GraphicsGuy Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Stress! It has to be all the stress I'm under right now. The legal issues. I have to do something about them, but I don't want to deal with them right now. But I have to this week. They made me have weird dreams last night. Dreams where I was arguing with my ex and/or step kids about things and trying to get them to understand what I've gone through. Tiring to say the least. My social life has picked up...but now I'm all worried as to how to handle a social life. There may be opportunity for a sex-buddy...and I'm all freaked out! Goddammit! When oh when oh when will all this stress and nervousness and fear finally normalize and just go away????????????????????????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skiergirl24 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I walk around every day with my finger ont he panic button. I wish my anxiety would go away too. I've always been an anxious person though. I love my Xanax. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The-Captain Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I think dealing with anxiety ist so much about your current circumstances, but comes from a state of mind that can be adopted at anytime. Its a mental discipline, sort of like detaching yourself from what would otherwise worry you. Sure some things are bound to cause more anxiety than others, but I think that if you treat things (in your head) like its all okay, the anxiety goes away. Not sure if that will help but it works for me, the point is that anxiety is all in your head, and a measure of control can be acheived. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 Yes, but detachment only works for a certain time. When you have to deal with something head-on and personally then it's pretty much impossible to remain detached from it. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing it will be over someday. All that said...I went and drowned my sorrows in a fatty, greasy, double cheeseburger and fries for lunch...amazingly, I feel slightly better... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upstarter Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 GG, I'm sure getting laid would be a good thing! Don't stress about that! Enjoy. Heather Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 prank call a bunch of innocent people and make their day! I'm a cop you idiot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Broke Free Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Sweets and fried foods have always had a calming influence on me too. Fortunately for my waistline as I get older I find things that used to stress me out don’t seem to as much as they used to. Over the years I have learned that 99% of my worries never happen and that the remaining one percent did not improve because I worried about it. Work is usually where I stress out the most. When I started in my current job about two years ago my boss noticed that I was stressing out and getting anxious about doing my job (accounting) correctly. He took me aside and told me something that I have kept with me and for some odd reason it seems to work. He said, “Dennis, were not berthin’ babies here. It’s just numbers and they can all be fixed if needed. “ That was just what I needed to hear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The-Captain Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Yes, but detachment only works for a certain time. When you have to deal with something head-on and personally then it's pretty much impossible to remain detached from it. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing it will be over someday. All that said...I went and drowned my sorrows in a fatty, greasy, double cheeseburger and fries for lunch...amazingly, I feel slightly better... I know, I dont mean ignoring exactly so much as remaining calm and not letting that terrible anxious feeling take hold. Think of the silly little things that can make you anxious, how do you deal with those? For me I tell myself that I will not be anxious, I deal with it, but I dont stress over it. I think that method can be applied to larger things, I havent had to deal with too much, but for court dates, academic boards, job interviews, confrontations etc. this usually works for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellsybop Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 A lot of things that cause us to stress out have their own ways of working themselves out. Prioritize your issues. Do the legal stuff first, before complicating things for yourself. Once you've done this, I hope you'll free yourself of a lot of your worry. The best thing you can do for yourself to achieve positive outcome is to stay focused on the most important issue and see it out until it is complete before adding extra baggage to your life. Just remember, this will all be a memory one day. Make it a good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MathGeek Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 I procrastinate and I'm a caffeine addict. Depending on the day, both components can fuel anybody's emotional state. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 I think we're all different and that we all have to find what works for us personally. I find that if I can figure out how to handle a worst case scenario I'm fine. But I also find that there are situations in life where a worst case scenario would not be something I could live with without some major unpreferable changes in my life situation. That's the kind of thing that tends to keep me awake at night. After about a year of dealing with this and finding that the system works extra-ordinarily slowly every inch of the way, it's getting to the point where some days I don't care anymore. I feel like there's no energy left to worry. I see that I am not alone and that there are people who care about me. That helps. GG said: The legal issues. I have to do something about them, but I don't want to deal with them right now. But I have to this week. Yes, this week, but not this minute, right? So don't deal with them this minute. Block them out. Do something you enjoy doing. Keep track of the days and of the time so that you don't miss the appointments. Remember to collect all the info you need for the meetings. But not right now if you don't have to. Just be sure not to forget, and to allow yourself enough time for all that needs to be done without rushing yourself too much at the last minute. You don't want to get into an accident at the last minute because you were too stressed for time to see the traffic, or miss the meeting altogether because you lost track of the days because your brain was too fatigued from stress. When I get into this kind of crunch where my brain becomes unreliable due to stress, I need to put details into my day book and make myself look at it regularly. Other people have other strategies. This is what works for me. Okay, I see you felt better after eating something. That's good. Meeting one's physical needs of food and rest is key. If one can't eat or sleep for too long, such as several days to a week, it's time to get medical help just to get over the hump. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 I listened to a course from Lucinda Bassett. My panic attacks nearly dissapeard. To me it really helped to find out more about how those panic stuff works. If you should be a friend of filesharing, you might find this stuff for "free". On her homepage, she looks frightening happy, but this program helped me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchpiper Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 When the moon is full....my maniac lets loose. How-ow-owl .... and there is an eclipse to top it off! Yowza!!! Just kidding....kind of. :wink: Like others I empathize....whew. I use different techniques at different times. You will figure it out. It may never go away (sorry....), but you will learn skills to regulate, etc. I'm a bibliotherapy type person. Not everyone is, of course. But if you are reader here are a few books that have helped me...hmmm.... Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by Daniel Amen; The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns; Molecules of Emotion by Candace Pert; the New Hope series by various authors; How to Stop Worrying and Stop Living by Dale Carnegie; The Heartmath Solution by Doc Childres. There of course are lots of books on the market. I also have a writing exercise that helps me break cycling loops in my brain. I can post it if you want me too or pm it to you. I used to have to do it a lot; and I mean a lot. Now, I rarely need it because I learned to utilize it without having to write stuff out. Plus I combined it with other things I learned. All that being said, it isn't advice....just sharing. Anyhoo....I trust you are faring better already....or will be soon. It does pass...but during the process can be torture and can feel like it will never end. Cheers ((and hugs)) to you graphicsguy, ~carol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The-Captain Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 I take all that self discipline crap I said before. Tea...Tea and books get me through bad times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 I feel so warm and gooshy inside...could be the oatmeal I just ate... Thanks everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The-Captain Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 I feel so warm and gooshy inside...could be the oatmeal I just ate... Thanks everyone! Strange how our needs are often so simple. I was feeling a bit down earlier, a walk outside followed by some tea and reading in my spare time. And I'm all good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 Oh, I still feel like crap, I'm just ignoring it right now... Comfort food, video games, books, and re-watching Robocop is good reality avoidance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchpiper Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Oh, I still feel like crap, I'm just ignoring it right now... Comfort food, video games, books, and re-watching Robocop is good reality avoidance. Third Rock is our choice around here. A couple of us in our family have a saying, "I'm gonna go watch my therapy." I like Larry Fleinhart on Numbers. He helps me think outside the dots. *thumbsup* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KickBall Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Stress! It has to be all the stress I'm under right now. The legal issues. I have to do something about them, but I don't want to deal with them right now. But I have to this week. They made me have weird dreams last night. Dreams where I was arguing with my ex and/or step kids about things and trying to get them to understand what I've gone through. Tiring to say the least. My social life has picked up...but now I'm all worried as to how to handle a social life. There may be opportunity for a sex-buddy...and I'm all freaked out! Goddammit! When oh when oh when will all this stress and nervousness and fear finally normalize and just go away????????????????????????? Man oh man, I can relate to you. I have essentially just lost my children and had my life ruined and I feel very ill right now myself. Can't sleep. Having bad dreams etc. Those caliming good ole jesus got me yet again. My anger and heartbrokenness is making me ill. Just reading your post makes me feel so fucking bad for you because it sounds like me. If there was ever a point in my life that I really felt like I haven't got much to live for it's