dulce Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 O.K. So, here I am living at my mom's house with my kids cuz I'm going through a divorce. My soon to be ex is still going to a oneness apostolic shithole. I did my time, wised up and got the hell out. Well, getting out of church also meant getting out of my marriage. GLORY!! Anyway, My ex just showed up to pick up our daughter for his visits. She was all dressed up pretty in a Cinderella dress and (fake) glass slippers. When he saw her he said how beautiful she looked. Then he asked her if she got all dressed up for {insert total silence here}. He didn't finish the question. He wanted to say "church". ( there is church tonight ) HE COULDN'T EVEN SAY THE WORD CHURCH IN FRONT OF ME!!!!! What is up with that? Shouldn't he be proud of his super holiness? What the hell was he afraid of? That I would turn into Satan and burn him to the ground? I WISH!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dio Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Was he being spineless, or just trying to avoid any controversy in front of the children. I'm divorced with three kids, and I know how awkward and stressful it was to go and exchange possession of the children those first several months. After a time, I made it clear that our relationship would be strictly civil, business-like, and non-confrontational. Early on, we had a few missteps in front of the children, nothing major, but a perceptible level of hostility. But that improved as time went on, and we realized we had a common interest in preserving the children from our own problems. My situation is slightly different from yours, in that my deconversion occurred nearly a year after our initial separation. Up to this point, I have not had to discuss my switch from faith to non-faith with my ex. But I know as my children get older, that this will become an issue. She will just have to accept the fact that I am no longer a christian. But I will also have to accept that she is. In any case, this is going to be tough for you and I. No way around it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedPillAddict Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 O.K. So, here I am living at my mom's house with my kids cuz I'm going through a divorce. My soon to be ex is still going to a oneness apostolic shithole. I did my time, wised up and got the hell out. Well, getting out of church also meant getting out of my marriage. GLORY!! Anyway, My ex just showed up to pick up our daughter for his visits. She was all dressed up pretty in a Cinderella dress and (fake) glass slippers. When he saw her he said how beautiful she looked. Then he asked her if she got all dressed up for {insert total silence here}. He didn't finish the question. He wanted to say "church". ( there is church tonight ) HE COULDN'T EVEN SAY THE WORD CHURCH IN FRONT OF ME!!!!! What is up with that? Shouldn't he be proud of his super holiness? What the hell was he afraid of? That I would turn into Satan and burn him to the ground? I WISH!! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Mind games, IMO. He may want you to think that he is scared by your recent behavior. Trying to exagerate the situation... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. K Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Being a divorced mother myself, I can tell you that this is simply a mind-game on his part. He wants you to think that he's soooooo afraid of causing controversy in front of the kids, that he'll avoid saying "church" in front of you. Which is absolute bullshit. What he most likely does is tell the kids how horrible you are because you aren't a Christian, and how you're going to Hell, and if you really loved them, you'd have stayed with Daddy and stayed blind by Xtianity. Document anything that the kids come home and tell you about. If he's badmouthing you to them, or if his faaaamily is badmouthing you to them, well, judges don't look kindly on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 It takes two to play a mind game - deciding that you know what he's thinking - assuming its bad - and getting ready to document all the bad stuff you've decided he's going to tell the kids - would be deciding to pull your chair right up to the gaming table and say loud and clear - 'I'm in - I'm playing'. Once upon a time you loved each other and without him that pretty little girl in her cinderella slippers would never have even existed. Assume the best of this man who gave you your children. Especially in front of them. Try and see things from his point of view - once she was in his life everyday - now he has to collect his own daughter and face his ex whilst she is supported by her family and his heart is racing with all the jumbled up hurts and sorrows that come with separation and divorce ... and yet still the first words that come out of his mouth are to tell his daughter how beautiful she looks! Some parents are too full of their own pain to notice how lovely their kids are for quite a while after a separation. I think he sounds wonderful to be able to do this. Have some compassion for the guy when he's lost for words mid sentence. Get together and talk - away from the kids, as soon as you can. Maybe he was really worried you would stop him from taking your daughter to church. I guess he would be no better at mind reading than you would be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christopher Carrion Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Being a divorced mother myself, I can tell you that this is simply a mind-game on his part. He wants you to think that he's soooooo afraid of causing controversy in front of the kids, that he'll avoid saying "church" in front of you. Which is absolute bullshit. What he most likely does is tell the kids how horrible you are because you aren't a Christian, and how you're going to Hell, and if you really loved them, you'd have stayed with Daddy and stayed blind by Xtianity. Document anything that the kids come home and tell you about. If he's badmouthing you to them, or if his faaaamily is badmouthing you to them, well, judges don't look kindly on that. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> That's a rather blase assumption you're making there, Ms. K, especially since you know NOTHING whatsoever about this individual or the circumstances of the seperation other than what has been divulged from one party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dulce Posted July 27, 2005 Author Share Posted July 27, 2005 Try and see things from his point of view - once she was in his life everyday - Truth - he was never around. Always too busy working. now he has to collect his own daughter and face his ex whilst she is supported by her family and his heart is racing with all the jumbled up hurts and sorrows that come with separation and divorce Truth - yes, he is hurt over the divorce. But he claims to have noooo idea why I left! ... and yet still the first words that come out of his mouth are to tell his daughter how beautiful she looks! Some parents are too full of their own pain to notice how lovely their kids are for quite a while after a separation. I think he sounds wonderful to be able to do this. Thank you for this insight. I really didn't see it until you put it so nicely. Have some compassion for the guy when he's lost for words mid sentence. Get together and talk This man couldn't communicate if his life depended on it. - away from the kids, as soon as you can. Maybe he was really worried you would stop him from taking your daughter to church. No, he knows he's got her for Tuesday night services. What I'm beginning to think the problem was, is he is starting to question his beliefs. Something just isn't quite the same with him. Can't quite put my finger on it yet. I guess he would be no better at mind reading than you would be. So true! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 That must be really tough for you - the fact that he says he doesn't know why you left - and harder still if he is someone who finds it real hard to communicate. So much of what goes wrong between lovers and friends is missed or miscommunication and many men (a generalisation I know) have had little practice articulating their emotions. Maybe he is loosing his religion. Big changes, big challenges all around. Thank goodness for pretty girls in cinderella slippers hey! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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