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Angry And Distressed


Kathlene
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Here I go again, on another rant. Since my previous rant I wrote about re-establishing contact with my father, I have now been completely cut-off from my family. My mother won't have anything to do with me. I received abusive emails from my brother, an incredibly vitriolic phone call from another sister and last night a threatening terrifying ph call from my sister's partner. So here is my rant. Why am I being treated with such disrespect, that as an adult I can do what I damn well please?? I am now only starting to fill the emotional hole in me, by reconnecting with my father. It feels good, despite all the stuff I know about him and remember from him. He is quite eager to renew a relationship with me.

 

Second to my rant is how alone and scared I feel. I am sure it's because I live on my own that people feel like they can threaten me to back down. If I had a male partner they would probably think twice about doing it. Now here's my stress. I am so sick of all the feminist propaganda that has been spouted around for years. I am sick of women going on about how bad men are. I can tell you I have been on my own raising my son for nearly 14yrs and not one day goes by that I wish I had of had some support for him and for me. As a woman I can do so much stuff in the practical sense, but on an emotional level I feel so vulnerable and exposed to the world. It is not fun. I was talking to a few single guys I know, and none of them experience that feeling, because they are men. They are the ones who already have the strength and the ablility to protect a woman. So being alone for them isn't scary. What I would give to have a man around in my life to provide that sense of protection and safety, especially now when I am being threatened. I am sure it wouldn't of even happened if I was with someone. I know this sounds like a wussy rant. I think it is a build up of just getting sick of having to deal with so many things all at once. When I was a xtian I always felt that god was there to protect me and surround me with all the emptiness I felt. Now I have walked away, I guess I am just confused and struggling to find coping mechanisms now.

 

I would love it if my son's father actually took the role of fatherhood seriously and gave my son a man to man talk about sex and advice. My son is 15. I asked my ex to do it, and he said no he doesn't want to do it. He has never wanted to ever actually have any emotional role as a father. Thankfully my son has a lot of males around him with his uncle and his grandfather. But really it would be special if he had that relationship with his father. Men play such an important role in society, as do women. I think men impact more though. I grew up without a father's influence and I still struggle with it, and now my son has and I know in his later years he will have to deal with it. So to all the feminist women out there, give men a break. They are important in our lives and to society. To all the men out there, cherish your children, even your adult ones.

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I guess I'll wade in here with some possible ideas. As far as the anger being blasted your way, you can either bend with that wind and let it pass (anticipate what they will say and ignore their calls, or block their calls) or you can tell them to piss off and die (meet their emotional intensity with equal or greater).

 

Yes, you can do as you please. If you feel honestly threatened, call the police and report them. Don't delete the emails. Print them out as evidence that you are being harrassed, and have those ready for the police. If you can legally record the phone calls (if you decide to take any more, or let an answering machine do it for you), that is more evidence.

 

I've heard that Australia is a more "macho" culture than in the USA, so your family may only respond to strength and authority coming right back at them. Then again, I have no knowledge of your police and what they will take seriously.

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*Hugs*

 

You do make a very good point. I know my own father has been very influential to me, and in a much better way than my mother.

 

Does your country allow restraining orders? If your family is physically threatening you, I would get one if I were you.

 

Otherwise, as Fuego said, you can change your phone # and email address and lock your door.

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Jeez Kathlene,

 

Is your Dad a serial killer or something? The rest of you family is protesting your decision a bit much, aren't they? Heck...even if he were a serail killer, it's not like he could physically harm you from behind bars....emotional and psycholigical pain are a risk even if your Dad is nothing more than a controlling manipulative type of person, but I'm sure you know that risk will be there with anyone you could meet in the future (though it hurts more when it comes from family).

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Guest QuidEstCaritas?

Goddamn, that is disgusting they would do that to you Kathlene.

 

Don't let them control or intimidate you, people here have given good practical security suggestions and you can implement them on a level you feel appropriate.

 

You will survive, remember that and think that way. It will get you through.

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Hi Katherine

 

Don't know if I can be any help to you here. But, I am Australian (Canberra), ex-Christian and I have teenage children.

 

Family members are often extremely rude about telling you how to run your life. And Christian family members are even ruder than other family members. I haven't read all of your posts, just this most recent one. You may find it easier to operate if you don't tell various members of the family about the interactions that you are having with other members of the family.

 

If your biological family is being horrible, you might find that your broader circle of friends (and even their family members) can become your "family". This is how things often evolve in Canberra. People take promotions to the capital city and the parents etc are left behind in country towns or other capital cities. You need to rely on like minded friends for support in the every day things of life. If the biological family think so differently to you, there is a sense in which they are not family.

 

Hope this helps. Hope I haven't got the wrong end of the stick (Is this an Australianism?)!

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(((((Kathlene)))))

 

I'd state some advice/suggestions but I can't really add anything that's not been said before already... :mellow:

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Thanks guys for all your replies and encouragment. I was so shaken up the other night, and this was a wonderful place to vent and rant. I felt so alone and scared. I feel ok now. I just keep everything in perspective. I am an adult, and I can make my own decisions. If people, my family in particular have a problem with it, then stuff them. I won't be accepting anymore abusive ph calls. I will just simply hang up. I don't need people dictating to me who I can and can't see. Anyhoo, thanks guys. I appreciate this place and your thoughts.

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