GraphicsGuy Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 (experimenting with poetry - advice/feedback appreciated) I walk in daylight Rage consumes me My mind is night Fear assaults me Two founts of hate The first from above Raped by fate The second of lost love Drenched in blackness Eats my heart Come on the darkness Herefore thou 'art Your mocking smile Your evil deeds Full of guile Poisoned weeds You say you love me You say it's true Yet never free Was I from you Held as a slave With cruel master So that I crave For your disaster Your final sway Shall yet be For comes day To rescue me When darkness reigns Revenge I take Wrapped in chains Night will break Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchpiper Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 It is concise, no words wasted. The imagery is good. It is dark and I feel the rage when I read it....a desire for revenge, at an unexpected time for the recepient. I had to read the "sway" line a couple times. I got two impressions. One is sway as in influence. The other is sway as in a prideful walk. You sound like a poet to me. Of course, poetry can be a broad term. I don't call myself a poet either, but I write many prose and poems. Cheers graphicsguy, ~carol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The-Captain Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Not feeling especially verbose today so..... Good Poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 I had to read the "sway" line a couple times. I got two impressions. One is sway as in influence. The other is sway as in a prideful walk. Yes, I meant it implied as "influence" and as in "swaying, about to fall." (that was my first intent) I hadn't considered the prideful walk, but that fits with the "about to fall" as in, "prides goes before the fall." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 Not feeling especially verbose today so..... Good Poem. You've been dying to use that dancing Jesus somewhere, haven't you? Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MathGeek Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Insightful and inciteful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The-Captain Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Not feeling especially verbose today so..... Good Poem. You've been dying to use that dancing Jesus somewhere, haven't you? Thanks! Ive been refraining from throwing it into every serious debate thus far, but couldnt hold it in anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 *bump* Addition to my little po-em...I vocalized it and put it to pictures and music... http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=f3ReGTkoaBA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchpiper Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 *bump* Addition to my little po-em...I vocalized it and put it to pictures and music... http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=f3ReGTkoaBA Enjoyed it! The poem posted on the side really helps....at least for old folk's like me. lol Instead of a revengeful feel (like when I read it), the video has a 'bad trip' feel to it...simply darkness awaiting the light and the trip to end. *thumbsup* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts