Need Advice From An Adult....

[Insanity personified]

first off, im 16. Not 17 like my profile says

 

Im a sophmore in high school, last year I spent one horrible year at a small christian school in the area (I don't feel like saying the name of it, but if you want to know then PM me) basically, the school is an excuse for rich white people to shield their kids from minorities .....I am half indian, (as in from india) and throughout my stay at this fine christian establishment, frequently endured insults on the basis of my race. I let them slide, figuring that I shouldn't let the ramblings of a few poor ignorant fucks get in the way of my education (I use the term lightly)....the school besides being filled with racist fuckbags is also home to the finest examples of neocon shit....you know, the people who think that the war in iraq is somehow harkening the second coming of jesus....people who should have been thrown out the hospital window the second they slithered out of their mothers uterus, people who tink the world revolves around football and sex, people who would expell a student from school because her parents were lesbians, but BAIL OUT (from jail) a football player who nearly killed someone drunk driving (no im not making that up)

 

I finished my freshmen year a depressed, bipolar near suicidal wreck, and both my parents PROMISED me that I would never have to set foot in that hellhole ever again. Ever

 

I started going to a local public school, met new friends. Started to study as hard as I could so that I might apply for a scholarship, and generally minded my own business and adopted "live and let live" as my new years resolution....sometime around early november, I calmly sat my mother down and informed her that I no longer wanted to take part in the families religious activity. She flipped out exclaiming that this was a "christian family" and that I was merely going through a phase. Generally though she seemed to accept it and promised not to tell my dad......

 

 

now allow me to go off topic for a moment and explain just WHY telling my dad would be a bad thing, my dad is the classic example of someone who doesn't apply critical thinking to ANY aspect of life, he thinks that the jews are out to get us, women shouldn't do anything other than make babies and food (in that order)...but above all he is emotionally abusive, refering to anyone who disagrees with him as an idiot and flying into a fit of rage when he is challenged.....one incident comes to mind where he informed me that I needed to break up with my current girlfriend because her parents were divorced (which somehow makes her a slut), when I told him that that was dumb he flew into a fit of rage, threatening to "kick the shit out of me"

 

that is in a nutshell why he doesn't need to know anything regarding my deconversion

 

 

BUT! plot twist! as it turns out, they hired him at the afformentioned school, and now Im faced with

 

1. going there the remaining 2 years and putting up with him AND everyone else there (I get free tuition because he will be a teacher)

 

2. going there until I turn 18 and getting the hell out of there.....

 

 

 

overall im mad, sad and scared shitless....

[ShackledNoMore]

Is there any way you can recruit your mom to help keep you out of that school?

[Piprus]

Wow!...Just: Wow!

 

How can anyone here, at ex-christian, respond to that kind of adolescent situation? It's damned hard to do, sure it is!

 

I think the best advice I could give you, as a long-grownup ex-christian, is to bide your time. Amongst all the tumult that comes with being 16, there is still the need to fit in, somehow...despite your own personal identity as a non-christian. It may involve dishonesty with yourself and putting on a false face, for the time being...and dealing with the inner conflict. But that just may be the best course of action, temporarily. Only you can decide that. "Go along to get along"...not a bad way to go, under some conditions.

 

At 16, you're able to consider those kinds of options. Be wise, be smart, and decide wisely how you will go forward.

[Insanity personified]

Is there any way you can recruit your mom to help keep you out of that school?

 

not a chance....she pretty much agrees with everything my dad says, because you know.....a good christian wife never thinks

 

 

 

and im sorry for the double, ermmm triple post XD my computer is having epileptic sezures

[R. S. Martin]

Sounds like a really tough situation. Parents who make promises they don't keep--that's one of my very sorest points. Broken promises are technically lies. All liars have their part in the lake of fire--so says their Bible. Quoting that to parents who feel their authority is being threatened can be a very serious mistake if you're not bigger and stronger, or in a position with legal protection. Even if you have legal protection, religious zealots whose god has been offended will find ways to make your life miserable without incriminating themselves with the law. If you can do it, your best bet would probably be to pretend to have reconverted. You wouldn't be the only teenager on here doing that.

