I went to a church gathering w/ my mom.

[-Demona-]

Ok, so I went to a church gathering yesterday (8/07) with my mom. I went because it's a pool party/picnic hosted at the house of my former mentor. My mentor Dave passed away several years ago, but his wife Vilma still hosts the gathering. The home is a beautiful sprawling place in an idyllic setting, right on the river. After a long refreshing swim in the pool and a dinner, we go crabbing and on a boatride.

 

I had fun with the kids and Pastor Tyler (who's only about 5 years older than I am, if that) roughhousing a little in the pool and helping little 5 year old Becky onto a boogieboard and pulling her along the pool on the board.

 

Eventually, we all got out of the pool and said grace for the food about to be served (made and brought to the event by several people, so Vilma didn't have to cook). As Pastor Tyler said grace, I folded my hands together but didn't close my eyes or bow my head. Rather I quietly looked around for anyone who was also looking around. It seemed everyone (except a 3 year old named Matthew running around in his swimming wings) had their head bowed and eyes closed.

 

The food was sublime, and I had a nice plateful.

 

When I went on a boatride as a chaperone to about half a dozen of the kids, things were ok. They started singing Vacation Bible School songs and I was, for the most part amused... until they sang "Nothing But The Blood". It was chilling to me, and it seemed clear that none of them (the youngest being 5 year old Becky and the eldest being 14 year old Tina) understood the import of what they were singing and making hand signals to.

 

When we finally came ashore, I told my mother as much in a confidential whisper to her ear. She told me about the singing, "I could have warned you about that". When I said I found little kids singing about bathing in blood more than just a little bizarre and creepy, she used the typical apologetics on me. "That's not the point of the song." Oh, really? Then what is the point of:

 

What can wash away my sin?

Nothing but the blood of Jesus;

What can make me whole again?

Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

 

Oh! precious is the flow

That makes me white as snow;

No other fount I know,

Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

 

...being sung by children?

 

Anyway, after that, I took another more brief dip in the pool along with the kids. Then, my mom and I packed up and went home. As I was leaving, we were thanked for coming and Pastor Tyler commented that it was nice to see me again. I thanked Vilma for being so kind to have us and several people who cooked for the occasion for the wonderful meal.

 

Lois, who was driving my mother and I to and from the party, commented once we were out the door that the pastor only sees me about once a year and that I really should go back to church.

 

Mom: "Well, she had a really strange schedule in school..."

Lois: "But that's been over since May. Hello!"

Me: "I've also been battling insomnia."

 

My comment neatly turned the topic from my lack of church attendance to sleeping problems. But I hate having to fib about my apostasy of the past 2+ years. It makes me feel like I'm living a lie because, the fact is, I'm not a regular churchgoing girl anymore (not since I was 16) and you'd have to be blind not to see that there may be a serious reason for that. But at the same time, I don't want to "come out" because I don't want to start a huge scandal. And so much of who my mother is is tied up in the church, that I'm reluctant to say anything, lest I offend.

 

All in all, the rare times I go to functions like these, I vacillate between amused and depressed. These people are blind and they're leading the blind. The only ones at this point who have hope of seeing through the BS are the children, but they've been indoctrinated so early that they may be fully brainwashed into it by the time they reach adulthood.

 

I had fun, mostly. But those incidents darkened an otherwise sunny day.

[a midnight star]

{{{HUGS}}}

[fallenleaf]

I totally agree with you on some of the songs... nothing but the blood has disturbed me as well in the past. And some songs sound sweet and innocent when you're a believer but when you're an unbeliever surrounded by hundreds of people singing them it is very clear to you that the songs are a call to war and you're the enemy. I wish I could remember which song it was but I remember one song which I had heard almost all my life and I ended up, drunk, as a non-believer in church shortly after 9/11. The church started singing that song and the lyrics, combined with the atmosphere of fear and anger towards the "hethens" who attacked "us" created a truly chilling environment.

 

If I remember which song it was, I'll post it. Right now I have just gotten up and am getting ready for work. So I don't have time to concentrate on it.

 

Anyway... excellent deflection on the ride home. As for the assessment of the entire day, I know exactly where you're coming from.

