Seeking Ex-catholic Resources

[gradstu09]

I've been looking for a while now for good resources to help in my continuing work to remove the Catholic programming from my brain. "From-birth" Catholics know what I mean. I am an atheist now, but old ingrained patterns of thinking don't just disappear. I feel gypped, scarred, and possibly permanently damaged in that I may never be able to live a full life without all this shit I carry around in my head. Specifically, books or real-life support networks would be great recommendations. I am looking at some books by Paul Kurtz, if anyone has thoughts on his work. But I have been looking for a while now, and surprisingly there is very little specifically directed towards healing ex-Catholics. Books directed at Protestant denominations don't really cover my experiences.

 

Can anyone help?

[gradstu09]

I've been looking for a while now for good resources to help in my continuing work to remove the Catholic programming from my brain. "From-birth" Catholics know what I mean. I am an atheist now, but old ingrained patterns of thinking don't just disappear. I feel gypped, scarred, and possibly permanently damaged in that I may never be able to live a full life without all this shit I carry around in my head. Specifically, books or real-life support networks would be great recommendations. I am looking at some books by Paul Kurtz, if anyone has thoughts on his work. But I have been looking for a while now, and surprisingly there is very little specifically directed towards healing ex-Catholics. Books directed at Protestant denominations don't really cover my experiences.

 

Can anyone help?

 

Ha, it says my posting status is "Curious." I'm a quite a ways beyond that stage, if I ever was in it at all.

[R. S. Martin]

I've been looking for a while now for good resources to help in my continuing work to remove the Catholic programming from my brain. "From-birth" Catholics know what I mean. I am an atheist now, but old ingrained patterns of thinking don't just disappear. I feel gypped, scarred, and possibly permanently damaged in that I may never be able to live a full life without all this shit I carry around in my head. Specifically, books or real-life support networks would be great recommendations. I am looking at some books by Paul Kurtz, if anyone has thoughts on his work. But I have been looking for a while now, and surprisingly there is very little specifically directed towards healing ex-Catholics. Books directed at Protestant denominations don't really cover my experiences.

 

Can anyone help?

 

There's probably lots more help out there for exCatholics than for pretty much any other kind of ex-denomination. I don't know anywhere to look for information on ex-horse and buggy Mennonites who are now atheist. I know of one other such person in the world. There's lots and lots of ex-Catholics on here. But there are probably not more exCatholics on here than exBaptists and they tend not to see RC as Christian. You talk about Protestants as though they were some other breed of humanity. So far as the horse and buggy people are concerned, both Catholics and Baptists drive cars and dress like "the world." The one thing all of us have in common is that once we were Christian and we no longer are. Maybe I am wrong in this, but I find it offensive that you use this common venue of asking for underscoring your special status as Catholic--a "real" Christian, or rather, a "real" deconversion experience as opposed to the rest of us who somehow never had any real deconversion thing to deal with. That's kind of the feeling that comes through to me when you put it that way. It's kind of like me saying none of the rest of you know what deconversion means if you don't have to change culture into the bargain. I'm talking about changing from rural 19th century Victorian culture to urban 21st century high-tech society. I cannot hope to find any books on the topic that also deal with deconversion.

 

I can find books on immigrants entering North America, but their former experiences are so drastically different from my own that I can't begin to identify. Most of them were long-time war refugees. Most war refugees these days are from nonChristian backgrounds. I can read books about horse and buggy culture but I know practically everything they can tell me. What I can't find is similar books about mainstream North American culture. I have to learn it piece meal, from my computer manual, and other instruction manuals. From tour guides, from salespeople, from anyone who will listen to me and talk to me. It would be so nice if I could just go take a course or read a fat text on "Anthropology of Mainstream Western Society" and find chapters such as "What They Eat for Breakfast," "How They Prepare for Winter," "Important Holidays and Festivals," and "A Mainstream Westerner's View of Outsiders."

