Young And Stuck

[Guest Crew]

Hello everyone. Let me just dive into what I'm going to say. I'm a 13 year old boy living in a family of 5 (2 parents, 3 brothers including me). My family is very religious - Orthodox Christian - and I'm not, I'm an atheist and nobody knows. Please don't think I'm too young to make these big choices of religion... I don't mean to brag or anything, but I believe I'm smarter than the average person my age.

 

I first started doubting the existence of God at the age of 11. I thought to myself, "There are so many different Gods, so how do I know that my God is the real one?" After thinking about it for a bit, I decided to totally forget about that idea. I thought that the devil was inside me or something and he was trying to make me not believe in the true God. The reason I thought the devil was inside me was because on that day in Sunday school, we had a short discussion on going to hell if we were bad or didn't believe in God.

 

A couple months later, I couldn't help but bring up that question to myself again. I realized that the devil wasn't really inside me... I was just thinking about a really good point. I never told anyone that question that was burning inside me for more than a while. At the age of 12, I was a lot smarter and I brought up many big points about the same topic. And so I became agnostic, privately of course.

 

I read some chapters of some e-books that were denying the existence of God. I read a lot of the Skeptic's Annotated Bible (Google it) and realized there were a lot of cruel things in the Bible. From sexism, to slavery, to stoning your children. One big thing for me was the Bible saying that homosexuals should be sent to death. I am honestly not homosexual, but I know that people are born that way and there's nothing wrong with it. It just didn't make sense to me. So I definitely became an atheist, to an Abrahamic God (Christianity, Judaism, and Islam) at least. I was also a weak atheist to any other God, as I read a lot about evolution and abiogenesis. And that's how I am today.

 

I haven't told anyone about me being an atheist. My family is very religious and me being an atheist would ruin everything. My grandparents are also very religious. Now don't get me wrong, I love my family very much. That's part of the reason why I won't tell them I'm an atheist. My grandparents are really sweet people and if they knew I was an atheist, it would break their hearts. My best friends and cousins are also Christian, and I don't even know bad it would be if I told them I was atheist. Also, if my two little brothers knew I was atheist, they'd get really mixed up. They look up to me, and I don't want them doubting God as well. Don't tell me to just be proud of what I believe in and tell everyone, because I won't.

 

Thanks to the people that read the whole post. I'm not exactly asking for advice, just wanted to let this all off my chest and hopefully get some comments.

[Caretaker]

Crew, I personally feel that indoctrinating kids yanks the freedom of religion right out from under their feet. There is NO WAY a five-year-old kid can make an informed ADULT decision about being religious.

 

On a slightly unrelated note, my brother has four kids, three of them close to your age, and he wants to bring them into the Catholic faith. My 14-year-old nephew probably will not like it much. I get the feeling this will only create more problems than my brother thinks it will solve. The irony of all this is that my brother and his wife asked me to be the godfather!

 

Oh, and you write very well. I only wish my brother's kids would pick up better writing skills.

[♦ Fuego ♦]

Hey Crew, welcome! I think you are taking the right approach. There are gobs of people I haven't told, family included. In some ways I'm getting my deconverted thoughts firmed up before engaging anyone, and in other ways I may not tell some people just because it would be devastating to them. Caring about others this way is not a sign of weakness, but of compassion. You have time now to prepare how you would like to talk to them, if the time seems right.

[Guest QuidEstCaritas?]

Hello everyone. Let me just dive into what I'm going to say. I'm a 13 year old boy living in a family of 5 (2 parents, 3 brothers including me). My family is very religious - Orthodox Christian - and I'm not, I'm an atheist and nobody knows. Please don't think I'm too young to make these big choices of religion... I don't mean to brag or anything, but I believe I'm smarter than the average person my age.

