white_raven23 Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 "God gave me a word of knowledge about you." I've had Christians come up to me and tell me this a couple of times. I think both times it was something like "God moved me to talk to you" . (Both times were at different jobs, but they weren't as agressive as the fundie I reported on a couple weeks ago.). What's a bit spooky and sad is how they seem to have this air about them as if they're programmed. "God moved me to talk to you." Possible future response....."So the Ex-Lax worked! I'm very happy for you! Excuse me....I've got to go [insert work related activity]." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 "I don't have enough faith to be an atheist." "God doesn't believe in atheists." "God says... <insert whatever random crap they feel like here>" "Why are atheists always so angry? What is their problem, anyway?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Yet with a cut knee down to the tendon bleeding like a stuck pig and still had to go twenty miles in bacteria-laden murky water, capsized several times, lost the canoe at one point, fording over downed trees in the river, nearly sucked under a massive tree branch in rapids, it was quite an ordeal! Yea, looking back it was fun! My buddy and I still laugh about it! What else can you do? Beats the shit out of going to church. - Chris You got that right! Even if I had drowned it still would have been better than a holy roller, tongues talking, spirit-filled church indocrination service! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 "You're not an atheist." "You're just running from God." "Satan has his grip on your family." "I'm sorry to see your son has followed the path of satan" "Atheist?" "Where did you get that word?" "You need to get off that computer, its a devil box" I could write a book about the stupid BULLSHIT I've heard just this month! Xandermac, I'm sorry to hear satan has a grip on your family. But be encouraged. Out of all the families he could of chosen, he chose yours! He must like those buttermilk biscuits you have pictured in your avatar! I know, I know, I mentioned the biscuits in another thread. I can't help it! "You are being deceived by the devil! I can see you rolling your eyes!" (Received from a distraught niece via email upon learning of my deconversion) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 laughing my ass off at this thread - there is some crackers here. What about this one: "There's no such thing as a non-Christian, only a pre-Christian". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 laughing my ass off at this thread - there is some crackers here. What about this one: "There's no such thing as a non-Christian, only a pre-Christian". Hah! Not according to Calvinist thinking! Aren't we all predestined to either salvation or for the majority of us damnation?! Oh and BTW, "I plead the blood of jesus over you!" Is there a doctor in the house? Jesus has been bleeding for over two thousand years! Somebody better put some direct pressure on those wounds before he runs out! Never mind he's already dead! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Hah! Not according to Calvinist thinking! Aren't we all predestined to either salvation or for the majority of us damnation?! Yes, my thoughts exactly. I think it's possible to examine Christiaon theology, accept the fact that if it's true you're going to hell, and move on. Oh and BTW, "I plead the blood of jesus over you!" Is there a doctor in the house? Jesus has been bleeding for over two thousand years! Somebody better put some direct pressure on those wounds before he runs out! Never mind he's already dead! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rangergirl Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 one of those signs outside a church: "What Does It Take For God To Get Your Attention?" Uh...how about some proof?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 one of those signs outside a church: "What Does It Take For God To Get Your Attention?" Uh...how about some proof?? Exactly! Maybe a better written book (by god's finger no less) so everyone can understand and have a CLEAR choice in the matter. And, God? Can you perhaps get the preachers at the fundy churches to use real red wine instead of the grape juice? And how about some good sharp cheddar cheese with ritz crackers instead of those nasty thin wafers that taste like shit?! That would definitely get my attention! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShackledNoMore Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 "You're not an atheist." "You're just running from God." "Satan has his grip on your family." "I'm sorry to see your son has followed the path of satan" "Atheist?" "Where did you get that word?" "You need to get off that computer, its a devil box" I could write a book about the stupid BULLSHIT I've heard just this month! Heh, I can simulate another christian-esque one along those lines (if you haven't heard something similar this past month): "It's those PEOPLE on that awful website. They've been deceived by satan, the author of confusion, who has misled them with wrong ideas and now they've sucked YOU into their devil worshipping cult." (By the way, "satan is the author of confusion" is another example of the stupid things xians say.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xandermac Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 I worked with this inbred redneck that was quoting the bible she said "It says in the book of Genius" I said Genius? Well thats a book you really should read! Seriously Gobbler quit eyeballing my biscuit. I feel so defiled! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 I worked with this inbred redneck that was quoting the bible she said "It says in the book of Genius" I said Genius? Well thats a book you really should read! Seriously Gobbler quit eyeballing my biscuit. I feel so defiled! What? You can't just spare one? I guess with satan's firm grip on your family he's showing up for breakfast everyday gobbling up all those biscuits! Goddamn him! Bad devil, Bad devil! Another good one: In discussing my deconversion with my oldest sister I asked her what would have happened to me if I had died the day before I got "saved" when I was eleven years old? Would I have gone to hell I asked? Yes, came the reply. After a few seconds of silence as I tried not to scream, laugh or cry I asked why. "For disobeying your parents." Hmmm... infinite punishment for an eleven year old for simply doing what every kid does naturally! Can't fight that logic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Another stupid saying I hear xtians say all the time is, "Christ died for our sins." But wait, I thought Jesus was still alive because he was resurrected, thus he didn't really "die" at all, so isn't that a false statement? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Another stupid saying I hear xtians say all the time is, "Christ died for our sins." But wait, I thought Jesus was still alive because he was resurrected, thus he didn't really "die" at all, so isn't that a false statement? Yea, it's not fair that he got to live again when we don't get the same consideration! Afterall, shouldn't it be tit for tat? We accepted the supposed "gift" of salvation then why aren't we resurrected? It's all bullshit I tell ya! "Some biblical scholars will have you believe that where Moses and the hebrew nation crossed the Red Sea it was only about a foot deep. Well if that was the case, god performed an even greater miracle by drowning the whole Egyptian army in a foot of water!