 

Anyway, you think a Catholic's deconversion is so special. Hopefully someone can help you. I do think this thread is in the wrong section. It does not come across as a testimony at all but a request for information.

[gradstu09]

What the fuck is this? I come here looking for support specifically directed towards what I experienced, and I get a lecture on my latent superiority complex? Do you have any actual advice, or are you just projecting your own insecurities all over me? The description for this forum is "Help encourage someone else who is trying to deprogram themselves from religion - tell them how you did it or are doing it. " I was asking for help, not your fucking condescension. I am not going to give you my damn life story; that's for my therapist.

 

Support?! What great support I've received so far. Maybe the other members here can salvage the reputation of this place.

 

If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all.

[SWIM]

Ha, it says my posting status is "Curious." I'm a quite a ways beyond that stage, if I ever was in it at all.

 

Hey! Welcome to ex-c!

 

Look up youtube "catholic" and you will find several pro and con vids about it, I watch mostly the "cons' now, but some of the "pros" will also help (by the level of stupidity) google and youtube are your friends!

 

About the status thing, it's only a default title based on your number of posts. The more you post, you will see it change. Also, at 500+ posts you can change it yourself. That being said, just ask a mod in the meantime and they will change it to say what you want.

[Deva]

Welcome to ex-c gradstu! I am not an ex-catholic but an ex-baptist. Nevertheless, Baptist or Catholic --its all a programming from childhood. There are some ex-catholics on this site who I am sure could relate and identify with your specific difficulties. Maybe you could help us by expanding upon why "books directed at Protestant denominations don't really cover my experiences."

 

For any local groups that may be meeting in your area, definately check out Meetup.com. If you are in a big city, there may be a group of ex-christians/ ex-catholics meeting in your area. I was once a Meetup group organizer myself.

 

In deprogramming myself I did an immense amount of reading on Christianity in general - also the freethinkers and atheists- and then into Eastern religions. Both sides of every question was what I wanted. You are right-- "ingrained patterns of thinking don't just disappear." One thing that helped me was that I realized (being protestant) that I knew almost nothing about church history and so I read "The Christian Tradition- A History of the Development of Doctrine" by Jaroslav Peklikan (he was Eastern Orthodox). So I began to repair my thinking by looking at Christianity from different angles. Of course I am sure you have your own special areas of concern.

[gradstu09]

Ha, it says my posting status is "Curious." I'm a quite a ways beyond that stage, if I ever was in it at all.

 

Hey! Welcome to ex-c!

 

Look up youtube "catholic" and you will find several pro and con vids about it, I watch mostly the "cons' now, but some of the "pros" will also help (by the level of stupidity) google and youtube are your friends!

 

About the status thing, it's only a default title based on your number of posts. The more you post, you will see it change. Also, at 500+ posts you can change it yourself. That being said, just ask a mod in the meantime and they will change it to say what you want.

 

Thank you, SWIM. I don't use YouTube much and wouldn't have thought to look there.

[gradstu09]

Welcome to ex-c gradstu! I am not an ex-catholic but an ex-baptist. Nevertheless, Baptist or Catholic --its all a programming from childhood. There are some ex-catholics on this site who I am sure could relate and identify with your specific difficulties. Maybe you could help us by expanding upon why "books directed at Protestant denominations don't really cover my experiences."

 

For any local groups that may be meeting in your area, definately check out Meetup.com. If you are in a big city, there may be a group of ex-christians/ ex-catholics meeting in your area. I was once a Meetup group organizer myself.

 

In deprogramming myself I did an immense amount of reading on Christianity in general - also the freethinkers and atheists- and then into Eastern religions. Both sides of every question was what I wanted. You are right-- "ingrained patterns of thinking don't just disappear." One thing that helped me was that I realized (being protestant) that I knew almost nothing about church history and so I read "The Christian Tradition- A History of the Development of Doctrine" by Jaroslav Peklikan (he was Eastern Orthodox). So I began to repair my thinking by looking at Christianity from different angles. Of course I am sure you have your own special areas of concern.

