Sick Of Being Subjected To Age Discrimination

[Skeptic]

I feel like I should be about 10 years older than I actually am. I don't identify with other 20 year olds. I've never really understood my peers and I was always the kid who would talk to the adults rather than play with the kids, and I'm still like that. I would much rather attend a party with people who are twice my age and sit around discussing current events than go to a party with people my own age and binge drink or whatever it is that people my age do. I don't know if this is just my personality or what it is, but I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. People have told me that it's not good to feel this way because it's wishing my life away, but I can't help it. I wish that life had a fast-forward button that I could push and I could age a decade, and I think it's because I feel that if I was older, more people would take me seriously. I'm sick of being called "honey" and "sweetheart" by people who are older than me. They do that even in situations that I perceive to be professional. It's highly condescending and I'm not going to put up with that crap anymore. I wish I had a college education, a job that reflected that level of education, and the level of respect that comes from being older without having to demand that respect from others. I suppose not everyone who is a certain age is afforded that respect, but I don't know what it is that makes some people different than others. Could someone, preferably someone who is older than I am, explain this to me? How does one attain this respect, and is it only afforded to those who are a certain age? I have a feeling that it has to be earned somehow, but I don't know how to go about earning that, and I also have a feeling that it would be harder to earn because of my age. I also look slightly younger than I am, so people automatically make the assumption that I am naive. I'm sure that there are naive 20-something year olds out there, but I am not one of them, and I don't like being stereotyped as a naive kid who doesn't know what she's talking about.

[HRDWarrior]

It's difficult sometimes, I always tended to be the mature one in many respects as well so I can understand how you feel. There are often some small, subtle things that can make a big difference in how people perceive you: how you dress, talk (biggie here), carry yourself (no hissy fits or whining), eye contact, your knowledge of the subject (often makes a huge difference - for example, if you can talk cars with a parts salesman, you will get better, more realistic service (ie respect) than if you have no clue), not texting or talking on the phone every spare minute, etc, etc...

 

I've found that the things above will often tend to form an opinion in my mind before I even talk to someone - may not be fair, but it is. I have also had plenty of "older" people that I would list as very immature, and some younger who I would say are very mature. The things above, however, really do tend to draw a line. For example, my younger sister is mature for her age, but if I didn't know her, I wouldn't have that impression - she dresses like she's just out of high school (which she is), is always on her phone, and wears makeup like a hs'er. It's not a bad thing, that's where she is in life, but if I just randomly met her I would not think she was as mature as I otherwise know her to be. Even things like how she carries herself when she is unsure, her posture, her lack of eye contact - all of these nearly invisible items add up to being "young."

 

There's no magic pill, and some people are just going to keep their opinions no matter what you do. If it's really bad, then leave them be or lodge a complaint to someone else in charge. If they are the ones in charge, there are times it's just gotta either be sucked up or we move on if we can't take it. Stooping to their level almost never works, although it may make us feel better for a little while lol:) Well, until we realize just how immature it was to do that lol!

[chefranden]

I'm 59 and 1/2 - I remember adding the 1/2 to get more oomph from my age back in the olden days.

 

1. Don't dress like a teeny bopper,wear conservative clothes.

 

2. Don't sport any piercings other than one pair of ear rings.

 

3. Listen more than you talk.

 

4. Ask for advice even if you don't want it. Doing so makes you look wiser to an older person, and makes you more interesting. You don't have to actually follow the advice.

 

5. Don't use current slang, most of us oldens haven't a clue as to what it means.

 

6. If the old ones call you sweetheart or something just role with it. Most of them will quit doing that once they get to know you. Others do that to every one, especially waitresses and female bartenders.

 

7. Try to remember that you really do look quite young to the old ones. (You know you are getting old when the doctors look like kids to you.) They will react to you like you react to a 12 year old. You have to give them time to see that your behavior is different then other 20 somethings.

 

8. Recognize that age is earned and the only way to earn it is to live it. One thing I've learned over the years is that the best way to get respect is to give it. That works up and down the age chart. The disadvantage is that it takes a bit of time.

