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Goodbye Jesus

Attacked by Scientologists!


Guest JP1283

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Guest JP1283

Well I was walking with my friend Howard down Hollywood Blvd when we passed in front of the Scientology center. All the scientologists were lined up in front giving free stress tests. I didn't wanna do it but Howard did...so I sat down and the guy asked me to hold these metal things that measured my stress on this meter-thingy, and to think of a situation that stressed me. Of course I thought of the Mr. Brady situation, so he grilled me about it and I kept telling him to ask me another question. Finally he just said, you know what can help you? "What?" I asked...he pointed to the Dianetics book by L. Ron Hubbard. Then he asked me what I was doing to help my problem and I said that I was going to therapy. He was like, "NO!" I looked at the book and said I wasn't going to buy it. He said, "Well, just don't take any drugs okay? Please?" I shook his hand and left. Those scientologists...

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Guest Priapus

Alla that reminds me of a scene near the opening of Blade Runner (1982) when they're screening factory employees to find the escaped replicants, one of whom is Leon.

 

Holden: You're in a desert, walking along in the sand when all of a sudden you look down...

Leon: What one?

Holden: What?

Leon: What desert?

Holden: It doesn't make any difference what desert, it's completely hypothetical.

Leon: But, how come I'd be there?

Holden: Maybe you're fed up. Maybe you want to be by yourself. Who knows? You look down and see a tortoise, Leon. It's crawling toward you...

Leon: Tortoise? What's that?

Holden: You know what a turtle is?

Leon: Of course!

Holden: Same thing.

Leon: I've never seen a turtle. (pause) But I understand what you mean.

Holden: You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back, Leon.

Leon: Do you make up these questions, Mr. Holden? Or do they write 'em down for you?

Holden: The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.

Leon: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I'M NOT HELPING?

Holden: I mean you're not helping! Why is that, Leon?

[Leon has become visibly shaken]

Holden: They're just questions, Leon. In answer to your query they're written down for me. It's a test, designed to provoke an emotional response. (pause) Shall we continue?

Leon: OK

Holden: Tell me everything that comes to mind when I ask you to think about your mother.

Leon: My mother? I'll tell you about my mother.

[Leon produces pistol and shoots the interviewer dead.]

 

 

 

Brilliant stuff.

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Argh! Scientology is even more ridiculous than Christianity, if such a thing is possible. At least Christians don't worship UFOs (as far as we know, anyway).

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I have always thought Scientology was a joke, and Hubbard forgot to tell us the punchline.

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I have always thought Scientology was a joke, and Hubbard forgot to tell us the punchline.

 

Hmmm...methinks the punchline is this:

 

Damn, that was a really cool acid trip! What year is it, anyway?

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Hmm and I always thought it was...

 

And you guys wondered how Joseph Smith pulled it off!

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Hubbard made the whole thing up to see how many gullible people he could part from their money.

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Hubbard made the whole thing up to see how many gullible people he could part from their money.

 

And to sell books.

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hehe of course, can't forget about those

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He didn't do it for the money or to sell books. Those were only products of his true desire. He wanted what all little men want: Power. It is why there are so many fire and brimstone preachers out there.

 

-Jake

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Just what America needs, another religion that believes they have all the answers and is growing in their fundamentalism.  If Scientologists start bombing psychiatric clinics, I'm outta here!

 

Of course I do have this funny mental image of Tom Cruise self destructing with a bomb strapped to his back as he runs into a psychiatrists office:

 

Psychiatrist:  So, tell me about your childhood.

 

Patient:  What the...??!!

 

Tom Cruise:  Stop the therapy or I will detonate this bomb!

 

Psychiatrist:  What do you feel is motivating you to make threats?

 

Tom Cruise:  Do not try to corrupt me with your evil psychiatry mind tricks.  We are not leaving here, until you both read Dianetics from cover to cover!

 

Patient:  Wow, I can't believe I am in the same room with Tom Cruise!  Can I have your autograph.

 

 

:lmao::lmao:

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JP, (or ANYBODY for that matter)

 

Below is a link to a sound file from The Infidel Guy website. It's called Scientology Exposed. The program is one hour in length and explains a great deal about the Scientologist beliefs.

 

Like someone above stated, their beliefs are quite strange compared to others.

 

 

SCIENTOLOGY EXPOSED

 

 

By the way, that little 'stress meter' that they had your friend play with is the very same thing that they use during their "auditing sessions" when you first join this extremely expensive religion. The program above touches on this too.

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Guest JP1283
JP, (or ANYBODY for that matter)

 

Below is a link to a sound file from The Infidel Guy website. It's called Scientology Exposed. The program is one hour in length and explains a great deal about the Scientologist beliefs.

 

Like someone above stated, their beliefs are quite strange compared to others.

SCIENTOLOGY EXPOSED

By the way, that little 'stress meter' that they had your friend play with is the very same thing that they use during their "auditing sessions" when you first join this extremely expensive religion. The program above touches on this too.

 

Sweeet. I'll listen to it on my iPod at work.

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Guest Priapus
By the way, that little 'stress meter' that they had your friend play with is the very same thing that they use during their "auditing sessions" when you first join this extremely expensive religion. The program above touches on this too.

 

 

They call it an "E Meter" with the E standing for Emotion. It's essentially the same device used in polygraph machines and it detects galvanic skin reaction commonly triggered by stress.

 

 

I wanna be a clear, operating Thetan level 9. I'd kick ass if I was that.

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They call it an "E Meter" with the E standing for Emotion. It's essentially the same device used in polygraph machines and it detects galvanic skin reaction commonly triggered by stress.

 

By nature I have an abnormally high galvanic skin response. I screw up electronics regularly and those touch lamps everyone love so much go insane when I touch them. I was told by my doctor that I would not be able to take a polygraph for that reason. It would simply register every response as a lie.

 

My husband notice that any light fixture I turn on and off regularly tends to go through light bulbs fast.

 

Odd stuff.

 

The scientologist would think I was just bursting with alien spirits!

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Guest aexapo
I have always thought Scientology was a joke, and Hubbard forgot to tell us the punchline.

 

I read a book by an ex-Scientologist once (it was when I was in college -- don't remember the title) and apparently this dude had risen pretty high in the ranks. He met Hubbard several times (obviously before he died), and left after he became convinced that for those in the upper echelons of Scientology, the "religion" is simply a money-syphoning hoax.

 

Hubbard had a since of humor indeed -- a very sick one.

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Guest aexapo
Hmmm...methinks the punchline is this:

 

Damn, that was a really cool acid trip!  What year is it, anyway?

 

LOL! I think Hubbard wanted god-like power. Smith, I think, probably thought he was God.

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Hubbard was either nuts, on a power trip, or making one huge joke. Probably it was a bit of everything combined, but I do believe that he laughed his ass off until the day he died about people actually buying into scientology. That's not to say that people don't take it seriously, which is scary as hell (if you'll pardont he expression).

 

Gotta love any religion that states that we are evolved from clams....

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What is interesting though, is that we get to witness the growth of a religion that we know, there is documented proof, that it is made up. And yet, we can see how fanatical people can be about it, how much sense it can make to them. It answers a few questions for me about how people can believe a religion to be true.

 

Good point. I'm sure it would be a fascinating study for sociologists.

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