 

I'm not coming out of the closet and I'm over fifty years old. I want to be able to walk the streets and interact with people without fearing for my life, or having to contract for the regular necessities of life and business. I never really believed but I was in no position to leave the faith community into which I was born--not if I wanted a place to live and food to eat. I assumed I just wasn't seeing the obvious so I kept seeking for what everyone else seemed to "just know."

 

That is how I stayed in without believing until I was forty. I would not recommend you do that. Just suggesting perhaps you can do it for another two years. But the abuse of living under a tyrant for a teacher as well as dad. Very tough situation. I know from first hand experience. Wasn't my teacher--I had respite at school, but was my dad. Is he going to be your homeroom teacher? Will you be in his physical presence 24/7?

 

Just trying to see what your options are and how you might cope. Mental attitude goes a long way. But your situation is really tough--I don't deny that and I would recommend faking reconversion as a survival strategy. You'll have more freedom to use the library and internet for personal study and research if they believe you are safely inside the fold. Maybe someone else has a better suggestion.

 

EDIT I checked before posting. I see a few people posted while I was writing...there were no posts when I started...it seems nobody so far has come up with a better plan...Hang in there buddy.

[Insanity personified]

Sounds like a really tough situation. Parents who make promises they don't keep--that's one of my very sorest points. Broken promises are technically lies. All liars have their part in the lake of fire--so says their Bible. Quoting that to parents who feel their authority is being threatened can be a very serious mistake if you're not bigger and stronger, or in a position with legal protection. Even if you have legal protection, religious zealots whose god has been offended will find ways to make your life miserable without incriminating themselves with the law. If you can do it, your best bet would probably be to pretend to have reconverted. You wouldn't be the only teenager on here doing that.

 

I'm not coming out of the closet and I'm over fifty years old. I want to be able to walk the streets and interact with people without fearing for my life, or having to contract for the regular necessities of life and business. I never really believed but I was in no position to leave the faith community into which I was born--not if I wanted a place to live and food to eat. I assumed I just wasn't seeing the obvious so I kept seeking for what everyone else seemed to "just know."

 

That is how I stayed in without believing until I was forty. I would not recommend you do that. Just suggesting perhaps you can do it for another two years. But the abuse of living under a tyrant for a teacher as well as dad. Very tough situation. I know from first hand experience. Wasn't my teacher--I had respite at school, but was my dad. Is he going to be your homeroom teacher? Will you be in his physical presence 24/7?

Just trying to see what your options are and how you might cope. Mental attitude goes a long way. But your situation is really tough--I don't deny that and I would recommend faking reconversion as a survival strategy. You'll have more freedom to use the library and internet for personal study and research if they believe you are safely inside the fold. Maybe someone else has a better suggestion.

 

EDIT I checked before posting. I see a few people posted while I was writing...there were no posts when I started...it seems nobody so far has come up with a better plan...Hang in there buddy.

 

 

I was giving some thought into pretending to reconvert, but even that wouldn't get him off my ass....he is set out to dictate every aspect of my life and that is something I don't intend to take sitting down. He won't be my homeroom teacher (WHEW) he is teaching some AP class that I probably will never set foot in, but his personality is such that I know he will go out of his way to breath down my neck

 

im also scared of pissing him off too much, because I need him to pay for my college....or is there other options?

[Vomit Comet]

im also scared of pissing him off too much, because I need him to pay for my college....or is there other options?

 

I would say to look at other options. Otherwise he'll have you by the scruff of your neck the whole time you're in college.

 

Worst case scenario: put up with his abuse, however long-distance, throughout college and then once you're out, get a job and never look back!

 

Now, here's another thought: do you think, if he's footing the bill, that he'll force you to go to a Christian college? When I read the title of this thread, my first thought was that the thread-starter was trying to say that they were being forced to go to a Christian college.

[R. S. Martin]

I was giving some thought into pretending to reconvert, but even that wouldn't get him off my ass....he is set out to dictate every aspect of my life and that is something I don't intend to take sitting down. He won't be my homeroom teacher (WHEW) he is teaching some AP class that I probably will never set foot in, but his personality is such that I know he will go out of his way to breath down my neck

 

Insanity Personified, this looks to me like the classical parent-teenaged child relationship. The parent feels called of god to force the child into submission in every aspect of life. I remember pointing out to my father that what he was saying implied that he had a right to tell us kids which foot to put forward first when walking. I figured that was such a ridiculous example that it would literally shake some logic into his brain.

 

Did it work?