 

9. Look folks in the eye when you converse with them. Looking down and away is childish behavior, and says, "I'm not grown enough yet."

 

10. Study body language so that you stop doing other actions that remind people of childishness like making yourself look smaller than you are by slouching or keeping your limbs close to your center line. Learn to take up extra space.

[Guest Davka]

Get the hell out of the Bible Belt. People don't call you "honey" or act like sexist, ageist pigs in the real world.

 

And I hate to say it, but yeah - it''s gonna take some obvious physical years on your bod before people automatically treat you with respect. You can earn it with some folks before you hit 30, but others will simply never get it. Fortunately, those people don't matter.

 

Also, you're not alone. There are other 20-somethings who are as mature as you are, and who feel like you do. Connecting with them is not easy, but it is possible.

 

Oh, and did I mention getting the hell out of the Bible Belt? That's pretty key, really. Try California or up North someplace. Anywhere but bumfuck hicksville, y'all.

[OpheliaGinger]

In the south, you get called "sweetie" and "honey" despite your age. My parents have been called that when going to restaurants (and they have been receiving the senior discount before they were eligible).

 

I don't get half the stuff my generation does either. I don't consider myself mature, but I know I don't do stupid things like getting shitfaced drunk and talking on a cell phone 24/7 (or is it texting?) Honestly, I hate texting.

[Skeptic]

Actually, when I lived in the south, I was called ma'am more than I am up north. Some people gave me grief about my age there, but it seems more prevalent here.

[★ Citsonga ★]

I wish that life had a fast-forward button that I could push and I could age a decade, and I think it's because I feel that if I was older, more people would take me seriously.

 

Not that this is any consolation at the moment, but before you know it you'll probably be looking for a rewind button. I know I'd like one, and I'm only 36.

[Franko47]

I really wouldn't worry about it, sweetheart...

 

 

I'm kidding.

 

 

I used to be there. I'm male, and forty, and I can tell you that this is never going to be solved by you racking up more miles. The fact of the matter is that you are a young twenty, you say, and you are for all intensive purposes, a "chick". Tough, I know. But seriously, you have to learn how to handle older people. I never really felt confident and the "equal" of the older set until I got into my thirties. Mind you, I could out-debate someone older, but there was always this sense that I was still looking up at too many people. Now, well.... at forty I'm on top of the mountain. An established citizen of mundane accomplishment and humble means, whose paid his dues and ran through the gauntlet of getting "seasoned".

 

One of the things I respect when dealing with a young person in your age bracket, is a willingness to ask advice. Ask my opinion. Strangely enough, many older people respond well to this. As well, you should not be embarassed about seeking the counsel of respectable older people. And don't mistake being referred to as someone young and inexperienced, as necessarily condescending. As well, when you show some empathy or concern for an older person, that suggests real maturity. Many twenty-somethings are very wrapped up in themselves; I used to call it the decade of decadence. Everything was sort of "about me" when I was in that era. I kind of look back now and feel a little embarrassed; but you're right. I didn't like it too much when those older than me didn't take me seriously. It's a tough deal, to be sure, but the fact you're concerned about it suggests that you really want maturity in your life and personality, and that you are prepared to learn the many facets of adulthood, the good and the bad.

 

You still have to pay your dues, though. Rule number one. Don't be shy. People feel comfortable with someone who is good at communicating. As another poster mentioned, if you want to be treated like a mature 20 year old, then act like a mature 20 year old. Well, that's about all my forty years of wisdom can come up with. And trust me. By 35 you will be looking for opportunities to act like a teenager again. Year, forty is great but a lot of people can get boring at this level. And there are people in your age group who are interested in similar things as you.

[Skeptic]

I really wouldn't worry about it, sweetheart...

 

 

I'm kidding.

 

Heh. That's amusing. :-P

 

I used to be there. I'm male, and forty, and I can tell you that this is never going to be solved by you racking up more miles.

 

Ugh. Well, that's good to know, at least.

 

But seriously, you have to learn how to handle older people. I never really felt confident and the "equal" of the older set until I got into my thirties. Mind you, I could out-debate someone older, but there was always this sense that I was still looking up at too many people.

 

I don't really have a problem talking to adults. When I'm around adults, I don't act like the stereotypical young adult who's always on the phone or listening to an iPod, etc. I can talk about topics with adults, such as current events, and sound like I actually know what I'm talking about. If I don't know about something or I don't have anything to contribute to the conversation, then I keep my mouth shut or I ask questions. I try not to say "like" and "umm" all the time, but, admittedly, I do slip up at times. Usually, the longer that I'm around older adults, the more they tend to respect me because I don't come across as the stereotype that they might have been expecting. With some people, though, they go in with the expectation that I conform to the stereotype, so they start out talking down to me and calling me stupid nicknames. Maybe that's just their problem and I shouldn't be so concerned about it, but it really does bother me.

 

One of the things I respect when dealing with a young person in your age bracket, is a willingness to ask advice. Ask my opinion. Strangely enough, many older people respond well to this.

 

I'll have to keep this in mind. I'm not sure if I do it or not, but it's a good idea.

 

And don't mistake being referred to as someone young and inexperienced, as necessarily condescending.

 

I should probably be a bit more patient. It just gets infuriating after awhile.

 

As well, when you show some empathy or concern for an older person, that suggests real maturity. Many twenty-somethings are very wrapped up in themselves; I used to call it the decade of decadence. Everything was sort of "about me" when I was in that era.

 

I try to be empathetic towards people regardless of how old they are. I'm emotionally withdrawn from those who I don't care about quite a lot, though, so maybe I come across as being more self-absorbed than I actually am? I'm working on being less withdrawn, though, in any case.

 

Don't be shy. People feel comfortable with someone who is good at communicating. As another poster mentioned, if you want to be treated like a mature 20 year old, then act like a mature 20 year old.

 

That's probably my biggest problem, right there: I'm too shy at times. I'm working on that, too. I've been getting better at speaking up, making eye contact, and not making myself look small and childish, like chef mentioned, but I still slip up at times.

 

So, basically, I need to not only be mature but come across to others as mature. I will definitely work on that. I have trouble knowing how I come across to others at times, so that's something that I need to work on, too.

[Guest Davka]

The fact of the matter is that you are a young twenty, you say, and you are for all intensive purposes, a "chick".

 

I just have to step in and say two things:

 

- "Chick" is an extremely offensive, objectifying word. There is no male equivalent, although "accessory" comes close.

 

- The phrase is "intents and purposes," not "intensive purposes." Although I suppose that if you are objectifying someone as a chick, seeing her as being suitable only for intensive purposes might follow naturally.

 

I'm done. Carry on!

[Guest Davka]

That's probably my biggest problem, right there: I'm too shy at times. I'm working on that, too. I've been getting better at speaking up, making eye contact, and not making myself look small and childish, like chef mentioned, but I still slip up at times.

 

So, basically, I need to not only be mature but come across to others as mature. I will definitely work on that. I have trouble knowing how I come across to others at times, so that's something that I need to work on, too.

 

If you're in college, take a few communication courses. Not the broadcast communication kind, the human communication kind. Like a speech class, for example. And a human inter-relations course of some sort. Both of these offer not only information, but also actual hands-on practice at more effective ways of communicating.

[PaulQ]

I'm with the OP; I don't trust anyone under 30 or over 50.

 

That said, don't go speed your life away; don't try to live your life in one day. Hey, I think there's a song in that.

