Crazycatlady Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I was raised in a devout Catholic home. My father would like to become a deacon, but is unlikely to ever find the time to do so. When I was seven years old, I told myself that I would not go to church when I grew up because I didn’t believe in God. I quickly suppressed that thought and did not allow myself to consciously consider it again. But, in my experience, the human brain has a sub-conscious which is capable of evaluating these questions fully. And it was not bound by this resolution. Meanwhile, I attended mass twice per week, sang in the choir, served on the altar, read the word of god, prayed the rosaries, truly believed that I felt god. It wasn’t until later I realized I could achieve that same feeling by concentrating hard on anything – be it a shiny object or a complex math problem. I started college during the fall of 2006. With the start of college came some great soul-searching. I tried to figure out if I was supposed to be a nun (no). One thing that shocked me was that, for the first time in my life, I actually met atheists. And they were good people. I spent so many hours praying for my friends to find God, so that they would not be sent to hell. Finally, over Christmas break, I allowed the old question to come back into my consciousness again. I was amazed at the work my subconscious had accomplished. I no longer had any belief in God. I analyzed my thoughts, my conclusions, my arguments on both sides, and I found that I could no longer hold belief in God. When I realized I could no longer believe in God, I broke down in tears at the loss of my innocence. And at the permanent change that I had brought upon my relationship to my parents and to my sisters. Telling them the truth would mean breaking their hearts. Keeping the truth hidden would change the previously open relationship at its core. In addition, I had already signed up to be my sister’s confirmation sponsor in May. I emailed a friend of mine who had sponsored his sister after losing his faith to ask his advice. He suggested keeping it a secret. This was what I wanted to hear, and it comforted me. I emailed another friend who had been raised atheist to ask her advice. She agreed that keeping my deconversion hidden would be the most reasonable course, but advised me to plan for when I did tell my parents. That way, I would be considerably less likely to shout the truth at them some day. So my parents and my sisters still do not know. I’m not sure when they will. But it won’t occur until after I am financially independent. That I do know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpha centauri Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Hello, Crazycatlady! My parents and sisters also don't know about my deconvesion (it's relatively recent, but it's been brewing for a while). I know they would not take it well at all. They are solidly entrenched in the Southern Baptist church that I left last August. They were put off when they found out I was returning to the Methodist church my wife and kids attend. In fact, they'll probably blame the Methodist church for my fall into apostasy. But it was going back into the Southern Baptist setting, where the Bible is taken as the inspired, inerrant word of god that led me to walk away from this religion of superstition, lies and irrationality. It will be a giant shitstorm when my parents and sisters learn that I've left the fold altogether — and I'm 40 years old, with my own family. My wife's views aren't as extreme, but they've still caused a bit of friction. She has a "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" picture framed in the living room, which is not exactly true. Neither of my kids like to attend church much, so I'm sure I'll get the credit or blame for that, which is fine with me. I wish you all the best! Stand strong, you're definitely not alone. Many of us are dealing with similar issues. Take care, Alpha Centauri Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MathGeek Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I got to agree with Alpha. My wife knows that I'm a heathen and she doesn't like it at all. My mother and sisters may suspect it, but they've never let me know that they may or may not about it. I told a cousin and my brother-in-law but they basically shrugged it off. I am guessing that certain members of my extended family might blow gaskets but there isn't anything they can do about it. Every family is different I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Catlady, I don't know if you're crazy but your story definitely isn't. It is very well written. Thank you for sharing it. You seem like a calm and level-headed person who thinks her things through and comes to conclusions she's happy with. That is to be commended in anybody, in my opinion. Sounds like you've got some wise friends. Wow! you've got it made, young lady--I mean, having the wisdom and all to choose your friends well. Hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazycatlady Posted April 22, 2008 Author Share Posted April 22, 2008 Hello, Crazycatlady! My parents and sisters also don't know about my deconvesion (it's relatively recent, but it's been brewing for a while). I know they would not take it well at all. They are solidly entrenched in the Southern Baptist church that I left last August. They were put off when they found out I was returning to the Methodist church my wife and kids attend. In