Am I an Apostate Hypocrite.....

[nirrti]

My divorce from Christianity was finalized this year on grounds of mental cruelty and irreconcilable differences. Although the church refused to pay me alimony(after all that money I put in the offering!), I did get sole custody of my brain, thank God(?). They put up a fight claiming I was incapable of making sound decisions on my own but I knew it was better off in my care. I wanted to put out a restraining order but that would, unfortunately, include most of my family and I'm not keen on cutting off relations with them.

 

However, there's been something that's been kinda bothering me. Among our culmunitive property are over a hundred Christian music CDs. I bought all of them during a time I was still in love but now that our relationship is over, it's like a constant reminder of the love we had. But the bazarre thing is that although the fire is gone, I still love to listen to these CDs. In fact, I like the music just as much as I did before I left.

 

So does this mean that some part of me doesn't want to let go? Sometimes, I do have moments of nostalga about happy times singing praises and having that emotional high but mostly I just think the music is nice in an artistic sense and I only bought music that was at least, good enough not to be construed with some of the insiped crap that comes out of Nashville. Is this normal or am I the apostate version of a hypocrite? Do any other ex-Christians have this problem, too?

[Lunar Shadow]

I love how you worded your "divorce" from Xtianity

 

but I wouldn’t say that you are at risk for going back I mean hell I still have a few (like 4 or 5 out of 600 CDs) that are Xtian CDs they are metal (Zao EDL) but I would say it is like a Xtian listening to Slayer with the ever so famous quote "I love the music not the words" line

 

I will be the first to say that I do have moments of memory where I was happy a Xtian but that’s all they were moments. I had a shitty childhood but I can still fish out some good memories (doesn’t mean I wanna go back)

 

do you fallow me?

[spamandham]

Some of the Christian stuff is actually good. I used to still listen to it for a while after my "divorce", and still do on rare occasion. The longer I've been away, the sadder an image I get of these bands singing their hearts out for their imaginary friends, most of them just as rationally lost as the average human. Thinking about it depresses me and so I turn it off.

[Vixentrox]

I never listened to much of it to begin with. Though I think I may still have some Amy Grant tapes somewhere.

[♦ nivek ♦]

nirrti...

 

Set said CD's on backstop...

 

Load, lock, aim, let loose a good long string of high velocity copper plated lead..

 

Make a hellova mess..

 

Does not a damn thing practical, but damn do it feels good..

 

k, gunbuff and lead therapy advocate, L

[Thurisaz]

Music is something to enjoy. If you enjoy listening to those CDs, why stop?

 

Now if you find that you actually don't like that kind of music, but still can't stop, that's another thing altogether.

[Brother Jeff]

I still love a lot of Christian music, though I rarely listen to it. I think about the music a lot (such as Keith Green, Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, Twila Paris, and some praise and worship stuff) sometimes because of the happy memories associated with it when I happen to be taking a walk down Memory Lane, but I rarely actually listen to it.

 

I'm glad that I discovered the fact that Christianity isn't true back in early 2000 and I reclaimed by brain after 15 years of loaning it to the Church, but I can't say that my Christian experience was totally negative. There were some great times in my Xtian days. I remember some incredible emotional highs too, when I felt like I was wrapped in JOY! But, I realize now that religion is like a drug, and that my emotions were just following my beliefs. Every time I went to church, I hoped for a more intense high than the last time, and I worked hard to make it happen during praise and worship. I LOVED the music and the activity. Charismatic praise and worship services are fun. I would probably enjoy going to one now for the music and the social aspects of the experience even though I'm no longer a believer, but I realize now how very much like a drug god and religion are.

 

Occasionally, god would seriously reward my efforts to worship him. I remember one time during a revival I got so high that I was laughing and speaking in the Spook for quite a while. So was a friend of mine. We were still Drunk in the Spook when we left the church to head back to my apartment. My friend was driving, and she almost lost control of the van and wrecked in a ditch when I started Laughing in the Spook again.

 

Heh, that's enough walking down Memory Lane. I feel the Spook of Kryasst who is also somehow magically Him in here! Glory!

[narcissist]

I never had much Christian music. But I still have it and I still listen occassionally. Thing is, nowadays, surprisingly, occassionally, I find the lyrics can be quite oppressive.

[Cynical Realist]

I still listen to Starflyer 59 and 77s sometimes. If it's anything with some deep theologcial bullshit in the lyrics I find myself cringing at how fucking dumb it is and lose respect for the music. But I'm pretty safe with SF59 and 77s.