 

I first started doubting the existence of God at the age of 11. I thought to myself, "There are so many different Gods, so how do I know that my God is the real one?" After thinking about it for a bit, I decided to totally forget about that idea. I thought that the devil was inside me or something and he was trying to make me not believe in the true God. The reason I thought the devil was inside me was because on that day in Sunday school, we had a short discussion on going to hell if we were bad or didn't believe in God.

 

A couple months later, I couldn't help but bring up that question to myself again. I realized that the devil wasn't really inside me... I was just thinking about a really good point. I never told anyone that question that was burning inside me for more than a while. At the age of 12, I was a lot smarter and I brought up many big points about the same topic. And so I became agnostic, privately of course.

 

I read some chapters of some e-books that were denying the existence of God. I read a lot of the Skeptic's Annotated Bible (Google it) and realized there were a lot of cruel things in the Bible. From sexism, to slavery, to stoning your children. One big thing for me was the Bible saying that homosexuals should be sent to death. I am honestly not homosexual, but I know that people are born that way and there's nothing wrong with it. It just didn't make sense to me. So I definitely became an atheist, to an Abrahamic God (Christianity, Judaism, and Islam) at least. I was also a weak atheist to any other God, as I read a lot about evolution and abiogenesis. And that's how I am today.

 

I haven't told anyone about me being an atheist. My family is very religious and me being an atheist would ruin everything. My grandparents are also very religious. Now don't get me wrong, I love my family very much. That's part of the reason why I won't tell them I'm an atheist. My grandparents are really sweet people and if they knew I was an atheist, it would break their hearts. My best friends and cousins are also Christian, and I don't even know bad it would be if I told them I was atheist. Also, if my two little brothers knew I was atheist, they'd get really mixed up. They look up to me, and I don't want them doubting God as well. Don't tell me to just be proud of what I believe in and tell everyone, because I won't.

 

Thanks to the people that read the whole post. I'm not exactly asking for advice, just wanted to let this all off my chest and hopefully get some comments.

 

 

I am the same almost. Atheist to the Abrahamic Gods and weak atheist to every other God out there. That's as far as "positioning" goes. I am a Naturalist in the end. However, if I ever see any evidence to indicate that Naturalism is incorrect, then change it would.

 

Welcome, and yes you are smart, and yes you are right to keep it to yourself. It shows how much you care about your friends and your folks.

 

My advice would be that you wait until you are totally financially independent if you ever decide to tell your relatives and immediate family.

 

That would be the smart and compassionate thing to do for them, and the wisest thing to do for yourself.

[Guest Abby84]

I agree, I think you should wait on telling your parents and other family. I'm kind of in the same boat and I'm 25, I know for an absolute fact that it would break my parents hearts. So, I'm not too sure about telling them yet, but going along with the charade is making me miserable. I don't think you are too young,I wish I had your intelligence at that age, heck I wish I had it now

[GypsyMoon]

Hello everyone. Let me just dive into what I'm going to say. I'm a 13 year old boy living in a family of 5 (2 parents, 3 brothers including me). My family is very religious - Orthodox Christian - and I'm not, I'm an atheist and nobody knows. Please don't think I'm too young to make these big choices of religion... I don't mean to brag or anything, but I believe I'm smarter than the average person my age.

 

I first started doubting the existence of God at the age of 11. I thought to myself, "There are so many different Gods, so how do I know that my God is the real one?" After thinking about it for a bit, I decided to totally forget about that idea. I thought that the devil was inside me or something and he was trying to make me not believe in the true God. The reason I thought the devil was inside me was because on that day in Sunday school, we had a short discussion on going to hell if we were bad or didn't believe in God.

 

A couple months later, I couldn't help but bring up that question to myself again. I realized that the devil wasn't really inside me... I was just thinking about a really good point. I never told anyone that question that was burning inside me for more than a while. At the age of 12, I was a lot smarter and I brought up many big points about the same topic. And so I became agnostic, privately of course.

