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Dangerous cult warning signs.

Colin Benson

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Dangerous cult warning signs...


Does Christanity fit most of these?







1. The spiritual group claims to have received special instructions from one or more "messengers from the sky." *CHECK* (That's one)


2. The spiritual group uses a special set of rules that you must obey or be cast out. *YEP* (That's two)


3. The spiritual group promises eternal life in a paradise if you obey its set of rules, and threatens eternal suffering if you do not obey its set of rules. *YES* (That's three)


4. The spiritual group demands that you give up as much of your assests and your yearly income to it as possible.


5. The members of the spiritual group call each other "brother" and "sister," even when they aren't related at all. *DEFINITLY* (That's four)


6. The spiritual group is led by a group of enlightened masters who wear strange clothes and speak in esoteric parables. *OH YEAH* (Now five)


7. The spiritual group demands that you accept its teachings without reservation, even when those teachings are in direct conflict with your understanding of basic scientific knowledge. *SPOT ON AGAIN* (Now six)


8. The spiritual group demands that you select your spouse and your closest friends from its membership.


9. The spiritual group demands that you place your children in its training program. *YES IT IS CALLED SUNDAY SCHOOL* (Now seven)


10. The spiritual group teaches that giving up your life for the sake of the spiritual group may become necessary sometime in the future. *CHECK* (Eight in total)


Please take these warning signs seriously! If you, or a loved one, are in a dangerous cult, as determined by the above checklist, you must do everything you possibly can to remove the potential victim from that dangerous cult!

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#4 and #8 certainly can be yes too. Many churches expect 10% of your income and some won't preform a marriage ceremony unless both bride and groom are of the same faith. They also encourage that your friends are "good Xtians".

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My cult, in a nutshell... :ouch:

1 - all the ghoddamned time

2 - Yes, but they don't admit to casting people out harshly (but they did it to me...)

3 - Do bears shit in the woods?

4 - "Jeebus talked about money more than heaven or hell, be good stewards, blah blah blah"

5 - Yes

6 - Do expensive suits bought by the money scammed in #4 count as unusual?

7 - If I had a nickel for every time I got bitched at for asking questions, Donald Trump would be shining my shoes.

8 - They made the BIGGEST STINK about being "unequally yoked." I mention it in my ex-timony.

9 - "Train up a child in the way it should be brainwashed, blah blah blah"

10 - My cult put so much emphasis on persecution that I think they acted like assholes just so they would be persecuted. I think they masturbated to it.

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The Missouri Synod Lutheran Cult:


1. You betcha!

2. You don't get "cast out" of the Lutheran church (doncha know, Minnesotans are just too darn nice for that), but some people do get shunned and treated like crap if they don't fit in.

3. You betcha!

4. They don't actually demand that you give up anything, although peer pressure can be laid on thick.

5. I've never heard any Minnesotan refer to another that way, but maybe I was just going to a really conservative church.

6. Oh, yes.

7. You betcha!

8. Again, they don't "demand," but peer pressure can make people do things they don't want to.

9. *Prize buzzer dings* You win a nice plate of homemade brownies for the church fundraiser, and as a bonus, we'll throw in some leftover lutefisk from the potluck the other day.

10. I've never been to any church that actually suggested that, and I'd have run far away from it.


Let's see, that's a total of 8.

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I went to this Lutheren summer camp when I was young. One of the games we played was based on Xtians having to elude Commies or something. Anyway, we had to "escape" from "prison" and sneak to a church meeting without being caught by the "guards". So #10 was definitly implied if not stated directly.

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Let's see... my former church (German protestant):


1. Well, duh. :Hmm:

2. Strictly speaking yes... but more treated like recommendations than instructions.

3. Reward for being good, yes. Torment for being bad, rarely ever mentioned at all.

4. No. (But then we do have that church tax...)

5. No.

6. Yes, but more like educated teachers (it's the mood that counts ;) )

7. No.

8. No. Absolutely not.

9. Aks for, yes. Demands, no.

10. No.


And now, for fun, my Asatru faith. You know, this Evil Pagan Cult™. :pureevil:


1. Aside from the teachings in the Havamal poem which, legend has it, are advice from Odin Allfather himself, not really.

2. No. Advice, yes. Rules, no.

3. Well, if Valhalla for the fearless warriors counts as paradise (very much a matter of taste ;) ), then yes to part 1. Otherwise, no. And no to part 2 anyway.

4. You kidding me or what? No! :)

5. Sometimes, jokingly... but no one ever demands that.

6. No. Well, a little bit if you count the strange structure of the lyrics of the Poetic Edda as "esoteric parables".

7. No. That's utterly ludicrous.

8. No. Is there any reason why two loving people shouldn't be able to get along with each other just because of religion? ;)

9. There isn't even a training program, so... :shrug:

10. Warriors may want to die in battle, but aside from that, no.


What an eeeeeeebil cult indeed, eh? :fdevil:

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Wisconsin Lutheran Synod -- or at least the church my bosses go to -- will flatly deny homosexuals and unmarried couples into their church. Women are also not allowed to make decisions in the church itself; only men. I don't know why they split from Missouri; something about the eucharist, and if it's meant to be actual transubstantiation or just a symbol, I believe. Which is also pretty damn nuts; how in the hell can you honestly sit there and believe a piece of old cracker and some shitty wine is someone's flesh and blood?



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