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Feeling Sort Of Guilty


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I am at home for a few days on spring break. I was in my bedroom working on my algorithms assignment when my little brother knocked on my door and said, "Time for prayers". I said "Yup," in a sort of arggg tone, and then just kept working on what I was doing. I didn't go say prayers. By the way, at my house, "Time for prayers guys" == "Time to say rosary".

 

Anyways, about half an hour later, I went downstairs to the kitchen. There was some frozen icing left over from Christmas on the counter, and I tasted some of it. It tasted freezer burnt. So I went into the living room where my mom and sisters were watching Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman and said, "Mom, the icing you are going to use on the cake tastes freezer burnt."

 

Let's just say that I didn't get a pleasant response. One of my sisters snapped at me and told me that I wasn't supposed to taste the icing (As if that would be a good idea. My mom "gave up" sweets and junk food during the week [she did it for some sort of religious cause...maybe the conversion of sinners or for the end to abortion or something like that] so she wouldn't have tasted it before putting it on the cake. And since my sisters are rule Nazis, they wouldn't have tasted it either. So, if I hadn't have tasted it, the cake my mom made would have tasted disgusting...)

 

My other sister glared at me and said, "You missed prayers," and then the first chimed in again, "On purpose".

 

My mom didn't even acknowledge that I was there.

 

Now I feel really guilty and stuff. Did I do something wrong by not saying prayers with them? Was I rude to my mom? Should I have gone and said prayers? I said them with them the past three nights I have been home.

 

It bugs me so much how my two sisters are such rule Nazis. Especially my youngest sister. Arrg. So frustrated. I just want to go back to school. If I didn't have a couple of orthodontist appts this week, I would be back in Halifax where I belong.

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Far as I can see the only thing you did "wrong" was let the sticks shoved up your sisters' asses get to you. Were I in your shoes, I'd get myself back to school ASAP and take steps necessary to ensure I don't have to return home 'til long after they've started calling, wondering "when you comin' home?"

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Far as I can see the only thing you did "wrong" was let the sticks shoved up your sisters' asses get to you. Were I in your shoes, I'd get myself back to school ASAP and take steps necessary to ensure I don't have to return home 'til long after they've started calling, wondering "when you comin' home?"

 

Which I plan to do as soon as I figure out what is going on with the orthodontist situation. I have an appointment tomorrow to see if the braces are ready to come off...if they are, I have an appointment on Thursday to get 'em off.

 

I think I am going to take the bus back to Halifax on Thursday evening at the latest.

 

Everything around here just gets on my nerves. Pretty sure it is a combination of just wanting to be out on my own supporting myself for good and the whole de-conversion dilemma.

 

And each person in my family DOES have a stick up their ass. They are soooooooo rigid and sooooo "righteous" and sooooo....aaahhhhhhh I can't believe I was once anything like them. It makes me shudder to think that people perceived me the way that I know perceive them. And I am terrified that I am going to turn out like my parents.

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And each person in my family DOES have a stick up their ass. They are soooooooo rigid and sooooo "righteous" and sooooo....aaahhhhhhh I can't believe I was once anything like them. It makes me shudder to think that people perceived me the way that I know perceive them. And I am terrified that I am going to turn out like my parents.

 

Sounds like that's not going to happen. There is no turning back kiddo. The genie of reality is out of the bottle, and there is no way to put him back in. Your mind is now your own, and no mistake.

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My other sister glared at me and said, "You missed prayers," and then the first chimed in again, "On purpose".

 

My mom didn't even acknowledge that I was there.

 

Now I feel really guilty and stuff. Did I do something wrong by not saying prayers with them? Was I rude to my mom? Should I have gone and said prayers? I said them with them the past three nights I have been home.

 

It bugs me so much how my two sisters are such rule Nazis. Especially my youngest sister. Arrg. So frustrated.

My question here is fairly simple:

why did you even participate in prayer before,since you're a non-believer?