 

Hi Deva. The main reason I haven't found general Christian books to be helpful is b/c my own problems stem from absorbing the doctrine and Catechism of the Catholic Church, and RubySera's objections aside, these just aren't things that are covered in non-Catholic books--there is no reason for them to be! I had K-12 Catholic schooling in a very conservative diocese and parish, and I was also a very absorbent child, if you understand what I mean. I took it all to heart and believed completely. Another reason is that I am already an atheist--I read Mencken, Paine, and Russell very early on in this process and they were all tremendous help in that regard. Now, my specific project is trying to find a sense of meaning for my life. I was literally imbued with a sense of purpose before; I would tell strangers that God had something for me to do, that I could just feel it. Of course, I recognize now that that feeling was purposely indoctrinated, starting in second grade with the Baltimore Catechism (I can still quote it from memory):

 

Q: Why did God make you?

A: God made me to know Him, love Him, and serve Him in this life, and to be happy with Him in Heaven.

 

And that is the reason I got out of bed every day for twenty years. Now I just feel adrift. I am so angry, I feel so cheated, like I didn't even get a choice to work out what my purpose is, or how strongly I wanted to be attached to it. I am simultaneously seeking meaning in my life and also questioning whether without this religious experience I would feel the need to seek at all, if something would have developed organically, and resenting greatly the drive I feel to find an alternate purpose. Which is why I think more Catholic-directed resources would be best. I never felt particularly like my parish was a community that I was losing, and I don't have questions about the Bible, which are two main topics I have seen come up a lot with some of my real life ex-Protestant friends. I think my doctrinal indoctrination is a major problem, and a lot of what I am trying to unlearn is, doctrinally, specific to Catholicism. So it is not like I was trying to be snotty, but there are differences in experience.

 

Thank you for the book rec, I will certainly check it out, and also for meetup.com, another site I have never heard of.

[Ouroboros]

Welcome Gradstu9,

 

I think we have a couple of Ex-Catholics on this website, but I can't remember who. If you stay for a while, you probably will figure it out.

 

Anyway, I'm gonna move this thread to another section, since it's currently in the Testimonies section and that doesn't fit the subject.

[gradstu09]

Welcome Gradstu9,

 

I think we have a couple of Ex-Catholics on this website, but I can't remember who. If you stay for a while, you probably will figure it out.

 

Anyway, I'm gonna move this thread to another section, since it's currently in the Testimonies section and that doesn't fit the subject.

 

Okay Mod, thanks. It didn't seem to be an exact fit anywhere so I went with my best guess.

[gradstu09]

Welcome Gradstu9,

 

I think we have a couple of Ex-Catholics on this website, but I can't remember who. If you stay for a while, you probably will figure it out.

 

Anyway, I'm gonna move this thread to another section, since it's currently in the Testimonies section and that doesn't fit the subject.

 

Okay Mod, thanks. It didn't seem to be an exact fit anywhere so I went with my best guess.

[freeman]

Welcome Gradstu9,

 

I, like you, attended catholic school K-12. I am from New Orleans originally and have noticed that the catholics in southern Louisiana are rather different than in other places. So our experiences may be different.

 

I left the church and christianity during my senior year, 25 yrs ago. It took me a while to get over the "I'm going to hell" feeling, but it does go away on its own after time. My brother, who is not "christian" either, but still "spiritual" (what ever that means) had many guilty feelings and depression from being catholic. I will ask him if he knows of any sources that may help you.

 

Side note: I changed jobs several months ago and no longer have the unlimited access to the internet and have not participated in a regular fashion (still read quite a bit though) and hope to find the time to interact with all of you.

[gradstu09]

Welcome Gradstu9,

 

I think we have a couple of Ex-Catholics on this website, but I can't remember who. If you stay for a while, you probably will figure it out.

