Apostate called Jimmy Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Okay, maybe "journey" is bit of an overstatement. It's quite simple really. I was born and raised in a christian household. I went to church every sunday(though it bored the piss out of me when I was younger). I was taught that the bible was the inspired word of God. I was taught that evolution was a big lie perpetrated by the scientific community. Or was it liberals? Oh, wait, I know it was the Devil Himself. Eh, I can't remember which one it was, they were all taught. Every time I would hear the big, bad 'E' word I would loudly and proudly announce to anyone who gave a crap that "I didn't come from no monkey!" I was taught that to be a homosexual was a sin and an abomination against God. Yep, "God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve" was one of my favorite sayings. I was taught that everything written in the bible were historical accounts of actual events. I believed all these things without question. Then about two years ago I actually began thinking about these so called historical events in the bible. I mean really thinking about it. For the first time in my life they seemed ridiculous. Fucked-up is a more fitting term. The reality that was forced upon me since at an early age started to look like something out of a Dr. Seuss book or something. I started searching the internet for evidence for creationism and their so called proofs just seemed, well, retarded. I began reading up on everything on evolution from a non-biased viewpoint and actually started to learn something. I realized that I rejected it my whole life without ever knowing the first thing about the topic. The only reason I believed in any of the things I did was because my parents told me since I was barely old enough to walk that this was the real deal. I was indoctrinated, which is just a nicer way of saying brainwashed. I was taught that being a good person won't get you into Heaven. How fucked up is that? You could beat your wife, beat your kids, be hateful and intolerant of those different than you, lie, cheat, steal, hell even commit murder and none of that matters as long as you just "accept jeezus into yer heart and ax fer fergiveness!" and you will get a pass through the pearly gates. On the other hand, you could be the most selfless, compassionate, loving person who dedicates their life to helping people who are less fortunate, never judge those who are different than you, but because you were not "saved" you will go to Hell where you will be tormented beyond imagination for all ETERNITY just because you didn't choose the right religion among hundreds of others. I never really took the time to think about this. Once I did though, it seemed cruel beyond words. I used to think I was a better person than non-believers because I had "good christian morals". Looking back now, I realize that I'm a better person now, than when I was a christian. I was a HUGE homophobe. I was that type of asshole who would physically assault you just because you were attracted to the same sex. These days I support gay rights, especially the right to marry. Some of the most ignorant, close-minded, hateful, intolerant, self-righteous, arrogant, hypocritical, judgmental people I know are christians. This all began in 2006 but I didn't finally admit it to myself that I was no longer a christian until last July. I never really came out and told my family but I drop some hints every now and then. My old man pretty much thinks I'm going to Hell. I know it. We even came to blows one night last summer because I dared to criticize his belief in the biblical flood. I now absolutely cannot stand the christian cult and I have nothing but contempt for it's fundie followers. Notice I said fundie. I realize not all christians are fundies. Every since I deconverted I feel as if this huge weight has been lift off of me. I now feel free to actually think for myself and to be more open minded. The bible that I once called the "good book" I now refer to as the ol' ball 'n chain. Today, I consider myself an agnostic. I'm open to the possibility of a higher power and if their is a God I don't know who He/She/They is/are. All I do know is that if a God does exist, I don't believe it is the petty, childish, cruel, tyrannical sociopath of the bible. Or should I say, the ol' ball 'n chain? Jimmy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabula Rasa Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Welcome Jimmy. I started to have my serious doubts back in early 2006. Like you, I was bothered by the injustice of the so-called salvation offered by christianity. A person could be utterly wicked yet get "saved", yet someone who was "lost" could be the kindest , most giving person in the world, but they'd still go to hell when they died. The idea ate at me and ate at me. I started starting to make excuses to look up things on the web to disprove christianity. Finally, last august, I snapped. I always believed lock stock and barrel in the omnipotence of God, and how transcendent "he" was, and ironically, this was the final coffin nail in my christian belief. An omnipotent being wouldn't care if his creations worshipped him or not, and definitely wouldn't be so petty that he'd make people suffer eternally because they didn't pay him homage. What also helped was reading about the atrocities in the bible. Loving God my ass! Just the story of the Garden of Eden was enough to paint Yahweh as a complete bastard. I still believe there's some sort of God, but I don't think it cares if we worship it or not, being perfectly content within itself. Whatever you decide to believe, God, or no God, know that you've got friends in your fellow ex-christians. Once again, welcome. Tabula Rasa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cvd26 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Jimmy, Hi there! I am a newbie here and have really just been reading and not replying much. I recently left the Christian cult and consider myself an agnostic. I am more interested in science, philosophy, eastern philosophy (Buddhism and Taoism) to look at for guidance. I am not interested in joining another church again. I started out going to a non-denom church in high school but really it was fundy. I had been baptized Catholic but my family did not practice so I was sucked into the fundy circle, going to youth group, on "fire for Christ" praise and worship..you name it. I would sing "Come just as you are..." and "Jesus...Jesus, your name is like honey" songs on my own all the time. When I look back I am amazed that considering how analytical and logical of a person I am that I was sucked into that crap. Had some pretty bad experiences with fundies after a while and ended up leaving the church after I graduated high school. Later as an adult I returned to the Catholic Church because I was seeking something. Though I have no bad experiences personally with the RC church, I have also left there. I could not pretend to believe in the whole bible, take it literaly, partake in communion when I had such doubts. SO here I am .. You talked about how you cannot imagine that if there is a God that he is just waiting to pounce and send people to eternal torture if they step out of line. I agree. This was one of the main reasons I left. A turning point for me (and when I realized I did not share the beliefs of my fellow Christians) was at dinner with some Catholic friends. The subject of hell came up and non-Christians. I stated that I could not accept that God would throw all those people in hell who do not believe in him. I was told then that I was not accepting the bible as truth and that "yes those people will all perish and that is just reality". I knew then that this was not a religion of love...nor were most others out there. Colette Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike D Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Welcome Jimmy. Glad you were able to free your mind from the idiocy of Christian fundy dumbfuckism. Like you I was also raised in a Christian household and bought up that way, I guess the brainwashing started when I was about 5 or 6. I kind of just went with the flow, and as I got older was given the Good News that we're all sinners and bound to be fried like a texas bbq for eternity in a place called hell if we didn't accept Jesus as our savior. Eventually I also learned that homosexuals were bigger sinners than everyone else because my pastor told us many times how evil they were and how floods, plagues, earthquakes, volcanoes, plane crashes, and all sorts of other disasters were all their fault, and were causing god to release his wrath on us. Anyway for the most part I just kind of accepted all this (as nutty as it seemed) until I realized at about 13 or 14 that there was a possibility that I might be gay myself.... which pretty much fucked me up through most of my teenage years because I had to supress and deny it. But that's Christianity, just one big clusterfuck of delusion and denial . Eventually after years of trying to reconcile who I was with Christianity, I finally decided that Christianity was just too stupid to even continue believing and I threw my Bibles in the trash. Haven't looked back since... Anyway hope you enjoy your stay here! Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 hi Jimmy and welcome. I'm pretty new here too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 Welcome to the fourms Jimmy. You have come a long way for such a young person. Congratulations for having already seen through the brainwashing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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