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ashmeg84

Confused And Tired

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My brain is tired from trying to figure out life, is christianity real, is there a heaven or a hell, which one am i going to, what is faith and why do i have to have it, can I ever stop worrying about doing something wrong, is God punishing me, maybe hes happy that im just trying to figure out my life, maybe he doesnt even care, how do we even know or try to say what hes thinking--hes God, then theres the Bible, hows it different from the Koran, or any other book and how do you know, is it wrong to marry someone whos not a christian, how will I tell my parents, if christianity is real and everything else is wrong--how does a person even justify saying that?, how do we know whats real if theres no evidence, theres faith again, but i dont get it, why is it so necessary to invent something other than whats right in front of our face?? why do we need religion? if it causes so much confusion, i dont want it, but I dont want to go to hell, maybe its a myth to scare people, maybe its real, omg what if i go to hell, is this freaking healthy?? THIS is why im so confused, and so tired of Christianity..this was my life as a child and as a young adult and i am so done with it. And yet it is always there in the back of my head, tormenting me. i dont know what to do or what to think anymore

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Guest QuidEstCaritas?
My brain is tired from trying to figure out life, is christianity real, is there a heaven or a hell, which one am i going to, what is faith and why do i have to have it, can I ever stop worrying about doing something wrong, is God punishing me, maybe hes happy that im just trying to figure out my life, maybe he doesnt even care, how do we even know or try to say what hes thinking--hes God, then theres the Bible, hows it different from the Koran, or any other book and how do you know, is it wrong to marry someone whos not a christian, how will I tell my parents, if christianity is real and everything else is wrong--how does a person even justify saying that?, how do we know whats real if theres no evidence, theres faith again, but i dont get it, why is it so necessary to invent something other than whats right in front of our face?? why do we need religion? if it causes so much confusion, i dont want it, but I dont want to go to hell, maybe its a myth to scare people, maybe its real, omg what if i go to hell, is this freaking healthy?? THIS is why im so confused, and so tired of Christianity..this was my life as a child and as a young adult and i am so done with it. And yet it is always there in the back of my head, tormenting me. i dont know what to do or what to think anymore

 

 

Relax.

 

Remember to go easy on yourself.

 

And just see if "not believing" is for you.

 

Remember, you are weary, unburden yourself.

 

You are welcome here.

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Welcome to the forums, Ashmeg84.

 

Stick around, and read and post, and that hamster wheel of questions is likely to slow down and be dealt with -- one question at a time. It's not at all unusual for confusion and tiredness to set in when real inner debates arise about what we've always just accepted.

 

You're in good company here.

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Welcome, we'll try to help you in any way you can. I want to reassure you that almost all of us have been through what you are experiencing now. It will get better. Just try to relax, breathe. I wish I could remember exactly how I got over my fear. I think it was mostly just time. I stopped praying, stopped attending mass, and no disasters occurred. Reading about other religions and the history of christianity (and how it adopted from many other religions) also helped.

 

I've been out for over two years, and I sometimes still get scared. That's how christianity operates unfortunately -- it exploits our fears.

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Hi Ashmeg,

 

I would also like to extend you a hearty 'Welcome!' I understand your dilemma. I just revealed all the details of my non-belief to my extended and immediate family over the past week. As I reviewed my reasons, I touched on basically all of the points that you made. These are very frustrating, exasperating issues to deal with. I understand your dilemma and fear. I cannot speak for everyone, but I can tell you that I was also pretty concerned that I might be destined for a trip to the lake of fire. At this point in my de-conversion, this fear has not only receded, but I almost laugh at the possibility of such a thing happening.

Not that I consider you foolish for fearing it. I did for more than 25 years. The thing that makes me laugh is that such a fate would suggest that the creator of this earth and its inhabitants created hundreds of billions of souls for no other purpose than having them occupy a human body for somewhere between 15 and 80 years followed by millions and millions of years of excruciating, agonizing, and endless torment. Many of them for nothing more than the normal flawed human behavior and a failure to acknowledge him and his son. Not only is this completely ridiculous coming from a being with complete knowledge of the future and the future's future. But it is absurd because the only warning that anyone would have received that this punishment was coming down the tubes would be in the form of some ancient letters written almost 2000 years ago in a different language on a different continent. At what point did the people of the world become accountable for this knowledge? There was no internet or even a printing press in 60 AD or even 500 AD, and it's pretty easy to determine that the message could not have traveled too quickly given that it was being hand copied and transported via ship, foot, or donkey. So are we to believe that all of the Native Americans living on this continent prior to West's arrival are now burning since they practiced animism instead of Christianity? At what point did this God determine that people should burn? There's no way to know this. It would have been centuries before he could reasonably expect people to have heard this message. And how will he judge the fact that the average person would most assuredly be a little skeptical given that they would have heard 'the most important message of mankind' in the form of a simple letter from some dude they never knew.

 

Yes, this is a rehash of everything that this website is about, but I bring it up just to say... continue to educate yourself on the Bible, it's origins, it's editing process, and religious texts in general. As you understand where this all fits together, your fear of Hell will start to fade away. Of course at that point you may find that you have an equally difficult time dealing with the depressing aspects of oblivion, but I digress.