 

Not on your life!

 

He informed me that he had a full right to dictate exactly that.

 

I knew then to shut up.

 

He grew up during WW2. He taught us kids that there could come a time—and he used as an example a story told to him by a war vet—when life could depend on jumping when told to jump, even when it made no sense.

 

He could shut up my mouth but he could never shut up my brain.

 

If you want to know something of my background, google Amish or Old Order Mennonite. Okay here's a site called Amish Deception I found earlier today that reflects a very realistic view of the situation as I experienced it. Details and types of abuse and violence differ from home to home and may not violate the law. But no laws exist for spiritual and religious abuse even though I consider them a form of violence.

 

im also scared of pissing him off too much, because I need him to pay for my college....or is there other options?

 

Working your own way. Other than that, you would have to check what's available for the school you plan to attend, and for your geographical area. There are loans and grants for certain kinds of study for certain populations in certain geographical locations. For example, there seems to be far more money for post-secondary education in some parts of the States than in Canada. In Canada, Aboriginal populations can get free tuition at some schools while others can't. Etc.

 

Other monies depend on level of education and grades. Some are available only to students entering their first year at a post-secondary institution with a certain average from high school. I have no high school, so I never qualified for that. However, I was a mature student so I qualified for other types of bursaries that teenagers living with their parents don't qualify for. Some loans and awards are available on financial need basis. These will look at such items as income level of parents for teenagers living with parents.

 

That is the type of thing I encountered here in Ontario. It is the type of thing you will have to check out for your own situation. Each country and state or province has its own legislation. If you study outside your homeplace, other criteria apply. I have no experience with that whatsoever. I just noticed that other legislation existed for out-of-province and international students.

[The-Captain]

Hey, not much of an adult only nineteen, so not sure how wanted my advice is...but as trite as it sounds, I know what its like.

 

I went to a Christian school for my 4 years, in Texas of all places. About the same as yours from what you've described, amazing how sheltered Christianity and being jingoistic bastards seems to run hand in hand. Kind of school where a girl can get kicked out for smoking (cigarettes, off campus), or for being pregnant, but they can forgive a football player for dealing Ex in the locker room provided he agrees to stay clean in season.

They neocon/creationist brainwashing is a must too, of course, still feeling some of the sting from such a limited perspective in education.

 

Yup basically a hellhole for anyone who doesn't want to work with the system or doesn't look like they just rolled off the assembly line of whitebread American kids. The racist thing, as reprehensible as it is, comes as no surprise. I swear, that kind of school set up seems designed to bring together the worst sort, and proceed to bring out the worst in them.

 

I started going to a local public school, met new friends. Started to study as hard as I could so that I might apply for a scholarship, and generally minded my own business and adopted "live and let live" as my new years resolution....sometime around early november, I calmly sat my mother down and informed her that I no longer wanted to take part in the families religious activity. She flipped out exclaiming that this was a "christian family" and that I was merely going through a phase. Generally though she seemed to accept it and promised not to tell my dad......

 

Funny thats almost how I went about deconverting, except I decided not to tell my parents. I kept on going to church and such but let it be evident that there was no fervor there. It worked rather well for me, I adopted a policy of no comment/no enthusiasm. That way there was no fallout from a messy "telling-all" but I didn't really have to do anything religious or put on any pretense. They really couldn't do much about that, there was nothing for them to act on. Sure I would have liked to yell and vent and tell them all about it, but I like to think that my more Ghandi style form of resistance was better. I don't know, on some level it felt like a compromise I didn't want to make, but between being a firebrand or being practical I choose practicality.

 

BUT! plot twist! as it turns out, they hired him at the afformentioned school, and now Im faced with

 

1. going there the remaining 2 years and putting up with him AND everyone else there (I get free tuition because he will be a teacher)

 

2. going there until I turn 18 and getting the hell out of there..

..

 

As unsatisfactory as it may seem, waiting it out is probably your best option. Given what you've described of your parents, a reasonable reaction to your beliefs and personal wishes would be too much to hope for. Same situation I found myself in, I don't want to go into detail about my parents, this is about you after all but suffice to say your descriptions bring back some unpleasant memories.