 

Anyway, I'm gonna move this thread to another section, since it's currently in the Testimonies section and that doesn't fit the subject.

 

Okay Mod, thanks. It didn't seem to be an exact fit anywhere so I went with my best guess.

[gradstu09]

Welcome Gradstu9,

 

I, like you, attended catholic school K-12. I am from New Orleans originally and have noticed that the catholics in southern Louisiana are rather different than in other places. So our experiences may be different.

 

I left the church and christianity during my senior year, 25 yrs ago. It took me a while to get over the "I'm going to hell" feeling, but it does go away on its own after time. My brother, who is not "christian" either, but still "spiritual" (what ever that means) had many guilty feelings and depression from being catholic. I will ask him if he knows of any sources that may help you.

 

Side note: I changed jobs several months ago and no longer have the unlimited access to the internet and have not participated in a regular fashion (still read quite a bit though) and hope to find the time to interact with all of you.

 

Hi freeman. I'm from the midAtlantic--German/Irish/Italian/Polish Catholicism. I'm sure there are cultural differences from French Catholicism. I am guessing by your username that you are an atheist now, too? Did you have a problem finding a meaning for your life that did not involve a deity in any way?

[gradstu09]

Welcome Gradstu9,

 

I, like you, attended catholic school K-12. I am from New Orleans originally and have noticed that the catholics in southern Louisiana are rather different than in other places. So our experiences may be different.

 

I left the church and christianity during my senior year, 25 yrs ago. It took me a while to get over the "I'm going to hell" feeling, but it does go away on its own after time. My brother, who is not "christian" either, but still "spiritual" (what ever that means) had many guilty feelings and depression from being catholic. I will ask him if he knows of any sources that may help you.

 

Side note: I changed jobs several months ago and no longer have the unlimited access to the internet and have not participated in a regular fashion (still read quite a bit though) and hope to find the time to interact with all of you.

 

Hi freeman. I'm from the midAtlantic--German/Irish/Italian/Polish Catholicism. I'm sure there are cultural differences from French Catholicism. I am guessing by your username that you are an atheist now, too? Did you have a problem finding a meaning for your life that did not involve a deity in any way?

[Deva]

And that is the reason I got out of bed every day for twenty years. Now I just feel adrift. I am so angry, I feel so cheated, like I didn't even get a choice to work out what my purpose is, or how strongly I wanted to be attached to it. I am simultaneously seeking meaning in my life and also questioning whether without this religious experience I would feel the need to seek at all, if something would have developed organically, and resenting greatly the drive I feel to find an alternate purpose. Which is why I think more Catholic-directed resources would be best. I never felt particularly like my parish was a community that I was losing, and I don't have questions about the Bible, which are two main topics I have seen come up a lot with some of my real life ex-Protestant friends. I think my doctrinal indoctrination is a major problem, and a lot of what I am trying to unlearn is, doctrinally, specific to Catholicism. So it is not like I was trying to be snotty, but there are differences in experience.

 

Thank you for the book rec, I will certainly check it out, and also for meetup.com, another site I have never heard of.

 

Thank you for sharing those additonal details. It is very helpful to know where you are at in the deconversion process.

 

I think all of us here can identify with the need to find a meaning in life. In today's world that is primarily what religion does, it supplies meaning and purpose. I know I still struggle with finding a purpose beyond going to work everyday to pay all my bills, and I am way past the "questions with the Bible" stage as well.

 

I did not ever take it that you were "trying to be snotty." Of course we have different experiences. I found some help in Buddhism and Hinduism, different ways of looking at the world. No one would say the same thing would automatically help you, but I am sure you will find much help and support in this site.

[freeman]

Yea, I am an atheist.

 

In the beginning of my deconversion, I switched to being a Deist. In that, I still had a creator/god so to speak. However, that meant believing in intelligent design, therefore I have given up on deism also. What is - is.

