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Can Someone Tell Me If I'm A Jerk In This Situation?


CynthiaBelle
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This lady added me on the ex-c social network and said that she wants to talk to people about de-conversion because she’s really struggling. We messaged back and forth a little then her profile disappeared. Then it reappeared without the previous comments. I asked her what happened and she said she’d gone back to Christianity because she said she is scared of going to hell. This is obviously a very weak reason. She asked me to email her so we could discuss. So we emailed back and forth a few times a couple nights ago. I referred her to the History of the Devil documentary because for me it really dispelled the myths of Satan, demons, and hell. She started asking what I think happens to the soul when we die. I said I don’t believe in an indestructible soul and I think we only survive in the memories of our loved ones. The conversation ended there.

 

This morning we started messaging on yahoo messenger and we started with the pleasantries of how are you doing. I asked how her fear of hell was going and she just said slowly. I told her that the fear of hell wasn’t really a factor in my de-conversion because I never really thought I’d get into heaven anyway. She asked why and I said that it just always seemed so improbable. There didn’t seem to be any real consensus on how to get in and it can change from church bldg to bldg. She jumped on me saying basically “Hey! No swearing please!” I was taken aback because I had not said any curse words, which I think I ought to be allowed to in an adult conversation anyway. From her profile picture I thought she was an older woman. I asked if she was an adult just for good measure and she said, “30 so yeah I think so.” I told her that bldg is just a shorter way to type “building”. She started asking me questions regarding how I like where I live and how I like the neighbors and stuff.

 

I was starting to get a little uncomfortable because I didn’t start talking with her with the intent of divulging any personal information regarding my whereabouts and such. And her behavior just didn’t seem like an actual adult. I asked her why she was asking me these questions and I thought she wanted to talk about religion. She got very upset at this and said she was just trying to be polite and never to talk to her again. I said alright…surely not going to try to force anyone to talk to me, and she signed out. So…was I rude? I really thought this was a woman struggling with disbelief who wanted someone to discuss it with her…I feel like such a jerk.

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Yes, you were extremely rude... Just kidding! :grin:

 

No, I don't think you were jerk. I can be a jerk squared at times, and what you did is me on a good day, after a good meal, and having a beer in my hand, and try my best to be nice.

 

Probably she is younger as you suspect, or maybe she's just very immature for her age (I noticed Christianity tends to have that effect).

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Society is full of whack jobs, dysfunctional dweebs, stalkers and morons. The Internet attracts most of them. For the purpose of discussion I'll exclude us. ;)

 

I think you handled the situation just fine.

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I've never heard of anybody taking bldg as a curse word. I can't see anything in this story that would be considered rude on your part. In fact by internet standards you've been quite polite.

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I've never heard of anybody taking bldg as a curse word. I can't see anything in this story that would be considered rude on your part. In fact by internet standards you've been quite polite.

I think I have a paranoia that anytime someone seems upset or something doesn't go right it's somehow my fault even if I can't pinpoint where I've done anything wrong. Another lovely side-effect of the disease of Christianity...

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Honestly, I think she might have been a christain all along and just went through that lovely charade in an attempt to bring some warm body back to the fold. Of course, I am highly jaded. In answer to your question, I would say that you were quite polite and not at all a jerk (even under the assumption that she was speaking in all sincerity which I do doubt).

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Sounds like she's just really insecure. Her mind probably implied a harsh tone to your written words.

That seems very probable.

 

I don't think she was trying to re-convert me...she didn't make any claims in favor of Christianity or belief in Hell.

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I've never heard of anybody taking bldg as a curse word. I can't see anything in this story that would be considered rude on your part. In fact by internet standards you've been quite polite.

 

I actually didn't know what bldg was until I read this theard.

 

So I guess there is something to the saying "you learn something new everyday" :D

 

EDIT: and to answer your question. no I don't think you were a jerk in how you dealt with the situation. I agree with the others that you were polite.

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I've never heard of anybody taking bldg as a curse word. I can't see anything in this story that would be considered rude on your part. In fact by internet standards you've been quite polite.

I think I have a paranoia that anytime someone seems upset or something doesn't go right it's somehow my fault even if I can't pinpoint where I've done anything wrong. Another lovely side-effect of the disease of Christianity...

 

I used to be that way. And yes, that is a lasting effect of xianity. Dozens of counseling sessions later, I am much more confident and worry less about every little thing I say to a person and how they take it. I especially let internet conflicts roll right off me

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I don''t think you were rude at all but in fact this xtian is the one who was rude. She's the one who added you but then chewed you out for merely doing what she asked help for. If she wants to throw a hissy fit over you simply doing what she asked help for, that's her problem.

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You...You BLDG you!!! :rolleyes:

 

Nah...you weren't a jerk at all. She was just a flake without a decent sense of internet boundaries. It's one thing to ask what city you live in, something else when you are asked what STREET you live on and so forth. When someone acts offended because THEY overstepped YOUR confort zone, instead of a basic...oops sorry didn't mean to....you gotta wonder what their real motives are.

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Not seeing an actual transcript of the exchanges in question, I can't judge absolutely; but my general impression is that no, you weren't rude.

 

I think I have a paranoia that anytime someone seems upset or something doesn't go right it's somehow my fault even if I can't pinpoint where I've done anything wrong. Another lovely side-effect of the disease of Christianity...

 

Note that it's also a common side effect of having grown up in an abusive family. Especially if you were the family scapegoat.

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So…was I rude? I really thought this was a woman struggling with disbelief who wanted someone to discuss it with her…I feel like such a jerk.

If she really wants to chat about her disbelief she can always come back to the site but if she's going to act so, um, "touchy" then odds are she'll just scamper off at the first "wrong" word any of us said too (it's happened many times).

 

I'd forget about it.

 

mwc

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I've never heard of anybody taking bldg as a curse word. I can't see anything in this story that would be considered rude on your part. In fact by internet standards you've been quite polite.

I think I have a paranoia that anytime someone seems upset or something doesn't go right it's somehow my fault even if I can't pinpoint where I've done anything wrong. Another lovely side-effect of the disease of Christianity...

 

I can sympathize Cynthia, I have similar concerns.I worry a lot I'll say something wrong without meaning to, and people will get mad at me.

 

In regard to the lady you were talking to , you did and said nothing wrong.

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