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Goodbye Jesus

Christian Analogies That Annoy You The Most


Neon Genesis

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Whenever you debate with xtians, one of the things they always do that annoys me to no end is use their idiotic analogies to try to prove to us why we should worship God. I don't mind the use of analogies in general (though, sometimes it feels like they're running out of excuses/apologetics in debates when they have to resort to them), but xtian analogies simply irritate me because they try to make God look perfect and all-loving but they never paint the whole picture of what they actually teach. For example, the Christian analogy I hate the most is the God is like your parent analogy. It always disgusts me when xtians try to use this analogy to justify God torturing us for all eternity. They have to either be completely ignorant or have a really sick sense of ethics if they think torturing is in anyway remotely similar to parenting. They also conveniently ignore the part where God/the parent specifically sets us/the child up to fall and then places the blame on us to justify abusing anyone he feels like. I just don't understand why they can't see that hell is torture and is in no way remotely similar to a disobedient child being scolded. Which Christian analogies annoy you the most and why?

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Whenever you debate with xtians, one of the things they always do that annoys me to no end is use their idiotic analogies to try to prove to us why we should worship God. I don't mind the use of analogies in general (though, sometimes it feels like they're running out of excuses/apologetics in debates when they have to resort to them), but xtian analogies simply irritate me because they try to make God look perfect and all-loving but they never paint the whole picture of what they actually teach. For example, the Christian analogy I hate the most is the God is like your parent analogy. It always disgusts me when xtians try to use this analogy to justify God torturing us for all eternity. They have to either be completely ignorant or have a really sick sense of ethics if they think torturing is in anyway remotely similar to parenting. They also conveniently ignore the part where God/the parent specifically sets us/the child up to fall and then places the blame on us to justify abusing anyone he feels like. I just don't understand why they can't see that hell is torture and is in no way remotely similar to a disobedient child being scolded. Which Christian analogies annoy you the most and why?

 

exactly. thats one i hate also. if a parent disciplines a child, it should be constructive, i.e achieve something, whereas hell is just revenge.

they also say, what if your child rejected you, even though you reached out to them in love? duh, i'd let them go, of course. you can't force love, of course. seems God tries to.

i'll think of some more and get back to you.

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The thing that got me at an early age was the "turn the other cheek" shit, along with the "give them your coat too". As a child starting school, I was reluctant to fight due to this, and would not fret over someone stealing my stuff either. I have been an ex-c over 30 years, but the bullshit messed with my childhood.

 

Which is one of the reasons that "grounding" a child in these teachings, without the introduction of reason, is little more the abuse.

 

bah..

 

Not in a good mood this morning...

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One thing I HATE is the Christian standard one liner in response to evil, suffering, disaster, death etc: "We are mere mortals, who cannot possibly begin to understand God's ways." Uhm, rationalize much?? Furthermore, if God created us in such a way so that we could NOT understand him, and left us questioning and yearning to know WHY WHY WHY -- that is purely EVIL! What better way to torment people?

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The local JW's tend to avoid me (?) but when a rookie engages me and hears that I'm atheist, they will invaribly retort "but we had to come from somewhere!" Sure lady, that proves a supernatural entity. Logic tells us that we must have been created by an unseen, unheard, omnipotent sky spook. Couldn't have been anything as silly as evolution, or a stray comet bearing amoebas, or a natural process. Nope, you got me. Definitely sky spook. :jesus:

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It annoys me that they claim not to want a "conflict" with myself and other atheists (cos christians just *dont* fight geddit?) yet they will be quite happy to say such blanket statements as "but god loves you and you should be glad that he made you and created the world for you". They do not seem, for the most part, to be able to comprehend humility, but instead love to shout about their faith whilst still preserving the "oops just slipped out" attitude, as if they only mention the fact that they are christians by accident. Urgh. If you don't want an argument then hold your tongue. I won't say things like "I know that when we die we don't remain in any state, there is no life beyond death and we are here by chance" because I would see that as inflamatory...

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I absolutly hate the "counterfit cops only study the REAL bills so that they will immediatly know a false bill when they see one" They say this to you to keep you from testing your religion, and for keep you form looking at other "holy books" and compare. I did like it becasue in the real world counterfit cops must study both real and false bills and study the methods of the counterfiters in order to proove in a court WHY/HOW that is a false bill inorder to get the conviction.

 

If they went into the court room and said "your honner it is a false bill becasue it is not the true bill" they would be thrown out for usign cirluer reasoning to make a case

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PEople claiming that their children love them and fear them, just like they do God...

 

Basically, if you scare your kids, you're an abuser :)

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Guest peavy
It always disgusts me when xtians try to use this analogy to justify God torturing us for all eternity.

 

One justification for hell that I've heard went a little something like this:

 

Basically, suppose you somehow had a child that died for every person in the world. If someone rejects your child's sacrifice, you wouldn't want them coming into your house would you?

