Guest Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 So I know a few people who put some mundane, boring bible verse in the sig line in their emails, and since I am the local vocal atheist, I figured I should have a bible verse in my sig line too! What do you guys think it should be? I don't have my bible with me now, so I can't grab the exact quotes, but I was thinking things like: The verse praising the bashing of your enemies babies against rocks. The commandment that women be silent in church and learn from their husbands in submissiveness or The commandment that when you take a city, kill all men, women, and children, but keep the virgin girls for yourself to have as wives. I'm partial to the last one. Any other suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Almost anything from Leviticus will work! How about the rules for pimping out your daughters, or the conditions under which you must kill your son? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OpheliaGinger Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Really any verse that portrays the OT/NT god in a bad light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vixentrox Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Ezekiel 23: 19-21 19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. 21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 The Bible verse I cite most is Rev. 21:8, heavily cherry-picked to target the lying-for-Jesus crowd: All liars shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone. Interestingly, they never point out that the "unbelieving" are lumped right in there with the liars. Guess who is reading their bibles. Almost any verse can be used in the right (wrong) context. I love this one from Heb. 4:12, also heavily cherry-picked to serve my own purposes, because it allows me to use the bible in any way necessary to refute the Christians on their own grounds in their own terms: The word of God is...sharper than any two-edged sword. A closer look at the verse reveals psychological use in it, i.e. "it (word of God) is a discerner of thoughts and intents of the heart." If I had any conscience against twisting scripture out of context, I could not do these things, but I am beyond caring. Besides, it is practically impossible to twist scripture in a way it has not been twisted by someone somewhere sometime in the past two thousand years. So the "sword of the lord" can be effectively used to prick the Christian conscience. At least, so I tell myself. Another one I like is "Blessed are the meek" because Christians are so often so blatantly arrogant. One would have to patiently wait for that one to sink in because of the context. It can only take effect if readers realize that you as an exChristian should not be saying it. (Christians somehow believe they have a monopoly on meekness or humility.) Those are some ideas off the top of my head. I'm feeling a bit vindictive right now so I'm not sure how wise my ideas are... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Ezekiel 23: 19-21 19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. 21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled. Wow! I haven't read my Bible, apparently. That one will keep Christians needing their savior for a good long time to come. Reminding them of it might be a kindness rendered. Hmmm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 I always like the KJV of Malachi: 2:3 Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it. mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Marty Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Ezekiel 23: 19-21 19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. 21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled. WOW! I forgot about this one! I think we may have a winner! It'd be great if the signature function could be loaded with lots of them and rotate a different quote every day/week! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagnarus Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 I'd go with "1 Kings 22:23 Now, therefore, behold, the Lord hath put a lying spirit in the mouth of these thy prophets, and the Lord hath spoken evil concerning thee." and "John 8:44 When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it." Because I think it could lead someone to interesting conclusions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShallowByThyGame Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 God defeated by iron: "And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron." — Judges 1:19 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Don't forget this lovely verse from Jesus in Luke 12:47-48 using an English translation that doesn't try to censor it by making it say servants instead of slaves "And that slave who knew his master's will and did not get ready or act in accord with his will, will (A)receive many lashes, 48but the one who did not (B)know it, and committed deeds worthy of a flogging, will receive but few ©From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vixentrox Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Ezekiel 23: 19-21 19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. 21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled. WOW! I forgot about this one! I think we may have a winner! It'd be great if the signature function could be loaded with lots of them and rotate a different quote every day/week! It sounds like erotica. What is this verse about? Phanta It's part of a story about a couple of horny prostitutes and gold diggers and how they will be killed along with thier children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 If I was a bigger asshole I'd start posting some of these verses on my Facebook wall. It'd be pretty funny, but I don't have the heart to do this to friends and family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Marty Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 If I was a bigger asshole I'd start posting some of these verses on my Facebook wall. It'd be pretty funny, but I don't have the heart to do this to friends and family. As we