Dagan Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 Here's a little gem from yesterday. The pastor was talking about how some things in the bible are difficult to understand (no shit!) as he tried to explain why when Jesus told Nicodemus "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit" (John 3:5) he wasn't talking about baptism even though it echoes John 1:31-33 (I myself did not know him, but the reason I came baptizing with water was that he might be revealed to Israel." 32Then John gave this testimony: "I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him. 33I would not have known him, except that the one who sent me to baptize with water told me, 'The man on whom you see the Spirit come down and remain is he who will baptize with the Holy Spirit.') I pulled that out of the BibleGateway commentary, and so did the pastor, apparently, because he quoted verbatim the next paragraph comparing Jesus' statement to Ezekiel 36:25: "I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols." So... how is this not about baptism? He just wanted to tap-dance around a difficult statement, which seems pretty plainly to state Christians MUST be baptized! He concludes by saying, and I quote, "Sometimes you just have to choose what you're going to believe." Finally! Some honesty from the pulpit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RisenTree Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 Oh god, too many to count. Here is but a sample from a few ministers that I heard: 1. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, and see if God will not bless you so much that you will not have room for it all. 2. Evolution means that dinosaurs change into monkeys, fish into turtles, and blobs of ooze into humans (I specifically remember the last one). 3. Satan influences heavy metal music. People who listen to it are tempted and are more likely to go to hell. (This was big during the 90s.) 4. It is a sin to go to R-rated movies, and possibly even to PG-13 movies. (Except for Passion of a Christ.) 5. The environmentalist movement directly contradicts God's command for humans to rule over the Earth. 6. "Be fruitful and multiply" is the only commandment man (not woman, just man) has kept with a smile. 7. Wives should submit to their husbands because they are the "weaker vessel." Or, they should be the man's help-mate. <!--quoteo(post=461627:date=Jun 17 2009, 10:21 AM:name=Davka)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Davka @ Jun 17 2009, 10:21 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=461627"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->He was playing around with the Hebrew word for "spirit," which also means "wind" - and he came up with this bizarre interpretation that evil spirits could only be expelled by wind, or, more specifically, by coughing.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--> I'd have to say that this somehow makes a lot more sense when applied to Mary and the HS though. I can more easily envision a magical wind enveloping/blowing over her rather than getting banged by a ghost. mwc LMAO! I am SO using that phrase..."getting banged by a ghost"...LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 5. The environmentalist movement directly contradicts God's command for humans to rule over the Earth. Our preacher claimed this once too. He said that environmentalists were arrogant for believing humanity could destroy the Earth because the bible says God is going to destroy it and everyone knows the bible is always right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midnight-mindwanderings Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 I was raised in the church of Christ, which claimed to be the only sect going to heaven. It was ab all-black church. The pastor once said that Martin Luther King Jr. is in hell because he was member of the Baptist church, not the church of Christ. This pastor also said that if he had the chance, he'd run over all the people who walk to the casino with his car. Good old Church of Christ. There are a lot more of us than I would have thought, only because growing up I never knew anyone else outside our church who had even heard of it. CoC is great for the crazy hateful sermons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weetie Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 If there was witchcraft within like 7 generations of your family, you had to forgive it as if it was your own sin. That's hilarious. Especially as one of my ancestors, Susannah North was actually hung as a witch in Salem. Guess I'll have to light a candle for her when I go to evening service tonight. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weetie Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 This isn't really a weird thing my pastor said, but he questioned my commitment to the Lord because I overslept one morning when I was supposed to be helping out with the early morning youth group that met before school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OpheliaGinger Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Overslept--YOU'RE A WITCH!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 If there was witchcraft within like 7 generations of your family, you had to forgive it as if it was your own sin. That's hilarious. Especially as one of my ancestors, Susannah North was actually hung as a witch in Salem. Guess I'll have to light a candle for her when I go to evening service tonight. LOL Bad cowboys in my family. One was hanged for cattle rustling. If we had to pay for the sins of our fathers', I'd have to open a steak house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OpheliaGinger Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 The only thing I know about my family history is that one of my ancestors had slaves; my mother even has a picture of him flanked by his two newly freed slaves on horses in front of a barn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanLautermilch Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 I was in a fundie Baptist church with an old time preacher whom I greatly respected at the time and they were on a fund drive (as many churches do). He was going over the perks of making a donation and one quote was 'giving money to the church will help ensure that God will keep your Chevrolet running'. That was one of the first comments that caused me to think that something was not quite right in my long journey away from the bible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 He was going over the perks of making a donation and one quote was 'giving money to the church will help ensure that God will keep your Chevrolet running'. That was one of the first comments that caused me to think that something was not quite right I would have laughed at that too, even when I was a Christian. But, anyway, what about those who drive Ford, Chrysler or whatever? I guess he didn't need their money? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Here's two quotes from my parents' preacher last Sunday. "America doesn't need more self-esteem." So, they need to become more depressed so Jesus can save them instead? Since when is too much self-esteem a bad thing? "To lose Jesus is to lose him forever." So, even if you reconvert to Christianity, you're still going to hell? That's lovely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Here's two quotes from my parents' preacher last Sunday. "America doesn't need more self-esteem." So, they need to become more depressed so Jesus can save them instead? Since when is too much self-esteem a bad thing? "To lose Jesus is to lose him forever." So, even if you reconvert to Christianity, you're still going to hell? That's lovely. Well Neon, that is just another preacher elevating suffering. Now, you know what the symbol of Christianity is, don't you? When are you going to be able to stop going to these sermons, Neon? It is just not good for mental health. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Well Neon, that is just another preacher elevating suffering. Now, you know what the symbol of Christianity is, don't you? When are you going to be able to stop going to these sermons, Neon? It is just not good for mental health. Well, I'm going to college this fall, so hopefully it won't be long. Most of the time I just find it amusing and I look at myself as being like an anthropologist doing research on natives of a jungle cult and maybe one day I'll write a book, although last Sunday during Sunday school, the teacher quoted Paul to claim that if a brother and sister continues in sin after they've rebuked you, they're supposed to excommunicate you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Well, I'm going to college this fall, so hopefully it won't be long. Most of the time I just find it amusing and I look at myself as being like an anthropologist doing research on natives of a jungle cult and maybe one day I'll write a book, although last Sunday during Sunday school, the teacher quoted Paul to claim that if a brother and sister continues in sin after they've rebuked you, they're supposed to excommunicate you. That's great Neon. Congratulations on your upcoming freedom! Be sure and fill us in on how it goes. That is really a very primitive type of church you have had to go too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 That is really a very primitive type of church you have had to go too. Their goal was to recreate the original church as they believed that not only were they the only true Christians but that they were the same church established on the day of Pentecost, so they would probably pride themselves on being primitive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RisenTree Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 5. The environmentalist movement directly contradicts God's command for humans to rule over the Earth. Our preacher claimed this once too. He said that environmentalists were arrogant for believing humanity could destroy the Earth because the bible says God is going to destroy it and everyone knows the bible is always right. What's ironic is, some churches--even fundy churches--are coming around on the environmentalism movement. If God supposedly provided their leaders with the Absolute Truth, how come he chose not to clue them in on this matter? That is really a very primitive type of church you have had to go too. Their goal was to recreate the original church as they believed that not only were they the only true Christians but that they were the same church established on the day of Pentecost, so they would probably pride themselves on being primitive. One not-so-well-kept fundy secret is that different denominations hate each other almost as much as they hate us. I mean hell, just look at how many different variants exist on the criteria of who gets into Heaven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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