Faith Fails

[.god]

hey naiya

 

that sounds like some serious craziness you ve been thru. i'm not a doctor but have you considered a dissociative disorder or multi-personality disorder?

good luck!

 

 

I've done a lot of research, and it seems that people prone to dissociation report having more OBEs than people who don't have dissociative qualities. So yes, there is some dissociation. But it is usually tied to anxiety, so it may just be a part of that. I'm not entirely sure on that point, though.

 

I know I don't have multiple personality disorder, though, because I never have "missing time" whenever I'm awake. Quite the opposite--I am "aware" almost 24 hours a day. I only lose consciousness for about the first 4-6 hours of sleep. Consciousness throughout the sleep cycle seems to be a natural evolution of advanced lucid dreaming, but that's more parapsychology than psychology.

 

Ah okay, I only brought up multiple personality disorder because it seemed from your story that you seemed to have another "conscious" that seems to know you well and you seemed to have mentioned sometimes waking up in a different place after many hours, so I was a bit confused.

 

I recently found a forum on lucid dreaming, dreamviews.com - a lot of techniques I've never heard of. I've only ever looked up and tried lucid dreaming a few times after I experienced it a few times before that. Definitely interesting, but I'd rather let my mind take me where it will, and I lose control very quickly if I do go lucid. I've also had sleep paralysis once or twice when I a young kid and that was definitely an interesting experience.

 

You mention one of your relatives had schizophrenia, which unfortunately might be something you want to look into, since schizophrenia is hereditary, you will have a much higher chance or the disorder if a relative or parent has had it.

 

I know how hard it is without insurance, I been in that situation briefly. Since your problem may be neurological, if you have a reputable university nearby, perhaps you may try applying for any studies that may be similar to your situation?

 

If that's not possible, knowledge via than books and internet research may be your best bet There are also websites that offer some free professional medical advice, I don't know how good they are, but they may put you in right direction for your own research. The more you learn about how your body, brain and internal systems work, the better you will be armed to understand why your body may be acting the way it is.

[Naiya]

Hi, Naiya, I am glad you are still here. It looked a little iffy early this morning.

 

I am seeing a basic pattern in all the answers;

 

1) Look into your dreams/OBEs

 

2) See a Neurologist

 

3) Get into therapy.

 

You have expressed a willingness and a want to do each and all of those to some degree.

 

I dont know how you are going to be able to do anything with the neurologist without insurance. When I first had my neck problems and nobody believed me, it became a very common thing to say "See a Neurologist", as if that was somehow going to happen when I couldn't even pay for a chiropractor. Perhaps you can create a reason that will allow for a beneficial E.R. visit, I do not know.

 

I'm not mocking the advice to see one, I'm quite sure that is sound advice in your case, it is possible that you need to see one, I would just try and rule out everything else before embarking on the Neurologist journey due to your lack of insurance and not being filthy rich.

 

I am 5 years into a severe injury and disability that was met with "See a Neurologist" for the first couple years and it was such a simple answer, so I wonder, in your case is it necessary to see one of the highest priced doctors or can you begin by looking at the simple things for possible explanations? Occam's Razor, with a twist. I know you have already looked, I mean a more informed, more developed systematic approach based on new input.

 

I am not even willing to say that it CANT be anything supernatural but that puts me in the extreme minority and you wont hear a lot of that here. In my case, with as much experience as I have had I would say it would be dangerous NOT to look into both the natural and supernatural.

 

 

And I gave you the entire Novel pretty much so you know where my crazy ass is coming from and wont feel alone in your peculiar situation.

 

 

Thank you so much for telling me your story. I'm sorry you had to suffer so much before someone finally listened to you. I definitely know how that feels.

 

I've looked at many, many things for explanations: spiritual, psychological, physiological, ect. Nothing so far has proven satisfactory. I think that my desperation for an answer is probably what leads me to get into abusive religious groups...so right now, I'm taking a break from seeking anymore. Not having to run in circles for a bunch of self-righteous, arrogant, ignorant blowhards will probably cut about two thirds of my anxiety.

 

As long as I don't rock the boat, everything is more or less okay, so that's how I'm going to deal with it for now. That way, at least while I'm awake, I should be able to be fairly happy and function well enough.

