Discrimination

[Kathlene]

Hey all. I wanted to start this thread to see if any on the boards have suffered discrimination for anything in their life. Here is a list of things, but I am sure there are lots more that I can't think of. I would love to hear your stories.

 

Have you ever suffered discrimination for being....

An atheist

Different coloured skin

Old

Young

Male

Female

Overweight

Skinny

Any other spiritual beliefs?

Race

For being gay, bi-sexual, transgendered, transexual, straight?

Married, not married. De-facto? Single?

Having kids

Not having kids

Smoking

Not smoking

Drinking

Not drinking

Type of music you like.

 

 

Anyway I am sure there are plenty of others there. I am a single mother. I have often felt the weight of discrimination on me. Sometimes I wonder if it has just been me thinking that, but I know that sometimes people can be clicquey if you don't fit into their box of who they will hang around and be friends with. Trust me, there are some women out there who won't. In my work environment many years ago I was discriminated against for being female. I was in a traditional male job and it took a long time for people to accept me and realise that I could do the job the same as a man. The management at that work place were so sexist it was unbearable. They still are and always will be. Ugh.

 

Well I would love to hear any stories you might want to share of events or things that have made you squeamish that you just knew you were being discriminated for.

[Mriana]

I was married to a Black man and gave birth to his sons, as well as raised his sons. I have most definitely come up against discrimination, sadly even from my late grandmother before she died. After I divorced him, it wasn't easy being a single parent, let alone raising two sons who are biracial. Too many times we were pushed back and forth from one group to the other, even in this day and age. My older son was/is not Black enough and my younger son is too Black or some stupid crap. It's all insane, but you know what, I look at my sons, even when we are having conflict and I don't see colour, I see my sons- a person first and foremost. I only wish others could see what I see, when it comes to people.

 

My story is long and I wrote about part of it in the main blog section of Ex-C. My grandmother even denied me the right to attend my grandfather's funeral because of my husband and first son. Over her dead body though (and without knowledge of the rest of the family) my older son, a Buddhist, and myself (a Humanist) went to her funeral and my son was even a pallbearer. So we lucked out of the second sort of discrimination.

[Seeker630]

A long time ago, I applied for a job with a utility company. At the time, the push was on for affirmative action programs. Since the utility was government regulated, they had to participate in these programs. The list got down to me and one other person for the only opening they had in that particular department. I am white and male. The other person was black and female. The interviewer told me flat out that my application was a formality. They were going to hire the other person no matter who else put in for the job. The application, the interview---all of it, was nothing but window dressing to placate the government. And he told me so, even though I was much better qualified for the position. He told me that in no uncertain terms too. They wanted me----but they got what they got regardless.

[bird28]

I've been fired from a couple of jobs because I'm crazy. It's a hard secret to live with, especially when people start talking about people with mental problems with disdain in front of you.

[Mriana]

I've been fired from a couple of jobs because I'm crazy. It's a hard secret to live with, especially when people start talking about people with mental problems with disdain in front of you.

 

I have often wondered if people ever thought that if others viewed it as an illness- one that is not contagious- and did not discriminate on it being a mental illness, if that would make said illness less of an issue even for the one who suffers with the illness. For example, if one suffers from depression and loses a job because they are ill, how does that help the depression? How does that help the esteem of the person with the depression? Thus, a vicious circle because the low self-esteem doesn't help the depression and not being wanted, even for said job, would make the depression worse.

 

If anything, to be wanted, to be productive, and to achieve something in life, would help self-esteem and in the long run would hopefully help the depression, maybe enough so that they might not need meds. Thus, being accepting of the person, would be better than dismissing them because they are ill. It could very well assist in healing if people were more accepting of the individual.

 

Does that make sense?

[bird28]

Well, I sort of missed work because of psychosis and I went crazy in front of my co-workers. One of my past jobs told my current job I was missing work and I got a lecture from this one and said it was medical and I take pills for it. without my meds, I even loose my cognition and stuff and I am totally low-functioning and stuff. What's messed up is I'm barely getting my pills now and I worry about it if I loose my state coverage in the future. If I get a major job, I might ironically not be able to afford the meds that would allow me to work.

[OpheliaGinger]

I haven't noticed any discrimination against me. I'm a goth, pale white, overweight, female, with a few gray hairs, so I don't look like the typical person.

[godlessgrrl]

I was definitely treated as inferior by my family and by some of my exes because I was female. I don't think my family despised me outright, but they had very limited and restrictive ideas about what girls and women are supposed to be and do. I found my freedoms curtailed significantly once I hit puberty; things that had been allowed prior to that were not any longer, because they were "unladylike" or "unfeminine", and I was not permitted to do simple things like take a bus to the library to study with my friends or travel abroad. Even into my twenties my parents discouraged such things, and admitted freely that if I had been a son, I would have been allowed much greater freedom to explore the world.

 

At work I've been sexually harassed by a male boss, but in general at work or school any discrimination has been pretty subtle when it's there, and I'm much more tuned in to sexism in social situations (like relationships) anyway.

[Mriana]

Well, I sort of missed work because of psychosis and I went crazy in front of my co-workers. One of my past jobs told my current job I was missing work and I got a lecture from this one and said it was medical and I take pills for it. without my meds, I even loose my cognition and stuff and I am totally low-functioning and stuff. What's messed up is I'm barely getting my pills now and I worry about it if I loose my state coverage in the future. If I get a major job, I might ironically not be able to afford the meds that would allow me to work.

 

Well, maybe the health care system will improve soon (I hope, that's all that is left is hope) and maybe that won't be an issue. You'll get your meds, get to work, and live a more or less normal/average life. Might be a dream right now, but it something we can all hope for. I have arthritis and migraines- either one can knock me out pain wise, and currently I can't afford my meds for them either, in part because this job doesn't have any health insurance (it's not a job I want to keep, even after the economy lets up, either). My boss sent me home early one day, because she saw I was in pain, even said, "Why do you look like you are in pain?" pause and then she said, "Because you are in pain", but I was not complaining. The pain of my arthritis was just that bad that particular day, making it very difficult to move- that in itself does a number on one's mental state too.

[Neon Genesis]

I'm a gay atheist but my parents and my other relatives are all fundie xtians who believe homosexuality and atheism are evil sins and that there's an ebil ghey godless libhurl agenda out to take away their xtian values and "freedoms." When I was still trying to be a Christian, I went to see a psychiatrist at church who claimed to be able to cure people of homosexuality but nothing worked and he didn't know anything about what he was talking about. If my parents ever found out that I was gay or an atheist, there's no telling how they would react and I have to keep it a secret from them because there's the chance they might throw me out on the streets and I would have nowhere to go. My sister is the only one who knows I'm an atheist and is the only one in my family who accepts me for who I am although I haven't come out as gay to her yet.

[Vomit Comet]

Most of the racism I've experienced in my life has been via the internet. Go figure!

 

Well, most of the real life racism I've experienced has been from... working class whites who had zero power to deny me a job or whatever. The most power they had was to kick my ass, but there were enough Mexicans in my neighborhood to prevent the white racists from getting too ballsy about it.

 

Well, here's the most recent blatant example I can think of. Last year me, a Mexican guy, an Amer-Indian guy who looks Mexican, and a Greek girl walked into some redneck bar in Fontana, California (famous for being the birthplace of the Hells Angels back in 1949; the town, not the bar). We got ejected within two minutes flat, and some of the patrons were staring at us like they wanted to run us over with their trucks. Well, we just kind of laughed and rolled our eyes as we walked out; we weren't too terribly surprised. But at the same time, we just wanted a couple of beers for Christ's fucking sake! Too much to ask, I guess. The color brown overrides the color green, apparently.

 

That said, my little brother has gotten a lot more shit than I have from racists. I generally pass for Italian (in Italy they all think I'm southern Italian) and people rarely guess what I am (I look like my dad, a white guy), but he's as brown as a berry and couldn't pass for white if you said you'd give him a thousand dollars (he looks like my mom, who could pass for Mexican Indian). Blatant racism from knuckledragging assholes on the street, not to mention the more polite covert kind, didn't somehow magically disappear from American soil some time in the early 1970s after Martin Luther King died, which many white folks seem to have come to believe. That said, it's not limited to whites. I was in North Hollywood the other day and I saw some cholo (Mexican gangbanger) pick a fight with this huge black dude twice his size; called him "nigger" and everything. There are a lot of tensions between blacks and browns in certain parts of L.A. right now; in some hoods, like Highland Park, it's gotten really bad.

[hereticzero]

I did as a disabled person.

 

When I worked for the Dept. of VA, I had a flare up with an eye problem due to Ankylosing Spondylitis, in which I was legally blind with light perception only in both eyes. I needed a magnifier for my desktop computer so I could see my files. I was told I could not have one and their reason was that if I had one, everyone would want one. I was eventually fired too when my doctor took me off the job due to stress. I waited too long to prosecute a wrongful dismissal suit.

 

I also had discrimination when I applied to a radio station in Wyoming for work--County Voc Rehab sent me there for a referral. I have experience in radio and television from the military. I was bluntly told by the radio station that they already had their 'token gimp' from Voc Rehab. I was not hired.

[white_raven23]

Hey all. I wanted to start this thread to see if any on the boards have suffered discrimination for anything in their life. Here is a list of things, but I am sure there are lots more that I can't think of. I would love to hear your stories.

 

Have you ever suffered discrimination for being....

An atheist

Different coloured skin

Old

Young

Male

Female

Overweight

Skinny

Any other spiritual beliefs?

Race

For being gay, bi-sexual, transgendered, transexual, straight?

Married, not married. De-facto? Single?

Having kids

Not having kids

Smoking

Not smoking

Drinking

Not drinking

Type of music you like.

 

All of the above at one point or another (except being male....haven't been derided for that one yet....unless you count "acting" like one, which I have been accused of more than once). Plus a few you'd never guess....like being left-handed of all things.

 

Part of the strife of belonging to a dominantly social species I'd say. Everyone all up in everyone else's business.

 

That and some people just HAVE to poke. The handedness thing opened my eyes to that one real quick. I mean, seriously, when someone is giving you crap over which hand you use to write a letter or eat your soup....they are REALLY reaching for a reason to be a jerk.

[Skeptic]

I used to get teased and bullied over anything and everything from the time I was in 1st grade until I moved in 9th grade. I even got teased because my parents smoked. WTF?

 

I usually don't get discriminated against anymore, but when I do, 9 times out of 10, it's because of my age. There are people who, for one reason or another, try to make me out to be some dumb kid who doesn't know much of anything, and it's easier to do because I appear to be a few years younger than I actually am. Usually, though, I get in their faces about it, or I prove to them that I am actually a very intelligent and articulate person, despite what my age is on paper and especially despite what my perceived age is.

[Guest ephymeris]

I've not really suffered much in the way of discrimination. I'm a fairly young, atheist, white, bisexual but married female.

 

I came out accidently as an atheist at my last workplace and my secretary treated me like shit afterwards. That doesn't sound like much but secretaries can really make your life a living hell if they want to. Also, I tried to gently reveal my lack of faith to my mom and I was pretty much threatened with rejection and disownment from her.

 

I've never been discriminated for bisexuality but probably because I keep it low key around people I'm not close to. I figure only my friends would care to know that about me any way.

 

I've had to deal with some pretty nasty sexual harrassment but luckily, I can handle that pretty well. I just point out it's free to sue over such things or threaten to have them fired if they don't keep their hands and inappropriate comments to themselves and it clears up pretty quickly. I don't know if it counts as "discrimination" but when I was in jr high and highschool I was tormented by schoolmates for "being a slut" in the form of slander, verbal abuse, humiliation, and sexual harrassment. That was probably the worst kind of harrassment I've ever had to suffer.

 

Probably the thing I've been most discriminated for was not having children. I've worked in several places that considered my needs for time off at holidays or vacations to be less important than those with children. I've also had to listen to a myriad of rude and intrusive comments about what is "wrong with me" that I don't have children and listened to dowdy mommies telling me how awesome kids are. I feel like screaming "I'm fukcing barren, okay!?!" and then sobbing uncontrollably. Quit asking me personal questions about my ovaries!! I also once overheard my male boss telling one of his male coworkers he wouldn't even think of hiring another female therapist because they all "just want to have babies and take off work."

[Creepy Doll]

I'm transgender. I also have children. I've been on both sides of it. I have faced discrimination both for having children and for being transgender, the latter only from uber-religious people. I've also had people go out of their way to be nice and helpful because of both things.

 

 

The biggest thing I face right now is simply being a woman in a male-dominated field. No one thinks "transgender" they think woman, and there is one guy who used to give me a lot of respect but is more and more becoming a prick and disrespectful.

[Naughtyhamster]

I had a really weird incident happen six years ago when I went to inquire about a job at the local mall in my old neighborhood. Where I used to live there was a huge Hispanic population, but because of the proximity of various family attractions (Disneyland being one of them) the mall in the area was visited by people from countries from around the world. As I had taken a year of Japanese I thought it would be helpful if I worked at the mall as I noticed an influx of Japanese tourists visiting the that year.

 

I saw a sign in the window of a plus size clothing store, so I went in and asked for an application. To make a long story short the store owner refused to give me an application saying "I only hire Spanish people! Mexicans, Guatemalans, Chileans people!" I tried to tell her I could at least learn Spanish on the job, but she went on to say "Spanish people work hard! I only hire Spanish people! Sorry!" All I could do is leave in a huff, and I told a mall security guard about the owner of the store and we filed a complaint. Though the mall was a tourist spot there were incidents of racism in the shops for several years ( one of them being the Christian store as the white owner tried to accuse Asian people of stealing from them, and an owner of another plus sized store would yell racial epithets at the kids for being loud in the Hello Kitty store next door), so I decided that looking for a job at any stores at the local mall wasn't worth my time.

[Lola Getz]

Like a lot of women, I've suffered sexual harassment but that's lessened over the years, partly because I'm not in my 20s anymore, partly because I'm self-employed now, and partly because somewhere along the way I "found my voice" and don't take shit from people of either gender. When I was younger, I got fired from 2 jobs because I wouldn't have sex with the boss (one of whom became very angry when I didn't take up his offer of "letting" me give him a blowjob - sheesh, I guess since he offered to "let" me, I should've been flattered, right?). Frankly, sexual harassment of women is so commonplace that it seems like everyone with a vagina encounters it somewhere along the road so my story is in no way exceptional.

 

I'm not sure I'd call this "discrimination" as such, but my father and stepmother's friends - all of whom belong to their same uber-fundy church in their small north Georgia community - all treat me with thinly-disguised disdain because I'm not one of them. For that matter, my stepmother treats me that way too and it's caused a real rift between my dad and me because he thinks the sun shines out of her ass, whereas I'm suspect because - again - I not only don't practice their religion, I'm open about not practicing. To them and their friends, that means there's definitely something wrong with me.

 

On the work front, oddly enough, the only time I've run into real discrimination has been job-hunting in my part of the north of England. I've been told point-blank a few times that I wasn't going to be considered for the position I was applying for because, since I'm an American, there was a real fear that I wouldn't "fit in." I was also once told that I wouldn't get the job because I was too smart for it, but I guess that was a backhanded compliment in its way. All this kind of crap is one reason I work for myself.

[Seeker630]

On the work front, oddly enough, the only time I've run into real discrimination has been job-hunting in my part of the north of England. I've been told point-blank a few times that I wasn't going to be considered for the position I was applying for because, since I'm an American, there was a real fear that I wouldn't "fit in." I was also once told that I wouldn't get the job because I was too smart for it, but I guess that was a backhanded compliment in its way. All this kind of crap is one reason I work for myself.

 

I'm curious-------how did you go from Georgia to job hunting in England? Long way from home---if you still call Georgia or the U.S. "home" that is.

[gypsy79]

People have been rude to me and made me feel uncomfortable/scared/less than for the following reasons, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it discrimination. People are just rude, LOL:

 

• atheist
  
• skinny
  
• white in a predominantly black neighborhood
  

 

I have encountered what I would call true discrimination for the following reasons:

 

• short
  
• young
  
• female
  
• not totally straight
  
• childfree by choice
  
• drinker
  

 

The first three (short, young, female) are many times grouped together. I'm not so young anymore, but I'm very tiny, so look younger than I am. Taller people with deeper voices (even if they are female like me) tend to be taken more seriously at work even if quality of work is the same.

 

Like ephemyris, I feel the thing I am discriminated against the most is not having children. I actually had a boss who told me once that she was paying my male colleague twice as much as me for the same work simply because he had a family to take care of and I did not. WTF? Also like ephemyris, I've "had to listen to a myriad of rude and intrusive comments about what is wrong with me" and why am I so selfish? Um, hello, maybe I am not selfish at all? Maybe I actually took the time to think about whether I would be a good mother and decided it would be utterly selfish for me TO have a child.

 

And the drinking thing pisses me off. Yes, I drink. So fucking what? Oooo...did you see that drunk girl? Oh damn, the world is going to end.

[Legion]

Fuckin' A! I'm a straight Southern white male and everyone is out to get me!

[Neon Genesis]

Also like ephemyris, I've "had to listen to a myriad of rude and intrusive comments about what is wrong with me" and why am I so selfish? Um, hello, maybe I am not selfish at all? Maybe I actually took the time to think about whether I would be a good mother and decided it would be utterly selfish for me TO have a child.

Even if it was a selfish reason for it, I don't get why it's any of their business what you choose to do about family or why not doing something because you don't want to is suddenly a bad thing. It's like people automatically think selfish = bad in all situations for no reason at all.

[Deva]

Being single - I am in a job situation right now where the one married employee with kids gets every advantage. Being single, I have no legit excuse to come in the office 1/2 hour late habitually, but she does it and isn't ever questioned. Also gets to leave early on an almost daily basis. Makes more money than I do while doing it. Basically gets away with murder, talks to her friends and family members all the time nonstop. She looks and acts like a little princess prima donna.

 

I realize this does not happen everywhere, just this weird little family owned one I am in now.

 

I think in the U.S. being introverted is in general detrimental to your career.

 

Religious - on one job interview I was point blank asked what my religion was. Employers are not supposed to ask that and this jerk was fully aware of that.

[gypsy79]

I think in the U.S. being introverted is in general detrimental to your career.

 

I completely agree, Deva. This is just one example out of the many I'm sure we all have seen, but a long time ago, I worked with this charming, outgoing guy who also happened to be totally lazy. He came to work about 3 hours late every day and always left early. He never got his work finished on time. Did he ever get in trouble for it? No. Just flashed his smile and turned on the jokes, swept everyone off their feet, and everyone talked about how brilliant he was. Others who were habitually responsible and good, hard workers would come in 5 minutes late (one time!) or some such nonsense...only to get their heads chewed off. Sigh.

[Lola Getz]

On the work front, oddly enough, the only time I've run into real discrimination has been job-hunting in my part of the north of England. I've been told point-blank a few times that I wasn't going to be considered for the position I was applying for because, since I'm an American, there was a real fear that I wouldn't "fit in." I was also once told that I wouldn't get the job because I was too smart for it, but I guess that was a backhanded compliment in its way. All this kind of crap is one reason I work for myself.

 

I'm curious-------how did you go from Georgia to job hunting in England? Long way from home---if you still call Georgia or the U.S. "home" that is.

Long story so I won't go into all the details here.

 

Short version: I come from a toxic family. Only child, divorced parents. Abusive stepfather (mentally, not physically) who treated me like a live-in maid. Narcissistic mother with a vicious temper and prone to hitting me a lot. Father remarried less than a year after splitting with my mother, to one of her cousins who at the time I didn't even know existed - and they didn't bother to tell me until a couple of months later, when all of a sudden I had a new stepmother I'd never heard of and two younger step-siblings calling my father "Daddy." I was only 10 and had effectively been replaced. Stepmother was uber-religious and shortly thereafter Dad followed suit, and over the years they continued to search for more and more right-wing, crazy churches before they found one that satisfied them (what's the old saying, something about "you know you've found the right god when you've found one who hates the same things you do").

 

Me, smart enough to skip a couple grades in school so I graduated high school at 16. Me, also dumb enough to be nearly 4 months pregnant when I graduated high school at 16. Abusive relationship with my daughter's father. Told that I had disgraced the family by getting pregnant ouf-of-wedlock. Kept my much-loved baby, but decided the only way I was ever going to make it through life sane was to get away from my family. First made the big move across town in Atlanta (woo-hoo), then "lit out for the territories" (as Huck Finn said). Ran out of money in Salt Lake City, of all places. I was 21 with a 5 year old daughter. Lucked into a halfway decent job working in the marketing department of a large California-based record store chain in SLC and stayed a couple of years, enjoying life in Utah despite the all-pervasive Mormon influence. Learned to ski, which remains a passion. Went back east to Tennessee to go to college for another couple of years and then went back to Atlanta to finish my degree. Bad move, too close to my family.

 

By the time my daughter and I moved back to Georgia, my stepmother had developed a dependency on Valium. She blamed it on me because she said she only started taking pills in the first place because she was "worried so much about me going to hell." My mother still had a vicious temper too, so she wasn't someone I could talk to rationally. My daughter's father was stalking me as well. He used to follow me when I went on dates, burgled my apartment twice (once stealing his own daughter's bicycle to sell to pay off a drug dealer), took an ice-pick to all four of my car tires and threatened me with a gun. My parents - all of them - told me I should reconcile with my ex and then he'd stop stalking me ('cause he was just doin' it out of love, dontcha know, and if I'd just settle down with him all would be well...hey, it was the south, some people really do think like that there).

 

I finally decided that I not only couldn't live in the same state as my family, I couldn't even live in the same country, so I moved to the UK and have mostly lived happily ever after ever since. My mother and stepfather split up shortly after I emigrated and Mom had 3 more husbands during the 10 years after that (she died, unmarried, in 1998). My stepmother has succeeded in driving such a wedge between me and my father that we don't speak anymore (biggest issues: I don't go to church, I'm pro-choice, non-Republican and I don't hate gay people). We all make choices. I hope my father is happy with his. I know I'm happy with mine.

 

There's more to the story than that, but this is the Reader's Digest condensed version.

 

The US will always be home to me, but the UK is home now too. I've become a much calmer, stronger and more well-rounded person, and I know so much more about the world than I did before (and have traveled a large portion of it as well). My daughter always says that getting away from our family and discovering that there was a whole other big world out there waiting for us was the best thing we ever did. It changed our lives in the best possible way.

 

Still sucks about the job discrimination thing though!