Why'd You Fall For It?

[Vomit Comet]

I guess this is more applicable to those of us who didn't come from fundie/born-again Christian families but were "saved" as teenagers or adults. Though I could be wrong.

 

By the time I was 15 I was a prime candidate for an early grave. I was profoundly mentally ill and I was about to be committed for six months or more to a mental hospital. I was at rock bottom at a very young age.

 

There was a young woman that was an aide in the special high school program that they put us ultra-violent psycho types in. When I found out she was a Christian I began to heap on the abuse. I was all into death metal and pseudo-satanism at the time so I would think of the most vile things to say to her, and she would get angry, and sometimes cry. My goal was to force her to hate me and therefore be a hypocrite... but I just couldn't manage it. I escalated, and I would touch her inappropriately, even going so far as to fart on her or on her stuff. I think I grabbed her tits once, too. She would yell and scream but she wouldn't have me arrested or sent away or anything, even though she could have. I kept trying to escalate to make her crack, but I just couldn't manage it.

 

One of my friends practically coerced me to go to this youth group. It was one of those youth group aimed at non-church kids, and half the kids there were scumbags (runaways, gangbangers, heavy drug users, gutter punks, etc.). Such places actually did exist, even though most the kids didn't give a shit and were just there to rendezvous with their friends, though they all deeply respected the youth pastor.

 

Well, somehow I found myself at the altar and the youth pastor asked me if I wanted to say the sinner's prayer. I thought about it for a moment. The first thing I thought of was the aide, and how she kept trying real hard to be kind to me in all my suffering despite all the abuse I put her through. So I decided that it was the real deal, because of her. I also figured, rock bottom that I was, that I had nothing to lose. So I said "okay." That was actually one of the happiest nights of my life. Two weeks later I found out I didn't have to go to the mental hospital; I'd gotten off on a technicality. I hadn't committed a crime or anything (yet), but they had been bending over backwards to find a way to put me away. Their case had fallen through.

 

Well, that was in April of 1994. It wasn't until July, literally the day of my baptism, that it dawned on me what I was getting into. The gospel story, the whole point of everything, finally sunk in. Up until then, throughout my entire young life, I had only a very dim understanding of Christianity. I wasn't raised in it at all so I didn't know anything about it. I just thought that Jesus was some mystical hippie guru dude in sandals and a white robe who lived 2,000 years ago and was executed for some weird reason. I had no idea what it all meant. But literally minutes before I got dunked, it all sunk in. I was like "holy shit, this is some crazy heavy shit!!" I'd had no idea what I was getting into up until that moment when it all coalesced in an instant. I struggled for a few minutes, engaged in some mental gymnastics, and then decided to accept it whole hog. I almost didn't.

 

I'm curious as to how the rest of you found yourself at the altar. How might things have gone differently?

 

I would still say that the positive socialization of church rescued me from a worst-case scenario. So I look back on my experiences with some positivity. Well, mainly the first half, although it was tumultuous at times. The last several years of it sucked ass.

[Trev]

The simple answer to that, is that I was a sucker who didn't know any better about how those in control try to keep people where they want them. I took the bait and honestly thought I could change and turn my life around through Christianity; I thought it was a place where I would be accepted for who I was. And if I'm honest, partly arrogance and partly an avoidance of personal responsibility.

 

Negative, negative experience to go through, but in some ways I'm better for it. I have more of an idea of who to trust (and not to). I have more personal responsibility now.

[hereticzero]

I've never said it. It is another false doctrine of the christian church.

[Amethyst]

I was already a Christian when I said it. Born and raised as such.

[Manditag in AK]

I grew up in a non-practicing christian home, but thought if I could say whatever I was supposed to, i.e., sure, Jesus is God's son, then it would be done and taken care of. My cousin was brought up more strictly, and thought if you weren't baptized you'd go to hell, and had all these other more fundy ideas. Well she left to stay with her dad out of state, she was one of my best friends before that point, and she stayed there and ended up stuck for 3 years I think it was. She was allowed to come for Christmas one year, I was so glad she was back and wanted her to want to play with me and have fun together like we used to...she was very christian and 'grown up' now, had had boyfriends and charted her period and all this other stuff.