 

 

I know how hard it is without insurance, I been in that situation briefly. Since your problem may be neurological, if you have a reputable university nearby, perhaps you may try applying for any studies that may be similar to your situation?

 

If that's not possible, knowledge via than books and internet research may be your best bet There are also websites that offer some free professional medical advice, I don't know how good they are, but they may put you in right direction for your own research. The more you learn about how your body, brain and internal systems work, the better you will be armed to understand why your body may be acting the way it is.

 

Yeah, I joined DV just over a year ago. Kept a dream journal for a while, thinking it would be theraputic, but I wasn't able to post publicly anything that was too personal as far as what goes on. On top of that people were harassing me via PM and in the chat all the time due to my dream journal so I stopped updating it.

 

I know a lot about lucid dreaming though. I've been reading books and looking through my college database of studies for several years. One study showed that lucidity "cures" nightmares 80% of the time. No word on that leftover 20% of course. But hey, they're scientists, so they won't comment on something they don't have data or information about. But yeah, I'm fairly well-versed in a lot of aspects of lucid dreaming and OBEs. I have them spontaneously and can induce them on my own.

 

I know for sure that I don't have schizophrenia because I don't actually see or hear things outside of dreams/OBEs/whatever. I'm fairly safe at this point, because it almost always becomes apparent around 13-15 in girls. Although that is about the time my problems started, the same was true then: I could always tell which was "real" and which was "a dream." They both felt real, but I could tell the difference, and still can. Sometimes, a very traumatic event can trigger psychosis in someone like me. I do worry about that. But at the moment, it's fairly safe to say that I'm not hallucinating, seeing things, or hearing things, which is the primary requirement for schizophrenia.

 

When it comes to my body, I know some basic things already. I'm a biology major, focusing on forensics. So I've already taken classes in anatomy, physiology, microbiology and so on. But yeah, if I have a neurological problem, I suppose only a specialist would know. I've been doing research for years now...going down so many avenues, often reaching out to people and places that barely seem to have a grasp on the situation. It most often leads down a religious/spiritual rabbit hole and back into abusive relationships with whatever spiritual group I've sought help from.

 

I'm not entirely sure how they could help me though. What exactly about it makes it a neurological disorder? Do those usually cause one's dreams and consciousnesses to create seemingly sentient beings? Or is it just the OBEs in themselves that are the problem? Because even if that stopped, the other half of the time when I'm just in a "regular" lucid dream he's still around. I've definitely suffered some damage to my nervous system, but I'm unsure of whether or not that was the root cause or a symptom of my circumstances.

 

So far there isn't a drug that prevents "nightmares" or OBEs. The closest thing, most likely, would be a drug that inhibits whatever is causing the anxiety and/or dissociation, and for that I'd need to see a psychiatrist.

 

In any case, I'm really not that interested in "curing" myself anyway at this point, but I do appreciate the thoughts and advice. Thank you.

[Tealeaf]

OK, not qualified here and I'm not trying to be a dick....

 

You obviuosly have some sort of mental disorder. If there's something you can't control, there's an imbalance I'd say.

 

My dad grew up with a mom suffering from what came to be schizophrenia. These types of disorders do not come full blown at first. They usually progress over time, sometimes to a point of no return.

 

You obviously don't qualify for schizophrenia yet as you are still able to determine what is a dream and what isn't. You don't have overlapping worlds and you don't hear voices.

 

As was the case with my grandma, it simply takes time to progress. You may one day lose the abilities you now have to function 'normally' in the concious world. You may not be able to decipher the 'real' world at a point in the future.

 

At this point, I'd say get checked out by as many people who have any sort of qualification in this area as you can. You need to have this documented and people need to know about it for your well-being and for future reference for the well-being of otherss.

 

Good on you for not letting religion screw with you any more though. Adding that mind-fuck of an aspect into this situation would likely be utter toment.

[Guest QuidEstCaritas?]

At this point, I'd say get checked out by as many people who have any sort of qualification in this area as you can. You need to have this documented and people need to know about it for your well-being and for future reference for the well-being of otherss.

 

 

Sounds like discrimination to me....

 

If this only happens when she is dreaming and not when she is awake, then why should she have to have it documented and feel an inner force within herself that tells her she "should" let other people know that this occurs? I'm sure they will feel sorry for her, and then just continue the discrimination along the same lines you are suggesting. They will "fear" her and fear for their safety, and will politely stay almost completely away from her, thus alienating her and making her life even more miserable.

 

If I was gay amongst fundamentalist X-tians who believed that I being gay was a mental disorder that threatened their physical well being, the same words could be said to me by any X-tian minister for the betterment of the congregation and their safety.

 

Also, before you go and argue that what she has is a danger to herself and others, please do take the courtesy of proving that, seeing as how you seem to be so very knowledgeable about her particular condition which occurs only when she is sleeping.

 

 

To quote you:

 

"My dad grew up with a mom suffering from what came to be schizophrenia. These types of disorders do not come full blown at first. They usually progress over time, sometimes to a point of no return."

 

I suspect this is the real reason you are "afraid", and while it is understandable it doesn't mean this person, who does not have schizophrenia, should feel compelled to let people know of her condition which only occurs when she is sleeping. If she was a sleep walker or something like that and had this condition, then perhaps I would be inclined to agree with you, as that fear for personal safety might be a rational one. If she is in her bed when she is experiencing these things and does not get out of it, then how is she a danger to herself and others?

 

You obviously don't qualify for schizophrenia yet as you are still able to determine what is a dream and what isn't. You don't have overlapping worlds and you don't hear voices.

 

Who is to say that she ever will qualify for schizophrenia? Obviously not you, as you are not qualified to make that assessment.

It sounds to me that you are well meaning, you don't want people to have to suffer from her actions should she develop schizophrenia as a result of her conditions. Being well meaning however, isn't the same thing as making a qualified rational argument that she will develop that condition..

[Naiya]

OK, not qualified here and I'm not trying to be a dick....

 

You obviuosly have some sort of mental disorder. If there's something you can't control, there's an imbalance I'd say.\

 

Thanks for the concern, but like I said in the OP, my mother is a therapist and my dad's father had schizophrenia. I'm not sure how much you've studied psychology, but normally if you aren't schizophrenic by 18 or 20, you're pretty clear unless a traumatic event triggers it. It isn't a slippery slope or a slow descent into insanity. The reason people assume that is because a paranoid schizophrenic is highly functional and they go out of their way to keep their delusions/symptoms from the people around them. With my grandfather, no one knew he was schizophrenic until he was was a grandpa. But he had symptoms--hallucinations--since he was a teenager, according to his mother and the four psychiatrists who'd seen him.

 

But of course, a traumatic event could trigger psychosis in a lot of people. I just have a higher risk of reacting that way. Having said that, I was able to keep my sanity after leaving the last (pseudo pagan) cult, when they send several death threats including a recording of someone else they supposedly murdered. Terrifying at first, but after I examined the evidence objectively, I realized that they were once again full of crap and no longer feared them. If that didn't make me lose my sanity, I'm fairly safe unless you drop me into a war zone or something.

 

In any case, as I've said, I do intend to see a therapist, and I will take their advice. If they diagnose me with something, I'll believe it. I'm not denying that the root cause is psychological. Logically speaking it can only be psychological or supernatural. But is it schizophrenia? No, not for the last eight years, not now, and not too likely in the future.

 

 

At this point, I'd say get checked out by as many people who have any sort of qualification in this area as you can. You need to have this documented and people need to know about it for your well-being and for future reference for the well-being of otherss.

 

 

Sounds like discrimination to me....

 

If this only happens when she is dreaming and not when she is awake, then why should she have to have it documented and feel an inner force within herself that tells her she "should" let other people know that this occurs? I'm sure they will feel sorry for her, and then just continue the discrimination along the same lines you are suggesting. They will "fear" her and fear for their safety, and will politely stay almost completely away from her, thus alienating her and making her life even more miserable.

 

If I was gay amongst fundamentalist X-tians who believed that I being gay was a mental disorder that threatened their physical well being, the same words could be said to me by any X-tian minister for the betterment of the congregation and their safety.

 

Also, before you go and argue that what she has is a danger to herself and others, please do take the courtesy of proving that, seeing as how you seem to be so very knowledgeable about her particular condition which occurs only when she is sleeping.