 

Fine, I said, I can deal with separation from God. But your God, I tell them, does the equivalent of not just shutting the door in the unbeliever's face, but throwing him into the basement to be eternally tortured by Uncle Fester. If that happened in a real life situation, the loving father would be put away for life.

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Guest Zenobia

Where do I begin...? *rolls up sleeves* Ok, here are just a few, but I'm sure I could list thousands of things...

 

1. Explaining away tragedy, such as death. I.E., "Well maybe God had to let little Jimmy die so that his parents could learn a lesson..."

 

2. "Everything happens for a reason..." No, sometimes shit just freaking happens for no reason whatsoever, it even says so in the babble "time and chance happen to all" try reading it...

 

3. Claiming that movies, books, etc are metaphors for bible events. Such as "E.T. the Extraterrestrial was actually a metaphor for Jesus' death and resurrection..." Yeah I'm sure Steven Spielberg snuck that in there...

 

4. Trashing the environment because "Jesus is returning soon to clean it all up anyway..."

 

5. When you reference their own scriptures to beat them in an arguement and they come back with, "Well God even says the Devil can quote scripture..."

 

6. When they call you a "self-proclaimed" atheist because they don't believe you really know you are an atheist...

 

7. Whenever archaeologists find proof of some ancient civilization that happened to be mentioned in the babble... and christians say that "proves" everything in the bible is real

 

8. Getting away with terrible behavior because "Jesus will forgive me..."

 

9. Statements like "there are no atheists in a foxhole..." what, did you interview every soldier who ever sat in a foxhole to find out what their beliefs are?

 

10. Saying they are "persecuted" when they are not allowed to force the rest of the country to believe the way they do. IE, If they can't force public schools to institute prayer, etc.

 

11. Saying "the end is near" every time there's a war, a new virus, or unusual weather.

 

12. Trying to instigate wars in order to bring about armageddon sooner...

 

13. "Go forth and multiply and replenish the earth..." breeding like rabbits when the earth can no longer sustain 6 billion humans, then insisting that people are so much more valuable than other living things, so it's ok if species go extinct to make room for us...

 

Argh....

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I posted a rational question. Of Why a Loving father in all his infinite wisdom, would fill this world with disease, let children be born blind, and deaf. And if a human future father like me, wouldn't dream of blinding my children or striking them deaf, or disease them. Why couldn't a God a perfect God do such a thing? and how is this love...

 

all I got from apolgists incoherent ramblings, is something about winning a gold medal, and strenght training.

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I think that the one that annoys me the most is the ol' "suppose you had the cure for cancer, wouldn't you want to share it?"

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One thing I HATE is the Christian standard one liner in response to evil, suffering, disaster, death etc: "We are mere mortals, who cannot possibly begin to understand God's ways." Uhm, rationalize much?? Furthermore, if God created us in such a way so that we could NOT understand him, and left us questioning and yearning to know WHY WHY WHY -- that is purely EVIL! What better way to torment people?

i hate that too. and they are selective about it, because when it comes to the non-contraversial issues, they dont say we cant understand God's ways. ie. we are capable of understanding his kindness, not his cruelty.

actually, the bible says that if we're born again 'we have the mind of Christ', and if we were 'led by the spirit' we are meant to understand 'heavenly things', so their argument is inconsistent with the bible its supposed to come from.

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One thing I HATE is the Christian standard one liner in response to evil, suffering, disaster, death etc: "We are mere mortals, who cannot possibly begin to understand God's ways." Uhm, rationalize much??

 

Funny how they always turn around right after babbling that and claim that they still understand gawd's ways much better than we do, no? :lmao:

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Not that much an analogy as total failure at realizing an analogous situation... but anyway:

 

1. morontheist enters a place (forum, newsgroup, whathaveyou) where skeptics and unbelievers have discussed the problems and the nonsense in morontheist dogma countless times and refuted morontheist claims thoroughly, spending much time and effort in explaining the "I don't believe and here's why" stuff.

 

2. morontheist completely ignores all the reasoning and babbles the standard bullcrap (the same stuff, of course, that got torn to pieces which then got stomped and pissed upon and burnt to ashes... at least ten times in the single hour preceding the morontheist's posting), thereby insulting all the skeptic posters by declaring their efforts meaningless

 

3. predictably, the "opposition" reacts with anger at being thus insulted.

 

4. morontheist babbles the standard "somuchhate!!1!!!!1!!!111!!! allyouhaveisinsultsthatshowsyouknowyourewrong!!!!11!!!!!!111!!!"

 

5. morontheist declares itself the winner

 

I'm sure you all know what I mean... :banghead:

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Guest InvisiblePinkUnicornPony

1. You (the sinner) will never understand the things of God because you have a carnal mind.( I didn't know a mind is carnal,lol)

2. God wanted us to make a choice to love him, I mean he didn't create us as robots program to say I-Love-God. (Yes a christian I used to know started talking like a robot.)

3. What are you gonna teach your child?

4. God works in mysterious ways.

5. (The one that got me) We're still waiting on yall unbelievers to be saved! We wanna go home! If yall would come to Jesus today we can be raptured this second.

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The one about the tornado in the junkyard making a 747 as a comparison to the Big Bang. Dumb-fucking-asses.

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I don't think this one has been said yet:

 

"Love the sinner, hate the sin".

 

It makes me just want to scream and punch stuff!

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The one about the tornado in the junkyard making a 747 as a comparison to the Big Bang. Dumb-fucking-asses.

 

I ask them to point me at nature's version of a 747, in that there is a clearly defined created artefact...

 

Even then, although it's not likely, there's nothing in the laws of physics that says it actually can't happen... it's a bit like a cup of hot coffee spitting out a perfect wite sugar cube or the milk separating out... both are highly improbable, but that then means it has a finite probability, and just because it's not happened before doesn't mean is can't in the next measure of time you apply... It's like tossing a coin... there's no 'cumulative' probability to a random event... every flip has an equal chance... 2 billion heads? Next one could be a head, could be a tail... there's no memory, just the next event...

 

Don't you loathe people who just talk mathematical nonsense?

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I recently had a xtian try to use the God/parent analogy to justify not only hell but also why God doesn't answer prayers sometimes. Their excuse was that God only answers prayers if he thinks you need it, and if your prayer wasn't answered, then it wasn't something you needed, just like if a parent doesn't give something a child wants to them, then that child didn't need it. So, does that mean when God doesn't answer children's prayers and allows them to be raped by pedophile priests, that the parents think children need to be raped and God thinks children need to be raped, since he's just like a parent? Do xtians ever stop and think about how absurd they sound before they speak or do they always just spout out whatever the first bullshit thought that comes to their mind is?

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Did you apply that reasoning to them?

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Whenever you debate with xtians, one of the things they always do that annoys me to no end is use their idiotic analogies to try to prove to us why we should worship God. I don't mind the use of analogies in general (though, sometimes it feels like they're running out of excuses/apologetics in debates when they have to resort to them), but xtian analogies simply irritate me because they try to make God look perfect and all-loving but they never paint the whole picture of what they actually teach. For example, the Christian analogy I hate the most is the God is like your parent analogy. It always disgusts me when xtians try to use this analogy to justify God torturing us for all eternity. They have to either be completely ignorant or have a really sick sense of ethics if they think torturing is in anyway remotely similar to parenting. They also conveniently ignore the part where God/the parent specifically sets us/the child up to fall and then places the blame on us to justify abusing anyone he feels like. I just don't understand why they can't see that hell is torture and is in no way remotely similar to a disobedient child being scolded. Which Christian analogies annoy you the most and why?

 

exactly. thats one i hate also. if a parent disciplines a child, it should be constructive, i.e achieve something, whereas hell is just revenge.

they also say, what if your child rejected you, even though you reached out to them in love? duh, i'd let them go, of course. you can't force love, of course. seems God tries to.

i'll think of some more and get back to you.

My analogy? the god of the bible is like Mason Merger from the movie Hannibal. Mason Merger was only after Hannibal for revenge, not for any constructive purpose. God like like the psychopathic ex that can't handle the breakup and will do anything, even torture, to continue the relationship.

 

Just my 2 cents.

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5. (The one that got me) We're still waiting on yall unbelievers to be saved! We wanna go home! If yall would come to Jesus today we can be raptured this second.

 

I wonder if you offered to help them along on their journey :brutal_01: would they be so willing to go? :bluegrab:

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Guest Zenobia

OOOOH I almost forgot THIS ONE - the one I hate most of all!!!

 

Some Xtian's friend/brother/sister/child/dog/etc was supposed to go to the World Trade Center on 9/11/2001 but they missed their train/taxi/ride/etc... and were late, thus escaping the tragedy that killed thousands. Ergo, GAWD must have been looking out for them!

 

Yeah - well, what about all the people who were NOT SUPPOSED to go to the WTC that morning but through some unlucky change of circumstance (boss called them in, etc), ended up bring there right when the planes hit? Was GAWD making sure these people died???

 

Grrrrrr. These stories came out by the thousands in the wake of 9-11. I'm sure many of you received these stupid chain emails.

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5. (The one that got me) We're still waiting on yall unbelievers to be saved! We wanna go home! If yall would come to Jesus today we can be raptured this second.

 

I wonder if you offered to help them along on their journey :brutal_01: would they be so willing to go? :bluegrab:

You know, sometimes I feel like doing that.

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