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How To Deal With Mom Nagging Me To Go To Church


Tabula Rasa
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Hey everyone. Despite having only de-converting about a year and a half ago, I haven't really set foot in a church except maybe twice since 1987. The last time was in about fall of 2004 and I didn't make it through the service because during a prayer, a choir member who was going to do a song, collapsed and after being taken to the hospital by emergency services was pretty much doa.(According to some things I'd heard, she actually had dropped dead when she collapsed in the church. ) That was probably one of the things that started some cracks in my faith.

 

Anyway, getting to the point, mom's been nagging me to start going back to church with her and dad(I live with my folks.), and while it's not often, I'm not certain how much longer I can make excuses and putting her off., and I certainly can't tell her the real reason I won't go, that I don't believe anymore. She couldn't handle it. She'd be worried I was hellbound. So I'm wondering if I should go a couple of times to get her off my back, or if anyone has any suggestions as to what to tell her so she'l quit asking.

 

Thanks,

Tab

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Hey everyone. Despite having only de-converting about a year and a half ago, I haven't really set foot in a church except maybe twice since 1987. The last time was in about fall of 2004 and I didn't make it through the service because during a prayer, a choir member who was going to do a song, collapsed and after being taken to the hospital by emergency services was pretty much doa.(According to some things I'd heard, she actually had dropped dead when she collapsed in the church. ) That was probably one of the things that started some cracks in my faith.

 

Anyway, getting to the point, mom's been nagging me to start going back to church with her and dad(I live with my folks.), and while it's not often, I'm not certain how much longer I can make excuses and putting her off., and I certainly can't tell her the real reason I won't go, that I don't believe anymore. She couldn't handle it. She'd be worried I was hellbound. So I'm wondering if I should go a couple of times to get her off my back, or if anyone has any suggestions as to what to tell her so she'l quit asking.

 

Thanks,

Tab

 

Perhaps you could try telling her that you prefer to practice your religion privately, that you don't particularly care for church. Not sure how religious she is so I don't know how she would take that.

 

It varies from person to person, but generally going to church a few times won't get her off your back, if she nags and you go it gives her positive reinforcement, which means she'll just nag more. Probably even about things other than church, its not a pattern you want to encorage.

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They all think we're hellbound when we leave their churches, and they get over it. You're an adult, right? Do you care what your folks believe? Then they shouldn't care what you believe. It's a simple matter of respect, and sometimes you just have to demand it.

 

On the other hand, if you are still financially dependent on your parents, you might consider pretending faith as if it were a part of the job. It can't last forever. I don't know if you're looking after them or if they're supporting you - all you said was you live with them. Regardless, I believe honesty is always the best option unless it would impact your livelihood or needlessly hurt an aging and dying relative.

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Having been through the same thing myself I can tell you that while it pained my parents and grandparents, life went on for them. Unless you intend to spend your entire life being miserable pleasing others you are probably just going to have to tell them. If not everything, at least tell them you aren't interested in going to church anymore.

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Tell them you are busy with your job or something, or that you have found another church that makes you happier to attend. Or you could tell them the truth. Adults are not beholden to follow their parents' ways, despite what they may think. Once you are out of their house and self-sufficient, you don't have to live for their approval anymore. If they do not respect you are as an adult who can make his own life choices, then is their approval worth it?

 

IMO, you need to find another source of approval other than your parents. It's generally best if it comes from within yourself.

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Thanks for the replies everyone. The main reason I haven't told Mom the truth, is because she just turned eighty and it'd break her heart. She'd be terrified I'd be hellbound and she'd try even harder to get me to go back to church.

To try to take some of the heat off , I've told her that I'd just read the Bible, but she replied that "the Bible ain't church." so I think she's probably of the mind that I need "christian fellowship and support" or something like that.

 

In her defense she's not a foaming at the mouth fundie,she reads her Bible and says her prayers and tries to be a good person, but that's about it.

 

 

Edit: As for my financial situation, I am being supported by my parents. This is embarrasing but I've never moved out, due to a combination of lack of self esteem, childishness, the idea back in the 1980's that the rapture was right around the corner, so why bother, and laziness.

 

 

Right now I'm working on paying off some bills, which I hope to be done with by July or so. After that I'm going to save up and get a good used car and by the end of 2010, I'll have enough cash saved up to move out.

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Yeah, florduh's right. Given your mother's age and the fact that she supports you, it might be best to stay in the closet for now.

 

I'm not in your situation, but my mom keeps asking me to come to church with them. I keep saying "no thanks". But I think it will be different when I don't show up on Easter for the first time EVER. I think she will know something's up then.

 

Good luck with the plan on getting out of the house

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