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Goodbye Jesus

My Story


Guest stewart14fan

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Guest stewart14fan

I am not sure where to begin but first want to say I am really glad I found this site. I was raised Baptist and was baptised about the age of 10. I was forced to go to church for all of my youth wich was probably what started my questioning of my beliefs. Around the age of 20 or so, I stopped attending church regularly but continued to go on occassion. I am currently 37 and have not believed in over 3 years. I married my second wife in February 2006. She was married prior as well, she was widowed after her first husband committed suicide. I was taught to believe that everything happens in God's way. He has a plan for you and you following that plan. I really stongly feel that how in can there be a God who put my wife through 5 years of pure hell after he killed himself. To this day she battles depression, weight gain, insomnia, and trust issues. So how am I to beleive that a just God said, I want him to kill himself and then make her life miserable. That is just not possible or believable.

 

My biggest current issue is how to deal with it with my family. My parents and other family members are highly active in the church and would probably disown me if they new my true feelings. Furthermore, I am happier than I have been in a long time and am no longer feeling trapped into a religion that makes no sense.

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Welcome! I am also glad that you found this site. I totally understand how you would question a god that could be so cruel. Even if it was believable, and I certainly do not find it so, who would want to worship such a being?

 

When I joined the site last October, I was struggling with how to tell my family, particularly my mother. After visiting the site regularly, interacting with the folks here, and reading a lot of posts, I told my mother this past January. I can’t say she is happy with me, but she certainly has not disowned me. Even at that point, I was not comfortable telling people that I am an atheist. However, after spending hours on this site and after reading several excellent books, I now realize I would find it much more embarrassing if I had to tell someone that I actually believed in the god of the bible. It’s funny how things change.

 

Anyway, welcome again!!! Good luck with your journey and best wishes for both you and your wife. Like you, I am happier than I have ever been and I frequently see others make the same comment. It made me wonder whether or not your wife still believes. I would be interested to know.

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Guest stewart14fan

Whether or not my wife believes is an interesting question. She was raised Catholic and has completely distanced herself from organized religion. She still believe in God but her faith is very weak. She has no interest in attending any organized church.

 

Thank you for your reply and thanks for the follow up question.

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Greetings. I'm 36 and was raised in Baptist and Freewill Baptist churches, so I guess we have some common ground.

 

Anyway, hopefully your love and support for your wife will help her. I can't imagine what she's going through.

 

I'm not much of a counselor myself, but there are some people on this board who seem to give good advice, so stick around.

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I am not sure where to begin but first want to say I am really glad I found this site. I was raised Baptist and was baptised about the age of 10. I was forced to go to church for all of my youth wich was probably what started my questioning of my beliefs. Around the age of 20 or so, I stopped attending church regularly but continued to go on occassion. I am currently 37 and have not believed in over 3 years. I married my second wife in February 2006. She was married prior as well, she was widowed after her first husband committed suicide. I was taught to believe that everything happens in God's way. He has a plan for you and you following that plan. I really stongly feel that how in can there be a God who put my wife through 5 years of pure hell after he killed himself. To this day she battles depression, weight gain, insomnia, and trust issues. So how am I to beleive that a just God said, I want him to kill himself and then make her life miserable. That is just not possible or believable.

 

My biggest current issue is how to deal with it with my family. My parents and other family members are highly active in the church and would probably disown me if they new my true feelings. Furthermore, I am happier than I have been in a long time and am no longer feeling trapped into a religion that makes no sense.

 

First of all, let me express my condolences for what your wife went through with her former husband that killed himself. I can only imagine what she is going through. When I was 8 years old, my mother killed herself, and even though I am 37 years old today, I am still dealing with that tragic event. My mother was in a very turbulent and violent relationship with my dad, and I prayed so many nights for God to help her or save her, she ended up dying by suicide anyway. I gave my life to Christ when I was 15, believing that God would fill that void and deliver me from the depression that I struggled with. People told me that if I truly has faith in God and believed in Jesus, He would deliver me. When the miracle did not happen, I started to wonder what I was doing wrong. I prayed, fasted, tithed, studied my Bible regularly, worked in lay ministry and tried my best to abstain from "worldly music and movies". Nothing helped, but of course, I ended up feeling even more guilty because the implication wa always, "if you have faith, God will deliver you!" I finally got to a place where I was tired of the mind games and the self-flaggelation. I still seek therapy and am on anti-depressants, but I am learning to leave the religious strife behind...

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