The Bible Doesn't Mention Any "ice Age," So Shut Up About It!

[RationalOkie]

Kind of 'Scienc-y', so I stuck it in this section. I laughed my butt off when I read this. I've never heard of this site before. It's really well done. I left you a link at the bottom. BE SURE TO READ ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM. - R.O.

 

The Bible Doesn't Mention Any "Ice Age," So Shut Up About It!

Movie Review

FREEHOLD, IOWA - After only 2-minutes into Disney's film, "Ice Age," its clear that the intent of the feature is not to entertain young viewers, but to indoctrinate them with "scientific theories." These theories (secular lies) are already being placed into our children's poor little heads each day they attend public school and are taught by lisping, homosexual, home-room teachers who spit AIDS and secular lies onto their clean white faces. Apparently, liberal scholars and most scientists now agree that a so called "ice age" was caused by an avalanche set off by a mutated (secular word for "demon-shaped") squirrel with buck teeth looking for acorns. Would you believe that unsaved people are buying into this outrageous garbage!

 

If scientists would stop spending 8-hours a day talking to monkeys and crack open the Holy Bible, they would be in for a rude awakening! The fact is, friends, there is no mention of "ice" in the Bible and the only mention of "age" refers to people who lived to be 900 years old. And if they lived that long, they most certainly would have remembered a so-called "ice age" and have wrote something down about it. Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards explains, "The fountains of the great deep broke up after Noah parked his boat mount Ararat. This brought hot water and lava from Hell to the earth's surface right about the same time Noah's son, Ham (the first colored man) and generations of his offspring were cursed to be slaves because Ham got caught staring at his dad's tallywhacker. The debris from Satan's lair probably released water vapour and ashes from the lake of fire into the atmosphere. This possibly blocked out sunlight and cooled the land. Since the Bible doesn't really talk about an Ice Age, it's clear that the secular notions of such an event are based on theory rather than fact. The fact is, that Noah might have seen a few snow flurries, if anything at all, but that's about it."

 

With today's slick Hollywood special effects, True Christians® are being bombarded with false images of huge mammoth creatures being taken out of the ice and gigantic dinosaur bones being pulled out of canyons. "It's out of control," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "None of this has been proven and the people at the Discovery Channel refuse to let accredited Creation Scientists examine their 'so-called' evidence. Now our innocent Christian children are watching secular history cartoons like 'Ice Age' that fill their little heads with fantasies about talking animals that never existed! Well, friends- the Bible makes it perfectly clear in the book of Genesis, Chapter 1 and Numbers, Chapter 22 that the only animals that can talk are snakes and donkeys."

 

Most Pastors agree that if Christian parents would take their children out of public schools and invest their money in providing a sound Biblical education at a private Baptist School, it would solve most of the world's problems. "Kids won't even want to watch movies like 'Ice Age,'" says Pastor Deacon Fred. "There are so many more interesting stories in the Bible, and they are ALL true!" In most True Christian® schools, like Dr. Jerry Falwell's Liberty University, in Lynchburg, VA, they monitor, edit, and approve the movies that students are allowed to watch. Liberty University, a Baptist school, receives state funding and accredidation. "They have to teach evolution in their Biology classes in order to get that funding," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "But since I received a degree from that school, I can tell you that they teach it, and then they tell you it's a load of bunk."

 

For those parents who cannot afford to send their children to a private Christian school, Landover Baptist Educator and mother, Kathy Anne Hargraves, gave some sound advice at an emergency meeting of the Baptist Homeschooling Association. "If you don't know how to answer your child's questions after they see a movie like this, just tell them that Satan is the author of confusion and if they don't stop asking questions, demons are going to jump out from under their beds and bite off their feet," she said. "In most cases it's probably the truth and your child's mind will be put to rest. They're not likely to search for any knowledge outside of the Bible ever again. Shout Glory!"

 

Go to this Funny Ass Web Site

[I Broke Free]

Landover Baptist has been around for years, at least since I have been posting here in 2003. It is by far the best Christiian parody site on the net. I go there at least once a month for a good laugh and to see Betty Bower's lastest contribution.

[RationalOkie]

Landover Baptist has been around for years, at least since I have been posting here in 2003. It is by far the best Christiian parody site on the net. I go there at least once a month for a good laugh and to see Betty Bower's lastest contribution.

 

Sorry, I'm late to the party. I'm sure there are others reading it for the first time. There's always a new 'flock' coming in.

[RationalOkie]

I love the line: "If you don't know how to answer your child's questions after they see a movie like this, just tell them that Satan is the author of confusion and if they don't stop asking questions, demons are going to jump out from under their beds and bite off their feet"

[Neon Genesis]

I didn't know it was a parody when I started reading it and I couldn't believe anyone was serious about this. Even my fundie parents are not that hardcore and my mother loves Ice Age even though she's a creationist, and I was starting to think, thank blessed Science I wasn't raised Baptist. But I was confused when they said Disney made Ice Age as I was pretty sure they didn't.

[Guest Davka]

But I was confused when they said Disney made Ice Age as I was pretty sure they didn't.

Disney/Pixar.

 

In clear violation of Leviticus 19:19

 

"Keep my decrees.

Do not mate different kinds of animals.

Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed.

Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material."

 

The implication is clear: do not merge two different animation studios.

[RationalOkie]

If scientists would stop spending 8-hours a day talking to monkeys and crack open the Holy Bible, they would be in for a rude awakening!

 

[I Broke Free]

Landover Baptist has been around for years, at least since I have been posting here in 2003. It is by far the best Christiian parody site on the net. I go there at least once a month for a good laugh and to see Betty Bower's lastest contribution.

 

Sorry, I'm late to the party. I'm sure there are others reading it for the first time. There's always a new 'flock' coming in.

 

If you do a search on Landover to find “Real Christian Websites” that take on their parody website, you will find other Christian parody websites created by Landover that appear to be devoted to taking down Landover. They have made it nearly impossible to determine what is a parody website and what is real. They are geniuses at using Christian-Speak to confuse the masses.

[RationalOkie]

Landover Baptist has been around for years, at least since I have been posting here in 2003. It is by far the best Christiian parody site on the net. I go there at least once a month for a good laugh and to see Betty Bower's lastest contribution.

 

Sorry, I'm late to the party. I'm sure there are others reading it for the first time. There's always a new 'flock' coming in.

 

If you do a search on Landover to find “Real Christian Websites” that take on their parody website, you will find other Christian parody websites created by Landover that appear to be devoted to taking down Landover. They have made it nearly impossible to determine what is a parody website and what is real. They are geniuses at using Christian-Speak to confuse the masses.

 

I love it. Whoever they are I commend them. Hell of a great job.

[Midnight-mindwanderings]

I love it. Whoever they are I commend them. Hell of a great job.

 

Oh my, Landover Baptist! How I've missed you! It frightens me when Christians who don't realize its a parody accept the crazy things they say. My dad didn't know until I told him. He actually like them! /gag

[RationalOkie]

I love it. Whoever they are I commend them. Hell of a great job.

 

Oh my, Landover Baptist! How I've missed you! It frightens me when Christians who don't realize its a parody accept the crazy things they say. My dad didn't know until I told him. He actually like them! /gag

 

 

Don't forget to Register Your Sissy Boy For Vacation Bible Gun Camp!

[Sexton Blake]

There are tillite rocks at the equator. These are formed by glaciation and would indicate that the Earth was frozen like a snowball 700,000,000 years ago. Maybe Satan put them there and maybe god is too stupid to take them away?