 

The old man said to me

Said dont always take life so seriously

Play the flute

And dance and sing your song

 

Try and enjoy the here and now

The future will take care of itself somehow

The grass is never greener over there

Time will wear away the stone

Gets the hereditary bone

 

Chorus

Dont try to live your life in one day

Dont go speed your time away

Dont try to live your life in one day

Dont go speed your time away

 

The old man said to me

Said you cant change the world single-handedly

Raise a glass enjoy the scenery

Pretend the water is champagne

And fill my glass again and again

While the wolves are gathering round your door

Time will wear away the stone

Gets the hereditary bone

 

The old man said to me

Said dont always take life so seriously

Play the flute

And dance and sing your song

 

Try and enjoy the here and now

The future will take care of itself somehow

The grass is never greener over there

Time will wear away the stone

Gets the hereditary bone

 

I tried to live my life in one day

Dont go speed your time away

 

I bit off more than I can chew

Only so much you can do

 

Wolves are gathering round my door

Ask them in and invite some more

 

I tried to live my life in one day

Dont go speed your time away

[Neon Genesis]

I can't stand it when people look down on my opinions because I'm in my 20s either. My family acts like because I'm not old and graying that my opinions are therefore automatically uninformed and not worthy of consideration. Like back in previous elections, my aunt would ask my dad why I'm voting Democrat instead of Republican. Why she doesn't just ask me if she really wanted to know is a mystery beyond me. My dad just responded that I'm not voting Republican just because I'm young, as if all young people are too stupid to have an informed opinion about the real world and old people are always mature and intelligent. What pisses me off about this is that they're far more ignorant about things like politics and religion than I am. I don't claim to be an expert on everything, but it just pisses me off that my family acts like there's some grand conspiracy plot liberals have to persecute Judea-Christian values and they act like everyone that doesn't agree with them is out to get them. Last Christmas, we were at my uncle and my other aunt's house and they were talking about the evil atheists trying to take away their Judea-Christian values because of the whole war on Christmas and how everything was so much better in their day because you could pray in public schools. I tried to bring up that women didn't have rights back then either yet my opinion was simply dismissed and ignored and they had this look like I didn't know what I was talking about because I'm not filled with such wisdom that comes with age. I pretty much just don't discuss religion and politics with my family anymore, but I just get annoyed too when people act like I have no real opinions about anything because I don't have back problems and graying hair like them.

[gypsy79]

Skeptic, I agree with the advice others have given, especially to learn how to take up space and not be shy. It is unfortunate that people automatically assign more credibility to extroverts (especially tall ones...arghhh), but it is what it is and, at 30 years of age, I have finally learned to accept it and "learn" how to be an extrovert (gag).

 

Also, over the past year, I experimented with not using conciliatory (is that the right word?) language at work. For example, instead of saying "I'm sorry but I think..." I say "I think..." and instead of saying "It seems like such and such would be a good idea" I say "Let's try such and such idea". Although my ideas are the same as they were a year ago, people pay MUCH more attention to authoritative language. Not sure if you use this type of conciliatory language in your regular speech, but if you do, get rid of "sorry" and "seems" for sure. I can't think of any others right now, but you get the idea.

[woodsmoke]

Speaking as one who could have written the OP...

 

Demand respect.

 

You obviously know your own worth, you just need to extend that to your dealings with others. Don't be an ass about it, and take care you show respect to them as well (unless they've proven themselves undeserving), but do be firm.

 

Of course, I'm only echoing what everyone above has already told you, I'm just doing it with more brass. There's your object lesson.

[mwc]

I wish that life had a fast-forward button that I could push and I could age a decade, and I think it's because I feel that if I was older, more people would take me seriously.

...

I wish I had a college education, a job that reflected that level of education, and the level of respect that comes from being older without having to demand that respect from others.

 

I suppose not everyone who is a certain age is afforded that respect, but I don't know what it is that makes some people different than others. Could someone, preferably someone who is older than I am, explain this to me? How does one attain this respect, and is it only afforded to those who are a certain age? I have a feeling that it has to be earned somehow, but I don't know how to go about earning that, and I also have a feeling that it would be harder to earn because of my age.

 

I also look slightly younger than I am, so people automatically make the assumption that I am naive. I'm sure that there are naive 20-something year olds out there, but I am not one of them, and I don't like being stereotyped as a naive kid who doesn't know what she's talking about.

I made some quick touch-ups to your post. The italics shows where you seem to be reasoning well but the bold shows where you're not.