 

My advice, such as it is, is to wait it out, grin and bear until you can gain some measure of independence. With domineering parents, attempts to live your own life on your own terms can be met with harshly especially when you're sixteen and still dependent. Sometimes you have to wait until you have more aspects of your life under your control to live how you want. A job, your own place, your own education can be used as leverage or a fallback.

 

Sad that leverage should come into play, these are your parents after all. But when parents threaten to "kick the shit out of you" for daring to disagree you do what you have to. Later they can think what they want, but if they can't force things on you anymore that becomes a moot point.

 

overall im mad, sad and scared shitless....

 

Wish I had some kind of killer advice to give, or some kind of assurance. The best I can say is that, it will pass. In the meantime you always have everyone here lend an ear and some advice or consolation if things get rough. May not sound like much, but when you don't have anyone you can safely talk to this site can help, lot of good people here.

 

Hope things get better.

[Insanity personified]

Hey, not much of an adult only nineteen, so not sure how wanted my advice is...but as trite as it sounds, I know what its like.

 

I went to a Christian school for my 4 years, in Texas of all places. About the same as yours from what you've described, amazing how sheltered Christianity and being jingoistic bastards seems to run hand in hand. Kind of school where a girl can get kicked out for smoking (cigarettes, off campus), or for being pregnant, but they can forgive a football player for dealing Ex in the locker room provided he agrees to stay clean in season.

They neocon/creationist brainwashing is a must too, of course, still feeling some of the sting from such a limited perspective in education.

 

Yup basically a hellhole for anyone who doesn't want to work with the system or doesn't look like they just rolled off the assembly line of whitebread American kids. The racist thing, as reprehensible as it is, comes as no surprise. I swear, that kind of school set up seems designed to bring together the worst sort, and proceed to bring out the worst in them.

 

I started going to a local public school, met new friends. Started to study as hard as I could so that I might apply for a scholarship, and generally minded my own business and adopted "live and let live" as my new years resolution....sometime around early november, I calmly sat my mother down and informed her that I no longer wanted to take part in the families religious activity. She flipped out exclaiming that this was a "christian family" and that I was merely going through a phase. Generally though she seemed to accept it and promised not to tell my dad......

 

Funny thats almost how I went about deconverting, except I decided not to tell my parents. I kept on going to church and such but let it be evident that there was no fervor there. It worked rather well for me, I adopted a policy of no comment/no enthusiasm. That way there was no fallout from a messy "telling-all" but I didn't really have to do anything religious or put on any pretense. They really couldn't do much about that, there was nothing for them to act on. Sure I would have liked to yell and vent and tell them all about it, but I like to think that my more Ghandi style form of resistance was better. I don't know, on some level it felt like a compromise I didn't want to make, but between being a firebrand or being practical I choose practicality.

 

BUT! plot twist! as it turns out, they hired him at the afformentioned school, and now Im faced with

 

1. going there the remaining 2 years and putting up with him AND everyone else there (I get free tuition because he will be a teacher)

 

2. going there until I turn 18 and getting the hell out of there..

..

 

As unsatisfactory as it may seem, waiting it out is probably your best option. Given what you've described of your parents, a reasonable reaction to your beliefs and personal wishes would be too much to hope for. Same situation I found myself in, I don't want to go into detail about my parents, this is about you after all but suffice to say your descriptions bring back some unpleasant memories.

 

My advice, such as it is, is to wait it out, grin and bear until you can gain some measure of independence. With domineering parents, attempts to live your own life on your own terms can be met with harshly especially when you're sixteen and still dependent. Sometimes you have to wait until you have more aspects of your life under your control to live how you want. A job, your own place, your own education can be used as leverage or a fallback.

 

Sad that leverage should come into play, these are your parents after all. But when parents threaten to "kick the shit out of you" for daring to disagree you do what you have to. Later they can think what they want, but if they can't force things on you anymore that becomes a moot point.

 

overall im mad, sad and scared shitless....

 

Wish I had some kind of killer advice to give, or some kind of assurance. The best I can say is that, it will pass. In the meantime you always have everyone here lend an ear and some advice or consolation if things get rough. May not sound like much, but when you don't have anyone you can safely talk to this site can help, lot of good people here.

 

Hope things get better.

 

thanks for taking time out of your day to write that! it did help....

