Testimony

[spamandham]

The fear tactics had so many people accepting Jesus at the end. It was quite sad in a way. I have this place to thank for freeing myself from the shackles of religion. I will drop by now and then since it will always hold a special place in my heart.

 

Now that you've seen both sides, do you find it curious that faith once seemed like freedom, and now you see it as a shackle?

 

If you had religion your whole life, it's going to take some time to adjust.

[kevin]

I have just been reading my Testimony and thought I would give a brief update to those interested:

 

I have tried to retrace my steps to find the reasons for wanting to become a Christian. Various events which occurred 8 years ago and even before, left me frustrated with life.I reacted to the injustice in the world, and felt there must be some redemption for those who are denied a decent life. I envisioned a kind of super judge, who would make those responsible, pay for their crimes (I still dream of this). I realized God was the only one who could make it all happen. Since I don’t believe that anymore, it has left me in despair somewhat. God was going to make everything turn out right in the end. If not in this world, then in the next. I could begrudgingly accept the pain and suffering that some people had to go through in this world, if they were to be rewarded in the next. Everything would indeed turn out alright in the end. I don’t know where that leaves me today. I am free from the chains of religion, but I want to feel my life has a purpose. I don’t know where the next step will take me. I still take everything one day at a time, and am very cautious, about “believing “ in something new. The most common question that people ask me is: “So, what do you believe in now?” They look surprised when I tell them “Nothing”. I am content to leave it that way for now.

 

Kevin:

[Reach]

Kevin, I understand exactly where you are coming from and I am sure many of our members can relate to that desire to see justice, for one and all, if not in this life, than in what might lie ahead, in the next. This is another reason that we grieve over our loss of the faith. We have no idea whether or not justice will ever be meted out.

 

Will those in pain find relief and healing? Was their suffering for naught?

 

Will criminals who escaped punishment ever be made to pay for their crimes?

 

I feel for you. I live with the same unresolved questions.

 

-Reach

[GiantBear]

Kevin,

 

Thanks for your testimony. Keep on keeping on. Your post reminded me of how hard it can be to keep up relationships with believers. Best of luck.

 

Peace,

GB

[Ouroboros]

I have just been reading my Testimony and thought I would give a brief update to those interested:

Most definitely interested.

 

I have tried to retrace my steps to find the reasons for wanting to become a Christian. Various events which occurred 8 years ago and even before, left me frustrated with life.I reacted to the injustice in the world, and felt there must be some redemption for those who are denied a decent life. I envisioned a kind of super judge, who would make those responsible, pay for their crimes (I still dream of this). I realized God was the only one who could make it all happen.

That's true. When I read this, I realize that it must've been part of what I wanted to believe too. After some years in apostacy, I think I'm starting to forget some of the thoughts and ideas that was going through my head. But you're right. That people would should get the right and fair share in the afterlife, if they got dealt a bad hand in this life, I felt that too, and wanted that to be true.

 

Since I don’t believe that anymore, it has left me in despair somewhat. God was going to make everything turn out right in the end. If not in this world, then in the next. I could begrudgingly accept the pain and suffering that some people had to go through in this world, if they were to be rewarded in the next. Everything would indeed turn out alright in the end.

Yes. It does give you despair and frustration. But it also gives you the feeling of urgency to make this current life correct and fulfilled. You want to make sure this only chance, becomes 100% of what you can do. For me, this opened up the strong feelings of the importance of life, as it is, right now. To make the best out of it. That's my motto.

 

I don’t know where that leaves me today. I am free from the chains of religion, but I want to feel my life has a purpose. I don’t know where the next step will take me. I still take everything one day at a time, and am very cautious, about “believing “ in something new. The most common question that people ask me is: “So, what do you believe in now?” They look surprised when I tell them “Nothing”. I am content to leave it that way for now.

 

Kevin:

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That open-minded attitude is a good thing. Keep that. You will find yourself eventually. It's walking the path that is the purpose now, not the destination.

[kevin]

I’m so glad that I am not the only one who feels like this. My departure from Christianity has left me feeling lonely and isolated. A few Christian friends still keep in touch, but I feel as though I have Aids. A big part of my life has now ended, so I am trying to make the best of what I have left. I know that I am wallowing in self pity, but I’m quite enjoying it! I have put on a brave face these last few months towards my friends and family, and it has worn me down. They are eagerly watching me to fall on my face, and go running back to god, which would confirm that everything they believe in is true.

It’s good to have the support from you guys here though At least you can relate to what I’m going through.

 

Kevin:

[Ouroboros]

That's why this site is here, Kevin. For the support of the likes of you and me.

[spamandham]

Yes. It does give you despair and frustration. But it also gives you the feeling of urgency to make this current life correct and fulfilled. You want to make sure this only chance, becomes 100% of what you can do. For me, this opened up the strong feelings of the importance of life, as it is, right now. To make the best out of it. That's my motto.