were preparing for our confirmation ceremony, we had to choose a bible verse that will be "our" bible verse as an adult. I don't really remember the "logic" behind why we had to do it, but we were told we could pick anything from the NT or OT. Being an adolecent male that favored the heavier side of rock and roll at the time, I found some verse in Revelation about the 4 horsemen coming to deliver terror, but my teacher said I couldn't use it. I had a brief, playful* argument with him about the fact that it was in the bible, but then gave it up to then submit the verse in Timothy that demands women be kept silent and learn in submissiveness, to which I was also denied the right to make this my "life verse" or whatever it was called. I forget what I actually chose as my verse, but I also tried to use the Lev verse about killing homosexuals as a last ditch effort to get my point across. I thought I knew so much about the bible then; how I wish I could go back to those classes knowing what I know now! *My confirmation classes (7th and 8th grade) was where I shed xtianity, but it was some time before I lost the god complex. After I realized church was a scam, I would try to find counter arguments for anything my teachers would teach us that day in class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 "He that beateth the snake with the palm of the hand shall be greatly rewarded." Hezekiah 4:18 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Davka Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 "He that beateth the snake with the palm of the hand shall be greatly rewarded." Hezekiah 4:18 Well, duh! Most of us figured this out when we were 12. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OpheliaGinger Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 "He that beateth the snake with the palm of the hand shall be greatly rewarded." Hezekiah 4:18 One of those verses that, without context, are extremely funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oddbird1963 Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 "He that beateth the snake with the palm of the hand shall be greatly rewarded." Hezekiah 4:18 I must have the heretical versions of the bible that left out Hezekiah. I've always gotten a kick out of Numbers 22:32 (KJV): And the angel of the LORD said unto him, Wherefore hast thou smitten thine ass these three times? In the comedy The Great Bank Robbery (1967) the Rev. Pious Blue (Zero Mostel) reads this chapter slowly and deliberately as part of his Sunday morning sermon.. It was hilarious. This is the perfect size of those email bible verse signatures! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 "He that beateth the snake with the palm of the hand shall be greatly rewarded." Hezekiah 4:18 Well, duh! Most of us figured this out when we were 12. But for those of us who were morons we needed the instruction of the Lord above from his Holy Word. To show its lasting affect in our lives, couple this instructive verse with another from the Good Book, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proof the Bible works. Objective proof. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brought None Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Ezekiel 23: 19-21 19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. 21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled. I know what verse I want to read next time I'm asked to read scripure before the preacher does his sermon. Que cheesy 70s porn music... Chca chca bow bow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OpheliaGinger Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Ezekiel 23: 19-21 19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. 21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled. I know what verse I want to read next time I'm asked to read scripure before the preacher does his sermon. Que cheesy 70s porn music... Chca chca bow bow! And then them trying to keep a straight face as they read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeking Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I like my signature verse. (See below.) It has such a great double-meaning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I like my signature verse. (See below.) It has such a great double-meaning. I do as well for much the same reasons. There's a certain applicable irony to it, namely that "When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.". The other similar would be "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." I find both more meaningful to leaving the snares of the religion than any value it had when I was in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 I do as well for much the same reasons. There's a certain applicable irony to it, namely that "When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.". The other similar would be "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." I find both more meaningful to leaving the snares of the religion than any value it had when I was in it. I also like Proverbs 4:5-9 Get wisdom; get insight: do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth. 6Do not forsake her, and she will keep you; love her, and she will guard you. 7The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever else you get, get insight. 8Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honour you if you embrace her. 9She will place on your head a fair garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown.’ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagan Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Ezekiel 23: 19-21 19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. 21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled. WOW! I forgot about this one! I think we may have a winner! It'd be great if the signature function could be loaded with lots of them and rotate a different quote every day/week! It sounds like erotica. What is this verse about? Phanta It's about how Yahweh is jealous of Egypt because their gods have giant horse cocks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts