Justin Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 There are these married fundies that i know, the guy i have known most of my life and his wife only the past five or six years. I have heard the guy say some pretty big whoppers over the years. Like for starters he has in the past said that one of the contradictory creation accounts refers to 'another' earth that god created before the actual earth. Another thing is he stated that angels bred with Noah and his family while on the ark to help repopulate the earth. Yet another is he thinks we should all speech in Elizabethan English because he thinks it is the only appropriate english because it is what the KJV Bible is written in. His wife did not go to church before meeting him and i do not know if she was an atheist or what her religious views were before. However, i do remember hearing her say a thing or two that sort of made me believe that she did not think to highly of christianity. Anyway, she met him and he went right to work on brain washing her into christianity and now, sadly, she is as big a nut as he is. Now, to get to the point of my post. Back in December of last year they moved into an apartment that has this wooden deck in the front. That have an inside cat that likes to sit on the window seal and just look out. They said that this black cat would come up on the deck and growl and hiss at their cat and would get up on the deck railing to try and get as close as it could to there cat. They said that it would do this multiple times everday and even came to the edge of their open door one time and stopped right at the threshold and continued with its growling and hissing at their cat. Well, he and her instantly said that this cat was demon possessed and they went room to room and out on their deck reading the bible and praying to god to rid them of this evil cat. It eventually moved on they said, but they attribute it to god answering their prayers. I might be going out on a limb here, but my theory on the "demon" cat is that it was probably a tom cat that wasn't to happy that another male cat had just moved into the area. Male cats can be like that. Tried telling them that and they said no, it was a demon cat. Another thing is what he told me just a few days ago. He said at church the previous sunday morning, their preacher had a projector and showed this image of the Pope and Emperor Palpatine side by side. The preacher then made a whole service out of comparing their looks and similarities and how the Pope is evil and all that (i'm not shitting anyone, this is what he told me) . The two told me they thought it was a good service. Just thought i'd share some crazy shit from two fundies i know. Anybody else have any similar stories they can share? Weird shit they have heard christians spew from their mouths? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest InvisiblePinkUnicornPony Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 How about a Christian telling me that aliens don't need the bible or Jesus because they never sinned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 My favorites are the faith healers ... Hard to get much weirder than them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vomit Comet Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 How about a Christian telling me that aliens don't need the bible or Jesus because they never sinned. Reminds me of this C.S. Lewis novel about a sinless race of people that lived on Venus, and how they got all fucked up when the fallen earth people showed up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 I think I found the picture Justin is referring to. I found it on an image search with Google. I wonder if that preacher can find a resemblance to Bush and a horse's ass too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L.B. Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 HZ, there are no pictures of Bush and a horse's ass side by side... that would be redundant. I once had to sit through an hour's worth of a sermon, highlighted with clips from Lord of the Rings, while the preacher told everyone that we are all Frodo Baggins or whatever the hell and we all need to find a Samwise Gamgee or whoever the shit as a companion and mentor and what the fuck. Sigh... I get all philosophical after I watch a movie, too... how come I can't be a preacher and get paid to make asinine comparisons? The shit has no impact on reality except to further blind us. Oh, wait, I know why... it's 'cause I'm not a brainwashed lemming who swallows jebus' spooge every day. That's the reason they all believe this shit so rabidly. Playing slave-boy to the imaginary Flying Zombie Jew makes you stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 I found one for LB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 How about a Christian telling me that aliens don't need the bible or Jesus because they never sinned. Reminds me of this C.S. Lewis novel about a sinless race of people that lived on Venus, and how they got all fucked up when the fallen earth people showed up. The Silent Planet trilogy - apologist bullcrap... almost on a level with the Left Buttock series... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted May 5, 2008 Super Moderator Share Posted May 5, 2008 When I was a kid, my dad dragged us to a COG where they preached from the pulpit that Catholics were amassing guns in the basements of their churches in preparation for taking over the world. Seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 I found one for LB. The resemblance is amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 I found one for LB. By golly, if it wasn't for the flag in the background I wouldn't be able to guess who's who... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upstarter Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 I know I've told this story before, but that's just because it's still so shocking to me. Once my mother asked her friend to remove a plastic owl she had on her porch roof (to scare away other birds). She said that her pastor had said they should have no images of "night creatures" in their homes because the images could be inhabited by evil spirits. I tried to point out to my mother that she believed that god created everything, therefore didn't god create bats, owls, snakes? But she wouldn't talk about it. The pastor had said so, and it must be true. OMG. That's when I knew my mother had truly been taken over to the loony side. Heather Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted May 5, 2008 Super Moderator Share Posted May 5, 2008 I know I've told this story before, but that's just because it's still so shocking to me. Once my mother asked her friend to remove a plastic owl she had on her porch roof (to scare away other birds). She said that her pastor had said they should have no images of "night creatures" in their homes because the images could be inhabited by evil spirits. I tried to point out to my mother that she believed that god created everything, therefore didn't god create bats, owls, snakes? But she wouldn't talk about it. The pastor had said so, and it must be true. OMG. That's when I knew my mother had truly been taken over to the loony side. Heather You win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted May 5, 2008 Author Share Posted May 5, 2008 LOL, that is fucking great!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 I know I've told this story before, but that's just because it's still so shocking to me. Once my mother asked her friend to remove a plastic owl she had on her porch roof (to scare away other birds). She said that her pastor had said they should have no images of "night creatures" in their homes because the images could be inhabited by evil spirits. I tried to point out to my mother that she believed that god created everything, therefore didn't god create bats, owls, snakes? But she wouldn't talk about it. The pastor had said so, and it must be true. OMG. That's when I knew my mother had truly been taken over to the loony side. Heather That's a superstition common in Islamic sects... It's why Islamic art is non-representational... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted May 5, 2008 Author Share Posted May 5, 2008 I know I've told this story before, but that's just because it's still so shocking to me. Once my mother asked her friend to remove a plastic owl she had on her porch roof (to scare away other birds). She said that her pastor had said they should have no images of "night creatures" in their homes because the images could be inhabited by evil spirits. I tried to point out to my mother that she believed that god created everything, therefore didn't god create bats, owls, snakes? But she wouldn't talk about it. The pastor had said so, and it must be true. OMG. That's when I knew my mother had truly been taken over to the loony side. Heather I have heard that from christians to (the biggest one being the guy i mentioned above), mostly pertaining to the owl. Some think that Satan took the form of the owl in the bible. I think it is in Isiah or Job but there is this prophecy that states how Babylon will become desolate and Satyre's will dwell there and owl's will too. However, i once read someplace in Wiki about how the owl in that verse is actually the Hebrew deity Lilith, who is often depicted as an owl. Anyone know anymore on this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted May 5, 2008 Super Moderator Share Posted May 5, 2008 I know I've told this story before, but that's just because it's still so shocking to me. Once my mother asked her friend to remove a plastic owl she had on her porch roof (to scare away other birds). She said that her pastor had said they should have no images of "night creatures" in their homes because the images could be inhabited by evil spirits. I tried to point out to my mother that she believed that god created everything, therefore didn't god create bats, owls, snakes? But she wouldn't talk about it. The pastor had said so, and it must be true. OMG. That's when I knew my mother had truly been taken over to the loony side. Heather I have heard that from christians to (the biggest one being the guy i mentioned above), mostly pertaining to the owl. Some think that Satan took the form of the owl in the bible. I think it is in Isiah or Job but there is this prophecy that states how Babylon will become desolate and Satyre's will dwell there and owl's will too. However, i once read someplace in Wiki about how the owl in that verse is actually the Hebrew deity Lilith, who is often depicted as an owl. Anyone know anymore on this? From Isaiah 34: Wildcats shall meet with hyenas, goat-demons shall call to each other; there too Lilith shall repose, and find a place to rest. There shall the owl nest and lay and hatch and brood in its shadow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted May 5, 2008 Author Share Posted May 5, 2008 HZ, there are no pictures of Bush and a horse's ass side by side... that would be redundant. I once had to sit through an hour's worth of a sermon, highlighted with clips from Lord of the Rings, while the preacher told everyone that we are all Frodo Baggins or whatever the hell and we all need to find a Samwise Gamgee or whoever the shit as a companion and mentor and what the fuck. Sigh... I get all philosophical after I watch a movie, too... how come I can't be a preacher and get paid to make asinine comparisons? The shit has no impact on reality except to further blind us. Oh, wait, I know why... it's 'cause I'm not a brainwashed lemming who swallows jebus' spooge every day. That's the reason they all believe this shit so rabidly. Playing slave-boy to the imaginary Flying Zombie Jew makes you stupid. Wow... all i can say. Do you think christians are starting to realize that conventional tactics and bullshit are not enough to win souls and thus, are starting to use pop cultural icons and imagery to try and win over people, something that todays society, especially the younger generation, would be into? Or is it that as religion evolves they are growing more fucked in the head? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted May 5, 2008 Author Share Posted May 5, 2008 I think I found the picture Justin is referring to. I found it on an image search with Google. I wonder if that preacher can find a resemblance to Bush and a horse's ass too? With their imagination they could find a resemblance to a squid and a wet sock. Thanks for finding that pic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upstarter Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 That's a superstition common in Islamic sects... It's why Islamic art is non-representational... Oh I can't WAIT to tell my mom that! Thanks! H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shion Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 How about a Christian telling me that aliens don't need the bible or Jesus because they never sinned. Reminds me of this C.S. Lewis novel about a sinless race of people that lived on Venus, and how they got all fucked up when the fallen earth people showed up. Man I hated that novel! The one about Mars was even worse. The planet and its inhabitants were dying and they take the main character on a tour before he leaves, which somehow gives him this euphoria. At least the Screwtape Letters were funny, and Narnia was palatable, but his sci fi was pretty terrible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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