[Darkenmoon]

I don't think it makes you a hypocrite if you listen to the Christian CDs. Heck... some of them are listed as Christian simply because the artists are Christian but the music itself has nothing to do with Christianity. At any rate... don't feel pressured to let everything go at once. I think the divorce is an awesome analogy. When you lose a love or give up a love in your life I don't think you let everything go at once. Many times you do keep certain things. Maybe you keep letters or maybe you keep a piece of jewelry. Don't make yourself give it all up if you don't want to or if you still like it. There is no ex-Christian police who will throw you into the stocks for keeping it. I have found too that I can often regret ridding myself of things too early. You may eventually get rid of it or you might not. Just accept it and be honest with yourself. =) Honesty with yourself is the most important.

[Caretaker]

It's your unbelief that makes you an apostate, not your choice of music.

[Darkenmoon]

I never had much Christian music.  But I still have it and I still listen occassionally.  Thing is, nowadays, surprisingly, occassionally, I find the lyrics can be quite oppressive.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I find this also. I kept several CDs and sold many many others. I went back to some of the music the other day and I wanted to puke it was so oppressive and churchy. I think that one will be listed on Ebay soon... along with some books and other stuff.

[Curtdude]

It's your unbelief that makes you an apostate, not your choice of music.

 

Right on Khan.

 

Yeah, I've got a great Bob Bennett cd that I break out sometimes because it's just a great recording! I listen to Bach too, and he was christian. Don't sweat it, nirrti. U2 does a lot of christian-based material, too.

 

There was some great MOR music put out in the 70s and early 80s. I love listening to the good stuff. Just a little trip down memory lane.

[Merlinfmct87]

Music is something to enjoy. If you enjoy listening to those CDs, why stop?

 

Now if you find that you actually don't like that kind of music, but still can't stop, that's another thing altogether.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

It's your unbelief that makes you an apostate, not your choice of music.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

What they said.

 

Merlin

[LloydDobler]

I still listen to Starflyer 59 and 77s sometimes.  If it's anything with some deep theologcial bullshit in the lyrics I find myself cringing at how fucking dumb it is and lose respect for the music.  But I'm pretty safe with SF59 and 77s.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Absolutely. Pre and post deconversion the 77's are still in my top 5 favorite bands of all time.

 

Some christian bands I still love as an ex christian:

 

77's (Michael Roe)

The Choir

Ric Alba

Fleming & John

King's X (actually the singer is now a gay ex christian)

LSU (Mike Knott)

Sixpence None the Richer

The Throes

 

And those I like but just can't stomach

 

Altar Boys

Resurrection Band

Out of the Grey

Code of Ethics

DA

David Zaffiro

Gecko Monks (from Portland, any of you nw ex's remember them?)

Steve Taylor

The Echoing Green

World Theater

 

Those I don't like anymore

Barren Cross

Bloodgood

Stryper

Whitecross

Human Condition

Petra

PFR

Tony Vincent

 

Nirrti if you listen to buddhist music or native american religious music, are you a hypocrite because you may not practice those religions?

 

You don't have to be a communist to listen to Rage Against the Machine. Just enjoy what you enjoy.

[Guest bdp]

Some christian bands I still love as an ex christian:

 

77's (Michael Roe)

The Choir

Ric Alba

Fleming & John

King's X  (actually the singer is now a gay ex christian)

LSU (Mike Knott)

Sixpence None the Richer

The Throes

 

And those I like but just can't stomach

 

Altar Boys

Resurrection Band

Out of the Grey

Code of Ethics

DA

David Zaffiro

Gecko Monks (from Portland, any of you nw ex's remember them?)

Steve Taylor

The Echoing Green

World Theater

 

 

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I really have no idea how Michael Knott got some of his CD's into the Christian bookstores, singing about smoking, being in jail, getting drunk, writing bad checks - this was all first person narrative, there is no doubt it was snapshots from his life, but that's what I love about his work, so bloody honest. And he wasn't afraid to slap the fundies upside the head either - did one song about smarmy evangelists called 'Radio Satan.' DA - it depends on what vintage as to how palatable their stuff is, for me. I love 'Mr. Buechner's Dream.' Fleming & John are just fucking brilliant, and I can't believe it's been ten years since they debuted and, what, six or eight since the followup? They should be ruling the world by now.

 

Listen to it if ya like it and it doesn't bring back stress. That's what I think.