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonolithTMA Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Another stupid saying I hear xtians say all the time is, "Christ died for our sins." But wait, I thought Jesus was still alive because he was resurrected, thus he didn't really "die" at all, so isn't that a false statement? Yea, it's not fair that he got to live again when we don't get the same consideration! Afterall, shouldn't it be tit for tat? We accepted the supposed "gift" of salvation then why aren't we resurrected? It's all bullshit I tell ya! This is something I had a problem with, even when I was a Christian. Jesus died in my place. Ok, I appreciate that. Then he rose from the dead. Ok, nice for him...hey waita minute! If I paid the price for my own sins by dying I don't come back to life, my payment would be final. Well Jesus died for the sins of the whole world, past, present, and future, and he bore ALL their sins on his shoulders at once, so he REALLY suffered. Ahh, that makes sense, except for the fact that he made the rules he's having to fulfill, and knew he would back when he made the rules. "Some biblical scholars will have you believe that where Moses and the hebrew nation crossed the Red Sea it was only about a foot deep. Well if that was the case, god performed an even greater miracle by drowning the whole Egyptian army in a foot of water!" Maybe he made them fall asleep? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonolithTMA Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Seriously Gobbler quit eyeballing my biscuit. I feel so defiled! Mmmmmmm...warm, flaky biscuit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonolithTMA Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Another good one: In discussing my deconversion with my oldest sister I asked her what would have happened to me if I had died the day before I got "saved" when I was eleven years old? Would I have gone to hell I asked? Yes, came the reply. After a few seconds of silence as I tried not to scream, laugh or cry I asked why. "For disobeying your parents." Hmmm... infinite punishment for an eleven year old for simply doing what every kid does naturally! Can't fight that logic! Deuteronomy 21:18-21 18 If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, 19 his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20 They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard." 21 Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid. No logic about it, it's a command from God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cm_christ Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 I saw on TV once that 99% of people who claim to be an atheist, can not pass a lie detector test when asked, "Do you believe in God?" I also read that most who claim to be an atheist, had a very poor (if not bad) relationship with their earthly father while growing up. Therefore, because they never felt loved and accepted by their earthly father, whom they SEE... have extreme difficulty in perceiving how this Heavenly invisible Father could possibly give 2 cents about them. thats so dis-respectful to assume that someone is an atheist because of a bad relationship. same way they blame homosexuality on sexual abuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Deuteronomy 21:18-21 18 If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, 19 his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20 They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard." 21 Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid. No logic about it, it's a command from God. Awww, goddamn it you got me cornered on that one! I stand before you a condemned man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonolithTMA Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Deuteronomy 21:18-21 18 If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, 19 his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20 They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard." 21 Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid. No logic about it, it's a command from God. Awww, goddamn it you got me cornered on that one! I stand before you a condemned man! Glory! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonolithTMA Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 I saw on TV once that 99% of people who claim to be an atheist, can not pass a lie detector test when asked, "Do you believe in God?" I also read that most who claim to be an atheist, had a very poor (if not bad) relationship with their earthly father while growing up. Therefore, because they never felt loved and accepted by their earthly father, whom they SEE... have extreme difficulty in perceiving how this Heavenly invisible Father could possibly give 2 cents about them. thats so dis-respectful to assume that someone is an atheist because of a bad relationship. same way they blame homosexuality on sexual abuse. My parents are very loving and have been incredibly supportive throughout my whole life, including my decision to proclaim myself an Agnostic Atheist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vendredie Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 "You're only 14, you'll understand soon enough." "You're only 15, you haven't seen enough of the world yet." "You're only 16, you're too young to understand such matters." "You think we came from monkeys?!" Yes I freaking do. "God does exist, just like Europe. Is Europe there? Yes. Can we see it from here? No. but it still exists." Well, as someone who has been to Europe, I can safely say that Europe does indeed exist, it's even mapped and everything. But God? All he has is a bunch of crazies claiming he exists. Does this mean I can worship Europe? "You're only an atheist because you've done something really bad and don't want to face punishment for it." ... okay, I'm not perfect, but that's just going too far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Hey! Let's keep this thread going! With all our combined years of experience in the christian mind virus we should come up with more. For those of us former tongue talkers out there: Someone stands up in a church service during praise and worship period and belts out, "She la ba ka na lo ba laka bo." Interpretation given in english, "Fear not my children! For I the Lord am coming soon!" A couple weeks later in another service, "Bo, bo, bo, bo, laka, laka!" Interpretation again, "Fear not my chidren! For I the Lord am coming soon!" In case we forgot it the first time! Somebody tell me how god interprets the word "soon"? It never ceased to amaze me the differences in tongues language yet virtually the same interpretation! And on the other side of the coin; one young lady in my former church always spoke the same words in tongues week after week yet out came a different interpretation in english every time. It was explained that some people have yet to fully develope their "prayer language". Yet god in his infinite mercy uses a weaker vessel to increase our faith! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TheWrathofDog Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 "When the church leadership has spoken, the thinking has been done!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 It never ceased to amaze me the differences in tongues language yet virtually the same interpretation! And it's funny how such 'mainfestations of the Holy Spirit' often occur at a similar point in the order of the meeting too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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