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Some New Thoughts And Stuff


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This is Jason again. I did a lot of thinking and journaling yesterday. And well, a lot of people say things like God is good, God is soverign and in control, but I think that those are all lies becasue If God was real and good and in control then what about 9/11 and katrina and all the wars and family breakups and all of those things? I mean for example, the book of Job in the Bible- God killed all of job's sons and daughters and everything that he had!!!!! The God of the bible seems to be sick and twisted and mean and a cruel tyrant!!!!! So I don't even believe in the idea/concept of heaven or hell.


I always used church/religion as a crutch I think. My parents divorced when I was young and my dad died about 4 years ago of a iliegal drug overdose. I was born and raised here in San Diego.


But see, my mom took me to church when I was little/young and then I went becasue my schoolfriends were gonig too. But I should've went to that other popular church from the time I was 11 util I was 18-21 or so and then I should've left by the time I was 18 or so. But I stayed in the same church for about 10 years or so-until I was 18. But my youth pastor and others in the church pressuered me to go to a private/expenive religoius chrisitan college. So right after high school I went to that private, chrisitan college for 2 years. I didn't graduate though, becasue after those 2 years I moved down to Baja mexico and lived there for about 8 years doing church work. But I should have never done that and I should have never went to christian college either!!!!!!!! I wasted about 10 years of my life!!!!!! And those churches in Mexico were very strict too!!!! So when I came back to the States about 4 years ago, I kept going to a strict church here for about a year and a half, but then I got fed up and tired of the legalism and rules and hypocrisy so I finally left that church.


So then I tried some southern baptist churches and some charismatic/calvary chapel churches. But I recently left all of those ones too becasue they all sound like broken records. And they also were judgemental and hypocritical and

all about politics and money and stuff. I went to church to find love and acceptance and relationships, but found none of that!!!!


I know this is long, but this is very theraputic for me. I also read Marelen winell's book leaving the Fold a few times this last year or so.


And I do watch tv and movies more than I used to now. And I like listening to music a lot too. And I like to go to the mall and coffee shops too.


But I hardly have any friends at all, since I moved back home here about 4 years ago. And church didn't help with making new friends at all really!!!

So I think I need to go to the gym more, I'm out of shape and I can make more friends there. And I'm going on craiglist more to try and meet new people and make new friends.

And I'm trying to go to bars more and casinos. I didn't drink all those years while I was in church becasue it was a sin and outlawed for us to drink.

So I'm trying to start to live a Normal life now. But I never really did read or take the Bible too seriously. The only thing I did for the most part was go to church and play the part/wear the mask-tradition. I think most people who do go to church only go becasue of family or tradtion.


Well, I'll write more later. Please feel free to respond.


Thanks again........




p.s. this is helping me detox and unbrainwash my mind. You all can help me with that too....

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The God of the bible seems to be sick and twisted and mean and a cruel tyrant!

Yep. And most Christians see this as a good thing. We became convinced that everything we thought of as good was really sinful, thus leading us to conclude that we really needed a savior, because all these desires for sex, self-direction, money, and friends were clearly symptoms of "the flesh" that we had to overcome (rather than simple natural normal desires). It becomes a self-feeding spiral of the "death of self". With every so-called victory, the feeling that god was real would be compounded and we were just sure that total victory and total surrender (somehow the same thing) were just around the corner. The Nazarene church where I first started my Christian life was based on the idea of Entire Sanctification beyond which one would live in complete harmony with the ideals of the scripture. No one ever achieved this despite hundreds of claims to the contrary. And the carrot of the possibility of finally being victorious over our nasty sinful flesh kept us going and reading and buying tapes and books with the latest gimmick for overcoming our humanity.


Once you convince someone that being human is bad, you can sell them anything as they struggle to overcome their own nature. It generates a never-ending stream of income for the religion. That is, until people catch on that none of it was true to begin with.


We hope now that by continuing to talk about our deconversion openly, that other who are caught in the death spiral of religion will become free.


Something you might try doing besides the bars and casinos is meetup.com You can find groups of people in your area interested in things that you like, or would like to explore. Bars and casinos are designed to suck money out of your wallet. Social groups are designed to help you meet people, make friends, and have a fun stimulating time.

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