 

Well, she had been talking to me and reading with me, and it was a few days before she was supposed to leave, and asked me to say the prayer, talked me through it in bed when we were supposed to be going to sleep. I remember talking to myself about how I needed Jesus, and I remember imagining myself in outer space, feeling very small and at peace. The next day I felt very peaceful, and accepted. I also felt hungry to read what the heck it said in the bible now that I felt like I real christian. I took those two things as proof of biblegod. Then, on top of it all, she left to go to the airport, while I cried and prayed she wouldn't have to leave. The weather was bad, her flight was cancelled, and lo and behold my prayer was answered. She stayed.

 

And to be honest, that's probably why I stayed for so long. All those little coincidences, all that 'proof' God really exists. Now I am just glad my neanderthal heathen atheist husband came along with a big stick to show me the stars were all in my head.

[WilliamFWN]

I guess this is more applicable to those of us who didn't come from fundie/born-again Christian families but were "saved" as teenagers or adults. Though I could be wrong.

 

By the time I was 15 I was a prime candidate for an early grave. I was profoundly mentally ill and I was about to be committed for six months or more to a mental hospital. I was at rock bottom at a very young age.

 

There was a young woman that was an aide in the special high school program that they put us ultra-violent psycho types in. When I found out she was a Christian I began to heap on the abuse. I was all into death metal and pseudo-satanism at the time so I would think of the most vile things to say to her, and she would get angry, and sometimes cry. My goal was to force her to hate me and therefore be a hypocrite... but I just couldn't manage it. I escalated, and I would touch her inappropriately, even going so far as to fart on her or on her stuff. I think I grabbed her tits once, too. She would yell and scream but she wouldn't have me arrested or sent away or anything, even though she could have. I kept trying to escalate to make her crack, but I just couldn't manage it.

(...)

You've been through a lot more than I have, it seems. Where did you grow up around? You seem coherent, so I'm taking a guess it might have more to do with the environment and temperament rather than the actual person (that is, you) in this case. Of course, I really don't know so you can correct me on this. Often times, we find it easier to blame people rather than what they grew up around (I try my best to not dehumanize people no matter what they do or say -- I suspect this is due to my own temperament, though, rather than the "wisdom" of being non-judgmental). I myself had to get treatment for more than one mental disorder - mainly a developmental disorder, though.

 

To answer, I was brought up in the religion. I don't think I fell for it that well, as my parents were not that insistent about the religion. I just went and thought that church was boring. I probably didn't think too much of church or religion, as most children do not do so at that age (they accept what their parents tell them on faith). After reading Sagan's Cosmos (there was a book form of the television series) when I was in 5th grade (around 10-11, maybe 12), I read somewhere in the margins that he did not believe in a god or was skeptical of one's existence (I don't remember which; probably both), and I wondered why he did not. I did research on my own and found out that some people did not believe in a god. I guess I was relatively naïve at the time -- I did grow up in the Bible Belt, after all, so it was rather difficult to find out about these things on my own without the Internet (one of the very first times I used the internet was when researching on this "god issue"). I tried for years to get God to answer one prayer that was impossible without divine intervention, and it never happened. For a while, I hovered in between Deism and atheism (the former because I had no explanation for the universe's beginning; the latter just when I felt like it: I guess I really don't remember my reasons), then eventually settled on atheism when I put together that just because I don't have an idea as to how something began, it does not necessarily merit a supernatural explanation.

 

There is a bit more I left out, but it was somewhat uninteresting for me to write down. I might do it some other time. The story seemed to be getting a bit long-winded anyway.

