Guest Uniqueca Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Another night of preaching... Hi, I'm Aja - long time reader, first time poster. I recently completed a commercial for this here website for my Field Production class. I brought it home proudly to show to my grandmother because she always likes to see my school projects. Now, she knows I'm an atheist (she once said that it was "okay by god" - whatever that means, but she also thinks it's sad) so I expected her to comment on the asthetics once the ad was over. Wrong. She went on a tirade on why I chose this website as my subject in the first place. Then it was the usual "how can you not believe that a creator made out bodies this way"..."scientists don't know everything"..."you should be grateful that you have a roof over your head and can eat"..."the tsunami happened because those people over there were sinning and didn't follow god"...blah, blah, blah. I'm surprised I retained that much. Then at the end she said she was sad, that she'd pray for me and that I was the first one in the family to vocally admit to being an atheist. Sorry, your fire and brimstone stories won't scare me. The thing is, I want to talk to my grandmother (and father) about how I feel, but I don't know how to go about it without "disrespecting" them. I don't want to most of the time because of the speech I received today. I'm beginning to resent them for it, mainly because my mother was the only one talking to me like I was still a friggin' human being. At least she understands. And ideas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Hi, Aja. Welcome. I'm delighted that you've been reading the material here for a while, and that you've decided to introduce yourself. I wish I had some direct experience with a situation like yours so that I'd have something helpful to offer. However, there are lots of folks both young and older who've been exactly there. Your basic situation's been hashed out a number of times with a consensus of opinion being quite consistent. I'm sure several of our other members will be here shortly for you. Although I've not had to deal with a situation like yours, I am forty-two, and can say that I almost always suggest simply buckling down and hanging on until you're free of there. It won't be long; you can do it. Obviously, you love your family. That comes across in your post. General experience and prudence tells me that if you always choose the path of greatest love, you will be most likely to get results that you can live with in the years to come. Perhaps even results to look back on and be proud of. That wouldn't surprise me at all. Take the long view, draw on your strength and make your choices with love. When going through any thorny situation, it's the shortest path to the greatest happiness. Loren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bob Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 I have to agree with Loren. Don't go looking for a fight...or rather, why bring up the subject if you know ahead of time that there will most likely be strong disagreement? Glad to have you here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reach Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Aja, First of all, welcome. I'm not sure how old you are but I remember being a teenager with a very religious, long-winded Christian mother, who started into her preaching and droned on for hours, sometimes. Ouch. Just thinking about it makes me shiver with discomfort all over again. That was a long time ago. Even though your grandmother is doing the preaching, I'm glad your mother listens and understands. Still, it's tough and the walls erected between you and your family create distance and because of the distance there is pain. I feel for you. I can only agree with Loren in that you will need to take the long view and that you will enjoy the most success by living in loving ways that do not compromise your personal integrity. You may have to sit on some of your words and not have much freedom to express your thoughts in an open atmosphere of acceptance with very many members of your family. Your situation may remain that way. Perhaps, for you, that's where we come in. This website was created for the purpose of encouraging those who have left the Christian faith. We aim to comfort, offer emotional support, befriend the friendless and bolster your courage. I think you'll find this community is a safe place to hang out. You will be listened to and you don't have to listen to any preaching either. Sometimes, it's just this day that we are struggling to get through, this very moment, but brighter days are surely ahead of you. Hang in there. Be strong. You can do it. Again, welcome to you! We're glad to have you aboard. Reach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 Hi Aja, greetings from springtime Germany Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Uniqueca Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 Loren, Thanks so much for your response. (After I posted this, I remembered that I should have put it in the Backlash and Response section, so now I feel like a bigger dork than I already am.) I'm sorely lacking in my verbal skills, so this is a better outlet for me. My mother suggested that I should write my father and grandmother letters explaining how I feel since I'm not so quick at verbal retort. I thought about it for awhile, but then decided against it. I don't want this going on forever and I hate confrontations. But I should do something. All my life when I've been angry, I've just bottled my feelings. I feel like I'm going to lash out at them and say something I'll regret. When this subject's not being discussed, everything's fine, and I like that. So maybe I just won't bring it up anymore until they're ready to speak to me in a civil manner - which might be in a few years, like it was with my mother. Aja Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Uniqueca Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 Thanks Bob. I just wrote that in my reply to Loren...gotta get the hang of these forum things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Uniqueca Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 Hi Reach, I'm 23. My mother was never like that; we went to church sporadically. She knew I never liked it. I always thought there was something funny about it...why did god need my dollar (or, why was the preacher so rich if the money was going to god); why church people were so snobby; why some Christian women wanted equal rights while the Bible was against it; etc., etc. - rehash! I never had a close relationship with her. It's only now that she's revealing to me how she always knew I was "different". I guess she either meant different from the other black kids or different from girls in general. She also told me that she knew I was going to lean this way a long time ago. Knowing this now, I wonder why neither my father nor grandmother saw my "differences." I believe they're in denial because they choose to ignore the ones I point out to them. Oh well. I probably won't post much, 'cause I'm more of an observer. But I do thank you for taking the time out to reply. And I thank Dave too, for making this site. It's a beautiful thing. Aja Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Uniqueca Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 Hi Thurisaz, Where in Germany? I used to live there about 5 years ago, in the Eifel Region - where we wore sweaters in the middle of July. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panther Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Hello Aja~ Well, as far as giving advice, I'm getting some myself, but I did come and post here so I would welcome you and encourage you to keep posting! This IS truly a great site! I do know so far, that arguing with christians does NOTHING and gets you nowhere. I prefer myself to just politely state my thoughts and end the discussion. (I get into some light debate sometimes...but that's about it) I try not to get involved more than that because you can't reason with unreasonable. Thats the same thing they say about us..... Like you already know, you can only reach where we are here, as "ex's", through much time and thought and research. It was a conversion that just didn't happen overnight. So, I don't think your family will ever understand, but the key thing is just to love each other anyway. I hope you stick around! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Hi Thurisaz, Where in Germany? I used to live there about 5 years ago, in the Eifel Region - where we wore sweaters in the middle of July. Aaaah, the "summer" of 2000. I worked for the YouthCamp 2000 association back then. We were open from July 1st to August 22nd. Guess when the visitors really came pouring in? Yep, when the summer actually started to feel like summer. I live in northern Germany, Nethersaxony, near Wolfsburg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Uniqueca, I'll add my Welcome to Dave's House, bid you a hearty pull up a sit and spend some of your valuable on.line on.ass time with those of we who live here.. ExC is a great resource site as well as a good desert topping... Opps, wait, old SNL flashback.. Come, help yourself to materials, writings by some kickass authors, opinions by many folks who have been where you are at. The better thing about ExC that I like most is that no matter where you are, where you've come from, there is someone to whom you can find here to journey with. "Don't ever feel like Lone Stranger" Quite a wide variety of folks here from every spectrum and walk of life.. n Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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