 

at this point, waiting it out is likely the only option I have, since I will be starting my senior year as an 18 year old, I can legally switch schools without my parents having any say in the matter right? so theres that......basically, I want to go to an art college and major in film (and maybe minor in journalism) my father does want me to go to a christian school....so at this point I NEED to look at other methods to pay, I think I can figure something out though

[MesaGman]

I'm curious.... if your dad is a subscriber to the Z.O.G and Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion conspiracies, wouldn't he get into alot of friction with the staff at the school? I though that Fundies get all hard, when it comes to the prospect of sending American youths to fight for the Sons of Jacob?

 

on that note.... how in the hell is Judiasm and Christianity compatible? the Jesus character was suppose to compete against the Rabbis, ie claiming he was the son of God, and that believing in him and not the teachings of the Rabbis were the only way to heaven. Like if anything Christianity is the Anti of Judiasm. Yet Christians are all rabid and foaming at the mouth to fight wars to defend a religion that despises them?

[BlueGiant]

Ok, been a while since I played the financial game with school, but unless there are special circumstances, your parents' finances will be considered with yours when you apply for financial aid until you're 23. Then again, there are a lot of grants out there, I really suggest finding someone you can trust who knows how the current financial aid situation works.

 

Don't fake reconversion, it'll tear you up and your 'lapse' will just be held over your head still.

[MesaGman]

speaking of Grants, there should be lots of humanist organizations out there that would help you not use Neo-con's conservative grants. I'm sure there are lots of prosperous atheists out there. Check on some websites.....

 

Like they usually go for not just smarts, but what else you've done to help your fellow man. Like look into joining some group secular that does things for the world. (there are lots out there). Like the reason many wealthy people set up grants is to do the ol tax loophole thing, also it helps move progress along.

 

Like you mentioned you're a big fan of science, so volunteer with groups that help promote science, fellowship yourself. Really look into the "Congressional Youth Award" (aka the Duke of Edinburgh Award), one of the criteria are volunteering, and hang out with intelligent young people who do protests, or organize projects that help.

 

I myself hope that there will eventually be secular homeless shelters, that are non faith based. (I had to do my volunteering with the Mustard Seed, this would actually be one of the rare times Religion is not fear based and actually good, and honestly loving). heh, I was the Shower dude. Who ran the showers, and had conversations with the showerers. ie asking how their day went, offered a compassionate ear, offered my intellectual input to some of their concerns and issues.

 

the MS wasn't a place where Fundies got up in your face, with fire and brimstone, and other bullshit. Interesting.

 

But something to look into while you're 17, and have a few years to kill, something to occupy your brain with, and you could pick jogging for your physical activity, and have a jogging partner to sign off for you in the book. I should have just done that just joined a jogging club, instead of going out to a pricey gym. Oh well lesson learned.

 

and you can use studying here as a skill and hobby. or learn a trade through apprenticship through your school,

I'm sure you can use that.

 

Oh yeah and an expedition, heh, you may have to spend a weekend with your church friends ha ha ha. if there is nobody you know around to go with you.

 

http://www.congressionalaward.org/congress...FTOKEN=99311611

 

If that doesn't get a grant I'm not sure what will. well that and a kick ass portfolio.... Infact, I'm planning to write some college paper like essaies in my free time, to submit to the school again to show them that I'm ready to tackle school again. And take up volunteering this summer to teach ESL, to immigrant children, to earn my respect of being a mentorish leader again. But yea be proactive, and get on the good side of some Athiest professors. But in the mean time, get in touch with secular groups that help repair the damages that war mongers do with their "On Ward Christian soldier" mentality. This way, time would go by very very quickly, and you get to congregate with intelligent people who are genuinely interested in helping to reverse the damages that these "football Grunts" (the family from Idiocracy that had all those bastard children), christians do to the world.

 

But speaking of Football. The Governor-General of Alberta Norman Kwong, was a Football player, but it was his work with the community not his playing that got him that position.. Joe Forzani brother of John Forzani, owner of the Calgary Stampeeders (which Dwane Johnson "The Rock" played for briefly), formed Forzani group, because they were smart enough to take business knowing that eventually thier bodies would age. They do great productive things for Calgary.... So not all Footballers and jocks are "John Madden" idiots, Well maybe they are for playing the Superbowl during Winter?!?! (I always though Football was a summer sport, ie grass on the field).

