Gobbler Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 He's quite bummed actually, and crying because you won't talk with him! Call him already! Found on fivedoves.com, Letter From A Friend I just had to write to tell you how much I love you and care for you. Yesterday, I saw you walking and laughing with your friends; I hoped that soon you'd want Me to walk along with you, too. So, I painted you a sunset to close your day and whispered a cool breeze to refresh you. I waited...you never called...I just kept on loving you. As I watched you fall asleep last night, I wanted so much to touch you. I spilled moonlight onto your face-trickling down your cheeks as so many tears have. You didn't even think of me; I wanted so much to comfort you. The next day I exploded a brilliant sunrise into a glorious morning for you. But you woke up late and rushed off to work-you didn't even notice. My sky became cloudy and My tears were the rain. I love you. Oh, if you'd only listen. I really love you. I try to say it in the quiet of the green meadow and in the blue sky. The wind whispers My love throughout the treetops and spills it into the vibrant colors of the flowers. I shout it to you in the thunder of the great waterfalls and compose love-songs for bands to sing for you. I warm you with the clothing of My sunshine and perfume the air with nature's sweet scent. My love for you is deeper than the ocean and greater than any need in your heart. If you'd only realize how I care. I died just for you. My Dad sends His love. I want you to meet Him. He cares, too. Fathers are just that way. So please call Me soon. No matter how long it takes, I'll wait because I love you. Your Friend, Jesus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gypsy79 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Get fucked, Jesus. And not by me, although it sounds like that may be what his Jesusness is trying to do here. (Just how much profanity can I get away with on this board? Loads, I hope.) I am feeling especially angry toward religion today. LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 They want me to call him, they want me to find him, they want me to go to his house.....if they cant' keep up with the fucker I'm sure not going to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 (Just how much profanity can I get away with on this board? Loads, I hope.) Have at it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AKR Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 If Jesus loves me so much, why did he post that letter on some site I'd never go to, rather than give me a phone call? You're a liar, Jesus! What's ironic is that some cheesy fuck tard decided to speak for Jesus. That's pretty unChristian. But hey, anything to get converts, it seems. It's also funny how all of these supposed signs from god are ones that show absolutely no evidence of his doing. It's a bit like a crew member of the Truman Show and getting pissed that Truman doesn't know it's him making it look as if it's raining without his help. "Dammit, why doesn't Truman ever notice me when I'm hiding behind things to make sure he can't tell I'm causing these things! How more obvious can I be?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 If Jesus loves me so much, why did he post that letter on some site I'd never go to, rather than give me a phone call? You're a liar, Jesus! What's ironic is that some cheesy fuck tard decided to speak for Jesus. That's pretty unChristian. But hey, anything to get converts, it seems. Oh no! This letter is for the faithful to yet again remind them they must remain in contact with their beloved slave master lest they will be "Left Behind" in the coming rapture! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OpheliaGinger Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 So, Jesus has an erotic fixation on you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted May 7, 2009 Super Moderator Share Posted May 7, 2009 As I recall, he never answered any of my letters. Maybe he's on Twitter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centauri Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 Letter From A Friend ...My Dad sends His love. I want you to meet Him. He cares, too. Fathers are just that way. Your Friend, Jesus Jeezsuz sez: My Dad and I like to play good cop/bad cop with you humans. My Dad tries to whack you with a big stick-o-righteousness and I defend you, making sure he doesn't do even worse things to you, like he did to those perverts of Sodom and those nasty firstborn of Egypt. My Dad is in the backyard bar-b-que pit right now, sniffing the aroma of burnt sacrifice, but he wants you to know that all three of us, my Dad, me, and the Holy Ghost(not to be confused with Casper the Friendly Ghost), care so much for you that we are offering for a limited time only, a get out of hell free card. All you have to do is accept this pig swill as the Word of God, and everything will be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gypsy79 Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 My Dad tries to whack you with a big stick-o-righteousness hmmmmmmmmm....that sounds kind of interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I have to wonder what an FBI profiler who specializes in stalkers would make of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I agree with Loren. That letter creepy. If I ever got a letter like that, from real person, I'd call the police. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeradikle Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 As I watched you fall asleep last night, I wanted so much to touch you. I spilled moonlight onto your face-trickling down your cheeks as so many tears have. You didn't even think of me; I wanted so much to comfort you. What the fuck? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Anonymous Coffee Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 So, according to this letter, when it's rainy and cloudy it means that Jesus isn't in the mood to love us? No wonder I love thunderstorms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vendredie Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 If Jesus loves me so much, why does he think keeping me up all night with severe thunderstorms will make me love him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 As I watched you fall asleep last night, I wanted so much to touch you.I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought this sounded pervy. ^^;; My Dad sends His love. I want you to meet Him. He cares, too.Does Jesus want to introduce us to his dad so he can get his blessings before we get married? Or does Jesus and his dad want to have an incestuous threesome with us? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeradikle Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 The more I read this, the more I fear the author is either a rapist or on the fast track to it. This man(?) needs to be under secure observation by folks in white coats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 Of course, this letter, like the rest of scripture, is people putting words in his mouth. Since he didn't bother to write anything down, being the very son of Yahweh and all, he figured a better plan would be to count on some unknown people who followed his disciples to someday write something down about it. Write about it, embellish it, make stuff up, add in spooky parts from other religions...but it's ALL TRUE! We know because we feel his love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 As I watched you fall asleep last night, I wanted so much to touch you. Your Friend, Jesus Dear Jesus, I woke up with a raging hard-on just waiting for that hand job but it never came...and neither did I. Don't bother writing anymore you fucking tease. mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LilaMae Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 Yeah...it sounds like Jesus is running some weird kind of rape porn ring with his Dad. Why *does* so much of the writings of people like this sound like erotica? Rapture-porn, anyone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted May 8, 2009 Author Share Posted May 8, 2009 Yeah...it sounds like Jesus is running some weird kind of rape porn ring with his Dad. Why *does* so much of the writings of people like this sound like erotica? Rapture-porn, anyone? I wonder if jesus gives you a reach around as he's banging our ass? I bet Yahweh doesn't even give the goddamn courtesy of using a lubricant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AKR Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 As I watched you fall asleep last night, I wanted so much to touch you. I spilled moonlight onto your face-trickling down your cheeks as so many tears have. You didn't even think of me; I wanted so much to comfort you. What the fuck? "moonlight" is code for "jizz." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 Officer: You wanna put a restraining order on WHO? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 If rainbows and sunshine and stuff means Jesus loves you, what does cancer and malaria mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 How to deal with a stalker (This is real advice and it's perfect here): Rejecting shame is crucial because emotional confusion is a stalker's most powerful weapon and it can prevent a victim from doing what is necessary for self-defense. The first act is to say "no." Tell your harasser in firm and unambiguous terms to stop the malicious behavior. But do this only once because the harasser is trying to get a reaction from you and repeated contact -- even shouting "no!" -- will encourage them. If the harassment turns into stalking, then drop everyone who maintains contact with the harasser. It isn't fair. Victims shouldn't have to turn their lives upside down and endure constant psychological trauma. They shouldn't be afraid to answer their own phone, to download e-mails or to meet friends in a public place. Their families shouldn't live under the shadow of a threat. Nothing about stalking is fair. Forget about demanding fairness because this leads to demanding retribution. The last thing you want to do is to draw out the experience by seeking "satisfaction." Protect yourself, protect those you love, then walk away. Don't give harassers the one thing they crave: your personal attention. Last of all, talk to people from friends to family to support groups. Don't go through the incredible trauma of being stalked by yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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