I'm A Rebelious Teen Seeking Seeking "worldy" Independence

[Guest Cybergeist]

Okay, I'm a troubled teen with a life about as complex as a character from a show with a very confusing story line..so this might be kind of long and depressing.....yet interesting i hope.

 

I'm kind of a loner living a sheltered life and smothered with overprotective love by my Adventist parents. I've moved around quite alot from New York and back mainly to because my Father was trying to please my bipolar/schizophrenic mom and have me live away from the city (which made no sense because my dad's financial consulting business is in Queens, NY...why move away from the family's source of income?). Why did "god" bring my Dad to this country in his 30's to marry my depressing mother who came from a cold dysfucntional family that splits up never contacting eachother (and on top of that, my mom was going to a church that claims to be the "SDA Reform Movement"...yep, she's that naive"). If that wasn't any worse, I was born with Kallmann's sydrome, a congenital disorder resulting from lack of enough growth hormones. That means I don't age fast, I have a poor sense of smell and I probbably can't have sex...never mind having kids (GRRrrr, why!!!???).

 

My childish personality may be do to the fact that I miss my childhood. I didn't have much communication with my Dad early in life because he didn't speak much English and he was usually busy. Although we have had family worship virtually every morning, went to church on sabbaths, and listened to Family Radio for music, I didn't have a clue in what my parents believed in or why they believed what they believed. THis was probably because 90% of the time I would zone off into a day dream. I spent most of my time at school, often bullied because of my lack of knowledge of the world shown through media (I didn't watch much TV except for PBS), my thick glasses, and my friendship with other unpopular kids. At church I often separated from my parents to play worldy with kids younger with me uand break the Sabbath. I was taught to pray before eating, going somewhere, and after coming home, but I never actually remembered God even in private, so I was never really learned how to pray. I did finally learn about my the church after I left the "reform church" when I was twelve. I got baptised as a SDA church member at age 13, which I didn't think much of at the time. Interestingly, the regular church left me with my mind more open instead of when I was in the reform which was a very hostile envirement that wants nothing to do with the world and behave worse that the "worldly". I say that because in the regular SDA church you are exposed to alot of knowledge such as health, hystory, and stuff....and I noticed the church was unique because of the sabbath and teachings such as soul-sleep (that means the dead don't go to heaven untill they are resurrected and the lost don't burn forever)....The church doesn't seem to be a very effect cult in brainwashing people if that's what most people though the SDA church is....It kind of got me curious to kind of rebel against what I know and join the dark side by getting into the accult and becoming some pantheist New Ager or something lol Actually some kid in school kinda got me into that....it's not really considered utterly "evil" to SDAs, but deceptive. Yet since I think I know better, there is some guilt invovled to just playing safe by only being entertained by pagan ideas such as the "immortality of the soul". THat's part of why I love science fiction. The closest iv'e ever gotten into something occult is by practicing astral projection....which doesn't seem to work voluntarily....it's like i'm possessed and having telepathic visions through the eyes of my inner demon...baaahahahahahah! Just kidding...or am i? lol just trying to get on your nerves...teheheh

 

I'm a paralegal major in college and still living with my parents. I 'm going to study to become a business lawyer, but personally i'm only trying to impress my parents who just want me to get a life, lol. I know very little about business jargon and it bores me to death, but I know I need to understand some of it to make a living. I guess I just never took life seriously and I got it from my mom's side of the family because my mom's sister is in the world living a fantasy and I think my mom's brother became a wierd mormon who left one wife and his second "wife" dumped him. My cousins on my mom's side are a bunch of other dyfucntional characters. So I was saying I don't think i take life seriously....I wish I did though but I just have this urge to rebel kind of like my mom's sister. She became and actress but really can't act...lol....I don't have much of a thing for acting but I am interested in making science fiction movies or tv dramas....and maybe comedy. My dad that he may have let me study for that field, but it would be a waste to abandon my paralegal major which i'm almost finished with, yet my dad would probbably worry if I won't make it in that industry...and if I did, I would probably become worldly. I have the urge to do just that....rebel into the world living carefree and not caring if I die living a miserable life in rebelion....but i'm stuck living with my parents because I never planned for the future, I don't have a job, I don't have a car, and I don't know many people because I don't really feel like having a serious life. In other words, I wouldn't be any happier in the world because I don't care much for life to begin with, never mind religion and spirituality that is supposed to give meaning to my life....

 

That's about all I have to say....any advice, comments, etc?

 

Well i have to get busy and do my homework...phhht, i'll be back...

[pitchu]

Welcome, Cybergeist, I'm glad you found us.

 

Sounds like you have a whole cauldron of boiling and bubbling issues.

 

Others here will be more informed than I in commenting on specific parts of your testimony, but I'd like to encourage you to use this site, in general, to continue your searching and investigating.

 

Again, welcome!

[Guest Cybergeist]

I'd just like to add.....Although I may be amember of a church and may often pose as a christian (a pretty mediocre one...lol), I concider myself agnostic because I never really knew "GOD"

[Comanche]

Welcome, Cybergeist!

 

I can relate as far as school goes - it may have something to do with your disorder. Teens usually go through their rebellious stage earlier, and this helps them realize that it's not all about pleasing their parents. All I can say is to think about what you really want out of life. (Business jargon bores me to death as well, so you're not alone there.)

 

It's after the rebellious stage that you'll start to take life more seriously. Rebellion gets you out of the house, and once you're done with that things quiet down a you really start to think about what you want to do. Just be patient and be true to yourself. If you want to make movies, make movies! It's ultimately your life and your decision. Explain to your parents that you want to start making a life for yourself, search for jobs, and get out there.

 

If you need motivation, I find it helps to research people you can relate to and follow by example. You say you like science fiction, so how about Asmiov or Douglas Adams or the like? There's bound to be role models out there that will get you thinking about what you can be if you try.

 

Hope you enjoy your stay here,

Comanche

[florduh]

Damn, Comanche, you're good.

 

Cyber, listen to him!

 

-Chris

[DarthOkkata]

I'd just like to add.....Although I may be amember of a church and may often pose as a christian (a pretty mediocre one...lol), I concider myself agnostic because I never really knew "GOD"

 

Well, I read your first post and thought you might be interested in seeing this:

 

http://briankim.net/blog/2007/10/top-5-thi...out-introverts/

 

It came up in another thread, which also might interest you.

 

http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=22855

 

I'm one of these types, you sound like you might be as well. We're not valued by churches because we don't attract new members as well. It's vilified by just about every congregation I've seen. Most people have negative reactions to the word, but there's nothing wrong with it at all. Just a matter of how your brain is wired to work.

 

"If you know your enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the outcome of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle." --Sun Tsu

[Guest Cybergeist]

THanks for your reply....my rebelious phase really scares me sometimes...like i'm a fraid i'll kill myself lol no not really (I don't have the guts to do such a thing...then again...what a cowardly thing to do!). I really wish I could have some balance in my life....i'm so out of focus everday...i don't concentrate in school, i'm obsessed with chatting, television, astral projection (lol), etc.....How do I keep myself focused? I want to get my priorities straight, but I don't have the will power to do so.....expecially since i feel like i'm living someone else's life.

[Guest Cybergeist]

I got some really good advice that really cheered me up today at another forum I just joined I basically copied and pasted it over there click here

[DarthOkkata]

There are a lot of atheist here. We welcome theist of all stripes, even Agnostic ones. Theism is a good place to hang out in safe topics. The lions den and Arena is the place to go for a more aggressive discussion about whether or not god exists. Expect opposition to the idea in those places.

 

There are a lot of people with a bit of a chip towards the Catholic church here. Some with the idea of god in general.

 

You can find quite a few viewpoints about god here. It's a good place to have a talk with someone who isn't crazy for Jesus.