 

Respect is not something that magically appears at some age (it would nice though). Young kids make fun of and disrespect their elders. Old people show little respect for the young'ins. People of all ages tend to show little respect for everyone else. That's the deal. All 20 year olds are naive. Don't be insulted. When you're 30 you'll realize it. When you're 40 you'll realize the naivety of 30 and so on. If I get a moment to think back on my life before I die I imagine it will be "I never really knew shit."

 

So the italics is where you're thinking. At least you're asking for someone (not me, I don't know shit ) how to accomplish what you want. You don't ask the homeless guy how to get a great house. You ask the guy with the great house. You ask lots of people with great houses. Then you try to do what they did so that maybe you can also have a great house. I'm like Rodney Dangerfield...I don't get no respect at all...so don't ask me.

 

mwc

[Skeptic]

Respect is not something that magically appears at some age (it would nice though).

 

Ah. I figured as much. Thanks for confirming my suspicions.

 

All 20 year olds are naive. Don't be insulted. When you're 30 you'll realize it. When you're 40 you'll realize the naivety of 30 and so on. If I get a moment to think back on my life before I die I imagine it will be "I never really knew shit."

 

I know that, compared to a 30 year old, or even a 25 year old, I'm naive, but from what I've seen of other 20 year olds, I don't think I'm as naive as they are. The 20 year olds I know tend to see life through rose-tinted glasses. Some of the more childish ones seem to think that they're immortal. I know what you're talking about, though, how younger people tend to think they're the shit and then when they get older, they think, "Jeez, I didn't really know much, did I?" I do that now when I think of how I was as a teenager, and I have no doubt that I'll look back at my 20s as a 30 year old and cringe a bit.

 

I think I like woodsmoke's advice the best. It was very succinct, and yes, I did learn the object lesson. I've been trying not to be as shy anymore and people seem to take me more seriously. No one's called me honey or anything like that, so maybe that's what I was doing wrong.

[Franko47]

The fact you're working this out is likely it's own solution. I'm already impressed by your acumen and enthusiasm, my dear.

 

 

But can I still call you buttercup ????

 

 

(just kidding around)

[Jedah]

5. Don't use current slang, most of us oldens haven't a clue as to what it means.

 

22 and I don't understand my peers slang either.

[PaulQ]

5. Don't use current slang, most of us oldens haven't a clue as to what it means.

 

22 and I don't understand my peers slang either.

 

[mwc]

I think I like woodsmoke's advice the best. It was very succinct, and yes, I did learn the object lesson. I've been trying not to be as shy anymore and people seem to take me more seriously. No one's called me honey or anything like that, so maybe that's what I was doing wrong.

Don't listen to woody...he's proposed to me twice and never followed though. What do I tell my wife after two divorces? He's from Utah and all screwed up with that polygamy stuff or something.

 

Well, maybe he's right on this one but if he proposes tell him "no" because he'll just break your heart.

 

I'm glag that putting forth some confidence is giving you what you want. People tend to respond to that positively. It reminds me of the old ST:TNG episode (I don't recall the name) when Picard and Dr. Crusher had little implants placed in them so they could hear each others thoughts. They made their escape and they came to a place where they had to decide on which way to go. They had a quick look around and Picard points and says "That way" and she says something like "You don't know that's the way" and he says "No, I don't but a leader is expected to lead even when they're not certain."

 

mwc

[woodsmoke]

[Amethyst]

I don't think this is only a southern phenomenon. I've been called honey and it drives me nuts. And I live in the upper Midwest.

[Skeptic]

Something I noticed on Friday at the doctor's office is that nurses and receptionists call people honey quite a bit. I started to get slightly bothered by it until I heard one of them call a woman who was older that I was honey. I figure they just do that to everyone. I knew someone in junior high who would call everyone dear. I don't get that, but oh well. I'm not offended.

[★ Citsonga ★]

Yeah, I'm in Pennsylvania, and I just went to Lowe's customer service desk yesterday to pick up an order, and a girl there was calling everyone "honey." No age discrimination, just her way of talking.