 

 

--Joe

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Guest Sojo Nothingness
My brain is tired from trying to figure out life, is christianity real, is there a heaven or a hell, which one am i going to, what is faith and why do i have to have it, can I ever stop worrying about doing something wrong, is God punishing me, maybe hes happy that im just trying to figure out my life, maybe he doesnt even care, how do we even know or try to say what hes thinking--hes God, then theres the Bible, hows it different from the Koran, or any other book and how do you know, is it wrong to marry someone whos not a christian, how will I tell my parents, if christianity is real and everything else is wrong--how does a person even justify saying that?, how do we know whats real if theres no evidence, theres faith again, but i dont get it, why is it so necessary to invent something other than whats right in front of our face?? why do we need religion? if it causes so much confusion, i dont want it, but I dont want to go to hell, maybe its a myth to scare people, maybe its real, omg what if i go to hell, is this freaking healthy?? THIS is why im so confused, and so tired of Christianity..this was my life as a child and as a young adult and i am so done with it. And yet it is always there in the back of my head, tormenting me. i dont know what to do or what to think anymore

 

You know? Theres something positive in going about wiping the mental slate clean since you were a kid.

 

Try re-discovering things only this time it's you calling the shots. Not someone else teaching you about whats real and whats not in life (and beyond) Discover for yourself, and enjoy the freedom of clear thought and observation of everything around you.

 

Best wishes,

 

SN

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Guest JT85

As QuidEstCaritas? first word was "relax". It doesnt mean your weird or strange, but in the literal terms, take a deep breath and step back and relax...live life.

Life doesnt end because your not thinking about these philosophical issues. Its annoying I know, as I thought about it at first when I first stepped back, but as time has past, Im just living life....im still interested in philosophy and religion and stuff...but it has no grasp on my mind, time, and thinking. Enjoy the people around you, enjoy everything that life has to offer. I dont know what stage in your life you are at right now, but just push through with what you believe in your heart and conscious, and logic, and let that be you.

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Welcome ashmeg84. Take your time and do your research, and you'll eventually find a greater sense of peace. It may take a long time to fully deprogram yourself, though, if that's the way that you end up going. For me, and for many others it seems, the intellectual discovery of truth came a long time before the emotional acceptance. I've been a deconvert for around 6 months, but emotionally I'm still deeply entrenched in my old christian habits and fears. The fear of hell, the worry about committing sin . . . I don't know if you've been indoctrinated with those concepts for your entire life or not, but I was, and for me it has been a very difficult task to overcome those feelings. I'm still working hard on it, repeatedly rebutting those emotions with the logical truth that my brain recognizes. But if the long-time deconverts in this forum are any indication, with time those negative feelings will fade. Take care.

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I just wanna say up front that you are completely normal and I went through the same thing at first. It was hell, figuratively speaking. When I would get in the car to go somewhere, I'd think "What if I got in an accident and died?" There was so much crying and feeling alone in those days. I wrote a book about the experience of leaving the faith, there's a link on my signature if you want to read it online. It's free and it might help you feel not so alone.

 

I can't help with the questions about hell and the bible and the koran and god because that's something you'll have to figure out youself, but everyone on this board can help with the lonliness part. Hopefully you'll find some local people soon that you can relate to.

 

Get plenty of rest, take Tylenol PM if you have to! It's going to get better- in every story I've read here, it does get better.

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You'll make it through! It's tough at first. You question your questioning! And you doubt your answers, if you find any at all. It's like this. Believing a fairy tale is easy, they just tell you what to think and how to believe and you go through the motions and everything is fine and dandy. But, now you are THINKING for yourself. Lots more work! But, also more rewarding and real! Keep reading on here and other places, talking to people and belieiving in yourself and your intellect.

And take time to relax, it's ok to not have everything all figured out!

Wishing you all the best!

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Guest JT85

You need something what your walking away from....that sounds exactly the way I am feeling. I think I mentioned that I became non-christian a year ago...during my 3rd year of University. Before that, most of my friends...the core group that I used to hang around with and talk to on a regular basis were christians....because we went to the same campus group. Well after I left Christianity so did those friends. They didnt leave me, but I left them because I knew it would be so awkward having conversations and everything. Im in my last year of uni now...a few more months to go...I dont know how I survived this year...its been a bit lonely...my uni is in a small city so its not like a large city where u can go do whatever and meet whoever. But ya, I guess I realized that theres no use worrying about what other people will think about me not being christian, and philosophical questions that are out of my league to comprehend....so I just live life. Its a confusing world which doesnt make much sense, but I live it. Do my best, be myself (not an ass), be kind to people and etc. I dont know if that helped at all haha. Just know that your not alone in this confusing post-christian belief.

 

It was hard for me to let go at first too...I was like "it just feels soo real still....." saying christian stuff, trying to pray to God and etc....just because your not christian doesnt mean you have no impact on your friends/familys lives. Just think about what your strengths are and most of all, be yourself...and I guess things would eventually start to roll..but I guess the first step is to take that initial step out that normal christian routine/thinking that you had.

 

Dont be afraid to give me a pm if you want.

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