MonolithTMA Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Hey! Let's keep this thread going! With all our combined years of experience in the christian mind virus we should come up with more. For those of us former tongue talkers out there: Someone stands up in a church service during praise and worship period and belts out, "She la ba ka na lo ba laka bo." Interpretation given in english, "Fear not my children! For I the Lord am coming soon!" A couple weeks later in another service, "Bo, bo, bo, bo, laka, laka!" Interpretation again, "Fear not my chidren! For I the Lord am coming soon!" In case we forgot it the first time! Somebody tell me how god interprets the word "soon"? It never ceased to amaze me the differences in tongues language yet virtually the same interpretation! And on the other side of the coin; one young lady in my former church always spoke the same words in tongues week after week yet out came a different interpretation in english every time. It was explained that some people have yet to fully develope their "prayer language". Yet god in his infinite mercy uses a weaker vessel to increase our faith! I remember hearing about the jump start phrases they would give out to people to get them started in tongues. It makes me just as sick today as it did then. How much more evidence would one need that it is a false gift of tongues? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogilvy Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 [quote name='MonolithTMA' date='Mar 16 2008, 08:17 PM' post='358653' I remember hearing about the jump start phrases they would give out to people to get them started in tongues. It makes me just as sick today as it did then. How much more evidence would one need that it is a false gift of tongues? i was prayed for to speak in tongues and it didnt happen. they suggested that one thing which sometimes helped was to say 'hallelujah' over and over till it spills over into gibberish (my word, not theirs!) i never came across that in the bible! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 i was prayed for to speak in tongues and it didnt happen. they suggested that one thing which sometimes helped was to say 'hallelujah' over and over till it spills over into gibberish (my word, not theirs!) i never came across that in the bible! Yea, that's pretty much how it happens for everyone. Or just keep repeating ka, ka, ka, ka until it forms into other words and there you have your own personal heavenly language! Let the gibberish come forth out of thy mouth, slowly at first, then faster! Faster! Yes! Yes! Thou speaketh gibberish well! I can still speak in tongues today so I know it's all bullshit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazy-tiger Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims. What does a functioning brain have to do with the Bible? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims. What does a functioning brain have to do with the Bible? Ha! That's a good one! Just like my ex told me one time, "Everyone believes in jesus!" Why is it that christians think we are automatically worshiping the devil when we no longer believe in such nonsense?! As if we are lighting black candles and chanting, "Oh hail the great satan, we beseech thee!" Functioning brain = Atheism Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bush country Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims. What? I'm a muslim now? Dammit!! Guess that kind of explains why I feel like blowing things up though... Tongues. I was at a healing service led by a now famous evangelist back when I was a high school freshman. He spoke in tongues and strung together "ipse dixit" and "carpe diem" over and over again. I cannot remember the interpretation now, but suffice to say it wasn't "he himself said it" and "seize the day". Enough to convince me and my parents that the guy was (is) a fraud and that tongue speaking is bullshit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xandermac Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 As for speaking in tongues has anyone ever seen this.....dueling tongues What a crock! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 As for speaking in tongues has anyone ever seen this.....dueling tongues What a crock! Holy shit what a load of horsecrap! And people are actually defending those nimrods on some of the comments! Men of god! I used to follow Rodney Howard Browne, the laughing preacher, when he first was on TBN. My pastor even showed one of his services on tape at one of our evening services where supposedly you could hear angels singing for about twenty minutes our so. I couldn't really distinguish it though. I can't believe I fell for that shit so much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShackledNoMore Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 That reminds me: I think this link has been cited before on ex-c, so many are probably already familiar with it, but if you haven't seen it before, there's a lot of stupid things that xians say on this site: Fundies Say the Darndest Things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 "Some things have to be belived to be seen." "Don't intellectualize." "Washed in the blood of the lamb." [gross!] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apostate called Jimmy Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 "You should always put God first in your life". So let me get this straight. I'm supposed to put someone who I've never even met or don't even know for an absolute fact if he even exists before my own family? Even when I was a christian I had a problem with this. No truly loving god would expect us to put him before their own children. Also the hypocrisy of christians never cease to amaze me. Example, couple of weeks ago my father was watching some program on National Geographic about dinosaurs. When they mentioned that "the dinosaurs went extinct when a meteor crashed into earth 65 million years ago" my dad, in a smartass tone of voice, goes "and you were there to see it happen". I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying to him "yeah dad, just like you were their to see Moses part the Red Sea, just like you were there to see Noah build the ark, just like you were there to see God create the earth 6,000 years ago". Another stupid but classic one: "If gays get married then the next thing you know people are going to start demanding the right to marry animals or pedophiles are going to want the right to marry children". Hey dipshit, get a dictionary and look up the word "consent". Then shut the fuck up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 When they mentioned that "the dinosaurs went extinct when a meteor crashed into earth 65 million years ago" my dad, in a smartass tone of voice, goes "and you were there to see it happen". I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying to him "yeah dad, just like you were their to see Moses part the Red Sea, just like you were there to see Noah build the ark, just like you were there to see God create the earth 6,000 years ago". Ooh - I like that one! Good comeback to keep in the arsenal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Christian asks, "How is your spiritual walk?" And I think, "fuck you." Trespassing. This guy is looking for an opportunity to trespass. I don't imagine that my notion of spiritual would agree with many, but I do believe there are matters of the heart. And they should often be guarded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 LR, Literally off the top of my head response... 'A lot easier with the Baby Oil of the Spirit and Talcum of Righteousness , thanks for asking! no chafing of the Devil round MY scrotum, no ma'am! (or sir!)' I figure gibberish deserves gibberish... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 or for the ladies "[...] No panties of Satan riding up MY ass crack! You bet your bibby!" (Last bit betrays my age somewhat...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 I figure gibberish deserves gibberish... I don't believe it was gibberish at all Gramps. But I think you're right. He might as well have inquired into my fantasies and sex life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Long as it's of use, my purpose is served... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knitterman Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Christian asks, "How is your spiritual walk?" And I think, "fuck you." Trespassing. This guy is looking for an opportunity to trespass. I don't imagine that my notion of spiritual would agree with many, but I do believe there are matters of the heart. And they should often be guarded. "How is your spiritual walk?" "S'cuze me?? Even my gynecologist isn't THAT invasive." (which is more funny when a guy says that) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emme Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 *Preacher Man faces congregation with bottle in left hand, jug of water in right* "Look at this glass. LOOK AT IT! " *Pours water into bottle and immediately pours it back into jug* "FAITH.... I said FAITH....Is like this bottle.... (can I get an amen?)" Crazy guy in the back: "AMEN brother!!" *Man repeats bottle process* "YOU have to be refilled... filled AGAIN! (Hallelujah) just like this bottle...(Long uncomfortable pause)... REFILL your FAITH!" (Old lady in front removes hearing aid). *Demonstrately pours out the water again. Waits for reaction, gets nothing but expectant grins, finally looks desperatly over at his wife who saves the situation:'* Wifey: "But you're pouring it out! The faith vanishes! Then what's the point?" Preacherman: "Aaaaah.... THE POINT!... the point." (Nods head knowingly) "Look at the bottle. It is clean." CGINTB: I said praise him! Congregation: AMen! Hallelujah!! shaberarberotresa! It is clean! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
disEnchanted Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 On a billboard attached to the fence behind my child's elementary school's playground in red letters 3 feet high from one of the sponsors of the school's football team: Read the BIBLE! It'll scare the HELL out of you!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vendredie Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 Oh, a new one. "Vendredie, you have got to snap out of this phase before it's too late." ...?! My beliefs are a PHASE now?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonolithTMA Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 Oh, a new one. "Vendredie, you have got to snap out of this phase before it's too late." ...?! My beliefs are a PHASE now?! I love joking with people who have been cool about my de-conversion that I might get hit by a bus and go to hell! Oh noes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vendredie Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 Oh, a new one. "Vendredie, you have got to snap out of this phase before it's too late." ...?! My beliefs are a PHASE now?! I love joking with people who have been cool about my de-conversion that I might get hit by a bus and go to hell! Oh noes! A bunch of people have asked me "what if <random potentially deadly scenario> occurred, and you died? Where would you go?" Uhhh.... my body would go to science. I'm 16, anyway. Who asks 16 year olds questions like this!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogilvy Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 [quote Share your favorite dumb Christian quotes here... i dont like the way that if i say God is cruel for sending people to hell, etc (wouldnt that be obvious??), they say that our little finite minds can't understand God's ways. yet that doesnt seem to apply when talking about God's nicere attributes, like love and mercy. how can our little finite minds understand love but not cruelty? one day it will all be explained, they say. but if God explained to me one day, why sending people to eternal torture is not, in fact, cruel, i still could not accept it. my little finite mind can tell what is cruel and what is not. also i hate it how they say the reason for all the horrible things in the world is that God wanted us to have free will to love him from choice. are all the horrible things in the world, and hell, worth it so humans can have free will (meaningless concept anyway)? i say, if thats the only way God could create, it would be better not to create at all. if a human came up with such a system we would think it was a stupid, terrible idea in the first place. btw, it nowhere says in the bible that the wish for humans to love him from free will was the reason God did it. which brings me to another stupid thing, which is the way they say anything at all they feel necessary to justify God, as if its gospel truth, whereas its pure speculation, silly excuses, not even based on the bible, just parotting what others say. not to mention the stupid embarassing things that are said and done by pentecostals. funnily enough i dont have any problem with miraqckes. i think that if God exists he would be able to do miracles, of course. thatt what Gods do, dont they? that might be stupid of me to say. but i dont think its stupid to believe in the bible if one in fact thinks the bible is written by God. it'd be silly not to take notice of the bible if one thought it was written by God. but they say things which are not even in the bible. it might be stupid to believe in the bible, i dont know, but at least they should be logical about it, haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest laceknitter Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 As for speaking in tongues has anyone ever seen this.....dueling tongues What a crock! How about blogging in tongues? http://tominthebox.blogspot.com/2008/02/bl...nteresting.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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