

4. I simply got tired of the implied assumption that if you live by “Christian principlesâ€, your life will be an oasis on earth and if you don’t find this joy from the “Christian life†it is because YOU have either not repented of some sin or are not faithful in your obedience.

 

5. The merging of Christianity and politics. Each election cycle, we would get these fliers in church that come from groups like the Christian Coalition that imply that if you vote for a Democrat, you are voting for a flaming liberal who hates America, hates the troops, kills babies by abortion and wants to marry off homosexuals.

 

6. Christians cherry pick sins in the Bible to criticize opponents, while ignoring sins that they themselves struggle with. Certain sins are on the repulsive list, like sexual immorality (especially homosexuality) and abortion, but then they totally ignore Bible verses that point to sins like gluttony (a big problem, especially here in the South), lust, pride, unforgiveness, jealousy, hatred (which is equaled to murder in the Bible) etc.

 

7. I was simply worn out from trying to adhere to all the principles; I had to come to the harsh conclusion that the very thing that was supposed to make my life better was making me more miserable. The illusion that one is completely immoral if one does not embrace contemporary Christianity is totally untrue.

 

What made you stop going to church?

[MathGeek]

For me, tenets #4 and #5 are probably the biggest tenets of why I left the faith, but I still haven't stopped going to church. I do it to keep up appearances. I don't feel the spirit anymore when I pray, I get nothing from it. I wonder if the Holy Spirit still exists at all. Hypocrisy is another reason I guess why I left. My wife became pregnant a few months before we married. I told the priest about it and he glossed it over like it was nothing. Considering how the Vatican Church supposedly the upholds the sacrament of matrimony or the celibacy vow of holy orders, I wonder now if my marriage was even right in the eyes of God. Even further, when I tried on atheism for that short time, I committed the unpardonable sin. I asked for forgiveness, tried to go back but the whole attempt was at best quarter-hearted. So, here I am, an unbeliever stuck in place where a believer should be.

[oladotun]

For me, tenets #4 and #5 are probably the biggest tenets of why I left the faith, but I still haven't stopped going to church. I do it to keep up appearances. I don't feel the spirit anymore when I pray, I get nothing from it. I wonder if the Holy Spirit still exists at all. Hypocrisy is another reason I guess why I left. My wife became pregnant a few months before we married. I told the priest about it and he glossed it over like it was nothing. Considering how the Vatican Church supposedly the upholds the sacrament of matrimony or the celibacy vow of holy orders, I wonder now if my marriage was even right in the eyes of God. Even further, when I tried on atheism for that short time, I committed the unpardonable sin. I asked for forgiveness, tried to go back but the whole attempt was at best quarter-hearted. So, here I am, an unbeliever stuck in place where a believer should be.

 

I understand where you are, it usually takes time to break free from the chains of religion...

[lemon]

When I was 16 years old, I “accepted Jesus as my Lord and saviorâ€. I truly believed that the madness that was my life would begin to cease, because I had been sold the illusion that “Jesus was the answer†to my every problem:

 

What made you stop going to church?

 

I haven't been to church because I got tired of hearing the gospel of prosperity (which I think is one of the worst messages to come out of christianity). I also hate it when christians cherry pick sins. Very few christians appear to acknowlege gluttony.

[hereticzero]

What made you stop going to church?

 

The reason I quit the church was a lot of things I had to discover for myself about the Christinazis--for many reasons you gave. I was trapped in the brain-washing and circular reasoning of christians. Once I was able to claw my way out, I have stayed away for several years. I have a hard time understanding people who are vilified by Christinazi religion, such as homosexuals and yet, they insist on remaining in the religion and they live a life of shame, ridicule, and guilt all brought on by their own religion. More people need to know that christianity does not have all the answers and it is just one more religion bent on controlling everyone's actions. Thank you for your antitestimony.

[SWIM]

I stopped going to church when my parents got divorced at age 13.

 

Pretty much the only positive thing that came out of my parents divorce lol.

[R. S. Martin]

What made you stop going to church?

 

The reason I stopped going to church and the reason I deconverted are not the same. In fact they are hardly related.

 

1. I stopped going to church because I couldn't make myself go when there was nothing to learn. I knew the Bible inside out and I knew everything the preachers did. I wanted to be inspired in some way and the church totally failed to inspire me. In fact, I would often feel worse after church than before church, the reason being that I went in hopeful for a good time of fellowship and music and learning/inspiration. It didn't happen. I got more out of private Bible study at home and a walk in the bush or park.

 

2. I deconverted because the Plan of Salvation did not hang together. After seeking in vain for answers for how it's supposed to hang together until I was fifty I decided to quite lying about what I believed. I still wanted to identify as a Christian just because that is the best way to fit into society in this part of the world. But I realized that would be dishonest so I faced up to the matter and accepted the fact that I am not, in fact, a Christian anymore. I think I had found these forums by then, or did shortly after, which was very helpful.

 

My church attendance had been seriously infrequent for ten or twenty years before my deconversion. But then, I don't know if I ever was a real Christian. I just lived like one and went through all the actions. I assumed that when I got older I would understand the Plan of Salvation because the older folks like my mom and the preachers said I would. When it didn't work out that way they changed the tune and said maybe we don't have to understand. Yeah right! That don't go down with me.

 

But maybe Christianity is saying the Creed inside a Church on a regular basis. Perhaps meaning it is beside the point. If that is the case, then deconversion is the most honest thing I have ever done. No wonder I feel cleaner and more at peace with myself than I ever did as a Christian.

[FedUp]

I enjoy gluttony myself. Love food. I'm like a fat-person-living-in-a-thin-person's-body kind of guy. Also enjoy sexual 'immorality' but like most of us guys, don't get to enjoy that one nearly enough. Haven't actually tried homosexuality as yet. Love to read nearly anything by Voltaire, which, if you've read him at all, would likely be a near unpardonable sin. He was such a smart aleck. Sorry if what little sense of humor I have at the moment is lost on anyone, but for me sarcasm seems to be a great deconversion tool. Oh, all these wonderfully 'sinful' things I need to get busy doing, and so little time, =)

[ExConfusedChristian]

I haven't quite church officially. Although I have had some magical excuse for not going the last 6 weeks. I went to the Christmas service and cringed at the sickly sweetness of the pastor's every word, especially around tithes and offerings time.

 

I may not go back again - I told DH I would keep going to keep the status-quo but now I'm not so sure I can stomach it. This is going to cause more of a shake-up in my family...

 

I'd have to say I relate to 1 and 7 the most. I was just so worn out of being under a 1000 pound pack of rules and ways I was failing the 'Lord" and the 'body'... All the while, feeling it must be MY fault that I can't just listen to what they say and believe it although there's so much contradiction.

[oladotun]

When I was 16 years old, I “accepted Jesus as my Lord and saviorâ€. I truly believed that the madness that was my life would begin to cease, because I had been sold the illusion that “Jesus was the answer†to my every problem:

 

What made you stop going to church?

 

I haven't been to church because I got tired of hearing the gospel of prosperity (which I think is one of the worst messages to come out of christianity). I also hate it when christians cherry pick sins. Very few christians appear to acknowlege gluttony.

 

I could not agree with you more. I ws discussing this with a friend of mine who is still mired in that stuff because he is in ministry, and he told me that if Xians condemned gluttony as much as they did other sins like homosexuality and sexual immorality, almost the entire church would be convicted.. Cherry-picking sins is one of the churches biggest offenses and I totally agree with you about the properity thing. I used to sacrifice some of my bills just to give a big tithe and offering thinking that the big windfall was on the way..It never came, meanwhile my pastor was living the good life....