[Amethyst]

Yeah, a lot of old hymns are pretty violent when you actually take time to think about the lyrics. How can anyone still sing them in this day and age is beyond me.

[trashy]

My comment neatly turned the topic from my lack of church attendance to sleeping problems. But I hate having to fib about my apostasy of the past 2+ years. It makes me feel like I'm living a lie because, the fact is, I'm not a regular churchgoing girl anymore (not since I was 16) and you'd have to be blind not to see that there may be a serious reason for that. But at the same time, I don't want to "come out" because I don't want to start a huge scandal. And so much of who my mother is is tied up in the church, that I'm reluctant to say anything, lest I offend.

I dread the inevitable 'coming out' moment as well. My Dad is nearing 75 and I keep hoping that I will be able to avoid the potentially extremely emotional conflict so that he can pass away in peace. If he lives till 90 that's gonna be awhile. Similar to your mother, my mom and dad both live, eat and breathe church. He's been a pastor since shortly after I was born and is still pastoring senior citizens' ministries today. All of their friends and co-workers are staunch Baptists. I was 'dedicated' to the Lord's service at birth. I guess I'm trying to figure out how to avoid him lying on his deathbed still worrying about his eldest son going to hell.

[Mythra]

They started singing Vacation Bible School songs and I was, for the most part amused... until they sang "Nothing But The Blood".

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Funny how you think about things now that never occur to you as a christian. Never really thought about this song too much before I escaped.

 

Now, I gotta wonder just what are you supposed to do with the blood: shower in it or drink it?

 

Or, maybe you're supposed to take a drink of it as you shower in it.

 

I showered in it, but didn't end up white as snow. I ended up red (faced) from being such a gullible maroon.

 

No matter how you look at it, it's macabre. Reminds me of the movie Carrie.

[-Demona-]

Was the "Nothin but the blood" song from Groups VBS?  If so, we had that once too, more like a rap song.  Forget the slow sad, make em' cry version.  More like fast pace with "Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah.. Nottin' but the blood"!  Hands going in and out, like a rapper.  You know how those dances go:  that's what the VBS kids were doing.

Hah. Yeah, that's the version of NBTB they were doing. The start-out-as-a-rap-song version.

[trashy]

Hah. Yeah, that's the version of NBTB they were doing. The start-out-as-a-rap-song version.

I always understood the symbolism of the song back as far as I can remember. I don't remember it ever confusing me or creeping me out. I guess I was brainwashed early.

[highvoltage]

My comment neatly turned the topic from my lack of church attendance to sleeping problems. But I hate having to fib about my apostasy of the past 2+ years. It makes me feel like I'm living a lie because, the fact is, I'm not a regular churchgoing girl anymore (not since I was 16) and you'd have to be blind not to see that there may be a serious reason for that. But at the same time, I don't want to "come out" because I don't want to start a huge scandal. And so much of who my mother is is tied up in the church, that I'm reluctant to say anything, lest I offend.

 

I also went to church with my folks this past Sunday (yesterday). I don't like going, but I'm so afraid of what my deconversion would do to them, that I just shrug off telling them about it. So I went; I even took the lord's supper (my parents were sitting right next to me), but I couldn't bring myself to sing the songs.

 

Anyway, I know how awkward this situation can be. I feel for you, and you, trashy.

[Kuroikaze]

Hah. Yeah, that's the version of NBTB they were doing. The start-out-as-a-rap-song version.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

[sarcasm]

LMAO, Rap? in a church...you can't have rap in a church, Rap is evil, its all about killing and violence and uh.....blood. Oh wait i guess its the perfect medium for "nothing but the blood"

 

[/sarcasm off]

[-Demona-]

HAHAHAHAHA  oh the blood songs...is it any wonder I have a vampire fixation now...when I was singing that shit when I was five? rofl! 

 

Oddly enough, the first time they sang the song, I thought "y'know, one of them's gonna grow up to be just like me and Zoe Grace".

[-Demona-]

ROFL  awwww it's so sweet that you thought of me.

 

You get a cookie. 

Yummy.

 

You know, with all the blood songs, it's a wonder there aren't more Christians and Ex-ers who are vampire fans.