now. My sons are all I have and now I won't really be able to see them much for some time. I don't know what you exact situation is, but your descriptions of how you feel I can surely relate to. Fucked real good again by these christian motherfuckers with racist bent to boot. Hard to take much more of it. Feel like I am going to blow my stack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PandaPirate Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 I walk around every day with my finger ont he panic button. I wish my anxiety would go away too. I've always been an anxious person though. I love my Xanax. Oh, God. PLEASE SHARE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knitterman Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I've been mulling over this thread (and another from from graphicsguy on a similar topic), and I'm not sure my experience will be of any comfort or not, but I thought I'd share it anyway, esp. for GG and for Kickball. I was divorced in 1983, and gained custody of all four of my children (amazing, but the ex wanted out, I wanted the kids, and she failed to show up to court on time so I got 'em at the start!). I got my ass and my kids out of Texas as fast as I could, back to my home town in California. I had them for a while, and then circumstances forced me to let them go live with their maternal grandparents (hyper-Pentecostal) because my ex still couldn't or didn't want them living with her (she was still having a good time being single, or whatever...?) . The next summer all four kids came to visit me, and the two older ones (girls) decided they wanted to live with me instead of their grandparents, so just the two boys went back to Texas, eventually living with their mother. A couple years later the girls were at the age when girls begin developing and needing their mother more, so after a lot of begging I finally let them go to live with her as well. Mind you, all of this back-and-forth in-my-house, out-of-my-house stuff was driving me up a wall, anyway, and then the ex decided that because I was gay, I had no morals at all. For several YEARS she didn't let the kids come visit with me. "You're gay and the boys aren't old enough to protect themselves from all your queer friends; you'd just let your friends have them, and you'll put the girls on the street to help pay the rent." Yes, she actually said that! (I'm pretty sure she got that from her father, who grew up in backwoods Oregon as a Pentecostal - very hard-core bigot in too many ways -- that's the mentality my ex grew up with, and that's the rigid mind-set she kept.) More and more she would put the kids into the middle of grown-up differences, and I finally had enough and I had to back off. Not because she was right on any of her bullshit, but because I didn't want the kids being put up into the middle. The girls (the older ones) had lived with me long enough to know I wasn't out partying, sexing, or whatever like their mother said. They knew she was full of shit, but they were in her house so they weren't in a position to argue. I will probably never know 99% of the stuff they were told. My child support money was spent directly into the tiny private church school they attended where they learned all gay people have to go to hell (and they had to listen to it knowing their dad was gay!), and all sorts of other weirdness. It wasn't until after they were all grown that I was able to have even a semblance of relationship directly with my kids. It is very weird, especially for the boys, but now that I'm back in Texas (I came here after Katrina specifically because the kids and grands are all here), I'm able to see them as adults and we're all on fairly good terms. And they've all pretty much told me they knew their mother (and her religious crap) was just bullshit. Our relationship is probably not at all what it could have been if I'd been able to keep them, or had had better contact as they were growing up, and looking back I do regret backing off as I did, but at the time I did what seemed best for them. The bottom line ... it's been over 20 years, my children are all grown, and I can be proud (mostly) of the people they have become. My relationship with them has nothing to do with their mother now. I do see her at family events, and she's mellowed some (she and her husband went visiting a gay bar with some lesbian friends of theirs a while back!!!), but she's still not someone I care to be around. And now, I don't have to because they kids are grown and I get to play with my grandkids. The cool part is that THEY DO GROW UP. And they know exactly who's been playing games and bullshitting all along, and they know who is being genuine. They have no doubts I'm just a middle aged guy having come through my own set of shortcomings and "issues", but they know that what they see is what they get with me. You experience(s) may be different in the details, but I've tasted the pain you guys are going through and I can only say that it does get better as you see your kids grow up and become whoever they are going to become. Hang in there. Oh yeah, and thankfully today (different from 25 years ago) there are vast resources for fathers -- legal resources, emotional supports, online networks, and so forth. Take advantage of every resource you can find that might apply to your situations. Mostly just don't stew in your own juices feeling like nobody knows or cares, or like there's no help. Talk, write, blog, vlog, ask for help when the shit hits the fan. Anyway, I hope that helps, or at least offers hope for the future. I survived, my kids survived, and you guys will, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 Thanks Knitterman, I keep holding onto hope like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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