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Wow ~ Looks Like This Is Just The Place For Me!


No Longer Quivering
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Hello! I'm so excited to have found this website. I only know one other person who was a faithful, dedicated born-again Christian who doesn't believe it anymore (my friend, Laura) ~ so I've been wishing there were others I could talk to because I'm really struggling to figure out what's next.

 

I was fully convinced and lived out my convictions with a passion ~ even published a "pro-life, pro-family" newspaper in Northeast Nebraska. But about three years ago, I began an email correspondence with my atheist uncle ~ we wrote to each other for nearly a year, exchanging almost 1,000 letters ~ and by the time we quit writing (I haven't heard from him in almost two years now) ~ I no longer believed in the bible, Jesus ~ maybe not even God.

 

My life has been totally turned up-side down. Francis Schaeffer said, "Atheists have both feet firmly planted in mid-air" ~ I used to think that was so clever! BUT now I'm living it ~ my "firm foundation" is gone and I'm left feeling like I'm in a free-fall ~ mostly, it's exhilarating and I'm loving the freedom to think outside the tiny little box of biblical orthodoxy ~ but now and then, I get a knot in the pit of my stomach and I'm gripped by fear ~ Am I headed for a huge SPLAT at the bottom of wherever I am now? Yikes!

 

Rather than post a long introduction here, I'll just share a link to the blog where I'm processing it all: No Longer Quivering

 

Vyckie

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Welcome, Vyckie.

 

You found the right place - jump right in!

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Welcome to this community Vyckie.

 

Ain't it great to stop quivering?

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Welcome to the forums, Vyckie.

 

That must have been some correspondence you and your uncle had!

 

As far as the "feet firmly planted in mid-air" quote goes -- the operative word there is firmly :).

 

Enjoy your time here with us, as I'm sure we'll enjoy your company.

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Welcome Vyckie! Love your blog, though I've only gotten to read a little thus far. My hubby and I were *almost* quiverfull-ers, though I never totally bought into the mindset. We've got 4 little ones ages 5 and under. I'm so glad that you've found these forums, and look forward to chatting with you.

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Welcome! The freedom to trust your own thoughts IS cool, ain't it?

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"We never knew how tight the 'cuffs were until we got to rub our wrists..."

 

Friend who escaped the xtainbabymakingmachine told me that last year soon after she told her now ex to FOAD...

 

Seems her guy's answer to all kinds of pray was to get her knocked up again... and again.. and again.

 

I asked her jokingly "Was makeup sex that good?" Her answer, and I thought in jest was "What's makeup sex?"....

 

Anyway, more folks seeing that they have choices. I hope your voice goes a long way to helping bust some bullshit and crud off the thinking processes of folks caught up in what you've escaped from.

 

Welcome to ExC, it is a safe haven and spot that we guard carefully, just for folks like you. Pull up a seat, join in where you care to.

 

kevinL Dishwasher, Floorsweep, Cretinbuster

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What's next? You figure out why you believe what's right and wrong so that you know what to do when choices come up. Overall, you make your purpose and live for that.

 

Yes. Simple!

 

The sense of being on your own is just something you get used to; it's terrifying at first, yes. Especially prayer--I tried to live "pray without ceasing" and was constantly reciting mental or verbal prayers. Stopping that because I realized it was completely pointless was a strange feeling, as much as losing that feeling that every little stress or uncertainty would come out right.

 

But I also remember relief that I was, at least, finally dealing with reality as it truly is. And that's remained the best feeling.

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Hello Vyckie,

 

I read your blog when you first popped up linked at Planet Atheism.

 

We salute you and welcome you aboard. Does Laura want to join?

 

Stew

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Hello! I'm so excited to have found this website. I only know one other person who was a faithful, dedicated born-again Christian who doesn't believe it anymore (my friend, Laura) ~ so I've been wishing there were others I could talk to because I'm really struggling to figure out what's next.