 

bdp

[Vigile]

I really have no idea how Michael Knott got some of his CD's into the Christian bookstores, singing about smoking, being in  jail, getting drunk, writing bad checks - this was all first person narrative, there is no doubt it was snapshots from his life, but that's what I love about his work, so bloody honest.  And he wasn't afraid to slap the fundies upside the head either - did one song about smarmy evangelists called 'Radio Satan.'  DA - it depends on what vintage as to how palatable their stuff is, for me.  I love 'Mr. Buechner's Dream.'  Fleming & John are just fucking brilliant, and I can't believe it's been ten years since they debuted and, what, six or eight since the followup?  They should be ruling the world by now.

 

Listen to it if ya like it and it doesn't bring back stress.  That's what I think.

 

bdp

 

Years ago I bought a U2 cassette (Sunday, Bloody Sunday I think) in the local christian bookstore. I still love that band.

[Flyby Stardancer]

I listen to Country music primarily, and that has a lot of gospel in it. Though luckily I'm sheilded from a lot of the more gospel-y stuff as the only country radio station in my area doesn't play a lot of the gospel side of country (most of the listeners wouldn't be able to stomach it, apparently... I'm pretty sure the lady who makes the decisions about what to and not to play would like them). Still, you get the references all over. I just tend to find a side to the song's message that isn't religion-based. Plus, I couldn't stomach most of the other musics out there... Metal, rap, and rock are just way too edgy for me. Not to mention the lyrical content (especially in rap!)... (gags)

[bluewizard]

Who's that guy that sings the I can only imagine song? He says Dance for me Jesus in the song.

[Amethyst]

Hey, I still enjoy Lord of the Rings, and it's based on Christian mythology. I don't think that makes me a hypocrit (or anyone else). Enjoy what you want to, and when you get sick of it, sell them on E-Bay or something.

[nirrti]

Who's that guy that sings the I can only imagine song?  He says Dance for me Jesus in the song.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I think it was "Mercy Me". Won a Dove award for it a couple of years ago. That's one of the songs I used to love as a Christian. Now I find that song downright annoying. Although I believe in a higher realm that all living beings eventually return to, I find the idea of having to bow down and worship any being disconcerting, even if said being existed at all.

[Mr. Neil]

My attitude on this is that since there's no doctrine of non-Christianity, you can listen to whatever the hell you want. To me, listening to a song about Yahwey or Jesus is no different than listening to a song about Zues or Thor.

 

And if you ask me, there just aren't enough songs about Zues and Thor.

[Christopher Carrion]

I see no problem with anyone listening to Christian music regardless of their perspectives regarding the faith; one can still appreciate the artistic and aesthetic merits of a particular song (rhythm, melody, etc) without actually adhereing to whatever "message" said song contains. Take me for example, I have never been a Christian, and I despise biblical faith in general, but I'm a big fan of Norman-style churches, because I love the architecture.

[-Demona-]

Sometimes, I do have moments of nostalga about happy times singing praises and having that emotional high but mostly I just think the music is nice in an artistic sense and I only bought music that was at least, good enough not to be construed with some of the insiped crap that comes out of Nashville.  Is this normal or am I the apostate version of a hypocrite?  Do any other ex-Christians have this problem, too?

 

Don't feel bad. I listen to Christian music too. I listen mostly to classical-styled instrumentals, but I occasionally listen to Christian pop singers like Michael W. Smith and Amy Grant. I listen to them (especially the instrumentals) because I have an appreciation for the music. That, and AG and MWS aren't too whiny/preachy in their songs (although there are exceptions to that rule).

 

My recommendation is, if you get tired of the songs with lyrics, grab the instrumental/orchestral songs and listen to them. You can enjoy the melodies that way, without feeling preached at.

 

My personal recommendation would be the Simplicity Instrumental Series from Pamplin Music. The arrangements are very soothing.

 

 

And umm.... totally OT, but your avatar is so weird.

[sexkitten]

Why would you expect to instantly dislike your favorite tunes just because you changed your religion? If you bought and listened to them only because you thought you *should* or were settling for pale imitations of the secular music you wanted to listen to, that's one thing. But if you liked them? You don't need to start listening NIN because you apostacized, nor do you need to defend keeping your Amy Grant collection.

 

For myself, I was never a fan of contemporary Christian music or modern praise music. I did - and still do - enjoy some gospel and spirituals, hymns from the classical music era, and Gregorian chants. My Christmas albums are still all instrumentals because the words were cheesy but the tunes magical. I'm not throwing them out because I no longer believe Jesus's birth was a miracle.

 

 

Listen to what you like and stop listening when you stop enjoying it. Don't be embarrassed by your tastes, and don't sublimate your tastes for the sake of groupthink.