 

 

It is very hard to tell people. It's funny you mention the gays; sometimes I really feel like this is similar. You're just something that people want to sweep under the rug, not talk about, not acknowledge. What would I even say to people? My old boss was a staunch Christian and believed in demons. I would have been fired if I told her, or worse, be dragged into the back room for "deliverance." If anything, I am in danger from other people if I go around telling everyone. Not to mention many places I've reached out to have drawn me into abusive/cultic religious groups. I'm never going to let that happen again. You are right...it is like being openly gay in a place where people do not accept it.

 

And yes they do treat me differently. My friends do, people on forums do (I try to be more "open" about it on forums). Christians feel very uncomfortable around me. I'm a walking advertisement of how their religion fails and that God doesn't even help people who are supposedly possessed. Pagans and new-agers are the same way, even moreso because most of them don't believe there are any "bad" things in spirituality. Nonbelievers usually assume that there's something else wrong with me, or they think I'm making things up or it's in my head or what have you. In the end, it almost always comes to the finger being pointed at me. The world must be just, so I must have done something to deserve this. Or the world must always be logical, so if it can't be explained it doesn't exist. (Atheists ought to know better--science, especially psychology--is far away from explaining everything. It might just be something mundane, but something mundane that hasn't been explained by science yet.)

 

Or they go to the other extreme: they see me as a conquest to boost their ridiculous spiritual egos. People like to run around (Xians and pagans are guilty of this) pretending they're the most powerful thing in the universe and "demons" are mere annoyances to them. They always have a great time completely minimizing my feelings and making me feel completely inferior because I couldn't snap my fingers like they supposedly could in my position. Ugh. I can't help but think those types wouldn't last a night in my place. These types are very quick to turn on me when their magic tricks don't work. They need to put up or shut up. Unfortunately, they just do the first thing, and when they fail they insist that I need to let them try every voodoo trick they've got in their repertoire. I have come to absolutely despise these kinds of people.

[pitchu]

Folks, let's remember the guidelines. This is a forum for support.

 

Suggestions are welcome, as well as the sharing of similar personal experiences.

 

But...

 

No diagnosing, no quarreling.

 

If there's a problem with a post, click on the "report" button.

 

Otherwise, the weather on this forum shall remain temperate.

[Naiya]

Thanks Pichu.

 

 

It's been several years now, that's plenty of time to sit around thinking and researching. So pretty much all this stuff is old hat to me.

[FirstInTheDance]

http://www.castleofspirits.com/sleepparalysis.html

 

Hi You probably aren't crazy. My sister has struggled with "Old Hag Syndrome" since childhood. It is a fairly common, though usually unrecognized, sleep disorder that sounds similar to what you have been describing. Please see the link above. *Note: I am not a professional and this is not a diagnosis! Still, I hope this information is useful to you.

[Guest BonnieBehave]

Hi, I'm FirstInTheDance's sister. She told me about this post and I joined this forum just so I could check out this thread. I see some similarities in our experiences, though there are differences as well. I'll tell you some of my story and let you decide if they're related.

 

I've had lucid dreams and OBE's since early childhood. Around puberty and especially in my teens my sleep-life went crazy. There was a presence that would show up in my dreams. A lot of times, they would be ordinary dreams, but then he'd show up and I'd feel his very negative vibe. That feeling would "wake-up" my mind in the dreams.

 

Me and him were never friendly. We don't talk. Mostly it's either chasing or attacking. And I don't know about you, but mine is a shape-changer. I can only recognize him by his bad vibe. Sometimes he's an invisible force-field. He's never been able to hurt me physically with shocks or anything, but he's screwed with my mind and sleep for years. And for lack of a better word, my aura ... or energy field, has been attacked where I'd wake up feeling like something was tapping my head (except higher up) or leeched onto it and sucking. Freaky and crazy sounding, I know. Believe me, I've dealt with the naysayers, too.

 

A nasty part of my problem is the vertigo if I try to fall asleep on my back and sleep paralysis. Do you get that? Ever wake up paralyzed? It doesn't last too long, usually ... just long enough to panic. Sleep paralysis often accompanies OBE's... I remember spending an exhausting night with the presence standing beside my bed and I kept trying to get up and run out of the room. The problem was that, I kept OBE-ing my way to the doorway and then been snapped back to my body on the bed.

