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How Leaving Christianity Made Me Mentally Healthy


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When I believed in a personal god I had some serious issues. I thought Gawd had "a plan for my life." I thought I could use the "Laws of Attraction" and "think" my way into a positive, healthy individual. When things went right, God was on my side, loved me and I was applying my mind "correctly."

 

But when things went wrong I assumed God hated me that there was something wrong with me because I must not be "thinking the right thoughts..." or something crazy like that.

 

It's all horse shit.

 

Once I killed my belief in a personal creator god, I got over my depression and life truly took on more meaning. I became ambitious to make the most of THIS life.

 

Any similar experiences?

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I suffered from a mistaken belief that I didn't need to do anything and that god would do it all for me. It's what I was taught pretty much my whole life. I didn't know what I wanted to do after high school. My plans would constantly fluctuate because I thought god was "calling" me to do something, and then it turned out he wasn't. I was taught that if you don't follow god's calling for your life, you'll just be miserable and I obviously didn't want that, but then I realized that I was miserable with just fluctuating all the time and not having a stable plan for my life. l I finally got sick of it and said, "You know, this isn't working. I'm going to decide what to do on my own." Something I've had a huge problem with that I attribute to the brainwashing that I suffered mostly because of my parents was lack of self-esteem, and that covered a wide range of issues. I relied on people of authority, like my parents, to tell me what to think, basically. That went on from the time I started elementary school until my junior and senior years of high school. I was a slave to other people's judgments and opinions, I didn't think for myself, and I didn't really live my life. I was rebellious to some degree, because that's just my nature and because my parents were just so unbelievably fundamentalist that I wouldn't have been able to do anything if I hadn't have been rebellious, but for the most part, I lived for others, not for myself. Now, I'm getting past that. I actually have a personality and I'm trying to grow as a person.

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When I ditched xianity my depression and anxiety eased considerably. They're not totally gone; I still have to deal with them sometimes, but the degree of severity has gone way down. Mainly because I no longer have to worry about displeasing a perfectionist deity anymore.

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Yeah, I had some control-type issues, big time! :angry:

Honestly, when I dropped the whole xtian bigotry, superiority, controlled nature of a "good xtian mom" I have become a saner, happier person. I can assert myself without being overbearing (my kids and hubby agree) and I can roll with the punches better (figuratively), laugh at life a little easier and generally just not take things so seriously. It was really getting to me, trying to be so perfect, etc. And expecting my family to behave like robots, eek! We're all glad the "good ol days" are over!

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Thanks for your replies.

 

Another thing I used to do all the time was to think that when things went bad that the devil was out to get me. It was just so tiring...all this "running" and "hiding" from the devil. It was like living in a spy novel. I was running from imaginary demons and trying to please imaginary perfectionists. No wonder I was so confused and had low self esteem.

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When I ditched xianity my depression and anxiety eased considerably. They're not totally gone; I still have to deal with them sometimes, but the degree of severity has gone way down. Mainly because I no longer have to worry about displeasing a perfectionist deity anymore.

 

With the nuns and my parents everything had to be just so. I came to hate it later on in life. Even to this day I still have a little of the perfectionist in me. When I was a kid I was literally frightened to make a mistake doing or saying anything. It was like walking on egg shells all the time. Helluva way to go through childhood I can tell you.

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Once I killed my belief in a personal creator god, I got over my depression and life truly took on more meaning. I became ambitious to make the most of THIS life.

 

Any similar experiences?

Well,yes,though,at least for me,it was definetly the over way around :

As my mind began to work normally again I just couldn't ignore the many troubling aspects of xtianity anymore.

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I suffered from a mistaken belief that I didn't need to do anything and that god would do it all for me. It's what I was taught pretty much my whole life. I didn't know what I wanted to do after high school. My plans would constantly fluctuate because I thought god was "calling" me to do something, and then it turned out he wasn't. I was taught that if you don't follow god's calling for your life, you'll just be miserable and I obviously didn't want that, but then I realized that I was miserable with just fluctuating all the time and not having a stable plan for my life. l I finally got sick of it and said, "You know, this isn't working. I'm going to decide what to do on my own." Something I've had a huge problem with that I attribute to the brainwashing that I suffered mostly because of my parents was lack of self-esteem, and that covered a wide range of issues. I relied on people of authority, like my parents, to tell me what to think, basically. That went on from the time I started elementary school until my junior and senior years of high school. I was a slave to other people's judgments and opinions, I didn't think for myself, and I didn't really live my life. I was rebellious to some degree, because that's just my nature and because my parents were just so unbelievably fundamentalist that I wouldn't have been able to do anything if I hadn't have been rebellious, but for the most part, I lived for others, not for myself. Now, I'm getting past that. I actually have a personality and I'm trying to grow as a person.

Skeptic were we separated at birth? lol...I could of written every single word then myself because it is the exact same way of thinking I used to have as a brainwashed xtian. I am only now actually looking at my life through the lens of a rational thinker and not relying on some heavy spiritual god experience to tell me what to do with it. It is a scary place to be actually. Its not all that easy either. I always just assumed god had the plan, and I just needed to follow it. But I spent literally years and years floating, never making decisions and waiting...waiting...waiting..for what?? I was waiting for the ultimate plan by god that would set me on fire to take over the world in his kingdom and do amazing things in it. Gheesh what a load of crock. What a waste of my time. I was so darn freaking dumb with my life. I still am in a sense because I am still so scared some days to just actually get out there and make decisions. But alas I must or I sit here and wither. I have to say so much of my depression and confusion has lifted now Im not a christian anymore. When I walked away it was like this big weight lifted off my shoulders. I was free to be a human without constantly struggling with choices everyday and if I was pleasing god or not. I just feel relief truly.

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I had a friend who would pray and ask God what toppings he should get and what place he should call before getting a fucking pizza delivered.

 

I was like "dude, wtf!" And he said "God knows all. He knows which place in town has bad health standards and should be avoided, he knows which combination of toppings will be the least unhealthy for everyone here..."

 

I think he may have been OCD.

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I guess the flip side of this for me, was that I could never be good enough. (Maybe that's why I was so demanding of my kids, husband, etc, I figured they weren't either). In therapy recently, that was one of the things I was told to look at was this constant striving to "be better." Like I could never relax in the moment. After all, a sinner was going to hell, as we speak! Unfortunately, I raised my older children with the same anxiety-producing crap that I had.

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The pizza dude, now that's some serious shit! :wacko:

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The pizza dude, now that's some serious shit! :wacko:

joD I just love your avatar. It is so feminine and beautiful. It makes me jealous every time I see if, because I would love to be a woman that looks so beautiful and refined like that. Good choice! :P

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Well, Kathlene, if you must know, I like your avatar and would love to have an ass like that! :grin:

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Leaving Xianity helped my mental health a lot as well. I have several OCD tendencies, and one of them was unfortunately linked to nighttime prayer. I had these same two prayers that I would say ever night, and if I felt like I missed something or messed a part up--which was always--I had to start over and do it again or god would be displeased or even ignore me. Needless to say, I often spent upwards of an hour in bed, saying the same 1 minute of prayer over and over and over put of the fear and ritual tendency. Now as an ex-christian, I'm actually getting sleep at night.

 

Jesus never really gave me any motivation to do anything, after all, in my Xtian mindset this crappy world was only a miserable step to be endured before finally enjoying the promised glory. Now as an atheist, having stripped myself of these beliefs and embraced my mortality and role in nature, I have more motivation than ever to start doing things. I have a greater sense of urgency to enjoy every second of life, and I'm glad to be alive; I don't hate my life anymore. I've started to learn lots of new things for fun, I've begun to put some more muscle on my skinny frame, I'm meeting all kinds of new people.

 

Life is great without the unwarranted fear of eternal damnation by an intellectually repressive omnipotent totalitarian entity who created me for the sole purpose of stroking his selfish ego.

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