 

So, I guess that in the beginning that there was a void in my life. But, as time passed, so did the void. I have come to accept that I have only one shot at this and I look at it in a complete naturalistic way. The meaning in my life is for me, my wife and my children to be happy. I do not need a deity for this happyness. It really has been quite some time since I experienced what you are going through and I am finding it difficult to express myself.

 

No, at this time in my life I do not have a problem finding meaning in my life that does not involve a deity.

 

I think that we were programmed to think that all our meaning was for an after life and zero emphasis was placed on the here and now. It is through suffering that we shall inherit the kingdom of god shit that kept us from living a full life. I have now come to understand all those sayings were meant to keep people in an oppressed state so that the powerful could rule without question.

 

Start thinking about your relationship with friends and family and your role in those interactions to find meaning. Find happiness within yourself first and stop trying to please others over your own wishes, dreams and happiness. Once you have found yourself, then you will have your meaning without a deity.

 

I know that I am rambling and I am sorry for that. I will try to pull my thoughts together and be a little more coherent.

[bellsybop]

I never learned much about Catholic teachings because I was baptist, but I wish you well through your journey.

[Aqua Kitty]

I think we have a couple of Ex-Catholics on this website, but I can't remember who. If you stay for a while, you probably will figure it out.

 

I'm an ex-Catholic, but I was a convert, so I probably don't count. I was raised Methodist and United Brethren, but converted to Catholicism when I became an adult, ironically because I thought it was a "saner" flavor of Christianity. At any rate, I mainly identify myself as ex-Catholic. But having converted as an adult, I was spared the Catholic school ordeal, and the catechisms, so my viewpoints probably wouldn't be helpful to you. But welcome anyway!

[ShackledNoMore]

Welcome, gradstu!

 

I don't know how helpful this will be, but I'll pitch in my 2 cents. I was raised catholic until I was around 12 or so (just old enough for my confirmation), and then yanked into a very fundy/evangelical/pentecostal church from which I ultimately devonverted.

 

It seems to me that there are the casual catholics and the hard core catholics: I was definitely the former (or raised as such, and it was relatively late before I realized that pockets of super conservative, hard core catholics existed, at least in the US). It looks like you were the latter (and ex hard-core RCs are probably what you'll personally identify with the best). I think I've seen both types report in, and you still may hear more from them.

 

Anyway, my first thought, having lived in both catholic and protestant worlds, is that there is a lot in common between the two, despite some differences in the details. One of them, as you say, is that protestants (except for liberal protestants) are a lot more hung up on the bible. In fact, that was a major argument, that catholics "didn't follow the bible" used to discredit that catholic church and draw us (or rather my mother, since I wasn't thinking independently yet) in to evangelical protestant world. The other two prongs of the catholic world, the vatican and "sacred tradition" mean nothing to protestants, hence a different slant and their more total focus on the bible. Then there's that infamous catholic guilt, but that's a partial match: there is a lot of guilt from protestant apostates as well: it just seems to operate on a slightly different variation.

 

Then there's stuff like the purpose of life, and what you took straight from the Baltimore Catechism. Although the threads on it may not have been a perfect fit with indoctrination from the Catechism, that is actually a topic that has come up from time to time here. The most recent thread I remember dealing with the topic is here. No doubt a good search will turn up other older threads that dealt with similar themes, probably each in its own way.

 

I know I feel like I can identify with other ex-c's whether they were catholics, evangelical protestants, liberal xians, mormons, SDAs, or something less common in that we've all been duped and we've pretty much all concluded that xianity just didn't add up. But just out of curiosity, I just googled "ex-catholic". It was a pretty lazy effort, but I didn't see anything pop out in the first three pages, either. Hopefully you'll find the resources you're looking for, and in the mean time, you might be able to tailor general discussions to your own experiences/healing process.

[Vendredie]

Welcome to Ex-C Gradstu!

