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So, My Dad Was Adopted...


EmperorNortonII
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Less than two weeks ago, I found out that my father was an adopted child. Honestly, there was a fairly long time I thought that adopting the man's last name was a way to transmit knowledge of biological lineage to the next generation, since mitochondrial DNA was, by default, able to transmit female lineage regardless of social norms, and it threw me that the people I thought were my grandparents weren't related to me. So, I called my dad, to figure out what the fuck?

 

As it turns out, my bio grand-mom was a hooker, and my bio grand-dad was a deadbeat, and my dad's half-brother became a deadbeat. He got stuck with shite parents, and my dad was adopted.

 

At first, it threw me to find this out. It really, did, partly because of dreams that were throwing me off in the grand scheme, but that was pseudo-psych bullshit. It was also partly because I though that where I came from was a big part of who I am. I was full of German-Irish pride.

 

But what-ever- be I Welsh or German or English, I'm AMERICAN. THAT was a big part of the grand realization. The larger part was that *I* determine who and what I am. I sure as shit know that my dad loved his real dad enough to name my wee brother Walter, and that he never mentioned the bio folks until specifically asked about it.

 

The bottom line is that, what I learned from my dad, is that we are, in the grand scheme of things, what we make ourselves into, moreso that societal, familial, or biological influences. Just as certainly, is that I learned from the grandparents I never met is that the greatest acts of love and humanity are caring for others as if they were our relatives regardless of their genetic make-up.

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Two weeks? Must be quite a shock.

 

My bio dad was a real turd and when my mom remarried my step-dad adopted all of us so I have his name and his family. I got that at age 3 (and my parents didn't think I'd remember any of it and always seem surprised that I do). My attitude is that it's not biology that creates family but how people treat one another. Biology is just biology (it's good to know for some health concerns or maybe if I'm trying to ascend to the throne ;) ). Beyond that I never wanted to know my "real" dad since I already had a real dad (I did make some dick remarks as a teen that still haunt me all these years later that I wish I could take back).

 

Anyhow, good luck sorting things out. I think you're also realizing that family isn't about biology and all that junk.

 

mwc

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I'm adopted.

 

I only have knowledge of half the heritage, and I didn't find that out until I was an adult. It was weird in grade school...everyone was "something" and they had pride in that "something". I learned about different cultures, thinking maybe I could "guess" what I was. I saw a LOT of value in different cultures. A little of this here, a little of that over there.... and I got more exotic....so what if I wasn't Japanese....lot of deep culture with interesting components there!

 

Eventually, I realized what you are realizing now. Who I was had nothing to do with heritage. And I'd learned so much of value from multiple cultures...how was I supposed to pick even a small handful?

 

Blood is blood. It supports life, it feeds our bodies. Words like "lineage" are meaningless and paltry in the face of the basic importance of blood.

 

And you understand that too now. You know the REAL meaning of the word family. And it has precious little to do with bodily fluids.

 

Welcome to the larger family.

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If you're really curious about your ancestry you could get an autosomal DNA test. I'd like to do that one day, even though I'm descended from a long list of places.

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