 

I was fully convinced and lived out my convictions with a passion ~ even published a "pro-life, pro-family" newspaper in Northeast Nebraska. But about three years ago, I began an email correspondence with my atheist uncle ~ we wrote to each other for nearly a year, exchanging almost 1,000 letters ~ and by the time we quit writing (I haven't heard from him in almost two years now) ~ I no longer believed in the bible, Jesus ~ maybe not even God.

 

My life has been totally turned up-side down. Francis Schaeffer said, "Atheists have both feet firmly planted in mid-air" ~ I used to think that was so clever! BUT now I'm living it ~ my "firm foundation" is gone and I'm left feeling like I'm in a free-fall ~ mostly, it's exhilarating and I'm loving the freedom to think outside the tiny little box of biblical orthodoxy ~ but now and then, I get a knot in the pit of my stomach and I'm gripped by fear ~ Am I headed for a huge SPLAT at the bottom of wherever I am now? Yikes!

 

Rather than post a long introduction here, I'll just share a link to the blog where I'm processing it all: No Longer Quivering

Vyckie

 

Hi Vyckie! I can understand that fear you're talking about. I went through it and well I am kind of still going through it but everyday I feel more free when I tell myself that Christianity is just a human made phenomena. My change began with my dad's death in 2002. It's been a long journey and I am now in my late 30's and feel pretty good. However, I haven't told my fundamentalist mom. Someday it will come. I almost blurted out on the phone with her that I don't go to church because I hate it. I guess it's that kid in me not wanting to disappoint a parent even though I am a mom myself. I know my mom suspects something though because I am never enthusiastic when she talks about how good God is and how he's taken care of her. Well my dad planned pretty well to make sure she was taken care of before he died, not God.

Anyway, I am off to red your blog!

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Guest SteamTull

Hey there NLQ. I read your deconversion story a week or so ago on Salon.com, linked to me through snopes.com message board, which is another site you might like. In fact I think you'd fit right in.

 

I really liked your story, more than a lot of others. I love stories where kids are saved from a life of brainwashing. No matter what you or they decide to believe, I know you'll all make better decisions now that you're out of such a intellectually stifled environment.

 

I guess I don't have a lot to add, it's just fun to see you posting after reading your story not long ago.

 

Have fun with your new life.

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Welcome, Vyckie!

 

New found freedom is exciting. I feel like not only am I free to think for myself, but to listen to my heart as well.

 

Glad you're here!

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Listen, I just started reading your blog! We have a few things in common, I married at 18 (still in highschool) and started having babies within 2 years. I have 6 total, ages 8-25. They are my life, but for years I dominated them in a bad sort of miilitant christian mom way that I regret. I know so many women who lived the life of trying to fulfill the whole quiverfull thing, it's tragic! Your story is emotional for me, as I relate to the confusion, the coercion , the feeling of being stripped of dignity and the ability to be treated like an adult. Glad you're here! I get the feeling that lots of healing has taken place in your life. I am glad you are exposing this tragic mess for what it is.

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Hello and welcome Vyckie! I found your blog a week or so ago and read all of it, it was compelling stuff!

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Been reading your blog its fascinating! Much respect to you!

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Thanks so much for all the warm welcomes here ;-)

 

I just posted on my blog (http://2spb.blogspot.com/) part of the last letter that I wrote to my uncle ~ I wrote it after realizing that he had finally "gotten through to me" and none of my former Christian beliefs made any sense to me anymore. It's interesting reading that letter now ~ because I was SO scared and SO confused ~ I really couldn't imagine life outside the little tiny box of the biblical worldview where my mind had been confined for almost 25 years.

 

On our last visit, my uncle said to me, "I can see where you would feel trapped." That made me so mad! I didn't want to admit it, but the truth is ~ as a fundamentalist Christian ~ I WAS TRAPPED!

 

I appreciate all the comments here about how freeing it is to break out of the religious paradigm. These days, I'm no longer scared ~ still confused ~ but I'm loving every minute of it. LOL

 

Vyckie

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Guest Buckethead Jones
My life has been totally turned up-side down. Francis Schaeffer said, "Atheists have both feet firmly planted in mid-air" ~ I used to think that was so clever! BUT now I'm living it ~ my "firm foundation" is gone and I'm left feeling like I'm in a free-fall ~ mostly, it's exhilarating and I'm loving the freedom to think outside the tiny little box of biblical orthodoxy ~ but now and then, I get a knot in the pit of my stomach and I'm gripped by fear ~ Am I headed for a huge SPLAT at the bottom of wherever I am now? Yikes!

 

Vyckie

 

Vyckie,

 

Many of us have been where you were, and share that initial feeling of fear about where we'll end up. I remember being in chapel in xtian high school watching "How Should We Then Live?" films from Frankie Schaeffer, trying to absorb every concept back then.

 

What I came to realize was a lot of what the good folks on this forum always said. You and I were already "atheists" of all the other world religions, now you're just adding one more. Before your deconversion, you weren't staying up at night worrying about going to the Mormon hell, the Hindu hell, the Muslim hell, etc. Now you have one less to worry about, yeah?

 

You will have plenty of days still like me probably where you will "wish you took the blue pill" and you could magically believe evangelical christianity. I read some of your blog, and it sounds like the great weight lifted from you is going to be so much better than any occasional doubts you will face though...

 

Jones

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Vyckie,

 

I've read your blog and am amazed and impressed that you found the courage and good sense to leave such an abusive situation.

 

Please understand that I'm not saying this because I doubt your ability to think for yourself or to reach your own conclusions, but I have to admit that it worries me when I see comment after comment on your blog about how "if only you'd interpret the Bible in this way, you'd understand that patriarchy isn't really in the Bible and that God doesn't really want women to be submissive to men; God still loves you, he hasn't abandoned you..."

 

You're a smart person who studied the Bible very carefully for a long time. You saw the patriarchy that was in the Bible and you saw it clearly (although of course at the time you accepted it wholeheartedly). Don't let anyone tell you that you didn't see it or that you just failed to understand some convoluted explanation why the words you read didn't actually mean what they said.

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Vyckie,

 

I've read your blog and am amazed and impressed that you found the courage and good sense to leave such an abusive situation.

 

Please understand that I'm not saying this because I doubt your ability to think for yourself or to reach your own conclusions, but I have to admit that it worries me when I see comment after comment on your blog about how "if only you'd interpret the Bible in this way, you'd understand that patriarchy isn't really in the Bible and that God doesn't really want women to be submissive to men; God still loves you, he hasn't abandoned you..."

 

You're a smart person who studied the Bible very carefully for a long time. You saw the patriarchy that was in the Bible and you saw it clearly (although of course at the time you accepted it wholeheartedly). Don't let anyone tell you that you didn't see it or that you just failed to understand some convoluted explanation why the words you read didn't actually mean what they said.

 

 

ClaraOlive ~ thanks so much for writing this. I'm pretty aggravated myself about the way all these Christians are just blowing off my "extimony" by claiming that I was just following a movement and letting men tell me what the bible says rather than reading it for myself. UGH!!! The reason I posted the testimony which I wrote for my uncle was just so everyone could see that I was and entirely sincere, wholly-devoted lover of Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I had a vital, living relationship Him and it was by the power of the Holy Spirit that I was able to keep living that life of godly womanhood.

 

I am a very intelligent woman ~ and I love to study. It was my STUDYING of the scriptures that led me to such a radical lifestyle ~ because I went to the scriptures and that is what I found ~ quiverfull, patriarchy, martyrdom ~ and the SUPERIORITY is there too. After all, I was one of "The Chosen." I'm really hoping that, as I keep posting ~ it will become clear and obvious that I wasn't just misled by a cultic movement or some "interpretation of man" ~ I have known authentic Christianity ~ and THAT is what I have rejected ~ when I quit believing in Christ and the Bible ~ all the crap (abuse, etc) fell away. I didn't reject Patriarchy ~ I rejected GOD ~ and when He was out of my life, patriarchy no longer fit there either.

 

K ~ there's my rant! Maybe I'll just turn this into a post for my blog, huh? LOL

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I'm glad to hear that! Don't let other people's opinions get you down because you have a lot of support and telling your story is extremely important.

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