Im A Struggling Teen

[Guest YoungandBroken]

Im only 16. i feel my whole life is being ruined. Back when i was younger christianity used to be fun but as I grew older i started to realize things. Like when i turned 14 i 1st learned about the apocalypse and i hated it. I was depressed for a few months about it. Then as i got older more rules just started coming in. I like girls alot and the whole concept of girls and romance is very important to me. It has been since preschool. But christians i know are putting restrictions on everything, making out, looking at girls. A few years back i asked my friend if he would ever make out with a girl and he said no because its a form of pre-marital sex. Then i had to do research and i found out alot of bible contradictions. Then everything just came in my mind at once and confused me. Im a teenager, i have friends and a girl that im talking to right now. I don't want to be thinking about all this stuff. I just want to be a normal teenager. Now all these thoughts come through my head everyday. Especially my thoughts on hell, some woman wrote a book saying Jesus took her to hell in her dreams. So now im afraid its real. I just wish i could go back to being my old happy self again because everything thats dear to me is being poisoned by christian views. Im not sure on how im going to go back to normal. So i came here for help. And on top of that how will i react to christians, or my friends who believe in God. Its like i was living so well and now im just constantly confused and sad. Now everytime I think about hell i get a tight feeling in my throat and my doctor said its stress related, i get it all the time and its annoying. My Mom who is very religous is always telling me if you turn away from God something bad will happen to you. Then she's always saying how she isn't worthy of God. I just feel bad for her because she's always talking to God is letting him decide her life. She's she's always asking him if she can move away or she's always asking him for a husband. Then she see's everyone else moving away and getting married and feels bad. Anyways Im trying to change my beliefs to become an Athiest but its very hard. Can anyone give me any help??

[Mythra]

Hi Y&B.

 

Welcome to Ex-C.

 

Man. I feel bad for you. It's hard enough to be 16, without having a head full of nonsense. Sometimes when parents believe a certain way, it's especially hard to break free of it.

 

There are many of us here who were messed up by religion. And christianity in particular. And we've all managed to break free of it, although it's never easy.

 

One thing I can tell you FOR SURE - is that nothing bad is going to happen to you if you just dump it. We all were scared to death too. And nothing bad happened when we escaped. Bad things aren't pre-ordained. Or dealt out as punishments from some twisted deity.

 

Bad things happen sometimes. But they're random. If someone gets into a car wreck tomorrow, it's not because God is mad at them. It's just because there are a certain number of car crashes every day in every city and every state. It's totally random - unless a person drives like a lunatic or drives when messed up. Then the odds go up in your favor.

 

Hell is a concept that was put into the religion for one purpose. To frighten people. To scare them into converting, and then to scare them into staying.

 

The idea of hell isn't even original to christianity. It was borrowed from other religions and ideologies. The greeks had their version of hell. So did the Egyptians and the Persians. And christianity just pilfered the concepts and adapted it for their purposes.

 

I'll tell you exactly what I'd tell you if you were my son. Hell is not real. It's fairy-tale make-belief stuff that myths are made of.

 

Stick around Ex-christian.net if you like. See what we talk about, and learn a little. You'll see that we're all just normal people who have found that life is better when we're not obsessed with make-believe.

 

Mythra

[Mythra]

Here is a link that I reference often when people are worried about hell. Once you start understanding it better, and where the ideas came from, you realize that they are just fanciful ideas that were invented by archaic and primitive people who had a very poor understanding of the world and had no understanding at all of science.

 

http://www.bibleorigins.net/hellsorigins.html

[Taphophilia]

I really hate to tell you this, but there is nothing normal about being a teenager. The best advice, I can give you, and what I tell my own teens is, don't even try to be normal. Normal is way overrated. It will mess you up. Pretty much the only thing "normal" is having no idea who you are. Be yourself and if that's not good enough for anyone else, it's their problem not yours.

 

Now that I have all the normal nonsense out of the way, there isn't anything wrong with being human. Liking girls, wanting to kiss girls means you are simply a healthy straight human teenager. Don't let other people make you ashamed of being human.

 

People write books about being abducted by aliens. Does that mean it's true? One thing I've learn is just because someone writes a book doens't mean they are telling the truth. A lot of people write books to make money and gain attention.

 

You don't have to believe what people tell you to believe. It's okay to be yourself, have your own thoughts, your own feelings, and have your own beliefs. We're not even going to tell you what to beleive it's all up to you and it's very personal. You also have no obligation to tell anyone what you think, feel, and believe or don't believe unless you choose to do so.

 

There is a difference between friends and aquaintances. Your friends are the people who you trust your feelings and thoughts. Aquaintances are the people who might be fun, you can hang with but they don't need to really know you. You have dress clothes for certain purposes but then there is nothing like a comfy pair of old sneakers. You wouldn't wear your dress clothes to places you'd wear your sneakers. That's what people are like. You have some people you can talk to who are comfortable with who you are and there are some people you don't share all of who your are with. Just learn the difference.

 

Taph

[Guest Crystal]

I really hate to tell you this, but there is nothing normal about being a teenager. The best advice, I can give you, and what I tell my own teens is, don't even try to be normal. Normal is way overrated. It will mess you up. Pretty much the only thing "normal" is having no idea who you are. Be yourself and if that's not good enough for anyone else, it's their problem not yours.

 

Now that I have all the normal nonsense out of the way, there isn't anything wrong with being human. Liking girls, wanting to kiss girls means you are simply a healthy straight human teenager. Don't let other people make you ashamed of being human.

 

People write books about being abducted by aliens. Does that mean it's true? One thing I've learn is just because someone writes a book doens't mean they are telling the truth. A lot of people write books to make money and gain attention.

 

You don't have to believe what people tell you to believe. It's okay to be yourself, have your own thoughts, your own feelings, and have your own beliefs. We're not even going to tell you what to beleive it's all up to you and it's very personal. You also have no obligation to tell anyone what you think, feel, and believe or don't believe unless you choose to do so.

 

There is a difference between friends and aquaintances. Your friends are the people who you trust your feelings and thoughts. Aquaintances are the people who might be fun, you can hang with but they don't need to really know you. You have dress clothes for certain purposes but then there is nothing like a comfy pair of old sneakers. You wouldn't wear your dress clothes to places you'd wear your sneakers. That's what people are like. You have some people you can talk to who are comfortable with who you are and there are some people you don't share all of who your are with. Just learn the difference.

 

Taph

 

HERE HERE!!!!!

 

*LOVE*

[Guest Crystal]

Im only 16. i feel my whole life is being ruined. Back when i was younger christianity used to be fun but as I grew older i started to realize things. Like when i turned 14 i 1st learned about the apocalypse and i hated it. I was depressed for a few months about it. Then as i got older more rules just started coming in. I like girls alot and the whole concept of girls and romance is very important to me. It has been since preschool. But christians i know are putting restrictions on everything, making out, looking at girls. A few years back i asked my friend if he would ever make out with a girl and he said no because its a form of pre-marital sex. Then i had to do research and i found out alot of bible contradictions. Then everything just came in my mind at once and confused me. Im a teenager, i have friends and a girl that im talking to right now. I don't want to be thinking about all this stuff. I just want to be a normal teenager. Now all these thoughts come through my head everyday. Especially my thoughts on hell, some woman wrote a book saying Jesus took her to hell in her dreams. So now im afraid its real. I just wish i could go back to being my old happy self again because everything thats dear to me is being poisoned by christian views. Im not sure on how im going to go back to normal. So i came here for help. And on top of that how will i react to christians, or my friends who believe in God. Its like i was living so well and now im just constantly confused and sad. Now everytime I think about hell i get a tight feeling in my throat and my doctor said its stress related, i get it all the time and its annoying. My Mom who is very religous is always telling me if you turn away from God something bad will happen to you. Then she's always saying how she isn't worthy of God. I just feel bad for her because she's always talking to God is letting him decide her life. She's she's always asking him if she can move away or she's always asking him for a husband. Then she see's everyone else moving away and getting married and feels bad. Anyways Im trying to change my beliefs to become an Athiest but its very hard. Can anyone give me any help??

 

I feel ya man. The bottom line is... go with what YOU feel in YOUR heart is right. That's all you can ever do. Try to be understanding of your Mom and realize that she's a different person than you, and she believes some stuff that you don't believe in. And yeah, people get really crazy about the whole sex thing. I've known people who've said that they wouldn't even hold HANDS with their boyfriend or girlfriend because they were afraid that they'd be "too tempted" by the physical contact. *rolls eyes* I can't tell you what to do when it comes to all that except to say to respect your g/f, respect your parents, and BE SAFE. You know?

 

And normal is what you make of it. I don't know if I think that "normal" really exists, and the people who look like they might be "normal" are pretty much faking it. You start to feel normal when you begin to accept yourself for who you are and the fact that you aren't really like anyone else, and no one else is really like you. you have to deal with the fact that people are going to come to their own beliefs and things in their own time, and that you might be ahead of a lot of your peers. You have to be patient, which is often really hard when you're a teenager.

 

I've heard of the book about the lady going to hell with Jesus in her dreams. I've even read bits and pieces of it before. Dreams can be really convincing sometimes... but I think that that's all they are... dreams. Her dream sounds like it was based on things that she had heard and some things she'd made up in her mind about what happened to people who died and weren't Christians. It's a sad, sad thing that so many people have become slaves to the idea that if you don't believe a certain thing, something terrible will happen to you when you die. But the truth is? I think that you know that there's not really a place like that where people go if they don't believe in Jesus when they die. I think that you already know and you've already started realizing that, deep down, you don't buy it, and it's really kinda nuts. And it sounds like you've begun to realize that it's really kinda silly for people to believe in this stuff with no evidence and let it make them as sad and as crazy as it does.

 

But they also find security in it, and sometimes we have to leave them to that, you know? Your Mom, she finds some kind of security in her beliefs. And really, at the end of the day, she IS making her own decisions. All of that praying she does? She's really just asking her SELF what she wants to do. She uses God as an excuse not to move if she doesn't really want to move. She uses God as a safety net when she feels like she can't find a husband. And sometimes, you have to be cool with that, 'cause that's where she is. But understand that she really IS making her own decisions, she's just making them in a really roundabout, self-conscious kinda way. And maybe someday she'll learn to make them in a more straightforward way. Y'know?

 

Anyway, stick around here, there seem to be some cool folks here. And yeah, this is going to be kinda difficult... but the best thing you can do is be real with yourself. You are who you are. That's as normal as it gets.

[Thurisaz]

Not much to add to the above. A whole youth of brainwashing is hard to overcome... but trust us, it pays if you make it.

 

That said, welcome, greetings from icy Germany

[Kuroikaze]

I've been an ex believer for almost 5 years now, and the worst thing that has happened to me is sleeping in on Sunday mornings

 

No seriously though, I was in a car wreck a couple of years ago, but hell I was in two of those when I was still a believer...I can't guarantee that nothing bad will happen to you ever...but that's life.

 

What I can tell you is that being a believer is not going to guarantee nothing bad will happen to you either.

 

 

Dreams are just dreams, I've had dreams where I was an anime character (yes I know I watch too much anime) it doesn't make it true, just because some woman figured out how to make a buck off of selling a book about a dream she had doesn't mean you should take her book seriously.

 

When you say you need help giving up your beliefs what exactly are you going for? Emotional support, or more along the lines of logic and intellectual problems with Christianity? Either way, this is the place to be.

[Ouroboros]

Y&B,

 

Welcome to the site.

 

To be a teen in this time of history is tough. Not that it's been hard in through history before, but it seems it's a lot more internal struggles today than ever. All the "who am I', "what will I do with life", "how should I feel", "how should I look", "how should I behave" and so on. Since I have 4 teenagers currently we have to deal with issues on a weekly basis.

 

Stick around, and you'll find that there's plenty of well knowledgable people around here to answer questions.

[Unknowing1]

I have two teenage sons, one is 15 and the other 19. I know what they have gone through and are going through. It's tough and very confusing. These years are where you are discovering who you are and sometimes it won't jive with what others expect you to be and it may not jive with what you expected yourself to be.

 

The best advice I can give you is to be you. Don't try to be someone that you are not just to please other people. Even adults have problems with that as well, I know I have. What I've found is that I am most happiest being who I am and if people cannot accept that then they truly are not my friends.

 

I might be mistaken but what I am hearing you say is that you do not want to believe, you want to turn it all off. Do not put pressure on yourself to do that. You can't. That would be like history repeating itself for you and only continuing the problem but in the opposite direction. Instead of believing you would be trying to conform yourself to not believing.

 

It's OK to not know exactly what you believe right now. But here's where you need to get involved, you need to look at both sides, you need to reason and you need to use logic. You need to continue to research and then take that research and search your soul to see what you believe is possible, not what people tell you is possible or not possible. Overtime you may come to find that you do believe the type of Christianity that you were raised in, you may find that you believe a more liberal form of Christianity, you may find that you believe some other type of religion, you may find you are agnostic or you may find you don't believe at all. But whatever you end up believing will be right for you because you made that decision for yourself, not because someone told you what to believe.

[Mythra]

Another thing to keep in mind, Y&B - don't let your Mom or the christian kids you know convince you that "belief" is some mystical, magical experience.

 

In my book, belief is nothing more than thinking.

 

And so, when someone says, "I believe in God" or "I believe that Jesus is the Son of God and he rose from the dead"

 

It means nothing more than "I'm convinced that Jesus is the Son of God and he rose from the dead"

 

Or "I think that God is real"

 

And, no matter what ANY of them tell you - it's not a sin to think.

 

So, think, examine, and decide for yourself what is real and what is not. But don't ever let anyone tell you that people go to hell because they thought improperly during their lifetime. Reject it every time you hear it.

[godlessgrrl]

Welcome to the boards, Y&B.

 

I don't have a whole lot to say, just a couple of things, really.

 

First off - I feel for you. Being in your teens is one of the hardest times of your life, because you go through the very kinds of struggles you're going through right now. You say you just want to be normal? I'd say you already are normal. It sounds to me like you're doing exactly what adolescents are supposed to be doing: trying to figure out who you are and what you really believe. That's a hard enough job anyway, without having an ultrareligious parent around trying to get you to be who they want you to be.