 

On an overview, it doesn't seem as if I've had it as badly as anyone else. I tend to not advertise my opinion, but I do not back down when asked. I tell people my reasons, and sometimes they offer the "explanation" that it takes a "leap of faith." I dislike the dichotomy of reason and faith each being separate spheres of knowledge. Has any knowledge been gained from "leaps of faith?" It is difficult to have anything right from those leaps, and most proclamations about reality based on faith are wrong and, if correct, are more due to luck and movements of the gut than anything else. The only thing that I do hold on "faith" is not something that most would object to. I do not try to force my view upon anyone, though, which is a difference between my ideal and Christianity. I also try not to base reality upon my beliefs; rather, I try to base my beliefs upon reality.

[Mike D]

I was basically scared into it. I was probably no more than 10 years old at the time, and was told that if I didn't repent of my sins and ask Jebus into my heart that I was going to be thrown into hell if I died. I was told it didn't matter if I was just a kid, god would release his wrath and fury on me (for what, hitting my sister?) and cast me into the lake of fire to be tortured and brutalized for all eternity. Not quite in those words, but I got the "kid friendly" version of how god was going to fuck me up if I didn't comply. So that's what I did. I didn't really know what I was doing, I just did what they told me to so Jebus wouldn't cast me into the lake of fire if I happened to die that night.

[smellincoffee]

Salvation in the church that I was raised in consisted of repentance, full-immersion baptism in Jesus' name, and then speaking in tongues. (And then of course maintaining salvation, which entailed giving money, praying every night, reading the bible every night, and doing the crazy Pentecostal shouting/dancing). I was never the religious sort, even as a child...but when I was a teenager, I went through a rough period. My best friend moved and I switched schools; I didn't know how to adjust, so I just withdrew into church. During one revival, a "prophet" was touching people's heads and then telling them about their lives -- cold readings, actually. Anyway, this was supposed to be the power of god. That scared me into saved. It was the first time I had actually seen the "real" power of god.

[Astreja]

I've never said it, although back in the late '70s there was a man at the laundromat who was trying very hard to convert me. At one point we were speaking on the telephone and he read me the text of the prayer... I started to scribble it down on a piece of paper but realized that I could not bring myself to say those words. And I look back on that moment and shudder.

[gradstu09]

What is it?

[LtJayson]

I was raised in the church. I was the good little kid that everyone thought was going to be a preacher (don't you hate living up to stereotypes?). Anyway, I remember it like it was yesterday...I was 10 years old, last Sunday School classroom on the left with a little woman named Norma (the sweetest woman in the world, just deceived by this shit). It was Vacation Bible School and the lesson of the day for the entire VBS was the rapture and revelation! I was scared shitless! She told me that I didn't have to be scared if I would just accept jesus...so, I did. Then, I started preaching at my friends (THIRD GRADE MIND YOU!) Eventually, that was just me. It dwindled off for a while and I was just there...

 

Then, when I was like 17, something else happened to me! I was "BAPTIZED IN THE HOLY GOAT"...uhhh, I mean Ghost ;-) That made me worse than I ever was. I had a feeling that I had special powers...could raise the dead, heal the sick, cast out demons (card carrying exorcist) lol...So, I fell for the worst of it lol!

[Vomit Comet]

What is it?

 

It's when you weren't raised a Christian (or, if you were, it was in a non-hardcore oldline kind of way) and then you are "saved" later in life. Well, if you were raised as such, you're often pressured to say that prayer at some point in your childhood as a formal induction of sorts (similar to Catholic confirmation, but less formal or ritualistic); between the age of 7 and 12, judging by the responses thus far.

 

You go to the altar, one or more person puts their hands on you, and you (IIRC) say the following things out loud (they'll tell you what to say in increments; "repeat after me"): 1) admit that you're a sinner; 2) admit that you can't save yourself; 3) ask Jesus to come into your life and save you; 4) pledge to follow him with all your heart, mind, and soul. And *POOF* the holy spirit enters you and you're a born-again believer!!!

 

Well, getting publicly baptized (full immersion, of course) seals the deal, as many people say the sinner's prayer but then sober up the next morning or something.

[gradstu09]

Ohhh, like the last page of every Chick tract. I wasn't aware that was a ritualized thing.