 

I read some chapters of some e-books that were denying the existence of God. I read a lot of the Skeptic's Annotated Bible (Google it) and realized there were a lot of cruel things in the Bible. From sexism, to slavery, to stoning your children. One big thing for me was the Bible saying that homosexuals should be sent to death. I am honestly not homosexual, but I know that people are born that way and there's nothing wrong with it. It just didn't make sense to me. So I definitely became an atheist, to an Abrahamic God (Christianity, Judaism, and Islam) at least. I was also a weak atheist to any other God, as I read a lot about evolution and abiogenesis. And that's how I am today.

 

I haven't told anyone about me being an atheist. My family is very religious and me being an atheist would ruin everything. My grandparents are also very religious. Now don't get me wrong, I love my family very much. That's part of the reason why I won't tell them I'm an atheist. My grandparents are really sweet people and if they knew I was an atheist, it would break their hearts. My best friends and cousins are also Christian, and I don't even know bad it would be if I told them I was atheist. Also, if my two little brothers knew I was atheist, they'd get really mixed up. They look up to me, and I don't want them doubting God as well. Don't tell me to just be proud of what I believe in and tell everyone, because I won't.

 

Thanks to the people that read the whole post. I'm not exactly asking for advice, just wanted to let this all off my chest and hopefully get some comments.

 

Welcome Crew!!

 

I'm 17 and I was exactly the same until I left home 12 weeks ago. Don't give up on your own personal beleif... its yours and its personal.. no matter what anyone says.

 

I guess you will have some hard years ahead of you, but you can get through them. When and if your parents/church/family find out, and beleive me, no matter what you do to keep it secret they will find out, DON"T, whatever you do, give in to them and reconvert. Because that's what I did and it absolutely runined me.

 

Hope you get the support you need here!

 

GM

[Guest Crew]

Thanks for the replies everyone! All your comments really help and motivate me a lot.

[Doubting Joseph]

Hi Crew,

 

Well I definitely think that you're on the right track by concealing your true beliefs for the time being. It's probably very difficult, and uncomfortable, but it will spare you a lot of the pain that you have already predicted. Well, I know you didn't want us to say it, but you SHOULD be very proud of yourself for figuring out that this whole thing is just an elaborate deception that we pulled over on ourselves. And I too think that you sound like a very intelligent young man. I'm sure that you will go far in life. What I like most is that despite this intelligence, you care enough about your family and your social environment to hold off on exposing your true beliefs.

 

 

Joe

[Caretaker]

Hi Crew,

 

Well I definitely think that you're on the right track by concealing your true beliefs for the time being. It's probably very difficult, and uncomfortable, but it will spare you a lot of the pain that you have already predicted. Well, I know you didn't want us to say it, but you SHOULD be very proud of yourself for figuring out that this whole thing is just an elaborate deception that we pulled over on ourselves. And I too think that you sound like a very intelligent young man. I'm sure that you will go far in life. What I like most is that despite this intelligence, you care enough about your family and your social environment to hold off on exposing your true beliefs.

 

 

Joe

 

You realize, of course, that this means he, and others in his situation, have to basically lie to his family. I value honesty, and don't really like lying. But I cannot fault him or anybody like him for it. I have seen time and again rejection of family members who leave the faith. His family will continue to assume that he is Christian, and pressure him to act the part. Surely you can understand that anybody who has to act the part just to keep the love of his or her family will come to a point where he or she is tired of acting the part.

 

Crew, I can only hope that some day you can be open about your non belief and that your family will accept you as you are. Unfortunately, it is only hope.

[Guest danny64]

Thanks for the replies everyone! All your comments really help and motivate me a lot.

well you have made an important discovery about the true nature of the world...i hope you can handle the ramifications. you seem very intelligent and muture for your age, but be careful! i hope you dont start feeling isolated, like an odd man out situation. i was 34 when i deconverted and i went through all that (becasue of all my family that is still xian) i really struggled with lonliness and isolation...like i was a character in some hawthorne novel. i had to realize that who i was really hadnt changed...my idenity as a memeber of a family, my name, my favorite ball teams,my genetics. in the end, the christian faith is just a shortcut to a false understanding of reality and the grasping for the traditions and myths of the past. hang in there kid, you are lucky to have learned so young...you can at least make the decision of if and who you will marry with full knowledge of the hoax that is religion!

[Tabula Rasa]

Welcome crew! It does my heart good when young people like yourself figure out early on, what a load of nonsense Christianity is, and you don't waste precious years of your life with it like so many of us have.

[Guest Crew]

Yes, it is indeed very hard living like this. Some Sundays, my mom makes my younger brother and I sit in the bed while she reads some stories in the Bible for us. It feels extremely annoying, and sometimes I want to just blurt out that I'm an atheist. But I hold it in, because I know it'll be really bad if I expose my totally different beliefs - especially at this age.

 

I actually have thought about telling them the truth a while back, but I just knew they'd be too sensitive about it. So I've ruled out honesty in this one thing, not for fear of rejection (although that is a factor, and I know deep inside that it might truly happen if I tell them), but because of how everyone is going to feel about it. If I do tell them at anytime, it's going to be when I'm all grown up. And I am probably going to tell them when I'm grown up, so I won't have to get married to a Christian woman and live a lie my whole life.

 

Thanks for the welcome and wise/kind words everyone!

[GypsyMoon]

Yes, it is indeed very hard living like this. Some Sundays, my mom makes my younger brother and I sit in the bed while she reads some stories in the Bible for us. It feels extremely annoying, and sometimes I want to just blurt out that I'm an atheist. But I hold it in, because I know it'll be really bad if I expose my totally different beliefs - especially at this age.

 

I actually have thought about telling them the truth a while back, but I just knew they'd be too sensitive about it. So I've ruled out honesty in this one thing, not for fear of rejection (although that is a factor, and I know deep inside that it might truly happen if I tell them), but because of how everyone is going to feel about it. If I do tell them at anytime, it's going to be when I'm all grown up. And I am probably going to tell them when I'm grown up, so I won't have to get married to a Christian woman and live a lie my whole life.

 

Thanks for the welcome and wise/kind words everyone!

 

It is wise to keep your feelings concealed. It is no doubt a very hard way to live. Just remember though it is going to happen, and it will sooner or later. More than likely something will happen for your family/parents to find out. At least that's what happened for me. In my case I was discovered on this website and that's when it all came out. A forced reconversion soon followed but eventually they couldn't stop me from doing what I really wanted to do.

 

My advice would be make sure you keep the fact you are on this forum secret, as if they find out they will be angry about it. Delete all browsing history etc.

 

Hope you make it!!!

[LBW]

Welcome, Crew, and congrats on being such an intelligent and brave person.

[pitchu]

Welcome to the forums, Crew.

 

You'll find quite a few of us here who came to similar realizations early in life.

 

Keeping your authentic self secret and going along with the "Party Line" can indeed be annoying and, sometimes, maddening. It's possible to drop tiny hints to those you love, like saying you're in a questioning phase, to lay the groundwork for later total honesty. That's up to you to work out. Only you can assess your family situation and what best to do about it.

 

Congratulations and good luck!

[ShallowByThyGame]

Well done lad!

 

I was over 20 when I told my father and it was still very difficult. Luckily he's a good man and despite sending me some books in attempts to reconvert me (which I never read and threw away lol) has not let it affect our relationship too much, he will still watch baseball like old times with me, and that is enough.

 

I don't know what your parent's monetary situation is, but you might want to start thinking of getting scholarships and getting a job in high school and save money so you can rely on them less for college, so you will have less to worry about when you are ready to reveal who you really are to them, since I have read stories of parents who cut their children off after such events. Of course, I don't mean to weigh down your mind with such things. But I don't know your parents enough to truly judge so I'm taking the cautious route.