 

Apostasy has done the same thing for me. I think that's what pisses me off the most about those wasted years. I didn't appreciate them as much because I had my eye on "the prize". What a waste.

 

I am much less tolerant of BS now. Now that I no longer suffer the delusion that Jesus is coming any day, life has renewed importance.

[Dhampir]

Did anyone else notice that when you're not logged in, you can't see any avatars? I just did.

 

Anyways. I was thinking, that it doesn't matter if justice isn't done in this life, if this life is all there is. Because we all go to the same place in the end: Nowhere. and we lack the capacity for outrage when we go there, as well as the capacity for... everything else.

 

That's not to say that we shouldn't do something in this life who have suffered and died unjustly.

[Gnosis of Disbelief]

I’m so glad that I am not the only one who feels like this. My departure from Christianity has left me feeling lonely and isolated. A few Christian friends still keep in touch, but I feel as though I have Aids. A big part of my life has now ended, so I am trying to make the best of what I have left. I know that I am wallowing in self pity, but I’m quite enjoying it! I have put on a brave face these last few months towards my friends and family, and it has worn me down. They are eagerly watching me to fall on my face, and go running back to god, which would confirm that everything they believe in is true.

It’s good to have the support from you guys here though At least you can relate to what I’m going through.

 

Kevin:

101696[/snapback]

 

 

Actually, Kevin, the question of injustice in the world was one of the key

issues that caused me to deconvert. If god was so just, just why did

he allow good things to happen to bad people, even hideously bad people?

And if I saw god doing good things to bad people in this life, then

how could I trust god to give them justice in the next. You don't

escape the question of injustice in the world by believing in god. You just

don't.

 

This is the only life that you know you have for certain. So, use it in a

way that is meaningful. You won't be able to cure injustice in the world,

but you can treat people justly and humanely to the best of your ability,

and make things a little better while you are here. IMHO, that's all you

can do.

[kevin]

Actually, Kevin, the question of injustice in the world was one of the key

issues that caused me to deconvert.  If god was so just, just why did

he allow good things to happen to bad people, even hideously bad people?

And if I saw god doing good things to bad people in this life, then

how could I trust god to give them justice in the next.  You don't

escape the question of injustice in the world by believing in god.  You just

don't.

 

This is the only life that you know you have for certain.  So, use it in a

way that is meaningful.  You won't be able to cure injustice in the world,

but you can treat people justly and humanely to the best of your ability,

and make things a little better while you are here.  IMHO, that's all you

can do.

102274[/snapback]

 

 

It takes a leap on *no faith* to finally admit after that last miniscule drop of hope has gone, and the excuses have ceased to work their magic, that if christianity doesn't make sense, then it really doesn't make any sense.

 

Kevin:

[Gnosis of Disbelief]

Give it time, man. Deconversion is never easy, especially when it

means giving up on something in which you had invested so much

emotion. Take it one day at a time.

 

When I believed, I had been looking to god for security, and for a

way to make the chaos of life more rational. It didn't work for me,

no more than it had worked for you. So, when I deconverted, I

realized that I had to provide for my own security, as best as I

could. I also realized that there was some level of insecurity in life

that I would have to learn to live with. It was a radical change in

my worldview that took a long time to get accustomed to, and at

first, it really felt weird.

 

But, eventually, I learned to live without the rigid structure that

christianity had imposed on my mind and my emotions. The first

year or so was the hardest, after that it got easier. It just took

time.

 

Hope this helps somehow.

[All Gods Fail]

It takes a leap on *no faith* to finally admit after that last miniscule drop of hope has gone, and the excuses have ceased to work their magic, that if christianity doesn't make sense, then it really doesn't make any sense.

 

Kevin:

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Hiya Kevin!

 

Great 'testimony', and glad to hear you're making out ok. Time is your ally in this struggle - keep your mind free and eventually you'll get your equilibrium back. I guarantee it!

 

If you need words of encouragement, tho, come on back to this site and you'll hear 'em!

[spamandham]

Time is your ally in this struggle - keep your mind free and eventually you'll get your equilibrium back.

 

Yah, he just has to have faith in that.

 

(runs for the door)

 

[Celsus]

I have just been reading my Testimony and thought I would give a brief update to those interested:

 

I have tried to retrace my steps to find the reasons for wanting to become a Christian. Various events which occurred 8 years ago and even before, left me frustrated with life.I reacted to the injustice in the world, and felt there must be some redemption for those who are denied a decent life. I envisioned a kind of super judge, who would make those responsible, pay for their crimes (I still dream of this). I realized God was the only one who could make it all happen. Since I don’t believe that anymore, it has left me in despair somewhat. God was going to make everything turn out right in the end. If not in this world, then in the next. I could begrudgingly accept the pain and suffering that some people had to go through in this world, if they were to be rewarded in the next. Everything would indeed turn out alright in the end. I don’t know where that leaves me today. I am free from the chains of religion, but I want to feel my life has a purpose. I don’t know where the next step will take me. I still take everything one day at a time, and am very cautious, about “believing “ in something new. The most common question that people ask me is: “So, what do you believe in now?” They look surprised when I tell them “Nothing”. I am content to leave it that way for now.

