Is Having An Irrational Fear All A Part Of The Deconversion Process?

[Guest Windstorm]

Hi everyone, I am new here I must say that I am most relieved to have discovered this site because I frankly thought that I was alone in my experience but it is great to see that I am not the only one. Let me first start off by saying that I have some problems going on concerning religion that I cannot understand. Although I have been in the de-conversion process for over a year, I am still facing many fears connected to my former belief in Christianity to the point that it has started to spill off into my everyday life and thoughts. I know that it may sound silly, but everyday I wake up feeling 'doomed' and hopeless. From time to time I'll even have dreams of God striking me down with lightening throwing me into Hell.

 

I would hope that it is just my subconscious playing tricks on me but the fear feels so real. And it doesn't help whenever my family gets togther to travel trip, they never talk about normal topics but instead its ALWAYS about the Bible and which people God is going to punish(Atheists, Wiccans, Buddhists etc.) Because of this, I tend to avoid my family as much as possible. I wish I were not afraid of stupid stuff like this but I cannot help it. I would like to know if irrational fear is a normal part of the de-conversion process or do I just have Theophobia?

[florduh]

Welcome, Windstorm - and yes. It seems pretty normal.

 

The primary tool of the cult indoctrination is fear, so it stands to reason one won't get over the brainwashing immediately. It takes time, but the time will come.

 

This site has been a big help to a lot of people, and I'm glad you found it.

[Crazycatlady]

Fear is a very normal part of the de-conversion process. In fact, I would argue that fear is a normal part of the Christian experience. I've been out for over two years and I'm just now getting over the fear. The video in the hell discussion in The Loin's Den (it's stickied) was helpful for me. I wouldn't necessarily advise reading the whole discussion just yet because there are several xtains in there.

 

And welcome to x-x!

[Eponymic]

know that it may sound silly, but everyday I wake up feeling 'doomed' and hopeless. From time to time I'll even have dreams of God striking me down with lightening throwing me into Hell.

 

I wish I were not afraid of stupid stuff like this but I cannot help it. I would like to know if irrational fear is a normal part of the de-conversion process or do I just have Theophobia?

 

Nope, lots of people go through this.

Best thing you can do is keep talking through it and exposing your fears for what they are. The more they see the light of day, the more they shrivel & die...kinda like Vampires.

[hereticzero]

Welcome to the forums.

 

Families are tough for anyone to deal with. Families tend to be more aggressive over matters of religion more so than politics. My family goes into the mantra of the trinity whenever their faith is in doubt, or they quote one creed or another--it is Baptist ...

[joD]

Hi everyone, I am new here I must say that I am most relieved to have discovered this site because I frankly thought that I was alone in my experience but it is great to see that I am not the only one. Let me first start off by saying that I have some problems going on concerning religion that I cannot understand. Although I have been in the de-conversion process for over a year, I am still facing many fears connected to my former belief in Christianity to the point that it has started to spill off into my everyday life and thoughts. I know that it may sound silly, but everyday I wake up feeling 'doomed' and hopeless. From time to time I'll even have dreams of God striking me down with lightening throwing me into Hell.

 

I would hope that it is just my subconscious playing tricks on me but the fear feels so real. And it doesn't help whenever my family gets togther to travel trip, they never talk about normal topics but instead its ALWAYS about the Bible and which people God is going to punish(Atheists, Wiccans, Buddhists etc.) Because of this, I tend to avoid my family as much as possible. I wish I were not afraid of stupid stuff like this but I cannot help it. I would like to know if irrational fear is a normal part of the de-conversion process or do I just have Theophobia?

 

Welcome, W.S.! You are not alone in your fear issues, just a normal part of the process. REad all you can, books recommended here and just peoples stories. That has helped me alot! Great to have you here!

[R. S. Martin]

know that it may sound silly, but everyday I wake up feeling 'doomed' and hopeless. From time to time I'll even have dreams of God striking me down with lightening throwing me into Hell.

 

I wish I were not afraid of stupid stuff like this but I cannot help it. I would like to know if irrational fear is a normal part of the de-conversion process or do I just have Theophobia?

 

Nope, lots of people go through this.

Best thing you can do is keep talking through it and exposing your fears for what they are. The more they see the light of day, the more they shrivel & die...kinda like Vampires.

 

Really? Is that what's doing it?

 

Windstorm, I've been here two years and a half. It really helped me, and the fear has lessened a lot, too.

 

The way you describe your family and the things they like to talk about, I would definitely support the idea of not spending too much time with them for the time being. Some of us have cut ties with family due to abuse. Each person must find what works for them because each situation is different.

[♦ Fuego ♦]

Another thing to keep in mind is that God didn't show up any other time, either when you needed him or when you feared him. He's the boogie man and Santa Claus all wrapped up in one, and neither one ever does anything real. You could even challenge him to show himself, though that may seem extreme at this point. I think that is what Gordon Liddy did to overcome his fear of God.

[Tabula Rasa]

Windstorm, I feel your pain. I still have some struggles with the old hell fears. Speaking as someone who still believes in some sort of God, here's something to consider. If God is omnipotent, then the bible description of him holds no water.An all powerful being is not going to have petty feelings like anger and jealousy because it's creations don't worship it, it would be completely beyond such things.

 

Good luck in your journey!

Tab

[Raul]

For me it was a huge part of conversion process.

[Guest Windstorm]

Another thing to keep in mind is that God didn't show up any other time, either when you needed him or when you feared him. He's the boogie man and Santa Claus all wrapped up in one, and neither one ever does anything real. You could even challenge him to show himself, though that may seem extreme at this point. I think that is what Gordon Liddy did to overcome his fear of God.

 

 

Hello everybody, I'm sorry that I didn't reply sooner but I have been quite busy lately. But now that I'm back I must say that I greatly appreciate the advice here and warm welcome you guys(I got my head chewed off when asking this same question on a Christian forum).

 

And Fuego, believe it or not I already tried the challenging method. At one point in time I had got so pissed off about having these thoughts of going to Hell until I literally had a nervous breakdown and started shouting every profanity in the book up to what I percieved to be God at the time. Anyway, I have since moved on to more 'logical' methods for handling the situation lol.

[LBW]

I would like to know if irrational fear is a normal part of the de-conversion process or do I just have Theophobia?

Gosh yes, it's normal. I don't see how anyone who's been deeply indoctrinated in christianity could avoid it. As I've said elsewhere, for me deconversion fully took place intellectually long before my emotions followed suit. I'm still dealing with the fear, but it's growing weaker.

[Nomadic techno-gypsy]

Completely normal. Conditioned responses are hard to overcome, but easier when you're aware of them. You were trained and drilled to FEAR, and the rational is oftentimes overwhelmed by what seems to be "instinctual" (read: "indoctrinated").

 

But it's like G.I. Joe said "Knowing is half the battle"

[hudsonrw]

Hello Windstorm,

 

You are normal. I'm experiencing the same thing. Each morning I wake up kinda depressed, feeling like there isn't hope, and just filled with anxiety. I think my mind is adjusting to reason and not the use of Christianity as a crutch. It does seem to cause some stress. But from what I hear from others, in time this will go away. Welcome to the forum! Good to have you here!

[Etchison]

Here Windstorm, let's pray about it.

 

Lord God, if you are up there please strike Windstorm down right now with lightning from heaven! In your almighty name, Amen.

 

Well are you still here? OK then. I guess we can close the books on that one.

 

 

Just a little light-hearted look. Yes my friend, what you are experiencing is very normal. You'll be fine ... eventually. It takes time but many of us here went through the same exact thing. (I did.)