Christmas With The Believing Family

[trashy]

I really didn't anticipate much drama this year, in spite of my dad being a 40+ year Southern Baptist minister. We get along pretty good and haven't discussed religion too much since he discovered my atheism.

 

But I've been wondering about my Mom and how much she even knew about my deconversion. So a couple of weeks ago I get a package in the mail. It's a copy of Jonathan Livingston Seagull. She wrote a note on the front page, that if we (my wife and I) read the book she'll give us something else at Christmas. So we both read it, again. (we had both read it before, ages ago) I could not for the life of me figure out what crazy scheme she was working on. So today I think I figured it out. She went out of her way to explain, several times, that she had completely randomly distributed gifts to different bags which were then split up between us kids and our families. I guess she wanted me to think it was totally random that I got a bible in mine? But no, later she started giving me suggestions for reading the bible through in a year. I told her I'd already done that on more than one occasion. I asked her if that wasn't enough, and she said no, and the conversation dwindled.

 

I was busy working on her computer at the time so it wasn't too difficult to just end the conversation there, but I wanted to tell her "Look, you know I'm an atheist, right?" But I didn't. But I might.

 

Any way I left the bible and the notepad and the 50-cent calculator keychain next to the couch. I at least respect her attempt to reconvert me. I have no respect for her giving crappy give-away items to her own children. It's just insulting.

[pandora]

She sounds like my mother-in-law. I get crappy crap like calculator keychains from her too. And cutesy nick-nacks. I swear, if she put together all the money on the crap she gets each of us, I could get a fifty dollar bill instead. Is she by any chance a teacher?

 

Anyway, the only issue we had was when they had dinner prayer, his dad kept his eyes open to look at us. It was kind of funny. Knowing him, it might be his secret way of letting us know he's on our side. Or his way to spy on us to see if we're really serious. LOL His mother, on the other hand, said we couldn't drink alcohol if we were going to get drunk. We only brought one bottle of wine for two of us... that will hardly get me drunk so we had our mimosas anyway. She did mention going to church once, but for the most part, she was pretty accepting of things compared to past Christmases.

[Vigile]

This is the first year in a long time I've been directly exposed to my family's religion. I'm finding it difficult to keep my mouth closed.

 

My brother and his new xian girlfriend are visiting for the holidays. My brother keeps his beliefs to himself and isn't really a deep thinker, so I doubt he really thinks about his beliefs much even in private. It doesn't bother me that he's a believer as it's more a label for him than anything else. His new GF, OTH, is a nutcase who wants to control the lives of others. She won't even let my brother have a beer because "xians don't drink." "Ha! I told her, even Jesus drank!" She: "They used to put a small bit of wine in their water because the water supply in ancient Israel was tainted." Me: "That's just a lie your pastor made up." She: Silence.

 

Next I got an earful about how the Orthodox church is so bad because they charge for admission. Me: "your church charges 10% of your salary." Her: *pointless whine about who is a True™ xian* Me: "I'm an atheist. I think they are all bunk." Her: *eyes nearly pop from skull in shock* *more silence*

 

Finally, she starts to rant about how bad Muslims are. Me: "Your religion doesn't make you bad. There are good muslims and bad ones. There are good xians and there are bad ones." Her: "but muslims cause wars." Me: "Xians in America make wars, like the war in Iraq, politically feasable." Her: "more silence."

 

Honestly, I don't want confrontation. But out of the blue she spouts off nonsense that is both ignorant and in some cases hateful. She's in my house. I can't help myself.

[Casey]

Oh how times have changed! Cheap bottle-openers used to be all the rage, but they at least saved one's teeth, and some came as quite artistically shaped pornographic statuettes. But a fifty cent keychain calculator?! What use is that?

Casey

[trashy]

She sounds like my mother-in-law. I get crappy crap like calculator keychains from her too. And cutesy nick-nacks. I swear, if she put together all the money on the crap she gets each of us, I could get a fifty dollar bill instead. Is she by any chance a teacher?

 

OMG! Yes! She taught for many years and retired 10-15 years ago. Is that the common denominator?

 

Anyway, the only issue we had was when they had dinner prayer, his dad kept his eyes open to look at us. It was kind of funny. Knowing him, it might be his secret way of letting us know he's on our side. Or his way to spy on us to see if we're really serious. LOL His mother, on the other hand, said we couldn't drink alcohol if we were going to get drunk. We only brought one bottle of wine for two of us... that will hardly get me drunk so we had our mimosas anyway. She did mention going to church once, but for the most part, she was pretty accepting of things compared to past Christmases.

 

You drink in front of your parents? We almost did that at Thanksgiving, but it ain't gonna happen at *their* house.

[Guest Marty]

I had a suprisingly secular holiday this year! The usual fair is for my sister and I to get drunk on xmas eve whilst the folks are out at church, then eat dinner when they come back and open gifts after. We did that, except my parents did not go to church at all, xmas eve or morning! This has never happened during the 30 years I have been alive. They did not utter a "Merry xmas" to anyone this year. No dinnertime grace, though they rarely did that anyway.

 

My mother had just recently left her teaching position last year at the same church/school where I was indoctrinated over some wrongs to her she will not discuss with me, presumably because I am an Atheist and whatever it is will fuel my hatred for the church. When my sister asked why they aren't going to church, my mother whispered to her "You really think I'm going to set foot in that place again?!?"

 

A few days before, my father and I actually had a civil, intelligent conversation about how even though I recieved an excellent education at that church/school, I feel I came out emotionally and socially stunted as a result of the brainwashing. I even used the word "brainwashing". He agreed. WHAT!? HE AGREED? He even added that because of the education they (the school, not him and mom) gave me I have been able to think for myself and discover what my issues are, and work through them. My dad and I have NEVER had a civil discourse about religion but this year we not only speak to each other as adults but we come to an understanding?

 

Completely unexpected as it was, I think I may have recieved the best xmas gift I could have ever gotten. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it seems to be my parents are having a crisis of faith. Not that I am happy of the pain and confusion such an event brings on, but that they are finally seeing what I have been "blathering on about" for years; namely that the church will use you untill you are no longer worth anything to them and will then spit you out like used chewing gum. It is my suspicion that it is salary/$$ issues that made my mother wake up, but I am basing this only on the fact that my old church was very money hungry.

 

Regardless, I guess I was just witness to proof that you can not show people the way to deconversion, they have to find their own way there. I doubt my folks will go all the way and identify as Atheists, but I really hope they do not see a point in finding a new church and just enjoy their retirement years free of the chains of religion.

[R. S. Martin]

I am happy for you Marty.

[Antlerman]

But no, later she started giving me suggestions for reading the bible through in a year. I told her I'd already done that on more than one occasion. I asked her if that wasn't enough, and she said no, and the conversation dwindled.

I think you may have totally misundertood. She was supporting you remaining an athiest by suggesting you repeat the exercise that led to your athesim. Your response should have been, "Thanks Mom! This will really help me ever doubting my reasons for doubting in the first place!"

[MathGeek]

The tendency in my family is NOT to discuss politics or religion, despite the fact I sometimes provoke the political arguments.

 

This year was relatively tame.

[Curtdude]

I like to refer to this as "boundary maintenance" with the family: I keep my distance during Christmas and stay out of their way. We chat on the telephone, wish each other well and baby that is it.

 

900 miles is just about right.

 

I love 'em dearly, but listening to their "real reason for the season" blather is just annoying, particularly as they wrestle to open several hundreds of dollars worth of gifts. Blech.

 

And whoever has the onus of saying "grace" makes it painfully obvious that there are heathen at the table and it's necessary to restate the Plan of Salvation, just in case any of us (read, Me) has forgotten it.

[white_raven23]

You drink in front of your parents? We almost did that at Thanksgiving, but it ain't gonna happen at *their* house.

 

LOL!!!

 

Damn I love being +30!!! You BET I drink in front of the folks! In their home! Hell, it's MY job to mix when I'm there!! None of us get puking drunk (that's just immature and tacky), though mom and I have gotten pretty giggly and dad had to tolerate both of us a couple times. Dad may take a sip or two or mom's drink, but he stays quite sober (so he gets to drive).