fact, they'll probably blame the Methodist church for my fall into apostasy. But it was going back into the Southern Baptist setting, where the Bible is taken as the inspired, inerrant word of god that led me to walk away from this religion of superstition, lies and irrationality. It will be a giant shitstorm when my parents and sisters learn that I've left the fold altogether — and I'm 40 years old, with my own family. My wife's views aren't as extreme, but they've still caused a bit of friction. She has a "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" picture framed in the living room, which is not exactly true. Neither of my kids like to attend church much, so I'm sure I'll get the credit or blame for that, which is fine with me. I wish you all the best! Stand strong, you're definitely not alone. Many of us are dealing with similar issues. Take care, Alpha Centauri Thanks. It is very great to hear that I really am not the only one out there. Do you ever plan to tell your parents or do you figure it will just come out on its own at some point? I haven't decided myself on which course I will take. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazycatlady Posted April 22, 2008 Author Share Posted April 22, 2008 I got to agree with Alpha. My wife knows that I'm a heathen and she doesn't like it at all. My mother and sisters may suspect it, but they've never let me know that they may or may not about it. I told a cousin and my brother-in-law but they basically shrugged it off. I am guessing that certain members of my extended family might blow gaskets but there isn't anything they can do about it. Every family is different I guess. My boyfriend knows I'm agnostic and likes it quite well. He was raised atheist and sometimes has trouble understanding all the harm that Christianity has caused me. He's very supportive of me, though and tries very hard to understand. He's the one found this forum for me. I'm really not sure what the religious beliefs of most of my cousins are. I just checked and none of us marked our religious beliefs on facebook, so I don't think they are very important to anyone. I doubt we'll ever really discuss them, though. My mom's family is more Catholic and my dad's more liberal protestant. I'm guessing the latter would take the news a bit better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazycatlady Posted April 22, 2008 Author Share Posted April 22, 2008 Catlady, I don't know if you're crazy but your story definitely isn't. It is very well written. Thank you for sharing it. You seem like a calm and level-headed person who thinks her things through and comes to conclusions she's happy with. That is to be commended in anybody, in my opinion. Sounds like you've got some wise friends. Wow! you've got it made, young lady--I mean, having the wisdom and all to choose your friends well. Hang in there. Thanks for the compliment on my story. I've written it several times, and I think this is my favorite writing. I did leave some parts out, but that's going to be true for anything I write about myself. I'm not really crazy, it's just that my (most easily attainable) life's goal is to become that lady with dozens of cats. I had pretty much decided before talking to my friends what I was going to do and made sure I choose two who I knew would advise me to do what I had already decided on myself. If they had both told me to tell my parents and whole extended family at once, I wouldn't have. I was looking for reassurance and support and I found it from them and also from you and so many others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jincks013 Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Catlady you seem to be a critical thinker which is an excellent quality to have. Coming to terms with your own deconversion is hard enough but when friends and family are used to one way they will go through the normal range of shock and anger that you don't accept their ideal anymore. Be prepared for it but remember that it is you they love not your religion it will just take them awhile to recall that. You remember you are a strong and wonderful person no matter what anyone else says. Remember that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigVaden Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Catlady, in my opinion, having faith in yourself is the most important faith you can have. If you believe that you are a good enough person to make the right decisions for yourself and those that are important to you then you will - and more to the point, have. Letting other peoples beliefs and expectations dictate your own is supression in it's most basic form, and the fact that you have decided not to let this happen speaks volumes for your character. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpha centauri Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Crazycatlady, In response to your question, I haven't gone out of my way to bring up the subject. There's no point in trying to provoke them. When the subject arises, I won't dodge it. I will stand my ground, but I doubt I'll have many family members supporting or defending me. That's fine. I'm not at a point in my life where the need for their validation is terribly important. My parents have always seen me as something of the black sheep anyway, so it won't be like their golden child has fallen from grace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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