 

Kevin:

101613[/snapback]

 

 

The world is filled with injustices and things that could be done better. Two hands working does more than 1,000 hands praying and believing that a magical being will make it all right.

[Amethyst]

I envisioned a kind of super judge, who would make those responsible, pay for their crimes (I still dream of this).

 

People will believe whatever they fear the most or want to believe the most. In this case, it sounds like you wanted Superman the most, so you tried to believe that god was like him. But this is the real world. Superman doesn't exist, and neither does Biblegod. Stuff happens. It's not always fair.

 

The way I deal with that kind of stress is by writing about it on my live journal and in my offline journal. I can at least make other people aware of the injustices in life, even if I can't do anything else about them. Writing can be very cathartic sometimes. I hope you'll try it.

[kevin]

The world is filled with injustices and things that could be done better. Two hands working does more than 1,000 hands praying and believing that a magical being will make it all right.

106877[/snapback]

 

Although I know this to be very true, part of me wishes I was still a christian. I could watch the atrocities on TV, switch off and know that god would make it right. It was all part of his plan. Pain now, peace later. Rather like going to the dentist. I would so love to be proved wrong right now. That god, any god, would come to me in the quiet of the night and tell me that everything is going to be alright. I would not need to know any more than that. I would be a happy man. I would rejoice for everyone. Instead, I have this intense feeling of sadness and emptiness inside me. I hope it will pass soon.

 

Kevin:

[kevin]

Many of us here have gone through the same thing Kevin.  It does get easier but every now and then, I have a little bought of pain and sadness again too.  Then when I see atrocities though, I get angry because if biblegod were true, he is an uncaring tyrant who just sits back and allows crap to happen. 

 

Try looking at the good people do, even the Christians, look at them and know it is human nature and not the nature of god in them, okay?  :-)  It'll be okay Kevin and we're here whenever you need us.

107433[/snapback]

 

I see what you are saying here SN. One of the things I have come to realize is that I will not find peace by arguing about the non-existence of god. Especially if christianity is to be a chapter in my life that I put behind me. I meet my old christian friends, and immediately my defenses go up, and I'm prepared to do battle. My sadness when I look at the world has nothing to do with god, but for some reason he seems to get the blame! Time to move on (mentally) I think.

 

Kevin:

[pitchu]

That god, any god, would come to me in the quiet of the night and tell me that everything is going to be alright. I would not need to know any more than that. I would be a happy man. I would rejoice for everyone. Instead, I have this intense feeling of sadness and emptiness inside me. I hope it will pass soon.     

 

107429[/snapback]

A feeling of emptiness and sadness is a proper reaction to finally recognizing reality without its magical overlay, Kevin.

 

The bright side, though, is the feeling of deep appreciation, connection and gratitude directed toward the rightful source: those mere humans who do brave and honorable things on this earth despite the odds against them.

[kevin]

A feeling of emptiness and sadness is a proper reaction to finally recognizing reality without its magical overlay, Kevin.

 

The bright side, though, is the feeling of deep appreciation, connection and gratitude directed toward the rightful source: those mere humans who do brave and honorable things on this earth despite the odds against them.

107854[/snapback]

 

 

If that's the case, then I don't feel so bad Pitchu. There are indeed wonderful people

who do good deeds for no other reason than to be kind. I can see that one of the reasons god was created was to *help* us not to be so selfish, and for some people that is not a bad thing.

 

Kevin:

[Gnosis of Disbelief]

Hi Kevin,

 

Just checking in! Hope you are doing better!

 

[Ouroboros]

A feeling of emptiness and sadness is a proper reaction to finally recognizing reality without its magical overlay, Kevin.

 

The bright side, though, is the feeling of deep appreciation, connection and gratitude directed toward the rightful source: those mere humans who do brave and honorable things on this earth despite the odds against them.

107854[/snapback]

 

 

If that's the case, then I don't feel so bad Pitchu. There are indeed wonderful people

who do good deeds for no other reason than to be kind. I can see that one of the reasons god was created was to *help* us not to be so selfish, and for some people that is not a bad thing.

 

Kevin:

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And unfortunately it can work the other way around. A belief in a God that's going to make everything alright in the end, could also give people an excuse not do help now. They could fall back on the safety net of prayers instead of taking an active role and helping.