Guest laceknitter Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I'm not going to go into my whole backstory right now, but suffice it to say that I was born into a Christian family and tried to be a good one for most of my 30-odd years on the planet. February of 2007, I started praying about a situation. Not to worry, it's nothing violent or illegal, just much, much bigger than I am. I prayed about it constantly-at least once a day, usually several times. Fast-forward to NOW. It's Feb 2008. Know what what I've heard from God about my situation? I'm sure you can guess. Absolutely nothing. When I realized that I had been praying for something for a whole year ( a new record for me), I freaked out. I cried, pleaded, begged for God to show me that He was real, that He heard me. I would have even taken a "No, because I'm God and I say so" non-solution as a response. Absolute silence. Nothing. No response at all. I've been mulling this over for the last two weeks, and this seems to be what I'm left with. 1) God doesn't hear me. Well, Jesus Christ. I've been more fervent than a Tibetan prayer wheel. If He's there, He heard me. 2) God doesn't care. While I may not look like the picture-perfect Christian, I've always been completely sincere in my walk. I honestly doubt there's anything I could do to *make* Him care if He doesn't. And, if He doesn't, then why should I bother? 3) There wasn't any "God" in the first place. Yeah, that would be why I decided to de-lurk on this forum. I don't really know what to do at this point. I don't know how to NOT be a Christian. I catch myself praying habitually during the day, and then think, "Is this even going anywhere?" When I first found this site. I thought it was pretty hard-core anti-God. After reading around a bit, there seem to be more than a few people in the same confusing spot. If there is no God, then where does that leave me? What can I count on/invoke when I have a problem? Because I really don't see myself turning to Vishnu instead (no offense). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knitterman Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I don't really know what to do at this point. I don't know how to NOT be a Christian. I catch myself praying habitually during the day, and then think, "Is this even going anywhere?" When I first found this site. I thought it was pretty hard-core anti-God. After reading around a bit, there seem to be more than a few people in the same confusing spot. If there is no God, then where does that leave me? What can I count on/invoke when I have a problem? Because I really don't see myself turning to Vishnu instead (no offense). There are several threads across the forum about how to survive as a non-Christian/former-Christian. You may have discovered if you ask a dozen preachers how to be a Christian, you'd get a dozen answers, all from the same Bible! It's the same for ex-Christians, except that each person recognizes that humans are different, there aren't always one-size-fits-all responses. What can you count on? Well, your thirty-some years of experience in this world, giving insight to problem-solving resources; your associations and networks of people who may have more experience in a particular situation and you can tap into their insight for possible solutions; your liberty to look beyond a single volume (the Bible) or single resource (the church) for answers. At first (at least for me) it seems overwhelming to have that much liberty and opportunity to explore ideas that were once forbidden or scorned, but after a while it becomes familiar and natural. And, you can count on and turn to yourself. That's probably somewhat of a "non-answer", or at least an indirect answer. As one knitter to another (have we met elsewhere??), it is okay to unravel what's been once knit -- you don't have to throw away the fiber (your own personality and mental/emotional resources), just relax it from its former constraints and then knit it up into something that fits you better. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonolithTMA Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Thanks for sharing your testimonial and welcome! I've been praying fervently for many months, even years for God to make himself real to me. Nada yet. I've recently started to think about prayer more as meditation. I meditate on a problem by mulling it over in my mind and the solution comes. I meditate on a certain problem that is occurring and, again find answers through actively reasoning through the process in my mind. I still talk in my head or even out loud, but it's not directed at God anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest eejay Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Good morning Laceknitter, Welcome to the site. I am fairly new to the site myself, but for that same question about god, has come quite a while ago. I can honestly say that I felt the same betrayel after trying so hard to even get simple answers from god. I am almost 50 years old and tried almost every way possible to find god but like yourself, there was only silence and unanswered prayers. I've tried looking at other faiths and belief systems and though I did find one in particular a lot more comforting that x-tianity, I still came to the realization, that I was the only one who could do anything about my life, and that the ultimate responsibility is our own. I think you'll find this site to be a great help to you, and at least you'll be able to realize that there is nothing personally wrong with you. If you take the time to look at scripture with an open mind you may begin to see how it just doesn't fit. Glad to have you aboard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wizened Sage Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 If you really want to know why prayer doesn't work, there is a wonderful on-line book at www.whydoesgodhateamputees.com. It's also a great read for tips on adjusting to the ex-christian life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Hi laceknitter, I think that many of us were in the same boat. For me, I had stumbled across some books on Christianity's Pagan origins. I prayed and prayed for a year for god to show me anything, any morsel of evidence outside the Bible or Christianity that Christianity was true. I got nothing. If god didn't even care enough about one of his followers to even answer a prayer where my very soul was at stake, how could he be a god worthy of