[Jane of the Jungle]

Hi Crew and a very welcome from my side also

 

I would have been veeeeeeery proud of you if I was your Mom! Not many kids your age would be able to figure this out so clearly, as a matter of fact there is milions of addults that simply

cant reach the conclusion! I have started to ask questions which couldnt be answered a long time ago already, but in any religion thats "evil" so I kept most to myself. It is also only the last few years that I really got fedup with all these lies! I must also say, the internet helped me out a great lot, to patch the last peaces of the puzzle! My son who was agnostic, told my daughter of 15 what it meant, so when I talked to her about it, it wasnt as difficult to make her understand what is happening. She is having difficulty at school though, with all the kids who permanently want to pray for this and pray for that etc. Irritates the living hell out of her now, BUT she cant say a word!

 

In your situation, where your parents doesnt know, yeh it would be difficult and it could be possible that your parents would say that your only being rebellious and that it is because your a teenager! Problem is that, most of us parents grew up with a religioun and most of them just cant or are to scared to even think of the possibility of there not being a god. So for most of us, it is extremely difficult to make a point with them!

 

Hope your keeping strong, but to make it easier for you in the meantime, I think acceptance is very important! Accept that most people around you are different than you, think different and hope they would also open their eyes, otherwise this secret is going to drive you up the wall. Stay possitive, be a good person and you would see and you would be on TOP of the world

[EmmaRose]

Welcome! I'm new too and in a similar situation though I'm a little bit older than you...

 

I sympathize with how hard it is to hear your family go on and on with all that stuff. There are so many times when I just want to yell out "I don't believe in your stinkin God!" but for now, I know its much wiser to restrain myself. Good luck!

[Guest jdaniel0910]

Hi Crew,

 

Well I definitely think that you're on the right track by concealing your true beliefs for the time being. It's probably very difficult, and uncomfortable, but it will spare you a lot of the pain that you have already predicted. What I like most is that despite this intelligence, you care enough about your family and your social environment to hold off on exposing your true beliefs.

 

 

Joe

 

You realize, of course, that this means he, and others in his situation, have to basically lie to his family. I value honesty, and don't really like lying. But I cannot fault him or anybody like him for it. I have seen time and again rejection of family members who leave the faith. His family will continue to assume that he is Christian, and pressure him to act the part. Surely you can understand that anybody who has to act the part just to keep the love of his or her family will come to a point where he or she is tired of acting the part.

 

 

 

I wrestled over this very question for months, even years. There is a definite benefit to both approaches: being truthful, versus keeping the peace. I am now 24, so it is a little better for me. I decided to come out with the truth to my immediate family, with one exception: my mother. I had already sent my confession letter through the mail to her, but a few days later felt awful and told her to throw it away before opening it. She hasn't received it yet, but she promised that she wouldn't open it.

 

It's just a personal judgment call, and either way you win and lose simultaneously. Being at peace with your family is a great thing and is in most cases, the thing to shoot for. However there comes a time, as Joe pointed out, when you begin to feel like a big lie whenever you are around the Christians, especially when they call you "man of God" like they did to me. I just couldn't take the deceit anymore, and felt that I had to come out with the truth. Maybe it was the right thing to do, maybe it wasn't. But I can't undo what I've done. My policy from here on out is to be at peace with my family, as much as is within my power, and not debate them on anything having to do with religion. We'll see how that goes.

[joD]

Wow! You are quite an intelligent young man! I agree with staying "in the closet' until you are financially independent. I liked the above idea of looking for scholarship opportunities and getting a job to plan for your future. One thing to remember, is that no matter what is going on around you (like your mom rading you bible stories) no one can take away what you believe in your heart and mind. That is your alone! Be careful, there will be a time in the future when you can live more authentically, but for now it seems wise to keep it to yourself. Journaling it can help, and talking to people on here.

Welcome!

[Foxy Methoxy]

My advice is simply to be yourself, take pride in who you are, and allow your beliefs to be a reflection of the you that you take pride in being. You are not defined by what you believe. Rather, you define what you believe.