 

I'm a 16-year-old ex-Baptist myself, but I'm sure that you could google "ex-Catholic books/articles" if you hadn't already. Try checking out Amazon, or even local bookstores. I know how you feel about the whole "am I going to Hell?" thing, we've all been there. I recommend searching via Internet, there are billions and billions of websites, there has to be a few for ex-Catholics specifically. There are ex-Catholics here too, I can't tell you who they are right now off the top of my head, but they're definitely around and some might pop up in this thread. Good luck!

[Guest eejay]

Well, I was raised a catholic intially, but before I reached adulthood, my parents converted to hardcore evangelism. Though I didn't attend catholic school, I think my upbringing in the church was pretty typical. I'm certain you had the doctrines ingrained in you at a much deeper level, and it's been an awful long time since I attended a catholic church. Personally I found it very boring and kind of stopped going on my own before confirmation, which I never completed. But worse than that, their views on issues of sexuality and birth contol, etc really caused a lot of hardship for me because I just didn't agree with it... EVER! As I mentioned in some of my previous posts, I am fairly new to this site, but I really have been religion free for a long time. Both from catholicism and assorted protestent churches. Really there are more similarities between the two religions than there are differences, some of them already mentoned by a previous poster. Catholics have some strange idea about purgatory, which is not even mentioned in the bible. Also they categorize sins as either venial and mortal. And their worship of the saints. But the main views about the birth and ressurection of Jesus are pretty much the same. Protestants however tend to concentrate more on the acceptance of Jesus as a personal saviour thing. I can honestly say that as much as I have tried, I could never really makes sense of any of it, and I could never feel what I thought others were feeling. I though for some reason, that God was leaving me out. I just didn't get anything out of attending or participating in any of it. When I finally post a testimony, you'll see I played the game for a while, just to try to keep th peace. I'm sorry you are having trouble with your deconversion, but in time you will see that things will begin to make more sense and get clearer. This site is a great help, really. It has made me feel like it wasn't just me and there are plenty of us out there who have freed ourselves from the bondage of organized religion. Good luck!

[garrisonjj]

I've been looking for a while now for good resources to help in my continuing work to remove the Catholic programming from my brain. "From-birth" Catholics know what I mean. I am an atheist now, but old ingrained patterns of thinking don't just disappear. I feel gypped, scarred, and possibly permanently damaged in that I may never be able to live a full life without all this shit I carry around in my head. Specifically, books or real-life support networks would be great recommendations. I am looking at some books by Paul Kurtz, if anyone has thoughts on his work. But I have been looking for a while now, and surprisingly there is very little specifically directed towards healing ex-Catholics. Books directed at Protestant denominations don't really cover my experiences.

 

Can anyone help?

 

I feel your frustration. Frankly, I don't believe any organisation is as strict, or mind controlling than the catholic church speaking from a now non practicing catholic.

I, too went through the fucking hell of attending catholic school through sixth grade. How about the countless fucking confessions, feeling guilt and phony sorwow for sins I comitt over and over again. I am now fifty, and I did this for some 47 years! Finally, I quit attending mass, confession and all the other fucking traps. I still go on holidays out of social constraints and even received in a state of mortal sin!!!! Guess what? I walked out and said fuck it! Did it a few times! Nothing controls my life even now! I am even going through the hell of giving up fucking smoking and have the will power to become a non smoker! Feel free to e mail me if you wish. Regards.

[BlueGiant]

Did someone call for an ex-Catholic? Came from the PSR end of things, in St. Louis. As far as books and the like, I didn't use a lot of them for removing my old path (I started working on a new personal one), however, I may be able to help with questions.

 

Good luck, you're in for a long fight.

[Skiergirl24]

Hi there. I am also a former catholic. What a messed up religion. I am a boston born Irish Catholic. My parents were fairly liberal catholics but still believed the Bible and went to church regularly etc. I went to Catholic school for a while, all my friends are catholic etc. I had a very strong sense of faith as a young adult until my entire world came crashing down and learning to deal with that ...and walk away from religion..it has been very hard.