 

It's very, very hard to figure that stuff out while you're still in a household where your parent is indoctrinating you, and if they aren't supportive of your efforts to to think for yourself. A lot of authoritarian families think that any sign of independent thinking is a heinous act of rebellion that must be crushed immediately; it isn't okay to disagree in some families. If that's true for you, then that's one reason why stuff is so hard.

 

Hard is normal for teens. Figuring out who you are is normal for teens. Struggling to find yourself is normal for teens. Asking questions is normal for teens. You're not crazy and you don't have to believe everything people tell you, even your mom or your friends.

 

I'm not sure what else to say except hang in there.

[R. S. Martin]

I don't know what to add except I wish I had someone to tell me this stuff when I was 16.

[Warrior_of_god]

Dont think I could add anything really useful here. I thought I might, given our proximity in age (im 19, almost 20). As far as romance/girls go chase what and who you will but just be careful. Make your own path in these years, if something dosent feel right or ok to you then it probably isnt. Basically just follow your heart in everything, not someone elses.

[Guest WarrantedPVC]

Hi, I'm 19 too and deconverted on my 17th birthday! I too can say that there's an end to the tunnel - it's quite bad to be going through a deconversion but in the end, there is one thing Jesus was right about: "The Truth will set you free".

 

In my experience, the best thing to do is to just try to relax - I kept telling myself "let it happen" until it finally did and I felt OK about saying to myself that I no more believed in God. Eat well, sleep lots (that's really important for your brain now!!), get some exercise, don't neglet your schoolwork. I had a teacher who told me "before you get canonized, you need to have lived first" and he was very right - whatever your beliefs end up being, your health should be the most important thing, followed by securing a future for yourself through education.

 

As for girls, have fun. In fact, I do think it's in your late teens that you need to develop a healthy sexual self-image, to feel confident about yourself and your sexuality, instead of trying to repress it... But: always, always *remember to be safe*. Read up on stuff before you do them... I wouldn't go into anything until you've received the sex education about pregnancy, STDs etc that you probably haven't received from your environment. (I suspect you haven't, judging by the comment that your friend believes "making out" is "pre-marital sex"!! ) You know.. correct use of condoms, what to do if it breaks, what if something goes wrong, etc. It's important that you know that kind of stuff even if you aren't intending to have full-blown sex just yet. If you have any questions, I'm sure a lot of people here will be very happy to respond - we won't think bad of you because trust me, we were once struggling with the very same things.

 

Also, some people in frustration do stupid things like getting drunk or taking some drugs and then picking up a girl... DON'T!!! Keep real feelings in the thing - it's better to pull back a bit in the start and take things very slowly, making sure it's someone with whom you share mutual love, as it's very easy to be pulled into stuff you could regret the next morning. So DON'T.

 

We're here for ya!!

 

PVC

[2Bornot2B]

I think that most everyone here understands what you are going through. I would have to agree that it is probably harder going through this as a teen. Being a teen is hard enough with all the hormones, etc. Regardless of what anyone will tell you, sex is natural. It is natural to be attracted to girls, want to make out, and all that. I understand that being in the environment that you are in is difficult with them telling you to wait until you are married and all the "sexual sins." To be honest, the best way to be safe is not to do anything, but eventually nature's urges are too much. Just follow the advice given above about safe practices. One place that you might go to explore more of the puberty type stuff is www.govteen.com and visit the puberty 101 forums. They have lots of people on there who can answer many of the questions that you may have of that nature. As far as de-converting, it takes time to deprogram yourself. It does get better.

 

Good luck.

[Eric_PK]

You are normal. Humans are evolutionarily programmed to want to mate when they become sexually mature, and while it is possible for rationality to triumph over nature, it's a hard thing to do.

 

My rules from when I was your age:

 

1) It has to be consensual. While I really wanted a girlfriend, I didn't want to play games or count who did who.

2) Pregnancy is hugely big deal. Don't let it happen.

3) Other than that, anything is okay.

 

I ended up with a girl that I ended up marrying (too young, but we got lucky and are still together), and while we never went all the way until we were older, we did everything but.

 

Make sure you are very-well educated. Depending on where you live, sex ed classes range from mediocre to horrible, and don't really give you the information you want to have. The internet provides lots of good information about what women like (though each woman is different) and how to approach things. It also has lots of porn, which is entertaining but can give you a skewed view of what sex is like. A well-informed guy who cares about the woman's pleasure will be more popular than one who is only around for a few minutes (and given what teenage male sexual response is like, going beyond that can be a challenge).

 

Finally, to the extent that you can get over your programming, talk with your prospective partners a bunch about what they like and don't like.