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Goodbye Jesus

Do Christians Have Ceiling Fans?


crazy-tiger

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Because when the Rapture happens, you can just imagine if they're stood/sat under one of those...

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Actually, never mind the fan... at least they'll get there. What about the poor buggers in tunnels/under bridges? Just how long will God keep that celestial tractor beam going, making the righteous head-but the roof before giving it up as a bad job?

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Actually, never mind the fan... at least they'll get there. What about the poor buggers in tunnels/under bridges? Just how long will God keep that celestial tractor beam going, making the righteous head-but the roof before giving it up as a bad job?

 

See, and you made fun of 'The Undiscovered Country', this is EXACTLY what God would need a starship for, and Kirk can just shut up being a whiney baby!!

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Because when the Rapture happens, you can just imagine if they're stood/sat under one of those...

 

 

/me puts on his best "Brother Jeff" impression

 

It would be OK because glorious magical skyman will let them magically float thru the fans unharmed, to be with the magically un-deaded son who is somehow magically him too!

 

GLORY!

 

/end Brother Jeff impersonation

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Actually, never mind the fan... at least they'll get there. What about the poor buggers in tunnels/under bridges? Just how long will God keep that celestial tractor beam going, making the righteous head-but the roof before giving it up as a bad job?

 

See, and you made fun of 'The Undiscovered Country', this is EXACTLY what God would need a starship for, and Kirk can just shut up being a whiney baby!!

Not Undiscovered Country... it was Final Frontier.

 

 

 

Sheesh, you'd have thought you'd know that living with me. :D

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Sheesh, you'd have thought you'd know that living with me. :D

 

Yeah, whatever, I just turn off mentally when you start rambling about trek stuff... I'd have thought you'd have noticed that when you're talking about trek, its like living with a certain fundie, again, in terms of conversation.

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Sheesh, you'd have thought you'd know that living with me. :D

 

Yeah, whatever, I just turn off mentally when you start rambling about trek stuff... I'd have thought you'd have noticed that when you're talking about trek, its like living with a certain fundie, again, in terms of conversation.

No... with you, I at least get some kind of impression that there's intelligence there. :P

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If you're insane, you could always :jerkit:. The endorphin rush is somewhat worth it, though it only last less than 10 seconds.

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For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

Forget the ceiling fans! I wanna see the ones that died and have been cremated rise! Or better yet, if any missionaries have been freshly eaten by cannibals. Alien ain't got 'NUTTIN on that, baby!

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If you're insane, you could always :jerkit:. The endorphin rush is somewhat worth it, though it only last less than 10 seconds.

Why do you have to be insane to do that? I imagine the sane enjoy a good wank more than th insane do.

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Sheesh, you'd have thought you'd know that living with me. :D

 

Yeah, whatever, I just turn off mentally when you start rambling about trek stuff... I'd have thought you'd have noticed that when you're talking about trek, its like living with a certain fundie, again, in terms of conversation.

No... with you, I at least get some kind of impression that there's intelligence there. :P

 

Are you two married or something?

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Sheesh, you'd have thought you'd know that living with me. :D

 

Yeah, whatever, I just turn off mentally when you start rambling about trek stuff... I'd have thought you'd have noticed that when you're talking about trek, its like living with a certain fundie, again, in terms of conversation.

No... with you, I at least get some kind of impression that there's intelligence there. :P

 

Are you two married or something?

We've been living together for over a year now, and I'm loving every minute of it. :grin:

 

 

 

 

 

We do kinda sound like an old married couple though, don't we? :HaHa:

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  • 2 months later...

Why do people who live together have discussions on message boards?

 

Especially gross 'i love you' 'no, I love you' conversations that turn everyone else's stomach?

 

No, you're not acting like 'married for years' you're acting like 'gag your friends newly wed'.

 

All this talk of 'wanking' has me thinking about the when I dated that British bird.

 

I'd like to think I miss her, but it's not her I really miss, just her accent, Bristols, and her uncanny ability to swallow a whole banger.

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For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

Forget the ceiling fans! I wanna see the ones that died and have been cremated rise! Or better yet, if any missionaries have been freshly eaten by cannibals. Alien ain't got 'NUTTIN on that, baby!

I'm imagining the rapture will probably look like a vertically ascending dust cloud, pulling bits of dried earth, bones, teeth, ash, etc up into the air several miles. Actually this will probably resemble a giant mushroom cloud, like from a nuclear bomb. One can only assume by faith the all the angels have a reassembly factory that will be manned to put all the dead back together again (imagining thousands of lines of small green and orange angels, like the Ooompa-Loompas all working on the job of final resurrection).

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Thank you so much for giving me such a funny mental image!

 

Maybe that's why my church never had ceiling fans. I think there would have been considerably fewer kids fainting on the alter if they put some in.

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Because when the Rapture happens, you can just imagine if they're stood/sat under one of those...

 

 

This sort of thing is what is holding up the Rapture. God has to wait for all the saved to be outdoors at the same time. And when you factor in the "God don't want no robots" theology you can just see the problem. And just maybe, back when God planned this rapture thing bodies were only buried 2 feet deep, now they are buried 6 feet deep in concrete to keep them from floating to the top in a flood.

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Because when the Rapture happens, you can just imagine if they're stood/sat under one of those...

 

 

This sort of thing is what is holding up the Rapture. God has to wait for all the saved to be outdoors at the same time. And when you factor in the "God don't want no robots" theology you can just see the problem. And just maybe, back when God planned this rapture thing bodies were only buried 2 feet deep, now they are buried 6 feet deep in concrete to keep them from floating to the top in a flood.

Now you've gone and done it! Christians are going to be digging graves up everywhere now in order to hasten the Lord's return!

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