bellsybop Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I'm Bellsybop. I'm a 42 yr. old happily married mother of 5 girls living in a town called Eden (believe it or not). I was raised Southern Baptist. Didn't go to church a whole lot, but knew the basics of my religion. Hell, hell and more hell. I was sexually abused by my own biological father a long period of my childhood up into my teenage years. In fact, I can especially recall the day I was to be baptized in my church as one particular day that my father decided to make another advance on me. Life was miserable as you can imagine. In those days issues like that were more likely to be swept under the rug instead of being dealt with. And yes, that is exactly what happened. So, I made a very "grown up" decision at age 16 to marry the guy I was dating at the time and left. I stayed in that marriage for 20 more years and lived very unhappily. He cheated, smoked a lot of marijuana, and mentally/physically abused me and my oldest 3 girls. One day I finally got my first job. I met a man at work and became very close to him. I shared my problems, secrets, and personal side of myself with him. And how my life changed. I divorced the man I was married to an then married my husband Chuck. He had no children, and was also married 20 yrs. to a woman he didn't love either. I have now found what living is about. I now have answers why my life held no meaning. I was afraid to divorce because of my religious beliefs. I was afraid to step forward and do something about my father. I was afraid because of religion! He is a person that questions. Not afraid to question. And questioning is how I opened my eyes to the truth of religion. Questioning is the answer to my prayers that went unanswered all those years. I'm glad I found you guys/gals on here. You're my newfound friends that share yourselves freely and it is nice to be here. Sincerely, Bellsy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 The thee hence and a fie on thee, quoter of Thos. Paine!!!! (just joshing... Paine is a favourite of mine) Welcome aboard! Hope you enjoy the place Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aqua Kitty Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Hi Bellsy, I'm glad you're here! Love your signature!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 welcome aboard! So sorry to hear of the aduse issues, especially the kids. There is no justification for it, I hope he's in jail for it, or soon to be. I raised two girls, so I am pretty passionate about protecting children. I am glad you got away from him anyway, glad to see you here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Howdy, Bellsybop! Welcome and feel at home here. Your story is a lot like my wife's story. She is comfortable with telling others her own story so she is not offended when I tell others--besides, I always ask first. She was abused by her biological father also. She suffered greatly in his hands, to put it mildly. She fought back against his sexual terrorism and as a result he beat her with chains, belts, bricks, hammers, skillets, car batteries, whiskey bottles, anything that came to hand went up along side of her head. She has multiple scarring from multiple skull fractures and the result of the years of abuse is that she suffers from seizures today. Her mother knew about the incidents and even after my wife's parents divorced, her mother still would not believe her or ignored her (no one knows where the biological father is today). My wife's mother controlled the family like a tyrant so even when the father left, the mother was still there and she was a religious whacko that was diagnosed with Munchhousen Syndrome (sic?) many years later. My wife's mother remarried but the step-father was spineless. My wife was so controlled by her mother and step-father that they chose her first two husbands for her from their church--Pentacostal. Her first marriage failed after about four weeks when she discovered her first husband had been cheating on her with another man or more, and the second marriage failed when her second husband tried to give her an abortion with a coat hanger--he attacked her in her sleep. She fought him off and eventually got a divorce. She now suffers from PTSD because of the traumatic events in her life. We met each other through a dating service and have been together for almost 16 years now. When we met, she had no idea who she was or what she wanted in life, all of her decisions had been made for her up until the day we got married (her mother even controlled her checking account). After we were married, I made her make all of her own choices which made her angry with me the first several months we were together but over the years she has come to know who she is and what she wants out of life. The church made it possible for the obuse to occur over and over. When my wife asked for help, the church told her parents who beat her at home into submission and the abuse became worse. She was afraid to say anything at school after that. She was absolutely trapped in a nightmare that became pleasant after a while when the beatings stopped when she got older, the psycological abuse started so that she could be controlled and the quiet controlling influence soothed her and she thought everything was running smoothly for years. When I met her, she dressed like her mom, wore her hair like her mom, and even had the same job as her mom--so mom could keep an eye on her. In the long run so I don't over write here, the church makes it easy for an abusive family to continue to abuse their children. The church keeps quiet what it knows about the families within its walls. Save yourself and your family and keep away from church. Taking charge of yourself is the hardes thing to do. You have done it well, keep on going. You are courageous and strong in faith in yourself. Welcome to extians. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellsybop Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 Wow.. thanks for the welcomes! Talking about it is the best form of admitting the injustices. I can honestly say that I look back at that girl (me) and I don't even know who she was now. It's like talking about someone that I knew or read about. My present husband was hard on me at first, but it was to help me break the cycle. I now understand why he did what he did... makes perfect sense. I'm glad I found this site.. hope to get to know all of you better. And thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sexton Blake Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Sexual abuse as well as beatings and such seem to be a staple of many religions. Even arranged marriages where if the girl doesn't marry the much older man her parents want her to, her own family murders her. It still amazes me that even in 2008, people who are nothing more than modern day witch doctors in frocks carry so much weight in our society. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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