worship? I read apologetics and by that time I'd learned what circular reasoning and appeal to authority were. Reading apologetics only solidified my doubts and plunged me into non-belief in the Christian god. For a while, I thought I was doomed to hell because I couldn't believe that Jesus died for my sins, even though I desperately wanted to believe. We didn't turn our backs on Jesus as many Christians claim, he simply vanished right before our eyes as we so desperately tried to cling to him. It takes a lot of time and doing a lot of soul searching after leaving Christianity to find your own path. The way that you understand god is enough. Trust me, you will change and grow from now on, with the more you learn. You don't have to figure every thing out right now. Taph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mick Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Hi Laceknitter, Your post touched me. I deconverted entirely due to the Bible itself. I used to pray, for many years as a Christian, but for some reason unlike you and many other Christians, I never really felt that prayers ever got answered. I was a Christian for like 16 years I think. However, I always kind of thought prayer was almost silly. The only times I was into it I saw of it more as a way to "get close to presense of God" rather than some way of changing life circumstance or events. The other thing about how "Not" to be a Christian. In the beginning this was hard for me. However, one of the other posters talkes about how all of the sudden all kinds of non-Bible resources are no longer off limits. This is huge. You should read books that really shed the led on Christianity for what it really is. This is not vindictive but rather it helps you put it behind you without fear. There was a book called "Biblical Nonsense " by Dr. Jason Long, that had a powerful impact on me. There was no more worry about not believing in CHristianity for me. There was an intense feeling of "How could I have ever believed this stuff?" instead. I find that process or transition very helpful when a Christian is struggling through deconversion. I found myself thinking things like "WHY would anyone WANT to believe the Bible?" It is such a terrible, terrible reality that it requires as it's foundation. Welcome to the board, and welcome to your free thining phase of life. I'm not going to go into my whole backstory right now, but suffice it to say that I was born into a Christian family and tried to be a good one for most of my 30-odd years on the planet. February of 2007, I started praying about a situation. Not to worry, it's nothing violent or illegal, just much, much bigger than I am. I prayed about it constantly-at least once a day, usually several times. Fast-forward to NOW. It's Feb 2008. Know what what I've heard from God about my situation? I'm sure you can guess. Absolutely nothing. When I realized that I had been praying for something for a whole year ( a new record for me), I freaked out. I cried, pleaded, begged for God to show me that He was real, that He heard me. I would have even taken a "No, because I'm God and I say so" non-solution as a response. Absolute silence. Nothing. No response at all. I've been mulling this over for the last two weeks, and this seems to be what I'm left with. 1) God doesn't hear me. Well, Jesus Christ. I've been more fervent than a Tibetan prayer wheel. If He's there, He heard me. 2) God doesn't care. While I may not look like the picture-perfect Christian, I've always been completely sincere in my walk. I honestly doubt there's anything I could do to *make* Him care if He doesn't. And, if He doesn't, then why should I bother? 3) There wasn't any "God" in the first place. Yeah, that would be why I decided to de-lurk on this forum. I don't really know what to do at this point. I don't know how to NOT be a Christian. I catch myself praying habitually during the day, and then think, "Is this even going anywhere?" When I first found this site. I thought it was pretty hard-core anti-God. After reading around a bit, there seem to be more than a few people in the same confusing spot. If there is no God, then where does that leave me? What can I count on/invoke when I have a problem? Because I really don't see myself turning to Vishnu instead (no offense). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coolhermit Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Taphophilia:" I prayed and prayed for a year for god to show me anything, any morsel of evidence outside the Bible or Christianity that Christianity was true. I got nothing. If god didn't even care enough about one of his followers to even answer a prayer where my very soul was at stake, how could he be a god worthy of worship?" Since there is no truth in Christianity what would/could 'god' say? I'd hazard he/she/it answered your prayer by his/her/its silence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellsybop Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I've come to the determination that prayer is for the weak. We find our answers from within ourselves. Although it takes time to take care of some serious issues, it does eventually come to a final resolve. Look within yourself my friend.. it might not turn out exactly how you'd like, but it will be what will be. Thanks for posting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I don't really know what to do at this point. I don't know how to NOT be a Christian. Welcome to the forum, laceknitter. You're not alone. Yeah, that's the hardest thing, isn't it? Your identity is all tied up in something your brain is refusing to accept any longer. The disconnect is now this giant chasm surrounding you with no bridge to safety. There's no easy way, but we've all been there and encourage you to do whatever it takes to find yourself again. Just know this: you're a lot stronger and more reliable than Xianity has led you to believe. It says we can do nothing without God, that without God we are nothing. LIES! You've been doing it all along on your own, by yourself. What you've accomplished has been done by YOU. You've made it this far because of YOU. You'll make it through this. Welcome to wherever the hell you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest laceknitter Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Thanks to everyone who answered. Lots to think about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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