 

I also dissociate. I go through intervals of depersonalization and derealization, where I suddenly feel like a stranger in my skin and my life. I'll look around dazed--but interested--and say to myself, "Is this real? No, I don't think it is. Who the hell am I and what am I up to?"

 

And I've suffered from bouts of insomnia for years on end. In high school, I'd often dread going to sleep. Not only did I have to deal with the presence all the time and the panic from the sleep paralysis, but I was also plagued with sick and disturbing dreams/nightmares. Blood and violence and dead babies/children often were scenes I'd walk into. It was strange that I'd dream such things because I am a pretty easy-going, fun-loving type of person. I wasn't thinking about such things in my waking thoughts.

 

Anyway, I did some research and found stuff on Old Hag Syndrome. It related a lot to what was happening to me and they claim it's a sleep disorder that causes hallucinations and tactile sensations ... that of being touched or hurt.

 

I haven't explored it further so I don't know what the treatment is, but I thought if it matched your situation and gave you some peace of mind or a direction to pursue, it could be helpful. My post is a bit wide-spread and not nearly as in-depth as it could be, but I just wanted to highlight the main things. I'd be interested to discuss this further with you. Please feel free to email me at bbhayes78@yahoo.com if you want to compare notes.

[Naiya]

http://www.castleofspirits.com/sleepparalysis.html

 

Hi You probably aren't crazy. My sister has struggled with "Old Hag Syndrome" since childhood. It is a fairly common, though usually unrecognized, sleep disorder that sounds similar to what you have been describing. Please see the link above. *Note: I am not a professional and this is not a diagnosis! Still, I hope this information is useful to you.

 

Thank you, both of you, but I've known about sleep paralysis for many years now. Like I said before, I've spent several years researching sleep, dreams, obes and astral projection among many other things. The easiest way to break out of sleep paralysis is to just concentrate on shaking your head. I haven't had a case of actual sleep paralysis in a long time; what happens to me actually takes place within the "dream state" or "obe" if you will.

 

I sometimes "wake up" in a different place, I get up, move around, ect. and whatever happens there happens. I can be there (in the "dream" or whatever) for up to a couple of hours at a time, but averages around the length of a dream: 20-40 minutes.

[NaturalSelection]

I'm not a therapist or anything but I do remember reading an article several years ago (I think it was right around the time that Andrea Yates drowed her children) that fundamentalist christianity has been found to trigger schizophrenia in some people who are genetically predisposed.

 

I also am aware that a lot of patients with schizophrenia in hospitals talk about god, demons, scary religious shit etc so there may be something to it. If someone in your family had schizophrenia then it's possible that the religion aspect of your life has triggered some sort of reaction....and the fear....when praying doesn't solve it/make it go away.... obviously just makes it worse because then the guilt thing is piled on.

 

Have you thought about getting angry instead of scared? Maybe you could try this...yell, "Whatever you are get the fuck away from me you peice of shit, and don't come back". -- I had a friend who had a very similar experience to yours and that's what finally "nipped it in the bud". She told me that she felt "it's" fear when she did that and that that "thing" beat a hasty exit and never bothered her again. -- BTW she's not a christian anymore either. She thinks there's something more than this life/world but that religions don't have a clue about what it is anymore than anyone else.

 

Of course it's totally up to you to decide whether or not to try that.

[Naiya]

I'm not a therapist or anything but I do remember reading an article several years ago (I think it was right around the time that Andrea Yates drowed her children) that fundamentalist christianity has been found to trigger schizophrenia in some people who are genetically predisposed.

 

Thanks for the advice...

 

Actually I've never been fundamentalist Christian in my life. Like I said in my OP I was liberal and did not believe in spirits, demons, ect.

 

It has been several years, so yes, I have in fact thought of getting angry. And I have many times forgotten any fear I had in anger. It does nothing. Trust me. I have tried it from every single angle possible. I have tried to kill him well over a hundred times in more ways than you could probably imagine.

