curious Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Everyone is different. Everyone has experienced varying levels of impact from the cult. No one is going to experience recovery from it in the same way. And no one expects everyone to. There is no cookie-cutter solution to dealing with the stages. A little anger works for some, while some experience large amounts before settling down. True. Very, very true. Some ex-Xians want to let things be and live the way they have lived before they joined the cult. Some people, like me, have invested their time, money, energy and soul into the cult and would take great pleasure from seeing it's downfall, or at least to cripple it. I take great measure to annoy Xians when I can, especially when I debate with Xian groups around campus and they dance around the truth. I don't work for their benefit, since I know that it's amazingly hard to come out of the cult, but I work to show others how big of a cult Xianity really is. Just my two cents. While I agree that christianity is a cult and is soooo harmful I can't be as vengeful. I truly LOVED those folks....still do. I myself did some not very good things while I was a christian...but I was brainwashed...I believed a lie. The thing is so do they....the christians...we all only know what we are taught. And while my rage sometimes reaches a very high level, I am learning that the rage is more about the doctrine and not the people. My heart hurts for them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vomit Comet Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 While I agree that christianity is a cult and is soooo harmful I can't be as vengeful. I truly LOVED those folks....still do. I myself did some not very good things while I was a christian...but I was brainwashed...I believed a lie. The thing is so do they....the christians...we all only know what we are taught. And while my rage sometimes reaches a very high level, I am learning that the rage is more about the doctrine and not the people. My heart hurts for them That's the one thing that prevents me from going on a similar crusade as JessicaSideways. I don't want to hurt the people I left behind. I know people who were born-and-raised atheist/agnostic who wonder why I won't hop on the proactive anti-religious Dawkins/Harris bandwagon. To them, I'd be the likeliest candidate of all, more likely than any of them because it's only ever effected them indirectly rather than directly. It confounds them that I won't do it. They'll never understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 And as I have mentioned many times elsewhere....anger in general is pissed on and treated like an accident in our culture. It is denied, repressed, "regulated", and generally treated as an abberration of the human condition (no wonder so many people don't deal with it well....we are not trained to deal with it at all!). It is NOT. It is as emotionally valid as happiness, but because happiness is acceptable, preferred even, no one comes up to you to suggest you have a serious issue when you smile about something. But express a little frustration....and real life culture rallies to express how "wrong" you are to feel that way. Anyone who tells you you have no "right" to be angry, is not someone you ever need to listen to. Thank you for that, white raven. I needed to hear it. Curious, as I read your post I realized that the intensity of my rage has decreased significantly in the two and a half years since my deconversion. I would describe it as back then it was one big white hot ball of rage and confusion. Now it's dull red anger with discernible issues. As for forgiveness. Forget it. There is no hell for me to go to and no almighty power to cast me into it. Living with myself is the issue and I am very comfortable with my own company. People who disrupt this peaceful little teaparty that I'm having with me, myself, and I can get lost. LastKing, I am happy for you and others like you who did not experience such extreme conflict in relationships, or in religion. My experience of god and his followers was so unpleasant in the extreme that I am only now getting in touch with some of the feelings. When Christians present their religion and god as so wonderful I find myself drawing back in horror and wondering who's crazy here--me or them, because I know all about their religion and it is anything but! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Thank you...again. I do love her...as much as she lets me anyhow. She is bitter and angry about being given away...she was not an infant when she left so it was quite traumatic for us both. But who the hell was I to question god? When god told my pastor to let it be so....well at that point I didn't have many options....give her away or go to hell and take her with me. WTF kind of god works like that? Just pisses me off. Oh wow! this is totally horrible. If ever anybody had a right to be angry, it's you, curious. This is so twisted and so sick. That pastor should be in jail. Okay, maybe I'm going over-board but in my opinion when pastors accept messages from god to separate children from their parents the government should intervene. I have not read the entire thread yet so maybe this has been addressed. If so, my apologies. However, does anyone know--can she press charges against that pastor? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeker630 Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 I have not read the entire thread yet so maybe this has been addressed. If so, my apologies. However, does anyone know--can she press charges against that pastor? Depends on how long ago all this happened, and where. If it were recent, she could certainly contact Child Protective Services or the equivalent in her area and have them put some serious ju-ju on it. BUT---she could be endangering her right to see her own child too. They might see her actions as child abandonment or something. Tricky situation this. But reading her posts I get the impression this all happened a long time ago. Is the kid in question even still a minor legally? Has the kid been legally adopted by another family? What is their current status? Where is he/she? Who did they send her to and where? All of these things can have an affect on any subsequent legal actions, either civil or criminal. There are just way too many unknown variables here to say whether or not she could file any official complaint with the police or Social Services. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curious Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Yes, she is now an adult...she will be 20 this spring. I gave her away 15 years ago when she was 5. I honestly don't know if the pastor had ill-intent in his heart. Like I've said...we all believe what we are taught. I was very depressed at the time I gave her away because I couldn't seem to "get saved" no matter what I did, no matter how much I prayed, no matter how much I read the bible. So one day I'm told that my sins will be payed for by my daughter if I didn't "get it together". Now keep in mind that at this time I was a faithful church goer and was very active in the ministries of the church was a member of....so there really was no "sin" as one would typically think of sin. All I remember is that my heart was broken because I did not want my precious baby to go to hell because of me. So I gave her away to a pastor. Initially this adoption was not legal in that the only paper I signed was a consent to get medical care for her. It wasn't until my family discovered I had given her away that I found out how illegal this was. BUT....still brainwashed I fought the courts myself to keep her where she was. WTF??? I just shake my head......... In the interest of not losing her again...I have said nothing to her about any of this. And my greatest fear right now is that someone out there will put 2 and 2 together and tell her. I cannot even think of how disastrous it would be to have her run from me. She is very much brainwashed as I was. Anyhow.....thanks for your kind words and your sympathy...this has been a long hard road for me. But I do see light at the end of the tunnel and I know one day I will reach it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeker630 Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Yes, she is now an adult...she will be 20 this spring. I gave her away 15 years ago when she was 5. It wasn't until my family discovered I had given her away that I found out how illegal this was. BUT....still brainwashed I fought the courts myself to keep her where she was. WTF??? I just shake my head......... In the interest of not losing her again...I have said nothing to her about any of this. And my greatest fear right now is that someone out there will put 2 and 2 together and tell her. I cannot even think of how disastrous it would be to have her run from me. She is very much brainwashed as I was. Anyhow.....thanks for your kind words and your sympathy...this has been a long hard road for me. But I do see light at the end of the tunnel and I know one day I will reach it. Ok Curious, here's the way I'm sizing up the situation. All of this happened 15 years ago, and you went to court to see to it that it stayed that way. I think we all understand the motivation part of it. You say you have now located her again. Now what? Have you contacted her? Is she aware of what happened so long ago and why? She is an adult now. She is certainly free to maintain contact with you or not---it's up to her at this point. Legally there is probably nothing you can do anymore. It's been so long since all of this happened that no prosecutor will likely go after the people in question who perpetrated this fraud on you. There is nothing to be done from a civil POV, since your child is now legally an adult, and is free to determine where or with whom she will or will not live, sol there is no custody issue to pursue any more. I don't know what else I can say here. Sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts