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Rant: Why Are All The Marriage-minded Men Religious?


JessicaSideways
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Every time I do a web search for "marriage minded men" or "marriage minded singles", I only get dating sites for marriage minded christians, muslims, jews and mail-order brides. What the hell?

 

Being an atheist (lowers my pool of potential dates)

Being a PRE-OP, unpretty (for reference, this is what I look like) transsexual (DRAMATICALLY lowers my pool of potential dates)

 

*sigh* It sucks being single...

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Have you tried any dating sites that are specifically for atheists, such as www.freethinkermatch.com/ or www.atheistpassions.com ?

 

I can't attest as to whether these work or not, as I've been out of the dating pool for the past 20 years, but I wish you luck.

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I don't know and being single sucks too.

 

I list my religion as "prefer not to say" on dating sites, and ignore the Christian guys.

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You look marvelous!

*sigh* If only that were true. That was me on a good day. Here's a shot taken without any prep whatsoever:

 

3354452757_d27815712c.jpg

 

Have you tried any dating sites that are specifically for atheists, such as www.freethinkermatch.com/ or www.atheistpassions.com ?

 

I can't attest as to whether these work or not, as I've been out of the dating pool for the past 20 years, but I wish you luck.

Yeah, I'm on both sites and sadly, no one is interested in me.

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Being single only sucks if you make it that way. I freaking adore being single. Some of the most miserable people I know are married/attached, so the grass is NOT always greener on the other side.

 

Anyway, I think you look marvelous too, but most marriage minded men are going to want someone who was born a woman who can bear children and so on and so forth. No matter how feminine you look after you have your operation, most guys will think it's "gay" to be with someone who was born a man. Are there sites out there specifically for transsexual people? That may be a good way to find those men who are open to a unique person such as yourself. There seem to be dating sites for just about everything you can think of, so it's worth a try!

 

*edited for grammar

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I'm sorry, but being single sucks ass unless you're getting casual sex on a regular basis. If not, there's no way in hell it can be preferable. At that point, I would call it "involuntary celibacy." My right hand, as faithful and reliable as it's been to me, just doesn't provide me with adequate satisfaction. And no, switching hands won't do the trick.

 

As you stated that you enjoy being single, I'm assuming that either: A. You get a fair amount of casual sex; B. you have a low sex drive and don't care; C. a mixture of the two, where you have a less than average sex drive with casual sex being had on occasion. Well, there's the fourth option: your anti-social nature surpasses your sex drive, and the pleasure of successfully avoiding intimacy of any kind surpasses whatever pleasure would be had from sex.

 

Forgive me if I presume so much, but to me, singleness means suffering unless I'm gettin' some on the side. I just can't imagine it being any other way.

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You are quite pretty! Don't give up hope, you'll find someone who'll love you for who you are.

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"Marriage minded" just strikes me as one of those xian-speak phrases.

 

Although there may be some small differences (perhaps xians feel more pressured into marriage because gawd-says-so, etc.), to the best of my knowledge, atheists are no more or less likely to be in a serious relationship or marriage than devout xians.

 

I wonder if you searched on something like "serious relationship" if the percentages would change?

 

The biggest problem, I think, is just that the religious are overwhelmingly more prevalent.

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Why are you marriage-minded??

 

Giving up Christianity made me realize that I don't ever want to get married (again). My first husband was abusive and I couldn't just get away because of that stupid piece of paper. I've decided I never want to tie myself to a man like that ever again...

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I'm sorry, but being single sucks ass unless you're getting casual sex on a regular basis. If not, there's no way in hell it can be preferable. At that point, I would call it "involuntary celibacy." My right hand, as faithful and reliable as it's been to me, just doesn't provide me with adequate satisfaction. And no, switching hands won't do the trick.

 

As you stated that you enjoy being single, I'm assuming that either: A. You get a fair amount of casual sex; B. you have a low sex drive and don't care; C. a mixture of the two, where you have a less than average sex drive with casual sex being had on occasion. Well, there's the fourth option: your anti-social nature surpasses your sex drive, and the pleasure of successfully avoiding intimacy of any kind surpasses whatever pleasure would be had from sex.

 

Forgive me if I presume so much, but to me, singleness means suffering unless I'm gettin' some on the side. I just can't imagine it being any other way.

 

I'm getting laid pretty regularly.

 

Yep, you're right. If it weren't for sex, singleness would be the preferred way of living.

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When the right two people get together, commitment will arise from that. I wouldn't be too keen on just seeking those who claim to be "marriage minded."

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Because non-religious types tend to get freaked out when someone says up front that they're interested in marriage.

 

Try dating people and seeing what happens. It might lead to marriage or it might not. But generally speaking people like to take things slowly, one step at a time - and wait and see whether commitment and marriage might be appropriate with this person or not

 

Mentioning an interest in getting married very early on in the relationship (like when you first meet them) will make most people run for the hills. The only exceptions are the pathetically almost suicidally lonely, the terminally desperate or the religious.

 

And I'm sure you'd like to avoid all of those ;)

 

Seriously. Take things slowly. Date first - worry about marriage later, when you know someone is suitable marriage material.

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I’ve been married twice. There are some things I really like about being married and yes, a regular sex partner is one of those things. However, being married is no guarantee that you will have regular sex, as evidenced by the fact that I did not have sex with my first husband for the last seven years we were married. And being the good Christian girl that I was, I did not seek sex outside of the marriage. Other things I like about being married include: companionship, a steady Friday night date, shared responsibilities, friendship, fun… However, I have been married to my second husband for nine years and we have not lived together since May of 2006. Even when we lived together, I could not count on any of the above. Sure, there were times when we did things together and enjoyed each other’s company and there was some sharing of responsibilities… but overall, I could not count on anything.

 

At age 39, I divorced my first husband after being married for half of my life and I found it pretty shocking to be single again. But, I quickly adapted to and enjoyed the independence. I made some dating mistakes but I had more fun during those five single years than I had ever had up until that point in my life.

 

Now, although I am married, I pretty much live a single life. I live alone and I am responsible for everything in my life. My relationship with my husband is about as weird as a relationship can be. During the last three years, we have had times when we didn’t see each very much and other times when we go out every Saturday night I spend the night at his house. To some extent this arrangement works for me. When the Saturday night “date” night routine is working, I have a Saturday night date and regular sex. When it’s not working, I find other fun things to do on Saturday night and I live without the sex. And… I have to agree with VC.. living without sex sucks!!!!

 

I guess this was a very wordy way of saying, I actually prefer the single lifestyle at this point in my life. And, if I didn’t have a husband that I could go to for sex, I think I would manage to find willing partners. On the other hand, I believe I would enjoy being married and living with my husband if I had a different husband!!!

 

I am also curious, what exactly are you looking for in marriage? What makes you marriage-minded? What is it about being single that sucks?

 

I think I must be getting old, but the idea of searching for a partner on a dating website does not appeal. Do you have any hobbies or are there places where you can go and meet people that would understand where you are at this time in your life? It seems like it would be easier to make the first connection in person.

 

Finally, I do not think you are unpretty!!! I think you need to watch the TV show, How to Look Good Naked, and learn that a big part of your appearance is based on how you feel about yourself and how you carry yourself. There is a huge connection between feeling good about your self and looking good. I liked your first picture not because it was you on a “good day” but because I could see a little hint of a smile. I think a big happy self-confident smile makes a huge difference in whether or not people perceive you as pretty.

 

There is a lot of wisdom in the responses to you OP. I hope you find the happiness you deserve – single or married!!! Hugs to you!!! Keep us posted.

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Every time I do a web search for "marriage minded men" or "marriage minded singles", I only get dating sites for marriage minded christians, muslims, jews and mail-order brides. What the hell?

 

Being an atheist (lowers my pool of potential dates)

Being a PRE-OP, unpretty (for reference, this is what I look like) transsexual (DRAMATICALLY lowers my pool of potential dates)

 

*sigh* It sucks being single...

Well I'm very much inclined towards a permanent bond of some sort, Marriage or otherwise.

But as one poster has pointed out... A lot of men, (myself included) are looking for someone who was born with a vagina and ovaries

I know this doesnt help you, I wish it could. I do hope you find a man who wants you as you are.

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I think you're quite lovely. And I'm going to echo other posters on here (but I'm young, so feel free to take my advice with a grain of salt), just go out and have fun. Take up a new hobby that interests you, volunteer for a cause you are passionate about, join a discussion/book club or whatever interests you; meet new people, be open to new experiences and enjoy yourself. You may find that you are ok with not getting married right away or you may feel the same way once you get involved in these new activities, but it will give you something that you love and look forward to w/out the anticipation of having to find someone who is "marriage minded". And you'll meet lots of new people, and maybe a relationship will head towards marriage or you'll gain a lot of new friends.

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