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Missed Two Chances


par4dcourse
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A crazy preacher lady lives a hundred yards or so around the corner from us. She's determined to save the world one passing car at a time. Police are forever over there for "domestic disturbances."

We've got a few furniture pieces that were either unwanted or unneeded after the move, and crazy lady comes by as my wife is working in the yard. Asks if she can have the junk and of course wife says yes.

She comes back Monday while I'm here alone to get the stuff, and is all "gawd bless you" and "the lard has answered my prayers" and seemingly endless drivel. I mutter a few yeahs and whatevers and hide indoors.

Later the same day during a Lowe's run, I ran into my first ever girlfriend, the granddaughter of the pastor of the church of gawd I "attended."

Being who she was and our ages (early teens) we smooched a little back then and that was it. Not only was I depressed that some wrinkled old lady was impersonating my young love, she was "gawd is good" and all "ain't we lucky to know gawd."

Again, I mumbled some uh-huhs and let it ride.

I used to itch for such chances to shock, argue, and in general stir things up. I don't think I'm apathetic so much as I think "what's the use?" I'm not going to change any minds and Aisle 28 at Lowe's isn't the place to start.

I'm also a little afraid of the crazy lady, so I got that going for me.

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Sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles. Arguing the existence of god in the Lowes with a crazy xtian is probably not a good idea. Someone as flamboyant as that is just going to cause a scene.

 

I don't think you are a wuss. You are just using common sense.

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Meh... WUSSY! WUSSY! WUSSY! :P

 

I was at the doctor yesterday because he's a pain in the ass and won't renew my meds unless I visit him every 5 minutes (pretty sure he wants the damn copay...I'll send him the $15, make it $20, if he'll let me skip the waste of the day and the inevitable blood letting). Anyhow, things come up about some other shit going on with another family member and how it's bumming me out (though my blood pressure tests nice and low for once) so he asks if I'm religious at all. Not the usual question I get though it is a 7th Day Adventist place and so there's a "jesus" vibe all over the place (in one building the Easter display includes a little cross and some "jesus" paintings and shit). So I barely hold back a laugh as I say "Noooooooooo." He kind of adds on "Oh. Well, I was going to suggest you might pray." And I say "Well, I used to believe in all that but not anymore. I don't go in for any of that type of stuff." He kind of makes a little inquiry about if it had to do with something that may have happened or whatever but I say it didn't and things just didn't work out. It's dropped and we finish up.

 

I saw no reason to up my blood pressure arguing and it seemed logical that such a place would offer that kind of advice. I should also mention he suggested it after he asked if I might want to speak with someone about how I was feeling (ie. a therapist) and I said that wouldn't be necessary so he seemed to be offering this as a form of self-meditation instead of pushing a personal agenda.

 

Personally, a few years ago I would have probably came unglued when he said what he did. That I actually found it humorous to the point of almost just laughing in his face I think shows that I've pretty much moved past the "anger phase." I find this to be a good thing. I also think that anyone who bothers to read this mess of a post who questions if they will ever move beyond anger and/or rage can take comfort that it can happen (I'll admit that it took me a few years but I can only speak for myself).

 

mwc

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Guest Marty

How long would you say your anger phase lasted? I'm turning 32 on Friday, and I de-converted when I was 16. In the last 10 years though (Since I actually became an Atheist) my anger seems to be getting stronger and stronger.

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How long would you say your anger phase lasted? I'm turning 32 on Friday, and I de-converted when I was 16. In the last 10 years though (Since I actually became an Atheist) my anger seems to be getting stronger and stronger.

Like I said it took a few years (meaning about 3). But that doesn't mean that I don't go through times when I don't get pissed off about something related to all this crap. It's just the general "phase" of always being pissed and every single last thing about it no longer sets me off.

 

For example, I had a nurse practitioner (we'll just call her a doctor to make it easy) that was pretty decent at what she did. But this was back at the beginning of all this mess. One day she mentions something about how our bodies suck but one day we'll get new ones that won't need all this work done on them. *BAM* I switched docs. Fuck her, right? Next person I got wouldn't listen to anything I said and things were just rotten for me until I got to the only working doc in the department who told me he simply was booked solid and I could choose from "xian" or "stupid bitch that wouldn't listen." So I switched back. After all my first doc (who was brilliant and just "clicked" with me in every way imaginable left the state) told me this other person was her personal choice as well. I let my anger get in the way and wasted a lot of time with a loser. Turns out she never made another xian reference again in all the times I had to see her (she did have a little NT study book tucked away in the corner at times...if you looked for it you could see it but it wasn't on display...and she sometime wore a cross but that's so common it's hardly a criticism). Now I would just let it go *IF* she was doing a good job (she was) and *IF* it wasn't part of an on-going evangelizing process (it wasn't).

 

But maybe these types of things come and go? Or maybe you never really went through all the phases when you deconverted and you're just coming to it now? You're older and you're mind is simply processing all the crap that your young mind didn't and it's pissing you off? That's almost what led to my initial deconversion. I got old and all the shit that went down when I was young led me to a "the buck stops here" way of thinking and realized that the "buck" always stopped one desk shy of the big man himself. He always let some patsy take the fall. That seemed reasonable when I was young but utterly and totally wrong when I got to my late 20's or maybe early 30's (man, how long has it been? ;) ). I gave the same excuses that it was "god" but "man." But the book says that "god" puts these guys in charge for our benefit so then it IS "god." So if they fuck with us it is both "man" and "god." So the people that fucked with me. They're assholes. But the biggest asshole of all? "God." The buck stops there. But I was told time and again I couldn't say that. I had to place the blame on only on those reps but not "god." He was exempt from "buckage." Fuck that. He gets the whole damn thing. And so it went. And so I went. (I became angry later because of other reasons which led to my coming here)

 

mwc

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I was at the doctor yesterday because he's a pain in the ass and won't renew my meds unless I visit him every 5 minutes (pretty sure he wants the damn copay...

I'm going to the same guy! Or at least his cousin. Should name the practice "Co-pays 'R Us."

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