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My other sister glared at me and said, "You missed prayers," and then the first chimed in again, "On purpose".

 

My mom didn't even acknowledge that I was there.

 

Now I feel really guilty and stuff. Did I do something wrong by not saying prayers with them? Was I rude to my mom? Should I have gone and said prayers? I said them with them the past three nights I have been home.

 

It bugs me so much how my two sisters are such rule Nazis. Especially my youngest sister. Arrg. So frustrated.

My question here is fairly simple:

why did you even participate in prayer before,since you're a non-believer?

 

Because I figured since I was in my parent's house it was best not to get my mom all upset. We have already had too many arguments. I also haven't really come out yet.

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And it is stuff like this that makes me scared to relate to my family. I am terrified that if I feel happy spending time with them, it means I am going back to how I used to be or that I am going to be like them.

This is utter nonsense. Enjoying spending time with your family doesn't mean you're going back to Christianity, it means you enjoy spending time with your family, just like every other decent human being in the world regardless of religious beliefs. I'm sure there are those who'd like you to think it does, but Catholicism and religion in general have absolutely nothing to do with it.

 

Of course, exactly how much time you enjoy spending with your family is entirely up for debate. Personally, I love my folks and siblings, but if I have to endure their company for more than a few hours most of the time I'll start playing the "sniper rifle in a bell tower" game in my head.

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And it is stuff like this that makes me scared to relate to my family. I am terrified that if I feel happy spending time with them, it means I am going back to how I used to be or that I am going to be like them.

This is utter nonsense. Enjoying spending time with your family doesn't mean you're going back to Christianity, it means you enjoy spending time with your family, just like every other decent human being in the world regardless of religious beliefs. I'm sure there are those who'd like you to think it does, but Catholicism and religion in general have absolutely nothing to do with it.

 

Of course, exactly how much time you enjoy spending with your family is entirely up for debate. Personally, I love my folks and siblings, but if I have to endure their company for more than a few hours most of the time I'll start playing the "sniper rifle in a bell tower" game in my head.

 

I know you are right.

 

I think it might be an association thing right now, though. I associate my family with faith. I know it doesn't have to be that way, but it feels like that right now.

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Feel guilty? They are the ones manipulating you by their snotty behavior. Sorry to raise the issue, but your mom is being childish by not even talking to you. They are the ones who should feel guilty using guilt to get you to conform.

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Because I figured since I was in my parent's house it was best not to get my mom all upset. We have already had too many arguments. I also haven't really come out yet.

Well,maybe you should.

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Because I figured since I was in my parent's house it was best not to get my mom all upset. We have already had too many arguments. I also haven't really come out yet.

Well,maybe you should.

 

Um, no. Not yet. Definitely not ready.

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Hold your ground, sooner or later they will have to face the facts you don't agree with their lifestyle. My dad and I go round and round on occasions but I'm a long way from being 21, too. Respect doesn't always come with age but the older I get the less I care what my family thinks. I try not to argue with my dad in his house, I can go home to mine if things get too tense. I've been to college when I was younger and had to move in and out of my dad's house several times before I decided I'd rather live in a culvert and the trunk of my car than move back home again. Eating out of garbage cans is a good case of humility. I totally understand what you are going through for now. Just wait. Life will get better at home or when you can finally get your own place and become independent. Starting out can really suck.

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Because I figured since I was in my parent's house it was best not to get my mom all upset. We have already had too many arguments. I also haven't really come out yet.

Well,maybe you should.

 

Um, no. Not yet. Definitely not ready.

Ok,then you can go on being a hypocrite,til you feel ready. :)

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Well,participating in religious rituals,that you don't believe in in order to satisfy other people is a bit hypocritical,in my humble opinion... :rolleyes:

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It's also a bit necessary for some people. You don't have to agree with HW's reasons for not revealing her lack of belief, but you are expected to refrain from ridiculing her decision. We're here to encourage each other, not belittle those who Raul thinks are being timid.

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