 

I don't have schizophrenia as I do not see or hear things outside of my dreams, ever. My mother is a therapist, I've taken college classes in psychology and have read the DSM-IV, so believe me I don't have schizophrenia. There are certain criteria for it which include visual and/or auditory hallucinations which I do not have.

 

 

Anyway I don't care about what people think is "wrong" with me or how to "fix" my situation. Following people's advice is exactly what got me into fake deliverances and cults and all the bullshit spiritual abuse I've been through.

 

I appreciate the concern but really I don't care to fix myself anymore. I just want to be at peace with it, and I'm working on that--that's why I came here. I wanted a place where my feelings are more important to people than telling me what's wrong with me and how I need to jump through THEIR hoops and how I just haven't tried THEIR idea yet and that's why nothing has changed in nearly a decade, because I would never have thought of it myself...bah...nevermind. It doesn't matter what happens.

[Guest QuidEstCaritas?]

You inspire me.

 

I mean that. You have a lot of fight in you, and refuse to allow yourself to be pidgeon-holed by well meaning fearful busybodies of any stripe. After all that you have been through, that is an inspiration.

 

Good on you.

 

 

 

To fear that which I do not understand is easy, to understand that which I fear is difficult and challenging.

[NaturalSelection]

Okay, boy, I wish somebody knew some way to make it go away for you but evidently you've tried everything with no luck. I feel bad for you, cause it's disturbing your sleep and all.

 

You do sound pretty spunky even after all the misery this thing has caused you so you must be a pretty strong person.

[Naiya]

You inspire me.

 

I mean that. You have a lot of fight in you, and refuse to allow yourself to be pidgeon-holed by well meaning fearful busybodies of any stripe. After all that you have been through, that is an inspiration.

 

Good on you.

 

 

 

To fear that which I do not understand is easy, to understand that which I fear is difficult and challenging.

 

Thank you.

[Guest QuidEstCaritas?]

You inspire me.

 

I mean that. You have a lot of fight in you, and refuse to allow yourself to be pidgeon-holed by well meaning fearful busybodies of any stripe. After all that you have been through, that is an inspiration.

 

Good on you.

 

 

 

To fear that which I do not understand is easy, to understand that which I fear is difficult and challenging.

 

Thank you.

 

 

Your welcome.

 

[Naiya]

Your welcome.

 

 

 

It's hard not to be touchy on the subject of wanting help. To most people I'm just a shiny novel puzzle that everyone wants to pick up for three minutes, and as soon as their idea that "surely no one else has thought of before!" fails, they throw me on the ground and think I must be defective.

 

I don't fault anyone for the first thing, it's when the other shoe drops that I know that person does not and never did have any care about my personal well-being, and it's time to get away from them.

 

They think, "Well, she doesn't want to try my idea, so how could she have tried everything?" and "Well, she doesn't want my help so she just doesn't want help at all." They take it personally when I explain that, no, I just don't want help from the internets, and if I'm given the opportunity within what I think is a safe and professional environment, I would take help (i.e. therapy which I intend to get someday).

 

Here's a novel idea...maybe if for once my feelings were validated by someone--anyone--it may help my situation. Since that's never happened before I can't know for sure. It's the same concept as taking someone with shell shock out of the war zone and going "well?! you're not in danger anymore, so stop bitching! Sheesh. I FIXED your problem for you didn't I? Why are you still screwed up?"

 

Only in my situation people don't actually take me out of the situation, they just make up mumbo jumbo of whatever beliefs they have, TELL me I'm out of the situation, and get completely pissed when I don't play along. Atheists are exactly the same. "How come ignoring it didn't work?"

 

Well...the other night I had to sit through having nails driven through my hands, and then little screws on either sides of the nails being tightened more and more with incredibly realistic pain. I really challenge anyone to ignore that. Actually I did try to, by looking the other way and reminding myself it was not real. It was quite a shock when they first ran those things through. After that the illusion was shattered and there was no way I'd be able to "ignore it." Don't usually get that kind of medieval punishment either, it's been months or longer since the last time...I suppose it's what I get. Don't rock the boat, don't do that 'cause if you don't nothing bad happens. Sigh.

[Guest QuidEstCaritas?]

Try to find others like yourself, that would be my recommendation.

 

Hunt them down and hang out with them and get a friend set going.

 

Keep suspending judgment about your "condition". Your on the right track in that area imo. The alternative has clearly failed you many times and you've been lead around on a string like some animal at a freak show by people telling you what you should and shouldn't have based on their preconceived bullshit.

 

I will also attempt to explain my own advice here. Usually brilliant people have the ability to weed out conventional ideas that wouldn't apply to your situation. Ergo the recommendation of a brilliant neurologist. If you ever decide to go down that type of road again, that is my advice on that level as well.

 

Also, just an idea, but stay away from scary horror exorcist whatever movies. It appears that kind of stuff feeds your mind on some level while you are asleep and makes your problems even worse.

 

Also along that line of thought-and you will probably ignore that last sentence- have you ever thought of jotting down the content of media of any sort that you absorb during the week in an attempt to find a correlation between what happens when you are asleep and what you have consumed while awake (books included)? Like a simple but scrupulous journal of media consumption of any sort and the content contained therein? You know, in an attempt to find a correlation between what is going on whilst asleep and what you are taking in through your five senses whilst awake during the week? Also, if you journal these experiences that happen when you are asleep then you could do a side by side comparison to look for any similarities of raw information.

[Naiya]

Also along that line of thought-and you will probably ignore that last sentence- have you ever thought of jotting down the content of media of any sort that you absorb during the week in an attempt to find a correlation between what happens when you are asleep and what you have consumed while awake (books included)? Like a simple but scrupulous journal of media consumption of any sort and the content contained therein? You know, in an attempt to find a correlation between what is going on whilst asleep and what you are taking in through your five senses whilst awake during the week? Also, if you journal these experiences that happen when you are asleep then you could do a side by side comparison to look for any similarities of raw information.

 

Hmm, for the last...several years...I've been keeping a dream journal, yes. This is the format I use:

 

Date & times slept

 

Things that happened that are on my mind that day

Movies, TV shows, books, ect.

Whatever I ate if it was something out of the ordinary

 

Dreams from that night. I only record the lucid dreams 'cause I have about 1-3 lucids per night and I'm too lazy to jot down nonlucids unless something interesting happened

 

 

The upside of a dream journal is that I can put down everything that goes on, and I can (usually) forget about it easier and go through the rest of the day without that stuff on my mind.

 

As far as TV and that junk goes, it has an effect on dream content, yes, and depending can cause nightmares. However, they're nightmares based on the content of the thing I watched. Zombies are a popular nightmare. But the zombies in my dreams can't fly or shoot fireballs so it's not much of a nightmare.

 

Food can sometimes cause more vivid dreams (Some B vitamins and potassium cause more vivid dreams). Neither has much correlation with the visitations.

 

What has more effect on those is what I've done that day and the mood I'm in. Which is harder to explain...for example if I sink into extreme depression, he comes along and deals with it. I don't know how that works exactly, but he reaches in and takes those feelings out so that I don't have them anymore. So the next day I feel completely better. Or having goings on in my life that are really affecting me in a way that he takes notice. Otherwise he pretty much comes and goes at random.

[Guest QuidEstCaritas?]

Just goto a brilliant neurologist eventually goddamnit.

 

Lol, j/k do whatever you like.

 

I just really think that if you got some funding and saw a really really smart neurologist she/he might be able to help you. Even if that person couldn't "fix" or "cure" you he/she might be able to at least give you some sort of idea of what's going on. Hell you might have a very rare version of your own illness which only 80 in 50,000 get or some such sh1t. But at least it could bring some relief, because if anyone told you you were crazy then you could tell them what your neurologist told you and they would have to shut the fuk up and you could actually talk to ppl without them thinking your off the boat. Even if it was just a partial answer and the neurologist hadn't been able to isolate the whole problem. Of course this would be supposing that your condition was within his discipline to diagnose and treat, but you get the picture

 

It drives me crazy, but you said you tried a neurologist route anyway so wtf do I know?

 

I've run out of things to advise, but in the end you will do what you think is best for you and at least what you are doing so far will give you inner peace, and that is really good.

 

One thing is abundantly clear to me, you have exhausted a hell of a lot of options.

 

You should be damn proud for trying to get to the bottom of it.