[ShackledNoMore]

Unfortunately, I don't see much of a way out of that school either, unless you get lucky somehow. You can still bide your time, put up with your situation for another couple of years, and do the best you can with the situation. It's a nasty situation to be in, but you WILL be able to go on to escape the tyranny and move on with your life once you become a legal adult.

 

As for paying for college: I think there are other options, but it's not easy. It's been awhile since I've been in college. I dropped out and went back, so the second time I had neither parental support nor much enthusiasm on the part of the Financial Aid Office. I did get some student loans (these were more available when other sources of aid were not--that is probably still true today), I worked my butt off, and I took an almost time course load, not taking the summers off to stay on schedule. It was tough, but it was one way. The first thing to explore, of course, is whether you'll be able to qualify for those "special circumstances" where your parents' income won't be considered for your financial aid. It might work against you if they are willing to send you to a religious propaganda mill rather than an educational institution, but whether that's the case or not, the place to start is by researching your financial aid options. Unfortunately, it will be more difficult to work through the guidance counselor's office under your father's thumb at the xian school--you may or may not be able to get much use out of that, depending on the details of your situation, but there are other sources. And you might want to check with your current public school guidance counselor, NOW, before the school year is out, to discuss your options while s/he is still available to do that with you.

 

Best wishes.

[SWIM]

first off, im 16. Not 17 like my profile says

BUT! plot twist! as it turns out, they hired him at the afformentioned school, and now Im faced with

 

1. going there the remaining 2 years and putting up with him AND everyone else there (I get free tuition because he will be a teacher)

 

2. going there until I turn 18 and getting the hell out of there.....

 

 

 

overall im mad, sad and scared shitless....

 

 

Hey, I certainly can understand the secrecy reading your situation. Heart goes out to you, I hope you are gonna be ok there bud.

 

Talk with us to blow off steam and relieve some stress. Take it in stride if you can, find something to laugh at, humor makes me forget problems sometimes, might work for you. Watch something funny, even when not in the mood too. In doing so, you might change your mood an lighten up. Works for me anyway.

[L.B.]

Do yourself a favor. Get a good job with as many hours as you can handle with school and a decent night's sleep. SAVE, SAVE, SAVE every fucking penny you can (and that's the only 'saved' you need to worry about). When you turn 18, find yourself a little cracker-box studio apt somewhere and get the fuck out. Fact is, going along the lines of what Mesa said, you CAN finance school creatively if you know where to look. Take the handouts at home (room, board, food) for only as long as you absolutely need to, then GTFO of Dodge. I could recommend a really good company to work for, but you'd have to be 18 already. PM me if you think there's a thing I can help with... I grew up in a fundy home and still have to struggle with the things my folks hang over my head as 'favors' they've done for me over the years. Our collective wisdom/experience on these forii might be able to help you piece together some kind of plan. May I offer a piece of advice from my tradition (Zen Buddhism)?

 

"To forget the self is to be enlightened by the ten thousand things." - Dogen

 

In short, that just means to forget, however temporarily your own wants, likes and 'rathers' and instead concentrate on what is going to make YOUR life work YOUR way. Remember, there might be a hundred ways for this to be more comfortable (less stress with the folks, etc) but there will never be a way for it to be better for you. Just go do what is needful. I wish you all the best.

[florduh]

Tough spot to be in. As a minor, your best bet is to hang in there, of course.

 

Look at it as a temporary job or assignment that will definitely end soon (I know a couple of years seems like forever at your age!). Or think of it as a brief stint in the military, serving long enough to get your college money. This time spent could be your undercover investigative work for your upcoming book or documentary!

 

Hang in there, you're smart and will come out of this just fine. We're always here for you.

 

- Chris

[Guest eejay]

I had responded to your post pretty early on, but I hit the reply button while the board had a problem last night. I won't try to restate everything I said because it is pretty much what you've already heard from the others. Faking a reconversion however, I just don't know. Just try to be true to yourself no matter what. Any chance that you could stay with a different family member or relative? Do you have any areas of interest that could render you going to a different school...for education's sake? I had some real issues with my mom especially at your age. I could write a book on all the horrible things she'd done to me in the name of god. Seems like if they're doing things in the lord's name they have a carte blanche excuse to do whatever including breaking the law. Just hang tight for now, september isn't here yet. Maybe something will change.

[Robbobrob]

It really burns me to see parents treat an obviously smart kid like dirt. As a father of a 6 year old, I can not imagine treating him like your father does, or forcing him to go to a school he does not want to attend.

 

As a father, it is my responsibility to teach my son the skills he needs to follow HIS dreams, based on his talents and interests.

 

Except biding your time until your Great Escape, all I can say is you don't deserve such treatment.

[xequar]

Do yourself a favor. Get a good job with as many hours as you can handle with school and a decent night's sleep. SAVE, SAVE, SAVE every fucking penny you can (and that's the only 'saved' you need to worry about). When you turn 18, find yourself a little cracker-box studio apt somewhere and get the fuck out. Fact is, going along the lines of what Mesa said, you CAN finance school creatively if you know where to look. Take the handouts at home (room, board, food) for only as long as you absolutely need to, then GTFO of Dodge. I could recommend a really good company to work for, but you'd have to be 18 already. PM me if you think there's a thing I can help with... I grew up in a fundy home and still have to struggle with the things my folks hang over my head as 'favors' they've done for me over the years. Our collective wisdom/experience on these forii might be able to help you piece together some kind of plan. May I offer a piece of advice from my tradition (Zen Buddhism)?

 

"To forget the self is to be enlightened by the ten thousand things." - Dogen

 

In short, that just means to forget, however temporarily your own wants, likes and 'rathers' and instead concentrate on what is going to make YOUR life work YOUR way. Remember, there might be a hundred ways for this to be more comfortable (less stress with the folks, etc) but there will never be a way for it to be better for you. Just go do what is needful. I wish you all the best.

Do this. Do it now. The thing that I think needs to be directly stated, regardless of how obvious it is, is that this is, in fact, a power struggle. Your dad is in a position where he has been in power for a long time-in power over you, in power over your mother, and soon in power over the students that he'll be teaching. As long as you live in his house and he pays your bills, he will REMAIN in power, which pretty much fucks you right over.

 

That's where getting a job and banking the money come in. Get a job working as much as you can handle, bust your ass in school, too, and save every dime that you make. Also, start trying to covertly find out if you have potential alternative living arrangements. What I mean is, try to talk to your friends, but discreetly, to find out whether, if for some reason shit really goes down hardcore with you and the folks, you have a place to crash. Also, keep your parents as far away from your finances as utterly possible. If you need a car, find some $1,000 beater that will get you from A to B and pay for your own gas. Don't get too attached to having a cell phone, especially if the parents pay for it.

 

Doing those things are how you can shift the power balance. If you know you have an out if shit goes down and you have some money in the bank and your parents don't own your car and whatnot, the entire paradigm between you and your father changes and you suddenly have some weapons in your arsenal. If you've done well in school, you open yourself up to receiving more financial aid and scholarships and whatnot, as well. Trust me, you CAN find the money to go to college without your parents' help.

 

Trust me especially on the car thing here too. One of my best friends in the world was in a similar situation his freshman year of college, where he was entirely beholden to his parents. He broke curfew, so his mom reported that he had stolen "her" car. He basically threw the keys at her, told her to fuck off, and didn't speak to her for three years, but in the meantime, he had a really rough time of it since he had no money to speak of.

 

In the meantime, you probably will have to suck it up with this whole school thing for a year or two, as much as I hate to say it. The goal here is to set yourself up for the future, biding your time until you can make a clean break, but making sure you have an arsenal of options at the ready just in case you need to go to war with the ol' man. Plan for the worst case and hope for the best case.

 

All my hopes!

[Mongo]

Do yourself a favor. Get a good job with as many hours as you can handle with school and a decent night's sleep. SAVE, SAVE, SAVE every fucking penny you can (and that's the only 'saved' you need to worry about).

 

You know... this is really really good fucking advice because it works for you on a whole pile of levels.

 

Yes... it helps pay for an education however... it also:

- keeps you out of your dad's face.

- making money is something that fundys respect. These "bonus points" will take the edge off of your lack of enthusiasm for religion.

- It gives you time spent with coworkers who have a chance at being 'normal'

- it is plain and simply is a great way to learn to take care of yourself

 

You know IP, about the 1st-3rd sentence into your opening post, I instantly liked you. You're smart and I suspect you have a lot of natural good sense.

 

I'm pretty confident that you are capable of keeping a low profile (minimum required participation & minimum enthusiasm per other post) without injuring your sense of self. A job really helps with that. So does keeping your marks up so you can get a scolarship.

