deb Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Highly entertaining shit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Lasagna 3:16 For FSM so loved the world that he gave his one and only Spaghetti, that whoever believes in it shall not starve but have eternal pasta. 1 Bolognese The Lord Spaghetti on the night when he was betrayed took meatballs, and when he had given thanks, he broke them, and said, 'This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.' In the same way also the ketchup bottle, after supper, saying, 'This bottle is the new covenant in my ketchup. Do this, as often as you use it, in remembrance of me'. And btw, pastafarians don't speak in tongues, they speak with they mouths full of food. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Did I miss anything? What if the FSM causes someone to speak in tongues? If that tongue is pure Italian, is that evidence enough? Um--oh dear! No, the followers of FSM don't speak in tongues because I'm making the rules and I don't know how to speak in tongues. If this is a serious inconvenience for anybody I will be happy to hand over the reins. Ah, let's see... Actually Pastafarians or spagnostics don't speak in tongues they talk like pirates. Arg! Oh my dear Sandy, so they don't speak in tongues. You are such a dear. I'm sure I can learn to speak Pirates if I'm exposed to it long enough--if it is is normal human language. BUT what if I became a pirate in the process--would make me a bag guy??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cslewissucks Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 edit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Hans, could you be charged with blasphemy? Are you forcing up to find a stoney place to throw stones at you until you die--you and all your wives and children? Umm. Hmmm. Let's see. I'm not sure that I could make it to the stoning. You're an awfully long way away from me. I wouldn't want to ruin anyone's holidays with such a thing either just before the holidays or hanging over their heads for right after. Besides, I'd never again see any of your inspiring posts. And that would a calamity no one could console me of. Even if it was blasphemy, I'm going to forgive it--WITHOUT blood sacrifice. God and his Holy Spirit can be blasphemed only if they exist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agnosticator Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 I'm sick of all the corruption in the Church of the FSM! It's time for a Reformation! The first of my 95 Theses: Sola Sauce. You are saved by SAUCE ALONE, not by works! PREGO! PREGO! WITH PASTA AL DENTE AND SAUZITS! SI, BY FAITH IN PREGO AND NOT BY THE WORKS OF RAGU! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looking4Answers Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 SI, BY FAITH IN PREGO AND NOT BY THE WORKS OF RAGU! How dare you speak against Ragu! You must be one of those Pregostants! From now on, I declare a purer pasta ... one without sauce! After all, the Holy Pasta forbids hard drink ... thou shalt not get sauced! All hail the FSM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Heck, I think I'll become a Fry-Pan-theist instead, or maybe a Pot-head... Can't make up my mind. Maybe I'll just simmer on it a bit... The benefit of becoming a pot-head is that I can get stoned and still live, and even enjoy it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onyx Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 20 Cannoliandments of FSM from the immortal King Sauce Version of Holy Pasta Bible: 1. If the FSM decide to bless thee with His Appendage, thou must receive it. 2. Love your fellow pasty neighbours. 3. Shun the Christians, Jews and Muslims. 4. Alway eat pure Italian. 5. Thou shalt not cleave unto the Anti Pasta. 6. Thou shalt not wear clothes made out of the same fabrics. 7. Thou shalt have sex with the same sex at least once. 8. Eight is the holy number of the FSM and woe to them who dare defile it. 9. Alway watch sanctified TV shows such as The Simpsons, Southpark and any other great comedy shows. 10. It is allowed to masturbate as long as it is not centered upon the Holy FSM. 11. Never debate stupidity. 12. No marriage is allowed. 13. Nothing is unlucky but nothing is lucky either. 14. Never dictate to anybody in matters of beliefs. 15. Thou shalt not have sex with children, animals and Anne Coulter. 16. Thou shalt not claim to understand Ulysses or any other difficult books. 17. Ignore false prophets who seduce thee with praise of wicked breads. 18. Alway eat your meatballs in the honour of the Holy FSM. 19. Thou shalt not boil money in bronze pots. 20. Alway say the world was created by the Creator FSM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 How dare you speak against Ragu! You must be one of those Pregostants! From now on, I declare a purer pasta ... one without sauce! After all, the Holy Pasta forbids hard drink ... thou shalt not get sauced! All hail the FSM!Everyone knows that in liberal Pastafarinism that Prego and Ragu are the same sauce, just symbolism for different ways of using it and liberal Pastafarinism is the true way to worship the FSM because it embodies the omnibenelovence of Parmesan cheese on spaghetti. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbobrob Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 I am glad to see everyone having a ravioli good time with this.....being a True Apastagetic Pastafarian, I will just say there can be no true reformation or division amongst Pastafarians, our moral standards are far too loose...I mean other religions promise virgins in Heaven to the virtuous, we offer a Beer Valcano and Strippers. Can't beat that with 'roads of gold" and "harps". Pirate is the official language. Pirates are the FSM's chosen people, and battled Noah during the Flood. Global warming is directly caused by the steady decline of swashbuckling, cutlass rattling, parrot owning Pirates.....NOT those gun toting thugs who have stolen the holy name Pirate. We have a Graph to prove it. Pure Italian? No, all noodles from all countries, races, sexual orientations, and genders are of equal importance.....the Chinese give us our most important Pastafarian word....RAmen, which ends all prayers to the universe's only carbohydrate-based deity. The FSM is Savory, not a Savior. Plus, holy communion is better....a full pasta dinner vs. a cracker and some grape juice. The FSM touches us so we don't fall off the Earth, since gravity is only a silly sceince theory, just like evolution. Midgits are the most loved by FSM, hence why they are closer to the ground. The FSM fiddles with the results of scientists so that they develop bogus theories. The FSM tends to do this when drunk, which is most of the time. Of course, Pastafarians would never dream of forcing others to believe in His Noodly Goodness.....we just want equal time in science classrooms that teach Creationism, along with Evolution, thereby giving students the right to decide on their own if they want to believe in Intelligent Design (Creationism), Unintelligent Design (FSM), or logical conjecture based on overwhelming empirical evidence (science). May you all be touched by his Noodly Appendage. RAmen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emme Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Yeah! Also, if the FSM does not exist, then how do we explain the existence of spaghetti recipes? Because we all know, if there is a recipe, there MUST be a recipe giver. But the real question is, which spaghetti recipe is closest to the originals? Is it the KSV (King Sauce Version)? I just read this portion from the KSV (King Sauce Version): "And being in Italy he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of sauce falling to the ground." - The Gospel of Ragu 22:44 I was very moved by this (or at least my stomach was). In fact, I think I will take a break and get some Italian food. Lasagna 3:16 For FSM so loved the world that he gave his one and only Spaghetti, that whoever believes in it shall not starve but have eternal pasta. 1 Bolognese The Lord Spaghetti on the night when he was betrayed took meatballs, and when he had given thanks, he broke them, and said, 'This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.' In the same way also the ketchup bottle, after supper, saying, 'This bottle is the new covenant in my ketchup. Do this, as often as you use it, in remembrance of me'. And btw, pastafarians don't speak in tongues, they speak with they mouths full of food. You have obviously misunderstood the Pasta Gospel. REAL pastafarians serve their sacred Pasta al Genovese, that is, with pesto. All images of the FSM with meat balls are warped creations of greedy main stream Pastafarians, trying to profit from our adored green LORD. FSM HATES AMERICA AND SWEDEN! You mainstram pastafarians are SO luke warm it sickens me. Ketchup? It's PARMESAN you cherry picker! My ministry has the TRUTH. Join us or PERISH in the sizzling pits of leftovers. Visit us at www.fanaticpestoworshippers.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 I think this thread should be pinned for when someone is feeling blue. It has made me laugh like few do. It covers the whole of Christian history in such a funnily serious way--or should that be seriously funny--every church split and sexual scandal and hypocrisy and stupid rule....I might want to be able to find it again sometime in the future and it might help others, too. Either way, thanks Rob for posting it and thanks everyone for making it such a fun thread. I really needed the laughs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 You have obviously misunderstood the Pasta Gospel. REAL pastafarians serve their sacred Pasta al Genovese, that is, with pesto. All images of the FSM with meat balls are warped creations of greedy main stream Pastafarians, trying to profit from our adored green LORD. FSM HATES AMERICA AND SWEDEN! You mainstram pastafarians are SO luke warm it sickens me. Ketchup? It's PARMESAN you cherry picker! My ministry has the TRUTH. Join us or PERISH in the sizzling pits of leftovers. Visit us at www.fanaticpestoworshippers.com You posted while I was writing. But you....bitch!!! (I mean that in a fun way.) I typed that address into my address bar and my browser can't find it. Well, I guess it's all in the name of the game. I didn't really expect to find it. But there's hope. Apparently Canada is not on FSM's hate list. That's really good because I live in Canada. PS I LOVE leftovers. Is that going to be a problem? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 I'm going to start the Apostolic Catholic Orthodox Lasagna Church of the One True Pasta in the Latter Day Church of Salami, which should not be confused with the other heretic church called The Catholic Apostolic Past Church of the First Apostolic Last Days Pesto, or the Orthodox Holy Triunity of Alfredo, Ravioli and Meatsauce. Besides, we believe in baptizing babies in ketchup, and not in believers baptism in alfredo sauce! Such a disgrace! May Chef Ramsey come upon them and wield his sword of words against them, those infidels! May he lay the F-bomb heavily upon their heads and may their pasta run dry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 PS I LOVE leftovers. Is that going to be a problem? Leftovers for everyone. Didn't you hear about Spaghetti's miracle with the noodles and the two meatballs? He multiplied it for everyone to eat! A whole 40,000,000 people, in one day. Talk about a miracle! And lets not forget when he walked on eggshells, without the shells breaking! That's a powerful thing to do. And the doubting Bob jumped into the egg shells too, but he cracked a whole bunch of them before Spaghetti lifted him up and made him walk on eggshells too. The power of faith. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looking4Answers Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 The Pasta Noster Our pasta, which art in heaven, hollow is thy noodle, Thy linguine come, thy fettuccine be done on earth as it is in the saucepan. Give us this day our daily ziti, And forgive us for eating macaroni, as we forgive those that also eat tortellini, And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from tofu, For thine is the gnocchi, and the ravioli, and the rigatoni forever and ever. RAmen By the way: Please pass this prayer on to everyone you know. It will bring you much luck and love in the coming year. If you fail to pass it on then your pasta will mold, your sauce be bitter and life as we know it on planet earth will end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emme Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 You have obviously misunderstood the Pasta Gospel. REAL pastafarians serve their sacred Pasta al Genovese, that is, with pesto. All images of the FSM with meat balls are warped creations of greedy main stream Pastafarians, trying to profit from our adored green LORD. FSM HATES AMERICA AND SWEDEN! You mainstram pastafarians are SO luke warm it sickens me. Ketchup? It's PARMESAN you cherry picker! My ministry has the TRUTH. Join us or PERISH in the sizzling pits of leftovers. Visit us at www.fanaticpestoworshippers.com You posted while I was writing. But you....bitch!!! (I mean that in a fun way.) I typed that address into my address bar and my browser can't find it. Well, I guess it's all in the name of the game. I didn't really expect to find it. But there's hope. Apparently Canada is not on FSM's hate list. That's really good because I live in Canada. PS I LOVE leftovers. Is that going to be a problem? Aah, the original sin is strong in you. You MUST fight against it! Pesto be with you my child, in the name of the Basil, the Garlic and the Holy Pine Nut Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Anyone who doesn't believe in the Saving Spaghetti will go to Hell's Kitchen, and Gordon Ramsey will forever torture the sinners, forcing them to eternal cooking and long tirades of abusive language. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agnosticator Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 SI, BY FAITH IN PREGO AND NOT BY THE WORKS OF RAGU! How dare you speak against Ragu! You must be one of those Pregostants! From now on, I declare a purer pasta ... one without sauce! After all, the Holy Pasta forbids hard drink ... thou shalt not get sauced! All hail the FSM! Mama mia!! Have you not read PREGO 4:12- "A week without the Sabbath is like spaghetti without PREGO!" There is no spice to it! It has been said: "Take PREGO for thy stomach's sake." Repent of thy blasphemy and surrender to PREGO. Otherwise the church will be split asunder like overcooked ravioli! Roma begs this of all RAGULIANS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agnosticator Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 20 Cannoliandments of FSM from the immortal King Sauce Version of Holy Pasta Bible: 1. If the FSM decide to bless thee with His Appendage, thou must receive it. 2. Love your fellow pasty neighbours. 3. Shun the Christians, Jews and Muslims. 4. Alway eat pure Italian. 5. Thou shalt not cleave unto the Anti Pasta. 6. Thou shalt not wear clothes made out of the same fabrics. 7. Thou shalt have sex with the same sex at least once. 8. Eight is the holy number of the FSM and woe to them who dare defile it. 9. Alway watch sanctified TV shows such as The Simpsons, Southpark and any other great comedy shows. 10. It is allowed to masturbate as long as it is not centered upon the Holy FSM. 11. Never debate stupidity. 12. No marriage is allowed. 13. Nothing is unlucky but nothing is lucky either. 14. Never dictate to anybody in matters of beliefs. 15. Thou shalt not have sex with children, animals and Anne Coulter. 16. Thou shalt not claim to understand Ulysses or any other difficult books. 17. Ignore false prophets who seduce thee with praise of wicked breads. 18. Alway eat your meatballs in the honour of the Holy FSM. 19. Thou shalt not boil money in bronze pots. 20. Alway say the world was created by the Creator FSM. Glory be! The 4th set of commandments have been found!!! They shall supercede all others before them. So let it be said, so let it be done! Now go carve them onto the big lasagne. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looking4Answers Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 And up from the sea of sauce arises a beast ... the Antipasta! Beware of him! Do not receive his mark: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agnosticator Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 How dare you speak against Ragu! You must be one of those Pregostants! From now on, I declare a purer pasta ... one without sauce! After all, the Holy Pasta forbids hard drink ... thou shalt not get sauced! All hail the FSM!Everyone knows that in liberal Pastafarinism that Prego and Ragu are the same sauce, just symbolism for different ways of using it and liberal Pastafarinism is the true way to worship the FSM because it embodies the omnibenelovence of Parmesan cheese on spaghetti. Hmmm...the liberals are moving in. We must defend the pillars! Beware of all allegorical interpretations of the beloved PREGO sauce. We can touch it, and taste it with pasta al dente, and know it to be literal TRUTH. Our stomachs belch forth sauce forever and ever, amen. Manga! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agnosticator Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 And up from the sea of sauce arises a beast ... the Antipasta! Beware of him! Do not receive his mark: SI! Do not receive the brand upon thy forehead and in thy stomach! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 And up from the sea of sauce arises a beast ... the Antipasta! Beware of him! Do not receive his mark: I thought it was the number of the yeast!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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