 

I'm on board with Piprus. Lying to asshats to avoid emotional or other abuse for a short time is acceptable and appropriate.

 

Other considerations...

 

You might also take a page from a workplace survival manual. For example, some workers who flit about an office socializing are savvy about it and always make sure they carry something in their hands that says, "I'm on an errand".

 

You can do the same with xtian folk. How about reading your bible cover to cover? Quite frankly, I find it more interesting as an XC than I did as a fundy. A very common reason people deconvert is because they actually read the bible. Make it part of your deconversion therapy (ha ha) and it then becomes part of your disguise.

 

Also, you don't need to lie (or lie very much) to adjust people's thinking. If you start reading your bible cover to cover and your dad gives you attitude about religion, you can say, "Dad, I know you have concerns about my soul but I just want you to know that I've decided to read the bible to really understand it better." If he asks why you've decided that, just say, "I don't know... it just seemed like a good idea".

 

These are just thoughts and maybe they spur you to find other ways of slinking around these folks for a couple years until you can get out on your own.

 

As to xtian college, you might want to consider another angle. Is there a career or program you are interested in that is not offered at a xtian college? Make the argument that only "Secular U" offers "Put program name here".

 

Can you make the argument that a college he wants you to go to is either not accredited or not respected enough in your field of interest to base a career?

 

Would he 'never' pay for a secular college?

 

Lastly, paying for your own education builds character. It is a viable option.

 

Think long term and think hard about getting a job.

 

Good luck!

 

Mongo

[florduh]

That's a very good point - the children decide which nursing home the parents wind up in. I wish I had realized that fact at an earlier age!

 

Might not work in this case though. I'm sure with their mental aberration these parents expect to be raptured before that time arrives.

[Eponymic]

Here's the skinny plain and simple.

 

Better to deal with the temporary BS of having your dad breathe down your neck while being at his school, than to piss him off by going (or trying to go) elsewhere and having him withhold your college funding.

 

IF your dad is willing to pay for your art college, great, use him for his money and then leave him be from there. If he isn't, then work your ass off at school to get whatever scholarships & grants you can. Do lots of research!!! There are free money grants & scholarships out there that you can get to help pay for college.

 

Fact is your dad isn't going to change anytime soon. So you have to appease him as much as possible while you're under his roof. It may not feel like something you want to do, but it's the best thing to do. By making him happy in the short run, you'll find your road much smoother. Then once you're gone, whether he's paying or not, you'll have plenty of freedom to simply lead your life, or to continue to play the appeasement game as he pays for your school.

 

It ain't pretty, but it's the best recourse.

[Mysteries' Child]

I'm in the "save up money, work hard in school, keep a low profile, and then get the fuck out" camp.

 

Once you're out of school, there's nothing they can do to stop you.

 

And until you're 18, there are all kinds of ways you can get hurt even worse out in the world.

 

Working hard and doing well in school gives you at least a chance at an academic scholarship.

 

Getting a job gives you a reference for, hopefully, a better job when you get out of DaddyLand.

 

It's not at all an easy road to walk. It may take you a year or two after high school to even be able to start college.

 

But-- and this is something I'm reinforcing because I wish I'd realized it-- people DO start college in their 20's and make a success of it, sometimes much more so than if they'd started in their teens. I was always told this (not going straight to college) was a fuck-up thing to do. I wish I hadn't listened.

 

Between a possible academic monetary award, possible need-based awards (more likely if you're out of your folks' place and no longer being claimed on their taxes), possible student loans, and the eventual possibility of a job that will possibly pay you more than starvation wages...

 

...it becomes possible that, a shorter-than-it-looks five years from now, you could be entirely in charge of your own dang life and much, much closer to having it where you want it to be.

[Skiergirl24]

You poor kid. Being a teenager really sucks sometimes doesn't it? You are wise enough to know when you are being fucked over, but not legally "old enough" to make your own decisions/choices. If you do end up going to this Christian school, study your butt off so that you can go to a great college and get the hell out of dodge! I agree with what some of the others said. Study hard, keep a low profile, come on here to vent about the mongotards you go to school with, and then once you hit 18, get outta there and go to college where you can be who you are and make your life your own.

 

Giving you a big hug!

 

:)M